Ugh. Update in comments. No, I'm not in jail ;)

NowIAmSyp

Dreamergirl8812 said:

The only person who made your sister "the center of everything," is you. Why do you even need an entourage at your fitting. I went alone, because a woman taking measurements is not my idea of a good time. And if I didn't have a shower because that kind of attention is not my style.

It's not your fault that these people are its, but it is your fault that you surround yourself with them. Why are you bringing this crap onto yourself? You don't need all of this extra shit to become a wife.

I could be mistaken, but I think Novella is doing everything she can to NOT surround herself with these people...  her MOM is the one forcing it, especially in this scenario.  

ashley8918

MadHops21 said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

The only person who made your sister "the center of everything," is you. Why do you even need an entourage at your fitting. I went alone, because a woman taking measurements is not my idea of a good time. And if I didn't have a shower because that kind of attention is not my style.

It's not your fault that these people are its, but it is your fault that you surround yourself with them. Why are you bringing this crap onto yourself? You don't need all of this extra shit to become a wife.

Excuse my ignorance, but shouldn't someone be there for the fitting to see how the dress becomes bustled? I haven't done this before, but I thought that you bring a friend or whoever will be with you the day of to learn how to bustle the back of the dress. And take a video because people forget a month later during the wedding. 

Nobody came with me, and my sister and man of honor figured it out just it fine. I just gave them verbal instructions as they were doing it... It's not rocket science.

onefootinthebayou

MagicInk said:

@katiekessler123 dad's a cunt, sister's a cunt, mom's an enabler to their cunt-ness and also refuses to see sister's cunty behavior.

Also Brad is a cunt. But he is not in this story. Just a reminder. Brad=cunt. We don't willingly let cunts into our lives. 

Also, @MagicInk, Brad is actually behind all of this, pulling the strings from his lair in Middle Earth. Never forget: #blamebrad (I am surprised this hasn't caught on on Twitter yet!)

theartistformerlyknownas

Girl. You know the answers to this. IGNORE HER. "Her" being all the bitches bringing you grief. "Oh sorry Mom, didn't realize sister would be left home alone during the fitting. I guess you can stay home with her so she doesn't feel lonely." Mom doesn't get to invite people to YOUR fitting and she can suck an egg if she thinks she can. Ignore sister at dinner, ignore her at the shower. Don't let her win. YOU KNOW THIS. Take some of that Knottie badassness we see you throw around in other threads and apply it to your own life.

MadHops21

ashley8918 said:

MadHops21 said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

The only person who made your sister "the center of everything," is you. Why do you even need an entourage at your fitting. I went alone, because a woman taking measurements is not my idea of a good time. And if I didn't have a shower because that kind of attention is not my style.

It's not your fault that these people are its, but it is your fault that you surround yourself with them. Why are you bringing this crap onto yourself? You don't need all of this extra shit to become a wife.

Excuse my ignorance, but shouldn't someone be there for the fitting to see how the dress becomes bustled? I haven't done this before, but I thought that you bring a friend or whoever will be with you the day of to learn how to bustle the back of the dress. And take a video because people forget a month later during the wedding. 

Nobody came with me, and my sister and man of honor figured it out just it fine. I just gave them verbal instructions as they were doing it... It's not rocket science.

I've seen some intricate bustling on my SIL's dress and couldn't figure it out for the life of me besides just grabbing the material and using safety pins to hold it together. I have horrible memory, so I'll need a video, especially since I guess my dress will have bustling under the top layer of the tulle since it's thicker and...I guess weird 

onefootinthebayou

mikenberger said:

MagicInk said:

@katiekessler123 dad's a cunt, sister's a cunt, mom's an enabler to their cunt-ness and also refuses to see sister's cunty behavior.

Also Brad is a cunt. But he is not in this story. Just a reminder. Brad=cunt. We don't willingly let cunts into our lives. 

#blamebrad

Hahahaha just saw this. It's only a matter of time until this is the next Internet sensation. *Rubs hands together like Mr. Burns*.

ashley8918

MadHops21 said:

ashley8918 said:

MadHops21 said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

The only person who made your sister "the center of everything," is you. Why do you even need an entourage at your fitting. I went alone, because a woman taking measurements is not my idea of a good time. And if I didn't have a shower because that kind of attention is not my style.

It's not your fault that these people are its, but it is your fault that you surround yourself with them. Why are you bringing this crap onto yourself? You don't need all of this extra shit to become a wife.

Excuse my ignorance, but shouldn't someone be there for the fitting to see how the dress becomes bustled? I haven't done this before, but I thought that you bring a friend or whoever will be with you the day of to learn how to bustle the back of the dress. And take a video because people forget a month later during the wedding. 

Nobody came with me, and my sister and man of honor figured it out just it fine. I just gave them verbal instructions as they were doing it... It's not rocket science.

I've seen some intricate bustling on my SIL's dress and couldn't figure it out for the life of me besides just grabbing the material and using safety pins to hold it together. I have horrible memory, so I'll need a video, especially since I guess my dress will have bustling under the top layer of the tulle since it's thicker and...I guess weird 

And verbal instructions wouldn't suffice? Okay... Google, youtube, etc.

My point is, no one NEEDS to be at your fitting.

flyingfoxes

MadHops21 said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

The only person who made your sister "the center of everything," is you. Why do you even need an entourage at your fitting. I went alone, because a woman taking measurements is not my idea of a good time. And if I didn't have a shower because that kind of attention is not my style.

It's not your fault that these people are its, but it is your fault that you surround yourself with them. Why are you bringing this crap onto yourself? You don't need all of this extra shit to become a wife.

Excuse my ignorance, but shouldn't someone be there for the fitting to see how the dress becomes bustled? I haven't done this before, but I thought that you bring a friend or whoever will be with you the day of to learn how to bustle the back of the dress. And take a video because people forget a month later during the wedding. 

I didn't have anybody at my fittings, and she showed me how to do the bustle (I guess mine's not that complex though, 3 strings to tie together, and she color-coded the strings).  I'll have to show my sister on the fly. 

drunkenwitch

novella1186 said:

So I just completely went off on my mom. I posted in another thread that my shower is tomorrow in my hometown. I have a dress fitting early in the morning near my hometown. The plan was to drive up tonight after work, have dinner with my aunt (who's hosting) and cousin, since both of them traveled across the country to be here, stay the night at my parents' house, get up in the morning and take my aunt and cousin to the fitting so they can see my dress, and then have the shower. 

I've been excited about it all week. 

Well, I just got a text from my mom a little while ago that she asked my sister if she wants to come to the fitting tomorrow. Um... why the fuck would she ask my sister that? Oh, because my sister will already be at their house, and it would be mean to her if we ALL left for my fitting together and left her behind and it would make her feel bad. Um.... why the fuck is she gonna be at their house? Oh because she's coming in tonight to help set up for the shower! WTF. 

No idea who asked her to help set up the shower; whether it was my aunt or my mom, and whether it was an innocent gesture or someone scheming to force us to "get along and be friends." I had asked that she not be invited at all, not out of spite but because I'm legitimately uncomfortable being around her. Also, no idea why she would agree to help and why she would want to attend, considering she thinks I'm a "terrible person." 

Needless to say, I kind of lost it. I told my mom she had crossed some serious boundaries and that it was absolutely not her place to invite my sister to my fitting. Also let her know I won't be driving up there tonight to have dinner with everyone. I'd rather not be forced to spend that much time with my sister and stay in the same house with her when I seriously have no idea how she's going to act. In the last 2 interactions we've had, she completely attacked me, and then said she wasn't sorry for doing so. Why the fuck would I want to be around someone like that? 

Honestly if I had found out about this sooner I would have cancelled the shower. Now I'm sitting at my desk trying not to cry because instead of looking forward to it, I'm just dreading it. And instead of letting me be excited and actually get to enjoy something, my mom has decided to put my sister at the center of everything, yet again. 

I just need to calm down because I feel like I need a calmer perspective on this but right now I just feel like shit. 

To the bolded:

No way would Novella 6 months ago have said that, you've come a long way baby.

Also, to the folks who are all "well I can't be bothered to find out the background so here's some useless advice"

Also, Brad is actually BF's name so I keep reading "Brad's a cunt" and I get his total knee jerk NO HE"S NOT THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND BITCH reaction.   Heehee

Dreamergirl8812

MadHops21 said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

The only person who made your sister "the center of everything," is you. Why do you even need an entourage at your fitting. I went alone, because a woman taking measurements is not my idea of a good time. And if I didn't have a shower because that kind of attention is not my style.

It's not your fault that these people are its, but it is your fault that you surround yourself with them. Why are you bringing this crap onto yourself? You don't need all of this extra shit to become a wife.

Excuse my ignorance, but shouldn't someone be there for the fitting to see how the dress becomes bustled? I haven't done this before, but I thought that you bring a friend or whoever will be with you the day of to learn how to bustle the back of the dress. And take a video because people forget a month later during the wedding. 

I just showed on of my BMs how to do it, either the night before or the day of. And I had a complicated 14 point bustle. The seamstress just alternated the clasps between 2 different colors.

(As for my post above, I have no idea what got auto-corrected to "its." Like this, maybe? I wasn't calling your family idiots, but I will call them crazy.)

levioosa

Wow, that is super ballsy of your mom.   I agree though with PPs, you shouldn't punish your aunt and cousin.  Can you stay with them?  Or stay in a hotel?  Honestly, I would cancel the outing with everyone and just go by myself. Or perhaps ask your aunt and cousin to go.  You can let your mom know that she can no longer attend because she crossed a huge line.  Keep setting those boundaries. 

That was super shitty to do.  I'm sorry, Novella.  Your mom is definitely heading towards radio silence herself.  You do not have to deal with her constantly enabling your dad and sister.  You don't have to feel guilty about taking care of yourself first and foremost.  You don't have to worry about looking cold, because the crazy is obvious and everywhere. 

If your sister shows up tomorrow at the shower, be the picture of grace.  Smile and be pleasant, and then continue on having a great time with your guests.  Don't give her the power to ruin your day.  She craves that power, she longs for that power, she thinks she can have that power.  Take it away from her.  Slap her in the face by overcoming her need to control, by smiling and laughing and having a wonderful time.  I know she is an intimidating presence, but you really do hold all of the cards.  Don't forget that. 

ETF: Half a sentence I forgot to delete.

VulgarGirl

drunkenwitch said:

novella1186 said:

So I just completely went off on my mom. I posted in another thread that my shower is tomorrow in my hometown. I have a dress fitting early in the morning near my hometown. The plan was to drive up tonight after work, have dinner with my aunt (who's hosting) and cousin, since both of them traveled across the country to be here, stay the night at my parents' house, get up in the morning and take my aunt and cousin to the fitting so they can see my dress, and then have the shower. 

I've been excited about it all week. 

Well, I just got a text from my mom a little while ago that she asked my sister if she wants to come to the fitting tomorrow. Um... why the fuck would she ask my sister that? Oh, because my sister will already be at their house, and it would be mean to her if we ALL left for my fitting together and left her behind and it would make her feel bad. Um.... why the fuck is she gonna be at their house? Oh because she's coming in tonight to help set up for the shower! WTF. 

No idea who asked her to help set up the shower; whether it was my aunt or my mom, and whether it was an innocent gesture or someone scheming to force us to "get along and be friends." I had asked that she not be invited at all, not out of spite but because I'm legitimately uncomfortable being around her. Also, no idea why she would agree to help and why she would want to attend, considering she thinks I'm a "terrible person." 

Needless to say, I kind of lost it. I told my mom she had crossed some serious boundaries and that it was absolutely not her place to invite my sister to my fitting. Also let her know I won't be driving up there tonight to have dinner with everyone. I'd rather not be forced to spend that much time with my sister and stay in the same house with her when I seriously have no idea how she's going to act. In the last 2 interactions we've had, she completely attacked me, and then said she wasn't sorry for doing so. Why the fuck would I want to be around someone like that? 

Honestly if I had found out about this sooner I would have cancelled the shower. Now I'm sitting at my desk trying not to cry because instead of looking forward to it, I'm just dreading it. And instead of letting me be excited and actually get to enjoy something, my mom has decided to put my sister at the center of everything, yet again. 

I just need to calm down because I feel like I need a calmer perspective on this but right now I just feel like shit. 

To the bolded:

No way would Novella 6 months ago have said that, you've come a long way baby.

Also, to the folks who are all "well I can't be bothered to find out the background so here's some useless advice"

Also, Brad is actually BF's name so I keep reading "Brad's a cunt" and I get his total knee jerk NO HE"S NOT THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND BITCH reaction.   Heehee

One of my best friend's (who stood up at my wedding with me!) is also named Brad! But he goes by Bradley. 

Though...he can be a real cunt sometimes. 

ashley8918

MagicInk said:

drunkenwitch said:

novella1186 said:

So I just completely went off on my mom. I posted in another thread that my shower is tomorrow in my hometown. I have a dress fitting early in the morning near my hometown. The plan was to drive up tonight after work, have dinner with my aunt (who's hosting) and cousin, since both of them traveled across the country to be here, stay the night at my parents' house, get up in the morning and take my aunt and cousin to the fitting so they can see my dress, and then have the shower. 

I've been excited about it all week. 

Well, I just got a text from my mom a little while ago that she asked my sister if she wants to come to the fitting tomorrow. Um... why the fuck would she ask my sister that? Oh, because my sister will already be at their house, and it would be mean to her if we ALL left for my fitting together and left her behind and it would make her feel bad. Um.... why the fuck is she gonna be at their house? Oh because she's coming in tonight to help set up for the shower! WTF. 

No idea who asked her to help set up the shower; whether it was my aunt or my mom, and whether it was an innocent gesture or someone scheming to force us to "get along and be friends." I had asked that she not be invited at all, not out of spite but because I'm legitimately uncomfortable being around her. Also, no idea why she would agree to help and why she would want to attend, considering she thinks I'm a "terrible person." 

Needless to say, I kind of lost it. I told my mom she had crossed some serious boundaries and that it was absolutely not her place to invite my sister to my fitting. Also let her know I won't be driving up there tonight to have dinner with everyone. I'd rather not be forced to spend that much time with my sister and stay in the same house with her when I seriously have no idea how she's going to act. In the last 2 interactions we've had, she completely attacked me, and then said she wasn't sorry for doing so. Why the fuck would I want to be around someone like that? 

Honestly if I had found out about this sooner I would have cancelled the shower. Now I'm sitting at my desk trying not to cry because instead of looking forward to it, I'm just dreading it. And instead of letting me be excited and actually get to enjoy something, my mom has decided to put my sister at the center of everything, yet again. 

I just need to calm down because I feel like I need a calmer perspective on this but right now I just feel like shit. 

To the bolded:

No way would Novella 6 months ago have said that, you've come a long way baby.

Also, to the folks who are all "well I can't be bothered to find out the background so here's some useless advice"

Also, Brad is actually BF's name so I keep reading "Brad's a cunt" and I get his total knee jerk NO HE"S NOT THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND BITCH reaction.   Heehee

One of my best friend's (who stood up at my wedding with me!) is also named Brad! But he goes by Bradley. 

Though...he can be a real cunt sometimes. 

No, joke, our best man's name is Brad. But this Brad is a fucking saint and I love him.

southernbelle0915

Sorry novella....

I would probably lie and say the shop only allows 2 guests for fittings so their store doesn't get overcrowded. And you wanted your aunt and cousin to see the dress since they won't get another opportunity before the wedding.

LondonLisa

In all seriousness @novella1186, it is a big betrayal of trust and you are perfectly justified to be upset. Don't let your mum turn this on you and make you feel like you are somehow at fault. She crossed a big line. Just don't punish your cousin or aunt for this. The only time you have to see your mum is during the actual shower. Be graceful and polite. And leave immediately afterwards. Your mum chose to spend the weekend with your sister, she needs to know that means that she doesn't spend the weekend with you.

 

theycallmelinz

1. Novella I want to call your mom and basically say WHAT THE FUCK. But I know you've done this 100 times and she'd probably act oblivious and be all, "wha- wha-what? I don't understand, I want novella and her BSC sister to love each other wahhhhh" and then I'd just be more pissed. I don't know how you've made it this far without ending up in a starring role on Snapped.

2. No, you don't NEED anyone at your dress fitting, but it's okay to want someone to come. It's a special moment, and I had my mom with me for mine. It's not your fault that your mom invited your BSC sister along. I hope it works out where it's just you, your aunt and cousin going.

3. I hope this doesn't ruin your shower. I'm telepathically sending horrible stomach flu vibes to your sister.

4. FI has (had) a GM named Brad. He called FI Tuesday night to let him know he probably can't make it to our wedding, which is in 15 days. #blameBrad

 

ETA: #4 

LondonLisa

southernbelle0915 said:

Sorry novella....

I would probably lie and say the shop only allows 2 guests for fittings so their store doesn't get overcrowded. And you wanted your aunt and cousin to see the dress since they won't get another opportunity before the wedding.

I don't think she should lie. I think she should be honest and say if mum wants to spend time with sister = mum doesn't spend time with novella. I don't want to say anything hurtful about Novella's mother, but this behaviour is really manipulative and emotional blackmail. One needs to shut that down really quick or else it is going to spiral out of control. Boundaries only work if you constantly enforce them. Otherwise Mum reads this as "my plans worked!"

drunkenwitch

MagicInk said:

drunkenwitch said:

novella1186 said:

So I just completely went off on my mom. I posted in another thread that my shower is tomorrow in my hometown. I have a dress fitting early in the morning near my hometown. The plan was to drive up tonight after work, have dinner with my aunt (who's hosting) and cousin, since both of them traveled across the country to be here, stay the night at my parents' house, get up in the morning and take my aunt and cousin to the fitting so they can see my dress, and then have the shower. 

I've been excited about it all week. 

Well, I just got a text from my mom a little while ago that she asked my sister if she wants to come to the fitting tomorrow. Um... why the fuck would she ask my sister that? Oh, because my sister will already be at their house, and it would be mean to her if we ALL left for my fitting together and left her behind and it would make her feel bad. Um.... why the fuck is she gonna be at their house? Oh because she's coming in tonight to help set up for the shower! WTF. 

No idea who asked her to help set up the shower; whether it was my aunt or my mom, and whether it was an innocent gesture or someone scheming to force us to "get along and be friends." I had asked that she not be invited at all, not out of spite but because I'm legitimately uncomfortable being around her. Also, no idea why she would agree to help and why she would want to attend, considering she thinks I'm a "terrible person." 

Needless to say, I kind of lost it. I told my mom she had crossed some serious boundaries and that it was absolutely not her place to invite my sister to my fitting. Also let her know I won't be driving up there tonight to have dinner with everyone. I'd rather not be forced to spend that much time with my sister and stay in the same house with her when I seriously have no idea how she's going to act. In the last 2 interactions we've had, she completely attacked me, and then said she wasn't sorry for doing so. Why the fuck would I want to be around someone like that? 

Honestly if I had found out about this sooner I would have cancelled the shower. Now I'm sitting at my desk trying not to cry because instead of looking forward to it, I'm just dreading it. And instead of letting me be excited and actually get to enjoy something, my mom has decided to put my sister at the center of everything, yet again. 

I just need to calm down because I feel like I need a calmer perspective on this but right now I just feel like shit. 

To the bolded:

No way would Novella 6 months ago have said that, you've come a long way baby.

Also, to the folks who are all "well I can't be bothered to find out the background so here's some useless advice"

Also, Brad is actually BF's name so I keep reading "Brad's a cunt" and I get his total knee jerk NO HE"S NOT THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND BITCH reaction.   Heehee

One of my best friend's (who stood up at my wedding with me!) is also named Brad! But he goes by Bradley. 

Though...he can be a real cunt sometimes. 

Mine's never a cunt, though he can be a doofus sometime and sometimes he just can't shut off his engineer brain.

pinkcow13

Sorry chica. Good for you standing up to your mom though. Don't let their BS get to you. Try and enjoy the time you will have at your shower like Lisa stated.

chibiyui

I'm sorry Novella, that all blows.

I'd look into staying with your aunt, and just go with Aunt and Cousin to your fitting. Mom and Cunty McCunterson can sit around with their thumbs up their ass.

Have a bottle of wine whenever you can.

southernbelle0915

LondonLisa said:

Sorry novella....

I would probably lie and say the shop only allows 2 guests for fittings so their store doesn't get overcrowded. And you wanted your aunt and cousin to see the dress since they won't get another opportunity before the wedding.

I don't think she should lie. I think she should be honest and say if mum wants to spend time with sister = mum doesn't spend time with novella. I don't want to say anything hurtful about Novella's mother, but this behaviour is really manipulative and emotional blackmail. One needs to shut that down really quick or else it is going to spiral out of control. Boundaries only work if you constantly enforce them. Otherwise Mum reads this as "my plans worked!"

For the long term, definitely. I agree with you. 

But this is tomorrow. And the bolded type of convo isn't likely to go over well with her mom (based on other encounters). Plus they're having dinner tonight and this fitting is in the morning. Not much opportunity to have a super heavy conversation that won't blow things up right before the fitting and the shower. 

LondonLisa

southernbelle0915 said:

LondonLisa said:

Sorry novella....

I would probably lie and say the shop only allows 2 guests for fittings so their store doesn't get overcrowded. And you wanted your aunt and cousin to see the dress since they won't get another opportunity before the wedding.

I don't think she should lie. I think she should be honest and say if mum wants to spend time with sister = mum doesn't spend time with novella. I don't want to say anything hurtful about Novella's mother, but this behaviour is really manipulative and emotional blackmail. One needs to shut that down really quick or else it is going to spiral out of control. Boundaries only work if you constantly enforce them. Otherwise Mum reads this as "my plans worked!"

For the long term, definitely. I agree with you. 

But this is tomorrow. And the bolded type of convo isn't likely to go over well with her mom (based on other encounters). Plus they're having dinner tonight and this fitting is in the morning. Not much opportunity to have a super heavy conversation that won't blow things up right before the fitting and the shower. 

But I don't think this needs to be a heavy conversation. That already happened when Novella said she explicitly told mum sis wasn't invited.  I read this as dinner tonight is with just aunt and cousin (not mum). This is literally all the conversation that needs to happen: "Mum, I recognise that you don't want to leave sis at home. As I said before she isn't invited to dinner/ dress fitting etc. Aunt, cousin and I will miss you. Bye".

The thing is, mum sprung this on her at the last minute purposefully to back her into a corner, thinking "Novella wont stand up and it is too late for her to do anything". Novella needs to call her bluff. 

I'm not trying to give slippery slope arguments, I have just a few friends in similar positions with enabler family members. It escalates quickly and before you know it, mum is at hospital when novella has a baby with BSC sister in tow because "what is Novella going to do, kick us out?"

novella1186

i mean, obviously this is all Brad's fault. 

But yeah, I didn't want a whole big entourage at my fitting. I'm fine just going alone. But I thought it would be nice/fun to invite my aunt and cousin since they happen to be in town. And then my mom had to turn it into a big mess. She's good at that. 

Apparently aunt and cousin are staying at aunt's friend's house so I can't stay with them  

I'm 100% prepared to avoid BSC sister at my shower, and to be friendly to her if she's around me, and take the high road if she's an asshole, and not engaged if she starts shit, etc etc. But the whole thing of having her invited to my fitting behind my back and whatnot is a lot to throw at me all at once. 

FI wants to call my mom and tell her she needs to stop fucking meddling and getting involved in things that are none of her business, but I told him it would be a total waste of his time. It's sweet that he wants to stand up for me, but I've been telling my mom a thousand times to stay out of this and my dad has been telling her to stay out of this. If she hasn't yet, she's not going to. It's just so fucking frustrating! 

VulgarGirl

There is no reason you need to be sober at your fitting.

novella1186

LondonLisa said:

LondonLisa said:

Sorry novella....

I would probably lie and say the shop only allows 2 guests for fittings so their store doesn't get overcrowded. And you wanted your aunt and cousin to see the dress since they won't get another opportunity before the wedding.

I don't think she should lie. I think she should be honest and say if mum wants to spend time with sister = mum doesn't spend time with novella. I don't want to say anything hurtful about Novella's mother, but this behaviour is really manipulative and emotional blackmail. One needs to shut that down really quick or else it is going to spiral out of control. Boundaries only work if you constantly enforce them. Otherwise Mum reads this as "my plans worked!"

For the long term, definitely. I agree with you. 

But this is tomorrow. And the bolded type of convo isn't likely to go over well with her mom (based on other encounters). Plus they're having dinner tonight and this fitting is in the morning. Not much opportunity to have a super heavy conversation that won't blow things up right before the fitting and the shower. 

But I don't think this needs to be a heavy conversation. That already happened when Novella said she explicitly told mum sis wasn't invited.  I read this as dinner tonight is with just aunt and cousin (not mum). This is literally all the conversation that needs to happen: "Mum, I recognise that you don't want to leave sis at home. As I said before she isn't invited to dinner/ dress fitting etc. Aunt, cousin and I will miss you. Bye".

The thing is, mum sprung this on her at the last minute purposefully to back her into a corner, thinking "Novella wont stand up and it is too late for her to do anything". Novella needs to call her bluff. 

I'm not trying to give slippery slope arguments, I have just a few friends in similar positions with enabler family members. It escalates quickly and before you know it, mum is at hospital when novella has a baby with BSC sister in tow because "what is Novella going to do, kick us out?"

Sorry, I wasn't clear on that part. The dinner was supposed to be my mom, aunt, and cousin. And now they've also invited my sister. So that's fun. 

hellosweetie1015

LondonLisa said:

southernbelle0915 said:

LondonLisa said:

Sorry novella....

I would probably lie and say the shop only allows 2 guests for fittings so their store doesn't get overcrowded. And you wanted your aunt and cousin to see the dress since they won't get another opportunity before the wedding.

I don't think she should lie. I think she should be honest and say if mum wants to spend time with sister = mum doesn't spend time with novella. I don't want to say anything hurtful about Novella's mother, but this behaviour is really manipulative and emotional blackmail. One needs to shut that down really quick or else it is going to spiral out of control. Boundaries only work if you constantly enforce them. Otherwise Mum reads this as "my plans worked!"

For the long term, definitely. I agree with you. 

But this is tomorrow. And the bolded type of convo isn't likely to go over well with her mom (based on other encounters). Plus they're having dinner tonight and this fitting is in the morning. Not much opportunity to have a super heavy conversation that won't blow things up right before the fitting and the shower. 

But I don't think this needs to be a heavy conversation. That already happened when Novella said she explicitly told mum sis wasn't invited.  I read this as dinner tonight is with just aunt and cousin (not mum). This is literally all the conversation that needs to happen: "Mum, I recognise that you don't want to leave sis at home. As I said before she isn't invited to dinner/ dress fitting etc. Aunt, cousin and I will miss you. Bye".

The thing is, mum sprung this on her at the last minute purposefully to back her into a corner, thinking "Novella wont stand up and it is too late for her to do anything". Novella needs to call her bluff. 

I'm not trying to give slippery slope arguments, I have just a few friends in similar positions with enabler family members. It escalates quickly and before you know it, mum is at hospital when novella has a baby with BSC sister in tow because "what is Novella going to do, kick us out?"

Yeah this is my take. Mom knows Novella's nice and kind, and if Mom springs it last minute, she's going to acquiesce just because it's too late.

Tell Mother Dearest that you're sorry, but if it's a choice between having to see sister and not getting to see mom, you're just going to miss seeing mom. 

And as for the shower: if she turns up, which she probably will, and if she decides to make a scene, which she will if she turns up, IGNORE THAT SHIT. Nothing she can say can get to you any more. You have recognized the crazy, and are above it. You are on an airy happy cloud and you're sister is at the bottom of an underwater volcano. 

Dreamergirl8812

soontobesyp said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

The only person who made your sister "the center of everything," is you. Why do you even need an entourage at your fitting. I went alone, because a woman taking measurements is not my idea of a good time. And if I didn't have a shower because that kind of attention is not my style.

It's not your fault that these people are its, but it is your fault that you surround yourself with them. Why are you bringing this crap onto yourself? You don't need all of this extra shit to become a wife.

I could be mistaken, but I think Novella is doing everything she can to NOT surround herself with these people...  her MOM is the one forcing it, especially in this scenario.  

Is her mom not the comptroller of Crazy Town? So mom throwing a bridal shower and attending dress fitting =/= avoiding it.

flyingfoxes

@novella1186 -  is this the aunt who knows all about your BSC sister?  I thought I remembered a while back that you had an aunt who spoke to you about all of this.  If so - would she be willing to also back you up on letting your mom know this is 100% not acceptable?

novella1186

mobride2015 said:

@novella1186 -  is this the aunt who knows all about your BSC sister?  I thought I remembered a while back that you had an aunt who spoke to you about all of this.  If so - would she be willing to also back you up on letting your mom know this is 100% not acceptable?

Nope, different aunt. The one hosting my shower doesn't know as much about the drama (because I'm not the type to run around to every single family member and say "guess what mean thing my sister did this time?!" and obviously my sister won't fess up to being such a crazy bitch). So for all I know, she thinks things are fine. Cuz who the hell knows what my mom has been telling her. 

novella1186

Dreamergirl8812 said:

soontobesyp said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

The only person who made your sister "the center of everything," is you. Why do you even need an entourage at your fitting. I went alone, because a woman taking measurements is not my idea of a good time. And if I didn't have a shower because that kind of attention is not my style.

It's not your fault that these people are its, but it is your fault that you surround yourself with them. Why are you bringing this crap onto yourself? You don't need all of this extra shit to become a wife.

I could be mistaken, but I think Novella is doing everything she can to NOT surround herself with these people...  her MOM is the one forcing it, especially in this scenario.  

Is her mom not the comptroller of Crazy Town? So mom throwing a bridal shower and attending dress fitting =/= avoiding it.

Yeah, I see your point that by being around my mom I could be inviting trouble. I'll probably have to keep some distance for a while which sucks cuz my mom and I actually have a good relationship for the most part. Like when she's not butting in and getting involved in drama with my sister, she and I are cool and we can hang out and chat and have a good time. But she definitely can get out of control too and tends to perpetuate the drama rather than just leaving it alone. 

My aunt is the one hosting the shower, and back when this was all planned I had no idea that things were gonna be so tense. I would have declined her offer if I had known it would be a big mess.