Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

women on the nest are just rude..

Im having severe unhappiness issues..posted a post asking if anyone had dealth with that post wedding and just get flamed. so i figure ill try here and hope for better results. has anyone dealth with unhappiness post wedding? i dont know if the wedding even has anything to do with it or if its just a coincidence...but i have been so unhappy lately and cant figure out why. i have everything that would make a person happy..yet i cant seem to be happy. i cant pinpoint whats making me feel this way..which is making me more upset. DH trys to help..friends try to mother trys to help but nothing helps..anyone in the same boat..or dealth with this before?

Re: women on the nest are just rude..

  • Yep!  I think it's probably pretty common...expecially if you've spent a long period of time planning your wedding.   It kind of becomes all consuming and then when it's's just over.    I think it takes a little time to adjust to being back to a normal, everyday life where you're not a "bride" anymore.  
  • The Nest people are HORRIBLE. I was reading through some of the posts and I swear they just lurk there waiting to be shitty to everyone who posts. I'll be sad to leave the knot because I don't want to join that community of raging bitches.  Anyway, it could be a million things. Perhaps it's simply a change in hormones or maybe it's something more personal to you. WIthout more information, we can't really tell you but I suggest you see a therapist and talk to her. 
  • you're just having wthdrawls. You probably miss the chase....the hunt....for the perfect everything. 

    Replace the "wedding planning"  w/ something else. Something that is equally constructive.  Working out? Plan next year's vacay? Search for new houses? Anything that can apply to your current life/situation. But also know that we will all have our periods of "down time" in life, when there's not much going on at all. We should actually enjoy those times as well. Its a way to re-group & find rest....until the next adventure.   

    best wishes to you. 
  • Baton Rouge..

    I just read your post. Sweetie, if a man wants to marry you he will yell it to the world. To me 4yrs is long enough to know if you are ready to head in either direction. If he's still not certain about the engagement or marriage period, then only you can decide how long you are willing to wait. There are a million excuses a guy can make...too scared etc but the question is, how fair is that to you. 

  • I'm not an active member on the knot anymore and just lurk here.  I actually got married several years ago and unfortunately, went through a divorce.  But I am MUCH happier now and have actually found the person I'm supposed to be with!

    Anyhow, I'm sorry that you're going through this.  Have you thought about seeking out a counselor?  I'm not a big fan, but I went through the same thing (probably for different reasons) before I went through my divorce and it actually really helped me to figure out what was missing in my life.  It opened my eyes up to things that I didn't realize I was doing or not doing and it helped me to rediscover the person that I really am.  I know that no situation is exactly the same, but maybe it would help you do some soul searching and find out what's making you unhappy or what's missing.

    Like pp's said, it could be that the whole idea of wedding planning is gone and you're going through withdrawals, but it could be something else.  Who wants to live their life unhappy?  That's not healthy and you don't deserve to go through that. 

    As for the nest....I am a regular nestie and I know that I can speak for most of us when I say that I am sorry you have had a bad experience there.  Like the knot, there are people who are there just to be snarky.  Don't take it personally and please don't take offense to it.  I'm not sure which board(s) you have visited, but it's bes to go to the ones of interest to you and find the ones that you're most comfortable with.  I'm always on the What's Cooking board as well as Decorating and Rennovating.  I often visit the Health and Fitness board too and a few others but those are the 2 I'm always on and everyone there is pretty nice.  There is a different between honesty and cruelty and there are definitely some honest girls on there (me included) but it usually comes with some advice/suggestions because it's been asked.  Please don't stray away from over's a great place when you find a board you like! 

    GL with your situation!!!
  • Oh, sweet SammyJo!
    How I feel for you!
    I was married 6 months ago and the first few weeks after the wedding were difficult for us, too.  I posted for advice on thenest and although there were a few constructive responses, most of the responses were HORRIBLY cruel, bitchy, and insensitive.  I really feel for you!
    My advice is to be patient with yourself-once some time has passed and you start to focus on new projects/hobbies/vacations, etc. you'll start to feel better and more yourself.  I think what you're feeling is very common.  

    And to Ms. Baton Rouge, 
    Even if your fiancé is crazy in love with you (which I'm sure he is!) it can be a huge adjustment for a man to begin to envision himself as a husband and all that comes with that, the good and the bad.  Just be your wonderful self, remind him that he's marrying YOU, the girl he is in love with, take some of the wedding planning pressure of for a few days/weeks and he'll start to come around.  Also, some of the expectations about how someone is 'supposed to' feel can be very oppressive feeling.  Allow space for each other to go through the entire gamut of emotions as you progress towards the excitement of your wedding.  I'm sure it will be an intense and wonderful experience for you both.
    Best Wishes!

  • I think after our wedding, it has been kind of a let down.  I can't even talk about the wedding or the pics with my brothers, they tell me to "get over it."  We spent all this money on a photographer and have to go through the pics, and let me tell you, no one wants to even see them.  It's like they are so jealous. I just keep all the excitement to myself or share them on here!  So it's been kind of a let down, I know what you mean.  Plus living together is an adjustment for me and living with my husband's two teenage girls is an adjustment.  I lost my job before the wedding and I'm trying so hard to find a job, and it seems almost impossible, so that alone is depressing!  I've never not had a job ever, so I've had a lot of adjustments to deal with....hang in there, I have my good days and bad days too! Wink 
  • There is a great book called "The Conscious Bride" that clearly explains why brides often get depressed afterwards, why everything goes to heck on the day of, etc.  I wish I'd had it before my wedding.  Really, our culture pretends it is all about joy but their is alot of grief underneath this big change. I cannot recommend this book enough.  Good luck.  p.s.  Yah, my husband did not want to hear how I upset I was that it was a total wash. 
  • I know exactly what you mean about the women on the nest.  I mistakenly posted about my engagement on the relationship board and from the first posts on they tried to eat me alive because my then boyfriend/fiance was going through a divorce.  Now I am a fighter so I gave a good as I got and it got pretty ugly, but extremely funny.  I got married 6 months ago, and it is a let down after all the excitement and planning.  However, I am turning 50 this year, so  I got another party to plan.  Hope you are feeling better these days.
  • Boy was I happy to read the subject of this post!!  I'm sorry to hear about everyones woes... I know how you feel about dying to get engaged/married. I was in that boat for a while. I knew he wanted to get married he just never told anyone. Turns out it was a financial concern (wanted to be the man everyone talks about financially sound, has his own house, job, etc). But if it's love it'll happen no matter what! We're still living in my parents basement...but happy to be together!

    As for post wedding blues, I'm going to totally dread that! Ugh planning is all I do on my free time. I'm on vacation now and it's consuming but in a good way.

    Anyways as for the nest. Those women are miserable! Before joining the knot (even knowing about the knot) I was on the nest and every post was attacked. Honest ones looking for suggestions or help were torn down. My friend was trying to conceive and I was looking for some advice on support and they attacked me and called me a bot. I'm so happy to find the correct support and people who respond positively even if they might not always agree!!! THANK YOU knotties for being supportive and objective!
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