No Shows for the wedding....

Alycatt21

Any one have any no shows at your wedding?

 I mean, I knew there were going to be one or two (out of expected 76 RSVP's) that may have had to cancel within days of the wedding because of work and life. But I had two girlfriends who "wouldn't miss this day for the world"....miss my wedding day.... Each plate was 90.00 pp....and I'm a little miffed that they didn't even have the courtesy to call to say that they couldn't make it....and yes, they had RSVP'd to be there (And no- they don't know each other). Then there was the wife of one of the groomsmen who got plastered before the 5:30 wedding, so she also missed- therefore costing us her non refundable plate too....

This was just a random question to see if anyone else had experienced this. However, I am finding the courage to politely let my friends know I'm dissapointed. 

Cheers!

Lisa50

Yes, we had a couple of no shows.  I was not upset about the money spent (we allowed for that in our budget, so no big deal), so I didn't feel a desire to confront my friends with my disappointment.  Things come up; it happens.  We quickly moved on.

HobokensFury

Every wedding I've been to including my own had no shows. We had 2 @ $125 pp so yeah I was annoyed.

rlavach

Yeah, everyone has them. We had 78 RSVPs & 8 no shows. Thankfully, we got to take all of the extra food home.

lb1212

DH and I both have large families, so our guest list was at 220 and we had 100 RSVP "Yes" and 60 that we never heard anything from (and couldn't get ahold of during follow up calls) so we estimated about 130 might show up.  Day of the wedding - it rained! We had maybe 90 show up for the ceremony and about 70 at the reception!  BUT it was perfect!!  The people who braved the weather, were definitely the people we really wanted to be there.

FlintstonePearl

I just got married Saturday. (Yay!) Out of 92 RSVPs, I had:
3 no shows
2 last minute cancellations by text
3 guests who left after the ceremony.

It never occurred to me that someone might want to leave after the ceremony, so I didn't give the option to RSVP separately for the reception. Bottom line, we paid $95 pp for 8 people who didn't eat. But compared to some of the no-show horror stories I've heard, I feel we made out OK.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_no-shows-for-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:533e659d-d5de-49c8-878f-cffc9e754fd4Post:15a934cf-1fdf-4328-a26a-006c2bd27e84">Re: No Shows for the wedding....</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, everyone has them. We had 78 RSVPs & 8 no shows. Thankfully, we got to take all of the extra food home.
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]



We took the meals home as well.

ZeroOrchestra

We had people who RSVP'ed yes call to cancel within a week or two prior, so we could still change our numbers. But no actual no shows the day of, out of 70. We actually added one spot for someone who was traveling with my BM and her boyfriend. He came to some of the prewedding festivities and we all got on well so we decided to extend the invite. I would not express your disappointment to your friends. Things happen and they couldn't make it. Nothing good will come from confrontation.

littleluckypenny

We had 6 no shows.  Yeah, it sucks because you spent the money for them to be there, but such is life.  I honestly didn't notice until the end of the reception because my BIL pointed out that there was a no-show couple at his table. 

2 of the 3 no-show couples called my FIL the next day offering apologies that their spouse was sick.  The last no-show couple were friends of DH, who also called a week later and said the spouse was sick.

My point is, no-shows are the risk you take in throwing any type of event.  Oh, and don't mention it to the person who didn't show.  If they want to give you an explanation they will, but don't inquire (even though you want to).  To me, if a person fails to give you a reason, offer an apology, or doesn't try to contact you, IMO it only shows you the truth of the relationship.

mattycam

I think we had 11 no shows/last minute cancellations and 2 "show-ups". We were able to seat them (the couple was sure they RSVPd which we had no record of) but unfortunately these things happen. I wasn't impressed either but we kind of expected it due to this "trend" happening frequently at weddings.

Cortney1982

There was only one guest the bugged me for not showing up.  My brothers fiance decided for no good reason to not show up.  To keep misery company she kept her three children at home and I was really looking forward to seeing my little nephew.  Brother might as well not showed up, he was a total embarrassment.  Mostly sat in his chair, palm to forhead needing his next fix.  Everybody could see.

TaraMc728

We had 8 no shows at our wedding.  Only 3 of them we never heard anything from.  One of them being my one cousin and her H, who said they would not miss it.  Thier car apparently broke down, which I only heard second handed by my mother.  I have seen my cousin twice since, but never said anything.  I was tempted, but knew it would not prove anything.

Yes it sucks that tehy said they will be there, and yes is sucks you are out of the money, but you just have to let it go and not say anything.

walgrrl

No shows would annoy me since you're out the money, but I'm more afraid that people will show up who RSVPed no.  What do you do if extra people show up and there is not a chair for them?  Do you factor in a few extra people when giving the venue your final count?

RamonaFlowers

The only people who no-showed for me was one of my cousins, who's husband 4 months later died from kidney failure and was suffering from cancer. At the time she RSVP-ed, her husband was doing "okay", so they said "yes"  at the time and literally just a day or 2 before, the husband had a relapse and shortly after my wedding, he was moved into a hospice, and soon after passed away.

Other than that particular couple, we didn't have any unexpected no-shows OR people who said "no" and later showed up anyway. And honestly, because of how I felt about the couple in question, I really was too busy feeling sad about the husband's condition to worry about the fact that I wasn't going to get a refund for their plates (Which, without trying to get into a pissing contest did cost more than yours).

Sorry they didn't show up, but maybe there was some sort of emergency or legitimate reason for them not being able to show up. If they flat out just flaked on you, is this somewhat typical behavior for them?

Regardless, you're married now. If you're priorities are in the right place, you'll focus more on the fact that "ZOMG, YOU GOT TO MARRY THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!" instead of who did and didn't show up.

JoanE2012

It boggles my mind that people would not show up after RSVP'ing AND not follow up.  Don't they know that you are paying money for each plate?  If I couldn't attend after I had already RSVD'd yes, I would extend my apologies and still send my usual amount for a wedding gift which hopefully cover most of the plate. 

EK2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_no-shows-for-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:533e659d-d5de-49c8-878f-cffc9e754fd4Post:a979fbe6-0098-4180-b96d-3148c074b031">Re: No Shows for the wedding....</a>:
[QUOTE]No shows would annoy me since you're out the money, but I'm more afraid that people will show up who RSVPed no.  What do you do if extra people show up and there is not a chair for them?  Do you factor in a few extra people when giving the venue your final count?
Posted by walgrrl[/QUOTE]

<div>Anyone who didn't RSVP "yes" doesn't have the right to assume there will be a chair for them. Does this happen often in your circle? I wouldn't pay for people who've already said they're not coming.</div>

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_no-shows-for-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:533e659d-d5de-49c8-878f-cffc9e754fd4Post:a979fbe6-0098-4180-b96d-3148c074b031">Re: No Shows for the wedding....</a>:
[QUOTE]No shows would annoy me since you're out the money, but I'm more afraid that people will show up who RSVPed no.  What do you do if extra people show up and there is not a chair for them?  Do you factor in a few extra people when giving the venue your final count?
Posted by walgrrl[/QUOTE]

First off, that would be very rude of someone to rsvp "no" but still come without warning.  I would not factor any additional guests in the headcount.  If someone does show up and you want them there, I'm sure your venue can accommodate them and just charge you additional $ for that person.

kipnus

On our wedding day, out of our 67 yeses, we had two real no-shows (no explanation), one person who couldn't make the ceremony but came to the reception, and two wedding crashers! They hadn't been invited at all, but made the trip up with their friends, who were invited. They had the decency to dress up, they helped decorate our car, and they got us gifts, so we couldn't really complain. I was just really shocked to see them there. There were also three people who let us know a few days before the wedding that they couldn't make it because of family problems. Our reception was a casual affair in my parents' backyard, so we didn't need an exact head count.

Our AHR was at a restaurant, and out of our 57 yeses, only 49 showed up. Two called on the day to say they were sick and couldn't come, and six people never gave any explanation. We were under the restaurant's minimum, so it wasn't like it was wasted money (we took a ton of food home and froze it for after the honeymoon!) It just made some of our seating arrangements a little awkward. Some people were late, too, so there were empty tables for a while.

mbrischoux

We had 6 no-shows, but I only cut one out of my life:  An old friend who said he wouldn't miss the day for the world, responded with a date (who he had yet to acquire), didn't show up, and then had the stupidity to post on FaceBook that he was on a great date the night of the wedding (My mom was friends with him on FaceBook, since we were friends since we were little kids and I don't use FaceBook).  To not show up at my wedding and cost my folks $300 is ONE thing, but to be STUPID enough to post what you were REALLY doing on FaceBook is another.  He can't get his head around why I was so upset.

The other people had really good reasons, and most no-shows do.  You smile, accept their congratulations, and move on without a word.  This one guy didn't.  That's why I'm done with him.

KellyBrian2013

OP, do not confront your friends about missing your wedding. Regardless of how nice you think you're approaching the situation, its going to come off rudely. As for the original question, I believe we had 6 noshows the day of the wedding, but we knew about most of them... honestly, we were too busy enjoying our day to even notice. Seriously, enjoy being married and just let it go.

ChristineNB

At my wedding I had 3 people who had RSVP'ed yes that did not show up.  No explanation, nothing.  One was my aunt and uncle, who had told my mom they were coming when when had followed up when they had not rsvp'ed.  The other was the mom of my DH childhood friends, who he still keeps in touch with.  We have not talked to any of them about it, nor heard from any of them.  I think my DH was a little annoyed more than me at the time, but whatever you move on.

JadziaDax

I had one no show but I didn't stress about it too much. It's going to happen. 

amg8

I think it's incredibly rude.  We had about 8 no shows. I just don't get it because if I missed anything that I said I'd be attending (a friend's party, a birthday dinner, a book club meeting) I would try to call in advance, or worst case scenario, call after, apologize, and explain what happened to prevent me from coming.  Obviously emergencies happen and life can be unpredictable, but for some people to just never give an explanation is not acceptable.  I am not confronting anyone about it because all of the people in question were friends/family members of my husband, but he was very disappointed about the lack of consideration, and does plan to ask what happened. It's not being nasty or confrontational, just genuinelly wondering why they didn't come.  I think this is a fair question--if they have no reason, it obviously says a lot about the relationship.

itzMS

We had around 6 no-shows, but we didn't have assigned seating so it was difficult to count.
We had some "crashers". Mainly, friends of people we invited.

I'm not really sure why guests think it's OK to just bring friends along. I actually got kind of upset when I started seeing people I didn't invite or even know.

rebeccam03

Of 200 "Yes" RSVPs, we had 6 week-of cancellations for an entirely valid family health reason, 1 no show couple, and 1 couple who brought their uninvited child... oh and a random dude who signed our guest book as a wedding crasher and said it was a great party...

For the no show, we never heard anything - no card, email, etc... It was weird because she had called frantically a week before the wedding worried that she had forgotten to mail in her RSVP (she had in fact mailed it) and hoping she could still come.

I was disappointed that they didn't come, but everyone is right - it happens!  Our venue was amazing and cancelled the meals once the catering manager saw the place cards still sitting there, so they only charged us for what was eaten.

The only thing that bothered me about the couple who brought their child was that I felt bad if other parents saw a kid and thought that I only invited some but not theirs.  But oh well, what can you do!

transcriber87

We just got married on Friday and had 15-20 no shows...The week before, it was a sure thing so my Mom called and paid for an additional 15 people which cost her almost $400! The venue prohibits food from being taken out so I shudder to think of all that wasted food, and it was some of the best ham I had ever had, all of which probably wound up in the garbage!

Alycatt21

Hello All! Sorry I haven't checked in on for a while....

Thanks for the advice...I haven't said anything to any of the MIA'ers....its not a big deal in the scheme of life....I was just venting. However, (all poopiness aside) the re-assurance that I was not the only bride to be stood up was a good eye opener. Sorry it all happened to you...but what-ever....I still had an amazing day and SOOOOO wish I could go back!

Cheers!