What etiquette approved thing can I say?

MyNameIsNot

indianaalum said:

I am sorry this happened. I know people are only viewing this as that you/DH can't attend get over it, but I get it is more than that. so I am sorry.

 If his entire family is out of the state for a wedding (assuming your family actually lives near you), none of them will be there for the birth of your child. As a person who recently had a baby, I get that. I loved that my siblings and parents came to the hospital to visit the baby. I would have been sad if my entire family was out of town when I gave birth. Of course, none of that is something you can say to them, but you can tell them how much you will miss the wedding and hope your DH is important enough that they change their mind.

perhaps drop subtle hints to the grandparents that they could miss the birth of their grandchild ....I would almost guarantee, they will work their magic on the date themselves! LO:  It is probably something that hasn't dawned on them and they might get the date changed withour you doing a thing LOL----acknowledges this is passive aggressive, but I bet it could work LOL

Please don't do this. It's not only passive aggressive. It's childish and manipulative, and will guarantee that you will never have that good relationship with FSIL that you're trying to cultivate.

notdoingitbythebook

We picked a date that turned out to be a week before his sister (aka the princess) is due. We didn't take her due date into consideration at all because at the time of our choosing a date she merely informed me that they were trying and that she could be delivering in the month we were looking at. I don't think babies trump weddings any more than any other life event so I was not about to change everything up for her considering that everything was already booked when she announced (at my birthday party no less). There's a hospital down the road from the venue if anything happens and if she can't come we totally understand. That's just how it is. Just don't say in a condescending voice when you reply that you'll "try" to be there... that's just rude (and the response we got from his sister before she announced the pregnancy and everyone in his family lost their minds that the princess was having another baby).

[Deleted User]

Knottie62810702 said:

We picked a date that turned out to be a week before his sister (aka the princess) is due. We didn't take her due date into consideration at all because at the time of our choosing a date she merely informed me that they were trying and that she could be delivering in the month we were looking at. I don't think babies trump weddings any more than any other life event so I was not about to change everything up for her considering that everything was already booked when she announced (at my birthday party no less). There's a hospital down the road from the venue if anything happens and if she can't come we totally understand. That's just how it is. Just don't say in a condescending voice when you reply that you'll "try" to be there... that's just rude (and the response we got from his sister before she announced the pregnancy and everyone in his family lost their minds that the princess was having another baby).

Attending a wedding in town when you're pregnant is different than flying across the country to attend a wedding far from your home and doctor.

notdoingitbythebook

adk19 said:

Knottie62810702 said:

We picked a date that turned out to be a week before his sister (aka the princess) is due. We didn't take her due date into consideration at all because at the time of our choosing a date she merely informed me that they were trying and that she could be delivering in the month we were looking at. I don't think babies trump weddings any more than any other life event so I was not about to change everything up for her considering that everything was already booked when she announced (at my birthday party no less). There's a hospital down the road from the venue if anything happens and if she can't come we totally understand. That's just how it is. Just don't say in a condescending voice when you reply that you'll "try" to be there... that's just rude (and the response we got from his sister before she announced the pregnancy and everyone in his family lost their minds that the princess was having another baby).

Attending a wedding in town when you're pregnant is different than flying across the country to attend a wedding far from your home and doctor.

True enough.

saric83

indianaalum said:

perhaps drop subtle hints to the grandparents that they could miss the birth of their grandchild ....I would almost guarantee, they will work their magic on the date themselves! LO:  It is probably something that hasn't dawned on them and they might get the date changed withour you doing a thing LOL----acknowledges this is passive aggressive, but I bet it could work LOL

Like PPs said, do NOT do this.  For all you know, they moved the date up because one of her parents is ill or something like that.  You and DH will be causing additional drama and look like total arses, especially if there is some specific reason behind the sudden date.  Plus, even if they changed it, that doesn't mean that the baby wouldn't arrive early or late and the grandparents would still miss it.  

[Deleted User]

It sucks that you won't be able to attend but I agree, a simple "Excited for you about your upcoming wedding, unfortunatley with my due date being the day before your wedding date, we won't be able to make the trip to share in your special day with you. Can't wait to hear about it and see lots of photos." is enough. It's polite, your showing excitement for them but you have a legitimate reason for not going. Who knows, maybe the venue they fell in love with gave them a great price or only had that date open so they went with it not taking other things into consideration. In the mean time, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy & congrats on your upcoming bundle of joy.

indianaalum

lovegood90 said:

indianaalum said:

I am sorry this happened. I know people are only viewing this as that you/DH can't attend get over it, but I get it is more than that. so I am sorry.

 If his entire family is out of the state for a wedding (assuming your family actually lives near you), none of them will be there for the birth of your child. As a person who recently had a baby, I get that. I loved that my siblings and parents came to the hospital to visit the baby. I would have been sad if my entire family was out of town when I gave birth. Of course, none of that is something you can say to them, but you can tell them how much you will miss the wedding and hope your DH is important enough that they change their mind.

perhaps drop subtle hints to the grandparents that they could miss the birth of their grandchild....I would almost guarantee, they will work their magic on the date then!  It is probably something that hasn't dawned on themLOL

IMHO the bolded comes off as passive aggressive. I would just take the high road, let it go and congratulate them. I'm pretty sure they didn't do this on purpose...

lovegood90 said:

lovegood90 said:

SITB

lovegood90 said:

lovegood90 said:

I own it is passive aggressive and acctually "edited" it and then saw your post calling me out. I swear I added that part before I saw this. I was half joking on that part which is why I wrote LOL

indianaalum

saric83 said:

indianaalum said:

perhaps drop subtle hints to the grandparents that they could miss the birth of their grandchild ....I would almost guarantee, they will work their magic on the date themselves! LO:  It is probably something that hasn't dawned on them and they might get the date changed withour you doing a thing LOL----acknowledges this is passive aggressive, but I bet it could work LOL

Like PPs said, do NOT do this.  For all you know, they moved the date up because one of her parents is ill or something like that.  You and DH will be causing additional drama and look like total arses, especially if there is some specific reason behind the sudden date.  Plus, even if they changed it, that doesn't mean that the baby wouldn't arrive early or late and the grandparents would still miss it.  

I swear I meant it tongue in cheek.

Let's be honest. A grandparent hearing them miss their grandchild's birth, it will almost guarantee that they would probably ask themselves to change the date..I do agree NOT to do it, though..I was just playing around

thats why I wrote it was passive aggressive. Look at my post, I had edited it awhile ago