Moms and Maids
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Re: .

  • eisdod68eisdod68 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited April 2015

    Hey everyone. I have a serious dilemma here. My MOH, who has been a drifter best friend (we're more involved in each others' lives at some points and less at others) hasn't been helping me out with wedding stuff. I asked her to be the MOH about a year ago, and she of course accepted without hesitation. Well, she was spending a lot of time over here because she had just gotten out of a serious relationship back in December. My wedding is at the end of April--crunch time. She got a new boyfriend back in February, and has pretty much been absentee. I've asked her for help on multiple occasions, even told her I felt like I was about to have a mental breakdown because I needed help, but she just kept bailing on me. One of my bridesmaids asked what she could do to help, so I asked her to plan the bachelorette party because my MOH wasn't doing anything. I FINALLY called my MOH out for everything today, asked her if she felt she was being as helpful as she possibly could be, etc. and she agreed with me that she hasn't been.

    My question is, I'm thinking of asking her to step down and letting my cousin, who is planning the bachelorette party, to take her place. Please help me figure this out. I'm so confused about what to do. I'm either going to do it, or I'm not. I'm not going to "dangle" it in front of my current MOH's face and let her "try to make up for it." I just feel that since my cousin is doing the hard work, she should get the role of being the MOH. Thanks in advance.

    have you read any other posts on this board? don't do this, it's mean. or if you want to lose your best friend forever because you "demoted" her, then by all means, go for it.

    your friend, bridesmaids or MOH don't have to help you with anything for your wedding. the only person who has to help you is your fiance. and you can't make someone plan a bachelorette party for you, it's a party in your honor that someone hosts.  you can't demand it and put it on someone to plan.

    think about how your best friend feels in this siutation. how would you feel if she demoted you from her MOH if you didn't do things for her wedding? yeah, pretty shitty. her world doesn't revolve around you or your wedding, even if she is your best friend. grow up.


    Edited by mod to remove OP's original user name
    Blue_Bird[Deleted User]
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2015

    Hey everyone. I have a serious dilemma here. My MOH, who has been a drifter best friend (we're more involved in each others' lives at some points and less at others) hasn't been helping me out with wedding stuff. I asked her to be the MOH about a year ago, and she of course accepted without hesitation. Well, she was spending a lot of time over here because she had just gotten out of a serious relationship back in December. My wedding is at the end of April--crunch time. She got a new boyfriend back in February, and has pretty much been absentee. I've asked her for help on multiple occasions, even told her I felt like I was about to have a mental breakdown because I needed help, but she just kept bailing on me. One of my bridesmaids asked what she could do to help, so I asked her to plan the bachelorette party because my MOH wasn't doing anything. I FINALLY called my MOH out for everything today, asked her if she felt she was being as helpful as she possibly could be, etc. and she agreed with me that she hasn't been.

    My question is, I'm thinking of asking her to step down and letting my cousin, who is planning the bachelorette party, to take her place. Please help me figure this out. I'm so confused about what to do. I'm either going to do it, or I'm not. I'm not going to "dangle" it in front of my current MOH's face and let her "try to make up for it." I just feel that since my cousin is doing the hard work, she should get the role of being the MOH. Thanks in advance.

    As your MOH she has ZERO. Read: NO responsibilities to you or your wedding. If you need help with things, you should go to your FI. It is your wedding. Not her wedding. And she has no responsibilities to plan you a bachelorette party. It's perfectly acceptable for someone who is not you to plan a bachelorette, but it does not need to be her. 

    You need to leave your line up as is. You don't rank people based off the shit they do for you. Come on. Are you in kindergarten? "Sally gave me her crayons at color time. If you give me your playdoh, I'll let you be my best friend."

    Edit: Her only responsibilities are to show up in a dress you choose within a budget she selects and be sober and smiling. Nothing else.


    Edited by mod to remove OP's original user name

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    Blue_Bird[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    OP, you should also change your username. Internet safety is important. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    mikenbergerBlue_Bird
  • manda080808manda080808 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    It's not an issue of "putting her in her place" or anything like that. I've reached out to her. Yes. She knows that I've needed help. I've asked her for help numerous times. That's the issue here. The fact that I've asked her for help and she says she's going to, but then never shows up when it comes time. It's not that I want to belittle her. That's not my intent. We've already had a discussion about it.

    The point I'm trying to make is that if my cousin is doing all of the grunt work--which the MOH said she WANTED TO DO--then shouldn't she be the MOH? I still want her up there by my side, and I've let her know that.

    And please stop attacking. Yes, this is all stuff that I've discussed with her. She knows how I feel. She knows she hasn't been there like she promised to be. All I'm asking for is advice on how to move forward.

    Your advice to move forward:

    Stop acting like you're the center of the universe. You are not. Your MOH has a life. It's lovely that your cousin wants to help out. You don't demote your MOH because she's busy with her life. Your MOH isn't "The person that does the most shit for me." title.

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    [Deleted User]chibiyuiPrettyGirlLost
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Seriously, OP, you need to start paying people if you expect them to work for you. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    [Deleted User]chibiyuiPrettyGirlLostthemuffinman16
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I am hoping you have realized just how horrible you have been to your supposed friend and will apologize to her.

    But alas, I doubt that is the case and instead you think we are all horrible bitches and you feel sorry for our husbands/wives/spouses/FIs.  And we don't understand your life and we don't know you and that your case is special, blah, blah, blah.

    [Deleted User]chibiyuiPrettyGirlLost
  • Do you listen to yourself when you talk?  Honestly?  You called someone out for not wanting to be free labor for YOUR wedding?

    If you want someone to plan your wedding for you, hire them.  It's not up to your friends to slave away for free.  Also, do you have a fiancé? Isn't that up to the person you are marrying to help with the wedding?

    And refusing to validate selfish statements is not an attack, grow up.

    But it will obviously make you feel better so here:

    image

    There, you've been attacked.


    mikenbergerchibiyuiPrettyGirlLost
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2015
    Deleting just draws more attention to your post. You were quoted, so we can see everything you said. 

    Your MOH, who is supposed to be your very best friend, is not helping you enough? Guess what? She's not a fucking free wedding planner. If you need help, ask your FI. What you're planning to do is a friendship-ending move. And you're going to end a friendship with someone because they, what, haven't helped you enough with your Pinterest DIY projects?? 
    [Deleted User]chibiyuiPrettyGirlLost
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    So fast on the draw, guys. Good work. Obviously I came for the DD.

    I love it when people have their head so far up their ass about the MOH as wedding planner that they can't even compute the advice that maybe, oh, their FI should help them if they need help?

    mikenberger[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • If you need help planning...shouldn't the person you're marrying be helping you?

    And if you're both too busy why not...HIRE A WEDDING PLANNER. 
    chibiyuilevioosaPrettyGirlLost
  • Thank you all for quoting.  This thread did not disappoint.
    peachy13PrettyGirlLostChemFanatic25
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    So you postponed your wedding, and now you want to demote your MOH for not staying overly enthusiastic for a couple years, less than 3 weeks before the wedding? You've had plenty of time to get your grunt work done - poor planning does not constitute an emergency for your BMs.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    chibiyui[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLosthuskypuppy14
  • Came for the DD, stayed for the speshul snowflake-ness.  **pulls out bingo card**
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    themuffinman16
  • I have yet to figure out what people who want to demote their bridal party for not doing enough actually need help with.  You're planning a party.  It's really not that hard.  I've planned surprise parties, family reunions, and charity events and have never once needed to make my friends into my own personal slaves.  You budget your time, money, and other resources appropriately.  If you're not capable of planning a party on your own*, I really question the ability to handle other major grown-up functions like marriage and holding down a job.

    *And in the case of a wedding, you're not actually on your own because presumably you're marrying another human being who has a vested interest in pulling this shindig off and helping you out.  There should be no reason to make your friends indentured servants. 

    PrettyGirlLost
  • manda080808 I can't tell you how many times my MOH & bridesmaids have asked me if they could help with anything.  Pretty much, every time, I've politely declined.  "That's kind of you to offer, but I've got this".  I've had to spend a little more $ to hire people (read: vendors, not bridal party) but that is the correct thing to do.  I think it's OK to accept help if offered but asking for help is a no-no.  Also, it sounds like you're going WAY out of bounds with your expectations.  You should really read a bit more about proper etiquette before going off half-cocked and treating your close friend this way.  Adjust your expectations so they are more in line with reality.  
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I have yet to figure out what people who want to demote their bridal party for not doing enough actually need help with.  You're planning a party.  It's really not that hard.  I've planned surprise parties, family reunions, and charity events and have never once needed to make my friends into my own personal slaves.  You budget your time, money, and other resources appropriately.  If you're not capable of planning a party on your own*, I really question the ability to handle other major grown-up functions like marriage and holding down a job.

    *And in the case of a wedding, you're not actually on your own because presumably you're marrying another human being who has a vested interest in pulling this shindig off and helping you out.  There should be no reason to make your friends indentured servants. 

    A man can't be trusted to plan a wedding, his penis would get in the way.

    My whole body smiles when I see the official sarcasm font! :heart_eyes:
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    [Deleted User]theartistformerlyknownasPrettyGirlLostthemuffinman16
  • I have yet to figure out what people who want to demote their bridal party for not doing enough actually need help with.  You're planning a party.  It's really not that hard.  I've planned surprise parties, family reunions, and charity events and have never once needed to make my friends into my own personal slaves.  You budget your time, money, and other resources appropriately.  If you're not capable of planning a party on your own*, I really question the ability to handle other major grown-up functions like marriage and holding down a job.

    *And in the case of a wedding, you're not actually on your own because presumably you're marrying another human being who has a vested interest in pulling this shindig off and helping you out.  There should be no reason to make your friends indentured servants. 

    A man can't be trusted to plan a wedding, his penis would get in the way.
    My whole body smiles when I see the official sarcasm font! :heart_eyes:

    I try :)
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Came for the DD. Here's a fluffy puppy!
    image
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    Anniversary
    sophhabobophaprincessofgenoviaCookie Pusherpinupbride6189
  • chibiyui said:

    Came for the DD. Here's a fluffy puppy!

    image
    I just want to always see that St. Bernard squashing the annoying kitty.  I can't stop looking at that one every time whoever's siggy it is posts.
    hellosweetie1015
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