When to give bridesmaids gifts

ConcreteTumbleWeed

Hi All,

So I'm having a little trouble trying to coordinate this as I'm not having a rehearsal dinner.

Our wedding will be a full day event, as we are doing two ceremonies (Indian in the morning, interfaith in the evening, CTH and reception after that).  During the down time between the morning and the evening, the girls and I will be getting professional hair and makeup done.

Normally, I've seen bridesmaids gifts given at the rehearsal dinner, however, FI and I decided not to have one to cut some costs.  The only times I will see the bridal party all together is at the bridal shower (it was supposed to be a surprise but MOH accidentally spilled the beans so I have to act surprised) and at the bachelorette party (not a surprise but other people will be there).  I was thinking about giving them out discreetly at the bach party so as not to make others feel bad but I'm not sure overall.  I do see everyone individually but I feel like it's fun seeing everyone open them together.  

It will be difficult to give it to them the day of the wedding because of all of the other coordination with hair and makeup (we are getting ready at a nearby hotel). I got them cute Vera Bradley tote bags with flip/flops, a shoe bag, a DIY hairclip I made for them and jewelry for the wedding in the bag, which I was thinking they can use during the wedding.  When do you think would be the best time to give them their gifts?  Thanks!

southernbelle0915

If you're doing an Indian wedding, are you having a sangeet? If so, that's probably a good time.

If not, I would do it at the bridal shower. I wouldn't at the bach because other people will be there. Unless just the BMs could gather early at your bach and you could gift then.

huskypuppy14

ConcreteTumbleWeed said:

Hi All,

So I'm having a little trouble trying to coordinate this as I'm not having a rehearsal dinner.

Our wedding will be a full day event, as we are doing two ceremonies (Indian in the morning, interfaith in the evening, CTH and reception after that).  During the down time between the morning and the evening, the girls and I will be getting professional hair and makeup done.

Normally, I've seen bridesmaids gifts given at the rehearsal dinner, however, FI and I decided not to have one to cut some costs.  The only times I will see the bridal party all together is at the bridal shower (it was supposed to be a surprise but MOH accidentally spilled the beans so I have to act surprised) and at the bachelorette party (not a surprise but other people will be there).  I was thinking about giving them out discreetly at the bach party so as not to make others feel bad but I'm not sure overall.  I do see everyone individually but I feel like it's fun seeing everyone open them together.  

It will be difficult to give it to them the day of the wedding because of all of the other coordination with hair and makeup (we are getting ready at a nearby hotel). I got them cute Vera Bradley tote bags with flip/flops, a shoe bag, a DIY hairclip I made for them and jewelry for the wedding in the bag, which I was thinking they can use during the wedding.  When do you think would be the best time to give them their gifts?  Thanks!

I agree with Southernbelle, just give them at the end of the bridal shower.

Also, anything you require them to wear for the wedding is not really a gift.

AddieCake

The bridal shower sounds good, and I wouldn't worty about others being around. It would not hurt my feelings to see the WP receive gifts then any more than it would at the rehearsal dinner. It's not like everyone there but me got a present. They are for the WP. People get that.

thisismynickname2

Ditto Addie. I'll also say that I didn't have a rehearsal either, and I just gave them to the girls as we were getting ready. Not even all at the same time. We were just in the hotel room and I was like, "Oh, come here, I have something for you."  There doesn't need to be any ceremony around the gift giving. Also, I made sure to write very heartfelt cards. 

MyNameIsNot

I would do it while getting ready. They'll all be there, and you'll have a bit of privacy. It doesn't need to be a production, you're just giving them a gift.

Remember, anything to be used at the wedding is not a gift. 

[Deleted User]

huskypuppy14 said:

ConcreteTumbleWeed said:

Hi All,

So I'm having a little trouble trying to coordinate this as I'm not having a rehearsal dinner.

Our wedding will be a full day event, as we are doing two ceremonies (Indian in the morning, interfaith in the evening, CTH and reception after that).  During the down time between the morning and the evening, the girls and I will be getting professional hair and makeup done.

Normally, I've seen bridesmaids gifts given at the rehearsal dinner, however, FI and I decided not to have one to cut some costs.  The only times I will see the bridal party all together is at the bridal shower (it was supposed to be a surprise but MOH accidentally spilled the beans so I have to act surprised) and at the bachelorette party (not a surprise but other people will be there).  I was thinking about giving them out discreetly at the bach party so as not to make others feel bad but I'm not sure overall.  I do see everyone individually but I feel like it's fun seeing everyone open them together.  

It will be difficult to give it to them the day of the wedding because of all of the other coordination with hair and makeup (we are getting ready at a nearby hotel). I got them cute Vera Bradley tote bags with flip/flops, a shoe bag, a DIY hairclip I made for them and jewelry for the wedding in the bag, which I was thinking they can use during the wedding.  When do you think would be the best time to give them their gifts?  Thanks!

I agree with Southernbelle, just give them at the end of the bridal shower.

Also, anything you require them to wear for the wedding is not really a gift.

I'm not sure about timing because I don't understand your gift.  Am I the only woman on the planet who doesn't understand the draw of Vera Bradley?  I carry a plain black backpack on a daily basis, and the only flowery items at my home are the ones growing in the yard.  I can't wear plastic flip flops because they rub the tops of my feet raw and I end up with blisters on top of my foot and between my toes.  What's a shoe bag?  I'd wear a DIY hairclip once to humor you, but then it would end up in the recesses of my bathroom drawers.  And as PPs said above, jewelry to wear for the wedding is not a gift to them, it's a gift to you.  So, if I got your bridesmaid's gift, I'd thank you for it before I turned around and regifted the entire thing to my sister.  So much for your well-thought-out personal bridesmaid gift to me.

MandyMost

ConcreteTumbleWeed said:

It will be difficult to give it to them the day of the wedding because of all of the other coordination with hair and makeup (we are getting ready at a nearby hotel). I got them cute Vera Bradley tote bags with flip/flops, a shoe bag, a DIY hairclip I made for them and jewelry for the wedding in the bag, which I was thinking they can use during the wedding.  When do you think would be the best time to give them their gifts?  Thanks!

I don't understand why you can't give them out while you're all getting ready. If you're all getting ready at a hotel, you'll all be in the same room for a few hours together. Just have the gifts in the room, and tell people to open them! I assume one-two of you will be getting hair at a time, and one-two of your will be getting makeup at a time. People can easily open gifts while getting their hair done. 

And I'd also re-think your gifts just a bit. Do you know that your bridesmaids like Vera Bradley? I know lots of people do, but others think it looks like a tacky diaper bag your gradma would carry because she learned it at quilting class.  Are they good flipflops, and you know they like flipflops? I only wear flipflops at the beach, or as "slippers" around the house if I have to step outside for something. And are they big decorative hair-clip people? I'm not...I wear my hair up regularly, but like to keep the hair accessories basic unless it's something really specific. And honestly, no one would know any of these things about me, even my close friends, unless maybe they really thought about it.  And as others have said, jewelry to wear for the wedding is not a gift. 

If you want to give a tote bag, some footwear, some headwear, and some jewelry to each bridesmaid, that's a great idea. Maybe one of them would like what you've picked out already, but another would prefer a canvas tote, slippers, a headband, and a beaded necklace. And another would like a black tote, ballet flats, a beanie, and a bracelet. You see what I mean? It doesn't have to match.

That being said, I did give my 7 VIPs (didn't exactly have a bridal party), which was 2 men and 5 women, a hoodie sweatshirt. I picked a different color for everyone, and it was my own favorite hoodie brand I had for years. I honestly considered everyone, and thought they could all use it. In addition, at my bachelorette party that 6 out of the 7 attended we were all FREEZING for half the time, so it was a funny joke back to that. So maybe you HAVE considered all of your bridesmaids individually, and you know that they all already have vera bradley stuff that they love and/or covet, they all live in flipflops, and every single one of them has a collection of ornate/decorated hair clips. But that just seems really unlikely!

[Deleted User]

MandyMost said:

It will be difficult to give it to them the day of the wedding because of all of the other coordination with hair and makeup (we are getting ready at a nearby hotel). I got them cute Vera Bradley tote bags with flip/flops, a shoe bag, a DIY hairclip I made for them and jewelry for the wedding in the bag, which I was thinking they can use during the wedding.  When do you think would be the best time to give them their gifts?  Thanks!

I don't understand why you can't give them out while you're all getting ready. If you're all getting ready at a hotel, you'll all be in the same room for a few hours together. Just have the gifts in the room, and tell people to open them! I assume one-two of you will be getting hair at a time, and one-two of your will be getting makeup at a time. People can easily open gifts while getting their hair done. 

And I'd also re-think your gifts just a bit. Do you know that your bridesmaids like Vera Bradley? I know lots of people do, but others think it looks like a tacky diaper bag your gradma would carry because she learned it at quilting class.  Are they good flipflops, and you know they like flipflops? I only wear flipflops at the beach, or as "slippers" around the house if I have to step outside for something. And are they big decorative hair-clip people? I'm not...I wear my hair up regularly, but like to keep the hair accessories basic unless it's something really specific. And honestly, no one would know any of these things about me, even my close friends, unless maybe they really thought about it.  And as others have said, jewelry to wear for the wedding is not a gift. 

If you want to give a tote bag, some footwear, some headwear, and some jewelry to each bridesmaid, that's a great idea. Maybe one of them would like what you've picked out already, but another would prefer a canvas tote, slippers, a headband, and a beaded necklace. And another would like a black tote, ballet flats, a beanie, and a bracelet. You see what I mean? It doesn't have to match.

That being said, I did give my 7 VIPs (didn't exactly have a bridal party), which was 2 men and 5 women, a hoodie sweatshirt. I picked a different color for everyone, and it was my own favorite hoodie brand I had for years. I honestly considered everyone, and thought they could all use it. In addition, at my bachelorette party that 6 out of the 7 attended we were all FREEZING for half the time, so it was a funny joke back to that. So maybe you HAVE considered all of your bridesmaids individually, and you know that they all already have vera bradley stuff that they love and/or covet, they all live in flipflops, and every single one of them has a collection of ornate/decorated hair clips. But that just seems really unlikely!

Yes!  All of this!  Yes!

saric83

I would just give it to them individually.  There's no need for them to open them together.  I've always felt weird about it when I've been put on the spot in front of others to open a gift.  Otherwise, if you're hell-bent on the idea of them doing it together, I would do it before the bachelorette party starts.

I've gotten some the day of the wedding, and frankly, it was just one more thing I had to keep track of and lug around.  So unless you're all getting ready in a hotel where they ALL have rooms booked and could just drop them off in there, don't do that. 

badbnagdway

I was MOH for a bride who gave everyone their gifts at the rehearsal dinner. I found it super awkward actually. I don't really like opening stuff with a bunch of on-lookers. I would find a time to give it to them individually some time before or in the morning with hair and make-up. I actually have really appreciated getting an extra tote from the bride before because sometimes you underestimate the amount of stuff you'll be toting around that weekend. I agree with others that all gifts do not have to match though. 

aphrodite0869

I am not doing a rehearsal dinner either.  My venue requires that my bridal party arrive early to the venue so guests do not see us getting ready and such.  I am going to give the gifts to them before we all get ready as I have also bought some jewelry for them to wear (only part of the gift as I guess I need to be more specific in that it is not the only thing I got them) and I have made shirts for them also that my photographer would like for all of us to have pictures in together.  Find a more private time.  It does feel awkward for people to watch you open gifts.  Ask them to come early to the bach party if they can and give them out then.  Or do it at the hotel.  It won't be as hectic as you think and someone will be sitting waiting for their turn.      

Dreamergirl8812

aphrodite0869 said:

I am not doing a rehearsal dinner either.  My venue requires that my bridal party arrive early to the venue so guests do not see us getting ready and such.  I am going to give the gifts to them before we all get ready as I have also bought some jewelry for them to wear (only part of the gift) and I have made shirts for them also that my photographer would like for all of us to have pictures in together.  Find a more private time.  It does feel awkward for people to watch you open gifts.  Ask them to come early to the bach party if they can and give them out then.  Or do it at the hotel.  It won't be as hectic as you think and someone will be sitting waiting for their turn.      

Did you actually get them thank you gifts? Because jewelry for your wedding and t-shirts for tacky photos aren't for them, they're for you and you "vision."

aphrodite0869

I did but I didn't think I had to be so specific in what I'm doing.  as I said that is only part of the gift.

Viczaesar

aphrodite0869 said:

I did but I didn't think I had to be so specific in what I'm doing.  as I said that is only part of the gift.

Anything that is meant to be used in your wedding is not a gift, period.  It's a prop to help you achieve the "look" you want.  You should also rethink the shirts. It's not your photographer who wants a picture of all your bridesmaids wearing the same shirt, it's you, so own it.  If it's not you, tell your photographer no.  But many people do not want to take pictures wearing matching shirts while they get ready. 

bevforev

Wow.
The bashing on this site is really atrocious. Considering we are all brides going through the same process, maybe we could find a way to be both honest and helpful without berating anyone? With that being said, I love the idea of a pretty bag to hold all of the smaller gifts. If all of your girls love Vera they will definitely use the bag over and over again. I plan to give my 8 bridesmaids their gifts while we're getting ready. I booked a private room at the salon so that we can all be together. I plan to cater lunch and give the gifts then. I'm not a huge fan of being put on the spot and a few of my girls are similar. I thought maybe in a more relaxed environment they would feel a bit more comfortable. As some of the other comments suggest, perhaps you could casually give them out while you're getting ready as you find time to do it. Congrats on your day!