• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Wedding 911

HELP my future sister-in-law will be in her third trimester at our wedding!

edited April 2015 in Wedding 911
Looking for advice on how to make her the most comfortable. "Ask her what she needs," you may say...but we've already done that and she said absolutely nothing (which every woman since the beginning of time knows is complete bull when you're 6-7 months). To add, her pregnancy is already complicated, as she's been hospitalized multiple times. 

Is there anything I can do to make her day more comfortable and manageable??? In addition, we really don't get along, not for lack of trying, but she's never really liked me. (For some real perspective, I was the designated dog babysitter at her wedding last year). SO, extra kudos for any tips on handling that particular type of future sister-in-law who constantly pushes herself, will be at the tail end of a complicated pregnancy. Thanks in advance!!
«134

Re: HELP my future sister-in-law will be in her third trimester at our wedding!

  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited April 2015
    There's really no way of knowing or forcing help upon her. SHE doesn't even know how she'll be feeling/doing at that point... I'd let her make her own decisions and be prepared for her to possibly not be there.

    ETA and really... kindly knock off the bull that she'll definitely need some kind of special treatment. Not every woman does at 6-7 months or ever. Even if she's been hospitalized already, it's not uncommon to be hospitalized early and be completely fine through months 6-7. Those are often said to be among the easiest months of pregnancy! She's not handicapped, she's pregnant. Let her make her own calls.

    Looking for advice on how to make her the most comfortable. "Ask her what she needs," you may say...but we've already done that and she said absolutely nothing (which every woman since the beginning of time knows is complete bull when you're 6-7 months). And in case there was any question before, she's 100% trying to be superwoman here... her pregnancy is already complicated, as she's been hospitalized multiple times. 


    And did I mention we're getting married on an island 30 miles out to sea, with nothing but a cottage hospital who really only handles surfing accidents and tipsy victims of fender benders? They med-flight much of the rest. 

    I don't want our wedding to be her breaking point or unhealthy for her/the baby in any way. What can I do to make her day more manageable??? In addition, we really don't get along, not for lack of trying, and she's NEVER accepted help, compliments, whatever from me...I think she views it as a sign of weakness. (For some real perspective, I was the designated dog babysitter at her wedding last year). SO, extra kudos for any tips on handling that particular type of future sister-in-law who will also be at the tail end of a complicated pregnancy and is already refusing help from me/us. Thanks in advance!!

    Edited to add that we've had conversations where my fiance very gently proposed the idea of us videoing the ceremony and them staying in their suburb right next to Boston with a couple of the best hospitals in the world - they refuse. At this point, they are 100% coming, "barring bed rest" according to them. 

    image
    image
    MesmrEwenotdoingitbythebook
  • edited April 2015
    I work with children, I completely understand that you can only control yourself (and fortunately so!), but I'm hoping someone on here has been that pregnant at a wedding and has a suggestion for what would have added relaxation to her day. Even if it ends up just being a gesture, at least I've done something! 

    I'm not looking to get into the drama of should she stay or come, or can she make her own choices. I simply want to do something for her, even if it's a small thing, to make her more comfortable. 

    Specifically to Lo, I'm not really sure why it's "bull" to want to make your own wedding more comfortable for someone who, if in attendance and she's adamant that that will be the case, may want it? I get that many women are of the opinion that this is their wedding and everyone else will have to deal with it, but let's be honest, being a guest at that type of wedding SUCKS balls. Kindly knock off the holier than thou attitude, at least I'm trying to do something nice, and you clearly have no useful advice...you simply like to talk. I deal with that all day, (and, sidenote, you seriously would have refused a professional foot massage at 7 months??!!), so please spare me. 
    mountaingirl8RogueQueen
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If they are determined to attend and her doctor approves it, there is little you can do. For the most part, if she is healthy to attend, then she really won't require anything that basic hospitality doesn't already provide. The only things I can think of, which would apply to any guest, is something natural to squelch any potential sea sick nausea, such as a carbonated beverage. She may need to be in a cool room if the day is warm, and perhaps a small elevated footrest if she experiences any foot swelling.
    JediElizabeth
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Don't make her stand during your ceremony.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    ashley8918MesmrEwe
  • edited April 2015
    Who is forcing anyone???! I'm simply wanting to buy her a massage for the afternoon, or something of the like. For someone who's all, it's her choice, she can CHOOSE whether or not she wants to use it. I'm looking for more ideas of relaxing experiences for her. IN WHAT SENTENCE DID YOU COMPREHEND FORCE???! 

    Bride-flipping-zilla was a look you never moved on from. 

    And I'll go even further to say I pray for your husband, particularly when he has to buy you a gift. Holy-cannoli that must be a dish-throwing night in your house. 

    Thank you to those who are providing more ideas, I'm planning on picking one or two that fit her personality, and she can do with them what she wishes! They are truly helpful, and I do appreciate your productive contribution. 
  • IT IS A GIFT, not special treatment. Reading comprehension, please!!!! 
  • edited April 2015
    I think, I mean maybe I'm a farmer's daughter, who knows...but I do think it's appropriate to go above and beyond for sister- and brother-in-laws on the day of the wedding. If the brother-in-law gets the nice room at the inn on our tab, why is it out of the question to try to think of something for the sister-in-law that also focuses on making her day more relaxing?? It's not as though someone will be following her around on the day of, but for any DW I think it's 100% appropriate to go a bit further for guests' comfort, particularly those who are close. You literally are in-flipping-sane and clearly based on the amount of posts you have on here, see more benefit with sad attempts to tear people down online than spending time with whatever family has the energy to deal with you. 
  • edited April 2015
    RIght, I'm such a bitch for wanting ideas to add other possibilities to the list of foot massage. I want to get her ONE thing, and I want to know if there are better ideas out there before I gift it to her.

    Such


    Bitch

    I should have known people who spend their time on message boards a) probably don't have little ones, nor would they have a clue about a special day-of gift to make the ceremony/reception more comfortable and b) are most likely miserable at any level of posts above 100. 

    And honestly at the end of the day (I have said this before, but go ahead and jump on in mid-conversation) I could care less if she doesn't use it. At least she knows I'm thankful of the fact that she schlepped over 100 miles to get to my wedding. Speaking of which and since you brought it up, who the fuck are YOU to say that's so awful of someone. Take your anger elsewhere, or just stuff it!

  • I would love to be a close loved one at any of your destination weddings. 

    I mean, it's totally ok to pay for the lodging so long as the guests make it, right? Ok to pay for a rental car? Hell if you're that rich it's okay to pay for the whole trip.

    What's not okay is wanting to get anything to make someone more comfortable. Even though we've done similar things for other guests. Somehow when it's for a pregnant woman that's where we draw the line. 

    And yet, if I got on here and balked about how pissy I was about having to do anything special for her, I'd be a bitch then too (I'm not, clearly). But you're they type of people who one just can't win against. You're also going to want to get the last word, yadda yadda. Being the happy, supportive women that you are. 
  • Ummm, pretty sure massages are not an indication of any level of ability/disability/whatever. Pretty sure they're just awesome. I never should of assumed anonymity would result in inherent respect, it usually does the opposite as indicated here. But sure, I'm the not-nice-person. Right. 

    RIght, I'm such a bitch for wanting ideas to add to the list of foot massage. 

    Such


    Bitch

    I should have known people who spend their time on message boards a) probably don't have little ones, nor would they have a clue about a special day-of gift to make the ceremony/reception more comfortable and b) are most likely miserable at any level of posts above 100. 

    And honestly at the end of the day (I have said this before, but go ahead and jump on in mid-conversation) I could care less if she doesn't use it. At least she knows I'm thankful of the fact that she schlepped over 100 miles, 30 of them on the ocean, to get to my wedding. Speaking of which and since you brought it up, who the fuck are YOU to say that's so awful of someone. Take your anger elsewhere, or just stuff it!

    SHE DOESN'T FUCKING WANT A FOOT MASSAGE, leave her alone. Jesus.

    And actually, I do have kids. Two of them. If someone had tried to treat me like I was handicapped during either of my pregancies, I would be incredibly insulted. She already hates you - back off before you completely destroy any chance of a relationship.



  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    RIght, I'm such a bitch for wanting ideas to add other possibilities to the list of foot massage. I want to get her ONE thing, and I want to know if there are better ideas out there before I gift it to her.


    Such


    Bitch

    I should have known people who spend their time on message boards a) probably don't have little ones, nor would they have a clue about a special day-of gift to make the ceremony/reception more comfortable and b) are most likely miserable at any level of posts above 100. 

    And honestly at the end of the day (I have said this before, but go ahead and jump on in mid-conversation) I could care less if she doesn't use it. At least she knows I'm thankful of the fact that she schlepped over 100 miles, 30 of them on the ocean, to get to my wedding. Speaking of which and since you brought it up, who the fuck are YOU to say that's so awful of someone. Take your anger elsewhere, or just stuff it!

    You could? Then you probably should.



    Anniversary
    image

    image
    ashley8918[Deleted User]
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Who the fuck are you responding to?!? Quote or tag. Fucking hell.

    This is your wedding. She's not going to think it's the most glorious thing ever be cause it's not her fucking wedding.

    If you want to thank her for coming because she's coming fine. Buy her a nice gift that's got fuck all to do with her being pregnant. But if you're only doing because she's pregnant you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

    Also...what the fuck are you talking about all of our destination weddings? A lot of us here didn't have destination weddings.
    image
    image

    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • edited April 2015
    "And yet, if I got on here and balked about how pissy I was about having to do anything special for her, I'd be a bitch then too (I'm not, clearly)."

    Not saying I'm not a bitch, read, please!!! I said that I'm not jumping on here complaining about having to provide special accommodations for her. 

    And it's the pregnant women in my life, who when I leave them alone, they bitch about how I'm not doing enough for them that I came here in the first place. It's a rock and a hard place.
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2015

    Ummm, pretty sure massages are not an indication of any level of ability/disability/whatever. Pretty sure they're just awesome. I never should of have assumed anonymity would result in inherent respect, it usually does the opposite as indicated here. But sure, I'm the not-nice-person. Right. 

    RIght, I'm such a bitch for wanting ideas to add to the list of foot massage. 

    Such


    Bitch

    I should have known people who spend their time on message boards a) probably don't have little ones, nor would they have a clue about a special day-of gift to make the ceremony/reception more comfortable and b) are most likely miserable at any level of posts above 100. 

    And honestly at the end of the day (I have said this before, but go ahead and jump on in mid-conversation) I could care less if she doesn't use it. At least she knows I'm thankful of the fact that she schlepped over 100 miles, 30 of them on the ocean, to get to my wedding. Speaking of which and since you brought it up, who the fuck are YOU to say that's so awful of someone. Take your anger elsewhere, or just stuff it!

    SHE DOESN'T FUCKING WANT A FOOT MASSAGE, leave her alone. Jesus.

    And actually, I do have kids. Two of them. If someone had tried to treat me like I was handicapped during either of my pregancies, I would be incredibly insulted. She already hates you - back off before you completely destroy any chance of a relationship.



    FTFY. 

    Anywho, your insistence on special treatment for someone who DOES NOT WANT IT is what's offensive and annoying as hell, as i'm sure it will be to her too. You are going to put her in the very uncomfortable position of accepting a gift that she doesn't want or need. 

    P.S. No fucking way would I have been pleased about someone foisting a foot massage on me at 7 months. I did not want any one touching me at that point.
    [Deleted User]notdoingitbythebookYogaSandy
  • MagicInk said:

    Who the fuck are you responding to?!? Quote or tag. Fucking hell.

    This is your wedding. She's not going to think it's the most glorious thing ever be cause it's not her fucking wedding.

    If you want to thank her for coming because she's coming fine. Buy her a nice gift that's got fuck all to do with her being pregnant. But if you're only doing because she's pregnant you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

    Also...what the fuck are you talking about all of our destination weddings? A lot of us here didn't have destination weddings.

    Further proof that this bullshit is not my arena, and I'm actually pretty proud of that at this point. 
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    MagicInk said:

    Who the fuck are you responding to?!? Quote or tag. Fucking hell.

    This is your wedding. She's not going to think it's the most glorious thing ever be cause it's not her fucking wedding.

    If you want to thank her for coming because she's coming fine. Buy her a nice gift that's got fuck all to do with her being pregnant. But if you're only doing because she's pregnant you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

    Also...what the fuck are you talking about all of our destination weddings? A lot of us here didn't have destination weddings.

    Further proof that this bullshit is not my arena, and I'm actually pretty proud of that at this point. 
    Okay?

    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • MagicInk said:

    Who the fuck are you responding to?!? Quote or tag. Fucking hell.

    This is your wedding. She's not going to think it's the most glorious thing ever be cause it's not her fucking wedding.

    If you want to thank her for coming because she's coming fine. Buy her a nice gift that's got fuck all to do with her being pregnant. But if you're only doing because she's pregnant you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

    Also...what the fuck are you talking about all of our destination weddings? A lot of us here didn't have destination weddings.

    Further proof that this bullshit is not my arena, and I'm actually pretty proud of that at this point. 
    Does that mean you're leaving soon? Sweet.

    FYI, those of us with high post counts do so by developing friendships with people here. That is not in the cards for you.

    image
    image
    ashley8918[Deleted User]mrsdee15
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards