HELP my future sister-in-law will be in her third trimester at our wedding!

Knottie1428340887

Looking for advice on how to make her the most comfortable. "Ask her what she needs," you may say...but we've already done that and she said absolutely nothing (which every woman since the beginning of time knows is complete bull when you're 6-7 months). To add, her pregnancy is already complicated, as she's been hospitalized multiple times. 

Is there anything I can do to make her day more comfortable and manageable??? In addition, we really don't get along, not for lack of trying, but she's never really liked me. (For some real perspective, I was the designated dog babysitter at her wedding last year). SO, extra kudos for any tips on handling that particular type of future sister-in-law who constantly pushes herself, will be at the tail end of a complicated pregnancy. Thanks in advance!!

Jen4948

This is me, but I'd be prepared for the possibility that she and her husband can't join you.

And then I'd stay out of it. When all is said and done, there is nothing you can do about the fact that she may choose to travel to a DW close to her time where medical help that she may need may not be available. It's her pregnancy, her body, and their baby, and it's up to them to work things out like adults without your involvement.

theartistformerlyknownas

There's really no way of knowing or forcing help upon her. SHE doesn't even know how she'll be feeling/doing at that point... I'd let her make her own decisions and be prepared for her to possibly not be there.

ETA and really... kindly knock off the bull that she'll definitely need some kind of special treatment. Not every woman does at 6-7 months or ever. Even if she's been hospitalized already, it's not uncommon to be hospitalized early and be completely fine through months 6-7. Those are often said to be among the easiest months of pregnancy! She's not handicapped, she's pregnant. Let her make her own calls.

Knottie1428340887 said:

Looking for advice on how to make her the most comfortable. "Ask her what she needs," you may say...but we've already done that and she said absolutely nothing (which every woman since the beginning of time knows is complete bull when you're 6-7 months). And in case there was any question before, she's 100% trying to be superwoman here... her pregnancy is already complicated, as she's been hospitalized multiple times. 

And did I mention we're getting married on an island 30 miles out to sea, with nothing but a cottage hospital who really only handles surfing accidents and tipsy victims of fender benders? They med-flight much of the rest. 

I don't want our wedding to be her breaking point or unhealthy for her/the baby in any way. What can I do to make her day more manageable??? In addition, we really don't get along, not for lack of trying, and she's NEVER accepted help, compliments, whatever from me...I think she views it as a sign of weakness. (For some real perspective, I was the designated dog babysitter at her wedding last year). SO, extra kudos for any tips on handling that particular type of future sister-in-law who will also be at the tail end of a complicated pregnancy and is already refusing help from me/us. Thanks in advance!!

Edited to add that we've had conversations where my fiance very gently proposed the idea of us videoing the ceremony and them staying in their suburb right next to Boston with a couple of the best hospitals in the world - they refuse. At this point, they are 100% coming, "barring bed rest" according to them. 

Knottie1428340887

I work with children, I completely understand that you can only control yourself (and fortunately so!), but I'm hoping someone on here has been that pregnant at a wedding and has a suggestion for what would have added relaxation to her day. Even if it ends up just being a gesture, at least I've done something! 

I'm not looking to get into the drama of should she stay or come, or can she make her own choices. I simply want to do something for her, even if it's a small thing, to make her more comfortable. 

Specifically to Lo, I'm not really sure why it's "bull" to want to make your own wedding more comfortable for someone who, if in attendance and she's adamant that that will be the case, may want it? I get that many women are of the opinion that this is their wedding and everyone else will have to deal with it, but let's be honest, being a guest at that type of wedding SUCKS balls. Kindly knock off the holier than thou attitude, at least I'm trying to do something nice, and you clearly have no useful advice...you simply like to talk. I deal with that all day, (and, sidenote, you seriously would have refused a professional foot massage at 7 months??!!), so please spare me. 

MobKaz

If they are determined to attend and her doctor approves it, there is little you can do. For the most part, if she is healthy to attend, then she really won't require anything that basic hospitality doesn't already provide. The only things I can think of, which would apply to any guest, is something natural to squelch any potential sea sick nausea, such as a carbonated beverage. She may need to be in a cool room if the day is warm, and perhaps a small elevated footrest if she experiences any foot swelling.

theartistformerlyknownas

Knottie1428340887 said:

I'm a teacher, I completely understand that you can only control yourself (and fortunately so!), but I'm hoping someone on here has been that pregnant at a wedding and has a suggestion for what would have added relaxation to her day. Even if it ends up just being a gesture, at least I've done something! 

I'm not looking to get into the drama of should she stay or come, or can she make her own choices. I simply want to do something for her, even if it's a small thing, to make her more comfortable. 

Specifically to Lo, I'm not really sure why it's "bull" to want to make your own wedding more comfortable for someone who, if in attendance and she's adamant that that will be the case, may want it? I get that many women are of the opinion that this is their wedding and everyone else will have to deal with it, but let's be honest, being a guest at that type of wedding SUCKS balls. Kindly knock off the holier than thou attitude, at least I'm trying to do something nice, and you clearly have no useful advice...you simply like to talk. I deal with that all day with my middle schoolers, (and, sidenote, you seriously would have refused a professional foot massage at 7 months??!!), so please spare me. 

Excuse me? Specifically what's "bull" is assuming every pregnant women wants or needs special treatment. SHE'S SAID SHE DOESN'T WANT ANY. To force it on her can be seen as incredibly demeaning.

I'm not even touching the rest of your bullshit.

PrettyGirlLost

Don't make her stand during your ceremony.

Knottie1428340887

Who is forcing anyone???! I'm simply wanting to buy her a massage for the afternoon, or something of the like. For someone who's all, it's her choice, she can CHOOSE whether or not she wants to use it. I'm looking for more ideas of relaxing experiences for her. IN WHAT SENTENCE DID YOU COMPREHEND FORCE???! 

Bride-flipping-zilla was a look you never moved on from. 

And I'll go even further to say I pray for your husband, particularly when he has to buy you a gift. Holy-cannoli that must be a dish-throwing night in your house. 

Thank you to those who are providing more ideas, I'm planning on picking one or two that fit her personality, and she can do with them what she wishes! They are truly helpful, and I do appreciate your productive contribution. 

theartistformerlyknownas

Knottie1428340887 said:

Who is forcing anyone???! I'm simply wanting to buy her a massage for the afternoon, or something of the like. For someone who's all, it's her choice, she can CHOOSE whether or not she wants to use it. I'm looking for more ideas of relaxing experiences for her. IN WHAT SENTENCE DID YOU COMPREHEND FORCE???! 

Bride-flipping-zilla was a look you never moved on from. 

And I'll go even further to say I pray for your husband, particularly when he has to buy you a gift. Holy-cannoli that must be a dish-throwing night in your house. 

Woo getting close to a bingo!

Listen, I don't know who the fuck you are, and honestly don't care to. But your perceptions are seriously jacked.

Insisting on providing special treatment to someone who has refused it, even if she still maintains a choice in accepting it or not, IS INSULTING. She doesn't want to be treated like a leper just because she's (gasp!) PREGNANT. She probably won't even come; she doesn't even like you! There is nothing you need to provide a pregnant woman above what you provide to other guests - a seat for the duration of the event, shelter from all elements, ample refreshments and meals suitable for the time of day and safe for their dietary needs.

Get over yourself. You're not a damn martyr.

Knottie1428340887

IT IS A GIFT, not special treatment. Reading comprehension, please!!!! 

Knottie1428340887

I think, I mean maybe I'm a farmer's daughter, who knows...but I do think it's appropriate to go above and beyond for sister- and brother-in-laws on the day of the wedding. If the brother-in-law gets the nice room at the inn on our tab, why is it out of the question to try to think of something for the sister-in-law that also focuses on making her day more relaxing?? It's not as though someone will be following her around on the day of, but for any DW I think it's 100% appropriate to go a bit further for guests' comfort, particularly those who are close. You literally are in-flipping-sane and clearly based on the amount of posts you have on here, see more benefit with sad attempts to tear people down online than spending time with whatever family has the energy to deal with you. 

[Deleted User]

.

[Deleted User]

.

VulgarGirl

You need a xanax, a joint, a shot of tequila, and a fucking orgasm cause you are really too high fucking strung.

She's a grown ass woman. Tell her to her know if there's anything she needs then shut the fuck up and get the fuck out of her uterus.

Knottie1428340887

RIght, I'm such a bitch for wanting ideas to add other possibilities to the list of foot massage. I want to get her ONE thing, and I want to know if there are better ideas out there before I gift it to her.

Such

A 

Bitch

I should have known people who spend their time on message boards a) probably don't have little ones, nor would they have a clue about a special day-of gift to make the ceremony/reception more comfortable and b) are most likely miserable at any level of posts above 100. 

And honestly at the end of the day (I have said this before, but go ahead and jump on in mid-conversation) I could care less if she doesn't use it. At least she knows I'm thankful of the fact that she schlepped over 100 miles to get to my wedding. Speaking of which and since you brought it up, who the fuck are YOU to say that's so awful of someone. Take your anger elsewhere, or just stuff it!

ashley8918

pinkrevenge said:

show previous quotes

Knottie1428340887 said:

Who is forcing anyone???! I'm simply wanting to buy her a massage for the afternoon, or something of the like. For someone who's all, it's her choice, she can CHOOSE whether or not she wants to use it. I'm looking for more ideas of relaxing experiences for her. IN WHAT SENTENCE DID YOU COMPREHEND FORCE???! 

Bride-flipping-zilla was a look you never moved on from. 

And I'll go even further to say I pray for your husband, particularly when he has to buy you a gift. Holy-cannoli that must be a dish-throwing night in your house. 

Thank you to those who are providing more ideas, I'm planning on picking one or two that fit her personality, and she can do with them what she wishes! They are truly helpful, and I do appreciate your productive contribution. 

You have got to be joking with this tantrum you are throwing.

So you want to put her out no matter how much she asks you not to? Fine.
She needs her own drink station so she doesn't have to walk
and you need to hire a nurse to be on the boat
and make sure she gets an extra comfy chair with lombard support, and preggy pillows, and a foot stool.
And extra portions of everything, unless it is bad for her pregnancy, so you best get her her own chef. You don't know what her stomach will be feeling up to that day.
And she can't bend over, so make sure to get one of those sticks to spear trash with, her own garbage can, and a hoomba.

And also, you should really just provide her with a masseuse for the entire night. I mean, one fucking foot massage? This is your SISTER-IN-LAW, god!

Oh and don't forget to have the DJ make an announcement to clear the way for the pregnant when she needs to get to the bathroom.

DON'T let her dance or get up to get her own drinks. Pregnants are essentially handicapped, and cant be doing those things.

Jeez, I wonder why she doesn't like you...

flantastic

Knottie1428340887 said:

RIght, I'm such a bitch for wanting ideas to add to the list of foot massage. 

Such

A 

Bitch

I should have known people who spend their time on message boards a) probably don't have little ones, nor would they have a clue about a special day-of gift to make the ceremony/reception more comfortable and b) are most likely miserable at any level of posts above 100. 

And honestly at the end of the day (I have said this before, but go ahead and jump on in mid-conversation) I could care less if she doesn't use it. At least she knows I'm thankful of the fact that she schlepped over 100 miles, 30 of them on the ocean, to get to my wedding. Speaking of which and since you brought it up, who the fuck are YOU to say that's so awful of someone. Take your anger elsewhere, or just stuff it!

She doesn't want a gift. Accept that and move on with your life, instead of insisting that you need to find make a list of gift ideas. She doesn't need a gift just because she's your sister-in-law.

However, if you really must get gifts for those closest to you, maybe just get her something she would like apart from being pregnant. I'm about 5 months pregnant right now and I would not want that to define me.

You can stop taking gigantic leaps and making generalizations about "people who spend a lot of time on message boards" now.

ashley8918

Knottie1428340887 said:

RIght, I'm such a bitch for wanting ideas to add to the list of foot massage. 

Such

A 

Bitch

I should have known people who spend their time on message boards a) probably don't have little ones, nor would they have a clue about a special day-of gift to make the ceremony/reception more comfortable and b) are most likely miserable at any level of posts above 100. 

And honestly at the end of the day (I have said this before, but go ahead and jump on in mid-conversation) I could care less if she doesn't use it. At least she knows I'm thankful of the fact that she schlepped over 100 miles, 30 of them on the ocean, to get to my wedding. Speaking of which and since you brought it up, who the fuck are YOU to say that's so awful of someone. Take your anger elsewhere, or just stuff it!

SHE DOESN'T FUCKING WANT A FOOT MASSAGE, leave her alone. Jesus.

And actually, I do have kids. Two of them. If someone had tried to treat me like I was handicapped during either of my pregancies, I would be incredibly insulted. She already hates you - back off before you completely destroy any chance of a relationship.

Knottie1428340887

I would love to be a close loved one at any of your destination weddings. 

I mean, it's totally ok to pay for the lodging so long as the guests make it, right? Ok to pay for a rental car? Hell if you're that rich it's okay to pay for the whole trip.

What's not okay is wanting to get anything to make someone more comfortable. Even though we've done similar things for other guests. Somehow when it's for a pregnant woman that's where we draw the line. 

And yet, if I got on here and balked about how pissy I was about having to do anything special for her, I'd be a bitch then too (I'm not, clearly). But you're they type of people who one just can't win against. You're also going to want to get the last word, yadda yadda. Being the happy, supportive women that you are. 

flantastic

Knottie1428340887 said:

I would love to be a close loved one at any of your destination weddings. 

I mean, it's totally ok to pay for the lodging so long as the guests make it, right? Ok to pay for a rental car? Hell if you're that rich it's okay to pay for the whole trip.

What's not okay is wanting to get anything to make someone more comfortable. Even though we've done similar things for other guests. Somehow when it's for a pregnant woman that's where we draw the line. 

And yet, if I got on here and balked about how pissy I was about having to do anything special for her, I'd be a bitch then too (I'm not, clearly). But you're they type of people who one just can't win against. You're also going to want to get the last word, yadda yadda. Being the happy, supportive women that you are. 

The problem is, you don't know what would make her more comfortable and your insistence on getting her something she says she doesn't want or need will probably actually make her uncomfortable. You seem to be really good at making people uncomfortable.

Knottie1428340887

Ummm, pretty sure massages are not an indication of any level of ability/disability/whatever. Pretty sure they're just awesome. I never should of assumed anonymity would result in inherent respect, it usually does the opposite as indicated here. But sure, I'm the not-nice-person. Right. 

ashley8918 said:

show previous quotes

RIght, I'm such a bitch for wanting ideas to add to the list of foot massage. 

Such

A 

Bitch

I should have known people who spend their time on message boards a) probably don't have little ones, nor would they have a clue about a special day-of gift to make the ceremony/reception more comfortable and b) are most likely miserable at any level of posts above 100. 

And honestly at the end of the day (I have said this before, but go ahead and jump on in mid-conversation) I could care less if she doesn't use it. At least she knows I'm thankful of the fact that she schlepped over 100 miles, 30 of them on the ocean, to get to my wedding. Speaking of which and since you brought it up, who the fuck are YOU to say that's so awful of someone. Take your anger elsewhere, or just stuff it!

SHE DOESN'T FUCKING WANT A FOOT MASSAGE, leave her alone. Jesus.

And actually, I do have kids. Two of them. If someone had tried to treat me like I was handicapped during either of my pregancies, I would be incredibly insulted. She already hates you - back off before you completely destroy any chance of a relationship.

[Deleted User]

.

Dreamergirl8812

Knottie1428340887 said:

RIght, I'm such a bitch for wanting ideas to add other possibilities to the list of foot massage. I want to get her ONE thing, and I want to know if there are better ideas out there before I gift it to her.

Such

A 

Bitch

I should have known people who spend their time on message boards a) probably don't have little ones, nor would they have a clue about a special day-of gift to make the ceremony/reception more comfortable and b) are most likely miserable at any level of posts above 100. 

And honestly at the end of the day (I have said this before, but go ahead and jump on in mid-conversation) I could care less if she doesn't use it. At least she knows I'm thankful of the fact that she schlepped over 100 miles, 30 of them on the ocean, to get to my wedding. Speaking of which and since you brought it up, who the fuck are YOU to say that's so awful of someone. Take your anger elsewhere, or just stuff it!

You could? Then you probably should.

VulgarGirl

Who the fuck are you responding to?!? Quote or tag. Fucking hell.

This is your wedding. She's not going to think it's the most glorious thing ever be cause it's not her fucking wedding.

If you want to thank her for coming because she's coming fine. Buy her a nice gift that's got fuck all to do with her being pregnant. But if you're only doing because she's pregnant you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

Also...what the fuck are you talking about all of our destination weddings? A lot of us here didn't have destination weddings.

Knottie1428340887

"And yet, if I got on here and balked about how pissy I was about having to do anything special for her, I'd be a bitch then too (I'm not, clearly)."

Not saying I'm not a bitch, read, please!!! I said that I'm not jumping on here complaining about having to provide special accommodations for her. 

And it's the pregnant women in my life, who when I leave them alone, they bitch about how I'm not doing enough for them that I came here in the first place. It's a rock and a hard place.

[Deleted User]

.

ashley8918

Knottie1428340887 said:

Ummm, pretty sure massages are not an indication of any level of ability/disability/whatever. Pretty sure they're just awesome. I never should of have assumed anonymity would result in inherent respect, it usually does the opposite as indicated here. But sure, I'm the not-nice-person. Right. 

show previous quotes

ashley8918 said:

RIght, I'm such a bitch for wanting ideas to add to the list of foot massage. 

Such

A 

Bitch

I should have known people who spend their time on message boards a) probably don't have little ones, nor would they have a clue about a special day-of gift to make the ceremony/reception more comfortable and b) are most likely miserable at any level of posts above 100. 

And honestly at the end of the day (I have said this before, but go ahead and jump on in mid-conversation) I could care less if she doesn't use it. At least she knows I'm thankful of the fact that she schlepped over 100 miles, 30 of them on the ocean, to get to my wedding. Speaking of which and since you brought it up, who the fuck are YOU to say that's so awful of someone. Take your anger elsewhere, or just stuff it!

SHE DOESN'T FUCKING WANT A FOOT MASSAGE, leave her alone. Jesus.

And actually, I do have kids. Two of them. If someone had tried to treat me like I was handicapped during either of my pregancies, I would be incredibly insulted. She already hates you - back off before you completely destroy any chance of a relationship.

FTFY. 

Anywho, your insistence on special treatment for someone who DOES NOT WANT IT is what's offensive and annoying as hell, as i'm sure it will be to her too. You are going to put her in the very uncomfortable position of accepting a gift that she doesn't want or need. 

P.S. No fucking way would I have been pleased about someone foisting a foot massage on me at 7 months. I did not want any one touching me at that point.

Knottie1428340887

MagicInk said:

Who the fuck are you responding to?!? Quote or tag. Fucking hell.

This is your wedding. She's not going to think it's the most glorious thing ever be cause it's not her fucking wedding.

If you want to thank her for coming because she's coming fine. Buy her a nice gift that's got fuck all to do with her being pregnant. But if you're only doing because she's pregnant you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

Also...what the fuck are you talking about all of our destination weddings? A lot of us here didn't have destination weddings.

Further proof that this bullshit is not my arena, and I'm actually pretty proud of that at this point. 

[Deleted User]

.

ashley8918

Knottie1428340887 said:

show previous quotes

MagicInk said:

Who the fuck are you responding to?!? Quote or tag. Fucking hell.

This is your wedding. She's not going to think it's the most glorious thing ever be cause it's not her fucking wedding.

If you want to thank her for coming because she's coming fine. Buy her a nice gift that's got fuck all to do with her being pregnant. But if you're only doing because she's pregnant you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

Also...what the fuck are you talking about all of our destination weddings? A lot of us here didn't have destination weddings.

Further proof that this bullshit is not my arena, and I'm actually pretty proud of that at this point. 

Okay?

theartistformerlyknownas

Knottie1428340887 said:

show previous quotes

MagicInk said:

Who the fuck are you responding to?!? Quote or tag. Fucking hell.

This is your wedding. She's not going to think it's the most glorious thing ever be cause it's not her fucking wedding.

If you want to thank her for coming because she's coming fine. Buy her a nice gift that's got fuck all to do with her being pregnant. But if you're only doing because she's pregnant you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

Also...what the fuck are you talking about all of our destination weddings? A lot of us here didn't have destination weddings.

Further proof that this bullshit is not my arena, and I'm actually pretty proud of that at this point. 

Does that mean you're leaving soon? Sweet.

FYI, those of us with high post counts do so by developing friendships with people here. That is not in the cards for you.