Chit Chat

"Bad" Anniversaries

I am interested to hear your thoughts on the anniversaries of bad things that happened in your life or a friend/family's life and what to do to move past them.

2 years ago, April 9th, I broke my back in an accident.  For all you doctors, nurses, X-ray techs, medical professionals, it was a "burst" fracture, with broken vertebral bodies sticking out into my spinal column.  Basically, I crushed a vertebrate.  I felt my spinal cord vibrate during the accident.  It's a miracle I was not paralyzed.  Long story short, I had a major spinal surgery, fused 3 vertebrate, and neurosurgeon repaired the crushed one best he could.  2 days after surgery, I walked across the hospital room in order to get discharged, 10 days and lots of meds later, I walked 6.5 miles in a day and am now basically back to 100%.  Believe me, there was a lot of fear, tears, emotions, etc in the process, but it's over.  *End AW part of post*

April 9th last year, I was a mixture of a mess and pride.  I was told the full recovery would take one year and I felt free!  It was over.  Yesterday, April 9th, I didn't even really mention it to anyone (my family was heavily involved in my recovery) but it was weighing heavily on my mind and I felt anxious and upset.  I try to put the details of the accident behind me and I try to push the thoughts about it away when they come but yesterday they all came flooding back and I was just in kind of a shitty mood.

Am I always going to feel shitty on April 9th b/c this happened?  Is there a way to just forget about it and move on?

I have a friend who had a terrible trauma on a particular day and she is always a mess in the time leading up to it and after.  

Do you guys have "bad" anniversaries and if so, how do you deal with the negative memories?  I respect y'alls opinions and would be interested to hear how have moved on from incidents that might not be remembered fondly.  

Happy weekend, btw!  Sorry for the downer post!

Re: "Bad" Anniversaries

  • I "celebrate"/remember the days that my grandparents have passed away and it always helps to do something that reminds me of them. So usually it's food related :) For my Grandma, I eat a cheeseburger and a strawberry milkshake (Her and my dad's favorite meal together!), my Grandpa (her husband), I always drink an Old Milwaukee... the beast. It was his favorite. He died when I was 5, but I always remember him having one of these in his hand and smelling of cigars and Old Spice. And for my other Grandpa, I try to do something water related since he lived close to the ocean, we went frequently when I was a kid. 


    Sometimes, it helps to associate it with something good. Or something you've accomplished. So maybe for you, every April 9th, you go for a really long walk or do something that you couldn't have done/would've been more difficult if things hadn't gone as well as they did. The day only has as much power as you give it. It's still, just another day :)
    This is exactly why I posted this, thank you.  I love the way you honor the memories of your grandparents (assuming you didn't start drinking Beast at six - but no judgement).  Seriously, those are great memories.  I remember my great-uncle (lived in the same house as my grandparents).  He smelled like pipe tobacco and we would always have to bolt past his red leather chair b/c he would grab us and tickle us.  He died when I was 5 also but I remember that pipe and the terror of being in his tickle radius.   

    I like the 6 mile walk or run idea.  This is great.  I hate to sound all new-agey but there really is something to this "focusing on the positive, rather than the negative".  Thank you.   
  • I celebrate my grandparents too. My grandma died on my sister's birthday (also April 9) and my grandpa died on 9/11, so the day can never go by unnoticed. I just try to pay homage to them in some way, then focus on the happier things happening.

    My dad, though, was deployed to war on opening day of deer hunting season many years ago. Every year as friends and family are getting ready to hunt, he has a pretty hard time with the memory. All I can do is call him and say "just wanted to call and say I love you!" :-/

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    onefootinthebayou
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I feel shitty every Thanksgiving because some terrible things have happened to me over the years on Thanksgiving. I have started ignoring Thanksgiving in an attempt to break the curse.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I was hit by a car on April 1st, 2001.  I broke pretty much the left side of my body, messed up my right leg and was severely traumatized (I was 15 and pretty much couldn't cross a street in a major city for almost a year.)

    For the first few years I would have panic attacks and nightmares leading up to it but now, I celebrate the fact that I lived and can have a relatively normal life.
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  • @lacqueredlover, that's right - we talked about that.  You should edit though to say, "Now, I celebrate the fact that I lived and can have a relatively spectacular life". 
    anjemon
  • @lacqueredlover, that's right - we talked about that.  You should edit though to say, "Now, I celebrate the fact that I lived and can have a relatively spectacular life". 

    Um you were at a spin class less than two years after breaking your back.  You are a rockstar.

    And honestly, therapy really helped me because it's basically a form of ptsd.
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    onefootinthebayouOliveOilsMom
  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    I was hit by a car on April 1st, 2001.  I broke pretty much the left side of my body, messed up my right leg and was severely traumatized (I was 15 and pretty much couldn't cross a street in a major city for almost a year.)


    For the first few years I would have panic attacks and nightmares leading up to it but now, I celebrate the fact that I lived and can have a relatively normal life.



    Wow that's crazy! I'm sorry you went through that! (both LL and OP)

    To the bolded- I agree! Nov 20 a few years ago was my dog attack. It was probably the most terrifiying thing that has happened to me and took a tough toll. A few months of medical attention, and I still get scared and jumpy when I see a dog. But I also try to have the positive approach that @lacqueredlover has and think that I'm lucky it was only my calf and my hand and that it could have been so much worse, like abdomen, throat, face. After it happened, people kept sending me news articles about dog attacks and it made me feel lucky that mine wasn't as bad as theirs.

                                                                     

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  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    I was hit by a car on April 1st, 2001.  I broke pretty much the left side of my body, messed up my right leg and was severely traumatized (I was 15 and pretty much couldn't cross a street in a major city for almost a year.)


    For the first few years I would have panic attacks and nightmares leading up to it but now, I celebrate the fact that I lived and can have a relatively normal life.
    That's crazy! I would be celebrating that for sure. 

    My grandmother died on my birthday a year and half ago and I always think about it. 
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Let's see... November 26th, 2006, my best friend was killed in a single car accident. I had a very hard time getting over that, for various reasons, but now it's *almost* just another day. I acknowledge it, shoot her a Facebook message (silly) and move on. That first year after, I was a mess through the entire Thanksgiving holiday. I wanted to be left completely alone, but I didn't want to actually BE alone. My BF at the time was amazing about it.

    March 26th was the one-year anniversary of the house burning. My mom had the hardest time with it, but we all sort of mourned that day. But - I know it's going to get easier with each year. 

    April 13th I try to spend time with my dad. He wound up going to jail for 60-odd days on April 13th a few years back, and it's a good way to remind myself not to take his presence for granted.
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  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Last year FI sent me flowers on the anniversary of my mom's passing "to cheer me up". I knew he meant well but I was LIVID. Prior to that I had been just fine, going about my business and not thinking about what day it was, but the flowers triggered total meltdown.


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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The only date I tend to remember is May 26th.  H's best friend was killed that day about 9 years ago in a road rage altercation.  Every year we (H, myself, and friends) tend to get together and go out to dinner or have a BBQ or something.  And weirdly enough we never plan anything specific, us coming together just kind of happens.  Then we sit around and tell funny stories of the friend we lost too soon.

  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    You are  very strong OP and I like the suggestion to honor a good part of your recovery (like the 6 mile walk/run). You are awesome.

    DH and I had a very good friend die in a single person car accident on August 29, 2013. Last  year on that anniversary we drank Mountain Dew (his favorite) and Canadian Mist (also his favorite). Then that Sunday, we went to church with his mom.

  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I have one, but I don't mark it in any particular way. Just try my best not to think about it. The acknowledgement really doesn't help for me personally, just brings it to the surface for a lot longer than it is otherwise.

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  • My best friend died on January 14th, 2003. 

    For the first few years, I would be really depressed and sad around that date, and it felt like there was 500 lbs on my chest. I didn't mention it to anyone because I couldn't stand to talk about it. It was a very personal loss and it wasn't something to share with other people, if that even makes sense. I would go to the cemetery and leave something at his grave; either a flower, or a stone (Jewish sign of memorial), or something that reminded me of him. But I'd end up sitting on his grave for a long time feeling like complete shit. 

    For me, it just took time. And even 12 years later, I was going through some old photos yesterday and found a picture of him at my house, holding onto my dog's collar and grinning, when we were 2 years old. I sat down on the floor and started crying. That doesn't happen often, but I forgot I had that photo so it took me by surprise and he looked so happy in it, I immediately thought, "Why did you go on to die, kid?" and I lost it. 

    That's actually what helped me not feel so shitty on the anniversary, though. If something reminds me of him, I think about it. If I miss him, I think about fun stuff we did, getting in trouble together, stuff that's funny. If something strikes me out of nowhere and I get sad, I let myself be sad and cry if I need to. And I wrote a lot, whether it was about him or just general writing. 

    It was a slow process to be ok with how I felt. In hindsight, I wish I would have gone to therapy back when it happened so I could have worked through some things and learned better ways to deal with the grief. But now the specific date doesn't bother me. It's just like any other day; I don't miss him any more or less. 
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  • classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy Connecticut member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    I am interested to hear your thoughts on the anniversaries of bad things that happened in your life or a friend/family's life and what to do to move past them.


    2 years ago, April 9th, I broke my back in an accident.  For all you doctors, nurses, X-ray techs, medical professionals, it was a "burst" fracture, with broken vertebral bodies sticking out into my spinal column.  Basically, I crushed a vertebrate.  I felt my spinal cord vibrate during the accident.  It's a miracle I was not paralyzed.  Long story short, I had a major spinal surgery, fused 3 vertebrate, and neurosurgeon repaired the crushed one best he could.  2 days after surgery, I walked across the hospital room in order to get discharged, 10 days and lots of meds later, I walked 6.5 miles in a day and am now basically back to 100%.  Believe me, there was a lot of fear, tears, emotions, etc in the process, but it's over.  *End AW part of post*

    April 9th last year, I was a mixture of a mess and pride.  I was told the full recovery would take one year and I felt free!  It was over.  Yesterday, April 9th, I didn't even really mention it to anyone (my family was heavily involved in my recovery) but it was weighing heavily on my mind and I felt anxious and upset.  I try to put the details of the accident behind me and I try to push the thoughts about it away when they come but yesterday they all came flooding back and I was just in kind of a shitty mood.

    Am I always going to feel shitty on April 9th b/c this happened?  Is there a way to just forget about it and move on?

    I have a friend who had a terrible trauma on a particular day and she is always a mess in the time leading up to it and after.  

    Do you guys have "bad" anniversaries and if so, how do you deal with the negative memories?  I respect y'alls opinions and would be interested to hear how have moved on from incidents that might not be remembered fondly.  

    Happy weekend, btw!  Sorry for the downer post!



    On May 30, 2011, too had spinal surgery.  My T3-12 is fused and I have 18 screws and two titanium rods in my spine.  That surgery was one of the worst experiences in my life, but in all honesty it forced me to take a hard look at things in my life and make changes.  So, I have since dubbed May 30th as my renewal day and celebrate the new outlook and positive things that have come from it. 

    In 2013, I was in three car accidents in eight months, I hospitalized and had a second spinal surgery, but not as serious as the first and now have an artificial c5/c6.  I met my now fiancé a week before I was hospitalized and went out of work for the next six months.  During that time, I was able to spend more time with him and get to know him on another level much more quickly because of the circumstances.  While I do have some PTSD from the accidents and that is difficult to deal with, I truly feel blessed because it led to me being with the love of my life, and that means everything to me.

    So all that to say, look for the good that came from it.  The strength you gained from being a fighter and let it empower you.  You are a brave and strong person.  I know a lot of people who in your position would not have recovered the way you did, that in large part was your determination to do so and that in and of its self is amazing.   

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    novella1186onefootinthebayouthemuffinman16littlepep
  • I just wanted to comment on how amazing your recovery was! The whole time I was reading I was thinking about how far medical technology has come but it never comes close to that of the human spirit!

    Keep your head held high, you rock!
    onefootinthebayouthemuffinman16
  • I thought after I posted this, "shit, this is probably going to bring up some bad memories" for these people and I felt a little insensitive.  Of course, I realize a post on an internet can't make the pain you've already experienced any worse.  

    I'm saddened to read how many of you have experienced loss, in all it's forms (natural loss of grandparents, unnatural losses of friends & family gone way too soon) yet it's obvious that you all have mature and thoughtful ways of dealing with these things and have even re-framed them in some ways to be small personal celebrations with other loved ones.  

    I was just feeling anxiety yesterday and a little residual today but am going to put it behind and enjoy the weekend.  Now if only the sun would come out!  Next year, on April 9th, I hope to be posting about how I ran a 10K or something :)  
    hellosweetie1015dolewhipper
  • edited April 2015
    My grandmother, (I felt closer to her than my mother), took her life on Christmas Eve, several years ago.  I did not call my grandparents until almost 10 pm on Christmas Day. There was no answer.  It wasn't until the next day that my grandpa called me (he didn't want to ruin my Christmas). He told me, that my Grandma had killed herself on Christmas Eve. I was devastated, and felt really guilty.  If only I had called her. I was so selfish. She must have felt so unloved. How did I not know she was depressed? For years, I beat myself up about this.  It was torture.  I used to live for Christmas, and then, I started to dread it. 
       While the first Christmas was hard, I kept busy to try to keep my mind off of it. The second Christmas I kept myself less busy, so it was almost worst than the first Christmas. After that, whenever I think about her death, I block it out of my head. I replace the vision of her taking her life, with a childhood memory of mine. I, now, refuse to remember her in that way. 
      When you think about your back injury, on the day of, keep yourself busy, find something you can do to make a new memory. Eventually you will have so many good memories, you will only think about the accident, fleetingly.
      I am so glad you are better.  Your recovery is nothing short of a miracle!  Celebrate coming out the other side, and embrace all you can do with your life. Eventually, the dark days will fade, and the good memories will shine.
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I also have a "bad anniversary."  For us, it's Hurricane Sandy in 2012.  Not so much the loss of possessions, but since we were not in a flood zone we did not evacuate ahead of time.  So we had a very scary night running out of our home with the cats under our arms as the water was rushing in.  It was very dangerous and terrifying.  I couldn't even tell you whether it was October 29 or 30th though-- it was a blur.  But I know it was just before Halloween.

    I had some therapy for PTSD but I stopped going because I couldn't find a therapist I like who was covered under my insurance.  I probably should go back because I still have some PTSD symptoms, but not nearly as bad as it was.

    The first anniversary, I was a total mess.  I was having frequent panic attacks and kept having to leave classes because I was so stressed out.  Last year, I pretty much just ignored that Halloween was happening and I did much better.  It also helped that I was very busy with my first month at the new job so I was distracted.

    I'm not sure that Halloween will ever not bring those memories up.  When I think of it now, I try to remind myself that we've come a really long way and it really showed me how strong my bond with FI is, that we went through that together and really leaned on each other instead of having it drive a wedge between us.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • falsarafalsara Northside of Chicago member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    This past march was the 2nd Anniversary of FFILs passing.  I was really close to him before he passed since I was over at the house all the time to see FI.  It's still really fresh for FI, and so far, every year I spend a lot of time making sure FI is doing ok emotionally.. This year, FI worked on that day, so i took a few moments while i was home alone to look at some pictures and remember some of the conversations we had. It was nice to just take a few moments to think about the good stuff, and look at how our lives have moved on.  

    It's so amazing to hear all of your stories.  I love that there are so many strong women that I now get to talk and share with.  I love you ladies 

                                               

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    themuffinman16onefootinthebayou
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Last week I had my 12 year anniversary of the night I got horribly sick, rushed to emergency room, and nearly died from spinal meningitis.  That night I had to watch my parents faces as the doctors told them I may not live through the night. Horrible, horrible night. Two days later I had major back surgery and a long recovery. I do think about that day each year on the anniversary, but I usually think about all I have accomplished and overcome in my life since then. I think about all the strength I found during that time in my life.  And honestly, I am glad that I went through all that because that traumatic experience helped build who I am today. You never know your real strength until it is tested. Try to think about the good things that event brought, instead of the pain and negatives related to it.

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  • Last week I had my 12 year anniversary of the night I got horribly sick, rushed to emergency room, and nearly died from spinal meningitis.  That night I had to watch my parents faces as the doctors told them I may not live through the night. Horrible, horrible night. Two days later I had major back surgery and a long recovery. I do think about that day each year on the anniversary, but I usually think about all I have accomplished and overcome in my life since then. I think about all the strength I found during that time in my life.  And honestly, I am glad that I went through all that because that traumatic experience helped build who I am today. You never know your real strength until it is tested. Try to think about the good things that event brought, instead of the pain and negatives related to it.

    Wow. What a frightening experience.  I'm SO glad to hear you made a full recovery.  Re: the bolded, very eloquent and so spot on.  

    @themuffinman16, your story broke my heart, I can't imagine how painful that must have been.  Thank you for your advice.  I think I'm on the right track to not be dreading April 9th every year and I agree with @falsara - this whole thread is one example of grace in the face of adversity after another.  What a great group of role models you all must be for someone IRL.  

    @JCBride2015, how incredibly harrowing.  I'm glad you made it through but am sorry you had that experience.  I too was diagnosed with PTSD after the accident.  It's just the brain's way of getting you ready for another trauma, apparently, but I was struggling with impatience, what felt like mental slowness, and flashbacks of the impact.  I had actually thought I might have damaged my brain in the fall with the spinal cord involvement.  I hid my symptoms from everyone b/c I didn't want people to say "she was never the same up there *taps head* after the accident".  Seeking therapy was so helpful since it just provided me with information about the condition that allowed me to more forward.  I should have gone to more sessions!  I certainly hope the terror fades for you more with each passing year.  
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    I am interested to hear your thoughts on the anniversaries of bad things that happened in your life or a friend/family's life and what to do to move past them.


    2 years ago, April 9th, I broke my back in an accident.  For all you doctors, nurses, X-ray techs, medical professionals, it was a "burst" fracture, with broken vertebral bodies sticking out into my spinal column.  Basically, I crushed a vertebrate.  I felt my spinal cord vibrate during the accident.  It's a miracle I was not paralyzed.  Long story short, I had a major spinal surgery, fused 3 vertebrate, and neurosurgeon repaired the crushed one best he could.  2 days after surgery, I walked across the hospital room in order to get discharged, 10 days and lots of meds later, I walked 6.5 miles in a day and am now basically back to 100%.  Believe me, there was a lot of fear, tears, emotions, etc in the process, but it's over.  *End AW part of post*

    April 9th last year, I was a mixture of a mess and pride.  I was told the full recovery would take one year and I felt free!  It was over.  Yesterday, April 9th, I didn't even really mention it to anyone (my family was heavily involved in my recovery) but it was weighing heavily on my mind and I felt anxious and upset.  I try to put the details of the accident behind me and I try to push the thoughts about it away when they come but yesterday they all came flooding back and I was just in kind of a shitty mood.

    Am I always going to feel shitty on April 9th b/c this happened?  Is there a way to just forget about it and move on?

    I have a friend who had a terrible trauma on a particular day and she is always a mess in the time leading up to it and after.  

    Do you guys have "bad" anniversaries and if so, how do you deal with the negative memories?  I respect y'alls opinions and would be interested to hear how have moved on from incidents that might not be remembered fondly.  

    Happy weekend, btw!  Sorry for the downer post!



    On May 30, 2011, too had spinal surgery.  My T3-12 is fused and I have 18 screws and two titanium rods in my spine.  That surgery was one of the worst experiences in my life, but in all honesty it forced me to take a hard look at things in my life and make changes.  So, I have since dubbed May 30th as my renewal day and celebrate the new outlook and positive things that have come from it. 

    In 2013, I was in three car accidents in eight months, I hospitalized and had a second spinal surgery, but not as serious as the first and now have an artificial c5/c6.  I met my now fiancé a week before I was hospitalized and went out of work for the next six months.  During that time, I was able to spend more time with him and get to know him on another level much more quickly because of the circumstances.  While I do have some PTSD from the accidents and that is difficult to deal with, I truly feel blessed because it led to me being with the love of my life, and that means everything to me.

    So all that to say, look for the good that came from it.  The strength you gained from being a fighter and let it empower you.  You are a brave and strong person.  I know a lot of people who in your position would not have recovered the way you did, that in large part was your determination to do so and that in and of its self is amazing.   



    @classicalandedgy, just curious... if you don't mind my asking, was your fusion due to scoliosis?  I know that's usually the cause of the longer fusions like that. I'm was fused T2-L1 in 2002 for scoliosis.  That surgery caused a deep infection & nearly killed me with spinal meningitis a year later.  They had to remove all metal from my body to get rid of the infection, but luckily everything had fused properly by then.  In total I had 4 surgeries that year dealing with the fusion, infections, and hardware removal.

    But, spine surgeries, larger or small, are definitely traumatic and hard to recover from. They leave a lasting impact on you.  But, without all I went through, I wouldn't have moved to where I live now, wouldn't have met my husband, and wouldn't be who I am today... all the best things in my life came as a result of plans that were changed because of that ordeal.


     

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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Two of my cousins (one was seven years old) were murdered on December 12th, 2011. I think about them all the time, but more around then. We go to Appplebee's on 12/12 because that was the little girl's favorite restaurant. 

    Like most PPs, I try to celebrate their lives, even though it's obviously so sad and hard not to just focus on how unnecessary their deaths were. 

    My mom was diagnosed with cancer on June 23rd last year. Her favorite band is playing a show on June 23rd. I don't know how I'll feel on that day (probably more sad and angry than able to move passed that and celebrate her life) but I knew I had to get tickets. She would have wanted me to. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy Connecticut member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2015

    I am interested to hear your thoughts on the anniversaries of bad things that happened in your life or a friend/family's life and what to do to move past them.


    2 years ago, April 9th, I broke my back in an accident.  For all you doctors, nurses, X-ray techs, medical professionals, it was a "burst" fracture, with broken vertebral bodies sticking out into my spinal column.  Basically, I crushed a vertebrate.  I felt my spinal cord vibrate during the accident.  It's a miracle I was not paralyzed.  Long story short, I had a major spinal surgery, fused 3 vertebrate, and neurosurgeon repaired the crushed one best he could.  2 days after surgery, I walked across the hospital room in order to get discharged, 10 days and lots of meds later, I walked 6.5 miles in a day and am now basically back to 100%.  Believe me, there was a lot of fear, tears, emotions, etc in the process, but it's over.  *End AW part of post*

    April 9th last year, I was a mixture of a mess and pride.  I was told the full recovery would take one year and I felt free!  It was over.  Yesterday, April 9th, I didn't even really mention it to anyone (my family was heavily involved in my recovery) but it was weighing heavily on my mind and I felt anxious and upset.  I try to put the details of the accident behind me and I try to push the thoughts about it away when they come but yesterday they all came flooding back and I was just in kind of a shitty mood.

    Am I always going to feel shitty on April 9th b/c this happened?  Is there a way to just forget about it and move on?

    I have a friend who had a terrible trauma on a particular day and she is always a mess in the time leading up to it and after.  

    Do you guys have "bad" anniversaries and if so, how do you deal with the negative memories?  I respect y'alls opinions and would be interested to hear how have moved on from incidents that might not be remembered fondly.  

    Happy weekend, btw!  Sorry for the downer post!



    On May 30, 2011, too had spinal surgery.  My T3-12 is fused and I have 18 screws and two titanium rods in my spine.  That surgery was one of the worst experiences in my life, but in all honesty it forced me to take a hard look at things in my life and make changes.  So, I have since dubbed May 30th as my renewal day and celebrate the new outlook and positive things that have come from it. 

    In 2013, I was in three car accidents in eight months, I hospitalized and had a second spinal surgery, but not as serious as the first and now have an artificial c5/c6.  I met my now fiancé a week before I was hospitalized and went out of work for the next six months.  During that time, I was able to spend more time with him and get to know him on another level much more quickly because of the circumstances.  While I do have some PTSD from the accidents and that is difficult to deal with, I truly feel blessed because it led to me being with the love of my life, and that means everything to me.

    So all that to say, look for the good that came from it.  The strength you gained from being a fighter and let it empower you.  You are a brave and strong person.  I know a lot of people who in your position would not have recovered the way you did, that in large part was your determination to do so and that in and of its self is amazing.   



    @classicalandedgy, just curious... if you don't mind my asking, was your fusion due to scoliosis?  I know that's usually the cause of the longer fusions like that. I'm was fused T2-L1 in 2002 for scoliosis.  That surgery caused a deep infection & nearly killed me with spinal meningitis a year later.  They had to remove all metal from my body to get rid of the infection, but luckily everything had fused properly by then.  In total I had 4 surgeries that year dealing with the fusion, infections, and hardware removal.

    But, spine surgeries, larger or small, are definitely traumatic and hard to recover from. They leave a lasting impact on you.  But, without all I went through, I wouldn't have moved to where I live now, wouldn't have met my husband, and wouldn't be who I am today... all the best things in my life came as a result of plans that were changed because of that ordeal.


     




    Yes, it was due to scoliosis.  I had an 18 degree change in a two year time period in my mid thirties and at the rate it was changing they feared heart and lung complications as I already started having lung complications.  My surgery was quite successful, but I will need more in the future because of degenerative disc disease and the wear that my lumbar is taking from the hardware. 

    I also have a herniated disc still in my neck as well, they were only able to replace one disc because they can't have two artificial disc on top of each other and I didn't want another fusion. 

     

    I'm so sorry to hear about your ordeal and I can't even imagine what it must have been like.  But I am happy to hear that you too could find the good in what happened to you.  It is amazing how these events can really change our lives, I think we are fortunate to have these amazing outcomes.

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  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    Gosh, some strong ladies here. 

    For a while I'd get kind of sad on my ex and my anniversary, but now I can't even remember what it is. 

    On labor day a few years ago I got in a pretty bad accident at work. I was riding this stupid horse and it was a windy day and all the horses had been acting extra stupid. It was late and I told myself I'd just get on this stupid horse and ride him to the end of the field and back.  

    I did something to set him off, I think I adjusted my reins a bit and flapped them a little? Or maybe I shifted the saddle? Little things like that disappear from memory in bad situations. He took off. I figured it was just a spook and he'd slow down quickly, but it became apparent this wasn't the plan. He was full on bolting and by the time I was ready to collect myself and try to stop him, we were at the other end of the field where there was a fence, so he stopped and turned very suddenly to avoid it, from a full gallop.  I flew off and hit my head on a T-post. There was a ton of blood. All I knew is that you shouldn't move with a head injury, so I laid there. The horse went running back to the house so my boss' 10-year-old daughter came running out and found me, then got her mom. 

    She asked if I wanted a ride to the hospital or to take the ambulance.  I figured I had health insurance so I might as well take the ambulance (WRONG. Turns out that a) ambulances are often not covered and b) it costs around $2k to go about 10 miles. Sucks to be you!). It was a small town so all sorts of emergency vehicles, even the boat cop showed up.  They put me on a stretcher and lifted me up and over the fence and took me away. I felt bad because it was about midnight when I got out of there and the kids had school the next day.

    I had a 4 inch gash going right to my skull and I needed 28 stitches if I remember right.  I had some other grazing lower on my skull where a piece of my hair still grows curly. The next morning I had the arduous task of washing the blood out of my hair. I was so sore I walked very slowly, with my arms contracted like a sad little t-rex. It was only then that I finally noticed I had a gash on my arm that I hadn't even noticed, and I still have a big scar there. 

    I kept training after that but that was a big blow to my confidence and probably a factor as to why I quit completely a couple years later. I just do not want to deal with those kinds of horses again, and that's exactly what you get when you're a new trainer that still needs to make a name for herself before getting picky. Bolters are the fucking worst. I think the only reason I wasn't too scared to ride at all was 2 days later, still sore, a friend basically made me get on another horse to take a sales video. 

    Anyway I think I only remember the date because it was labor day and I remember that since I felt bad about keeping my boss' family up the night before going back to school. Sort of the anniversary of the death of my career. 
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    I am interested to hear your thoughts on the anniversaries of bad things that happened in your life or a friend/family's life and what to do to move past them.


    2 years ago, April 9th, I broke my back in an accident.  For all you doctors, nurses, X-ray techs, medical professionals, it was a "burst" fracture, with broken vertebral bodies sticking out into my spinal column.  Basically, I crushed a vertebrate.  I felt my spinal cord vibrate during the accident.  It's a miracle I was not paralyzed.  Long story short, I had a major spinal surgery, fused 3 vertebrate, and neurosurgeon repaired the crushed one best he could.  2 days after surgery, I walked across the hospital room in order to get discharged, 10 days and lots of meds later, I walked 6.5 miles in a day and am now basically back to 100%.  Believe me, there was a lot of fear, tears, emotions, etc in the process, but it's over.  *End AW part of post*

    April 9th last year, I was a mixture of a mess and pride.  I was told the full recovery would take one year and I felt free!  It was over.  Yesterday, April 9th, I didn't even really mention it to anyone (my family was heavily involved in my recovery) but it was weighing heavily on my mind and I felt anxious and upset.  I try to put the details of the accident behind me and I try to push the thoughts about it away when they come but yesterday they all came flooding back and I was just in kind of a shitty mood.

    Am I always going to feel shitty on April 9th b/c this happened?  Is there a way to just forget about it and move on?

    I have a friend who had a terrible trauma on a particular day and she is always a mess in the time leading up to it and after.  

    Do you guys have "bad" anniversaries and if so, how do you deal with the negative memories?  I respect y'alls opinions and would be interested to hear how have moved on from incidents that might not be remembered fondly.  

    Happy weekend, btw!  Sorry for the downer post!



    On May 30, 2011, too had spinal surgery.  My T3-12 is fused and I have 18 screws and two titanium rods in my spine.  That surgery was one of the worst experiences in my life, but in all honesty it forced me to take a hard look at things in my life and make changes.  So, I have since dubbed May 30th as my renewal day and celebrate the new outlook and positive things that have come from it. 

    In 2013, I was in three car accidents in eight months, I hospitalized and had a second spinal surgery, but not as serious as the first and now have an artificial c5/c6.  I met my now fiancé a week before I was hospitalized and went out of work for the next six months.  During that time, I was able to spend more time with him and get to know him on another level much more quickly because of the circumstances.  While I do have some PTSD from the accidents and that is difficult to deal with, I truly feel blessed because it led to me being with the love of my life, and that means everything to me.

    So all that to say, look for the good that came from it.  The strength you gained from being a fighter and let it empower you.  You are a brave and strong person.  I know a lot of people who in your position would not have recovered the way you did, that in large part was your determination to do so and that in and of its self is amazing.   



    @classicalandedgy, just curious... if you don't mind my asking, was your fusion due to scoliosis?  I know that's usually the cause of the longer fusions like that. I'm was fused T2-L1 in 2002 for scoliosis.  That surgery caused a deep infection & nearly killed me with spinal meningitis a year later.  They had to remove all metal from my body to get rid of the infection, but luckily everything had fused properly by then.  In total I had 4 surgeries that year dealing with the fusion, infections, and hardware removal.

    But, spine surgeries, larger or small, are definitely traumatic and hard to recover from. They leave a lasting impact on you.  But, without all I went through, I wouldn't have moved to where I live now, wouldn't have met my husband, and wouldn't be who I am today... all the best things in my life came as a result of plans that were changed because of that ordeal.


     




    Yes, it was due to scoliosis.  I had an 18 degree change in a two year time period in my mid thirties and at the rate it was changing they feared heart and lung complications as I already started having lung complications.  My surgery was quiet successful, but I will need more in the future because of degenerative disc disease and the wear that my lumbar is taking from the hardware. 

    I also have a herniated disc still in my neck as well, they were only able to replace one disc because they can't have two artificial disc on top of each other and I didn't want another fusion. 

     

    I'm so sorry to hear about your ordeal and I can't even imagine what it must have been like.  But I am happy to hear that you too could find the good in what happened to you.  It is amazing how these events can really change our lives, I think we are fortunate to have these amazing outcomes.


    Yeah, mine started getting worse in my early 20's, which led to the decision for fusion. My surgery itself was an ordeal, but I've been lucky since then. It's been 13 years and everything is stable, still no degeneration or problems in unfused areas, and minimal ongoing pain. So, I still would call it all a success. And after hearing stories of problems people have had with the hardware later on, I actually think I may have been lucky to have the hardware removed.  It's one less thing for me to be concerned about damaging.

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  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 at the corner of Wine Ave. and Margarita Ln. member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Exactly one year ago this evening, we got a call that DH's little brother had suddenly died at home at age 27. His fiancee found him, and we dropped everything to go to Savannah where they lived. DH doesn't remember much about those first few days, but I will never forget how his Dad broke down seeing DH and holding onto him. I will never forget the lost look on DH's face at the private viewing, when I let him go ahead with his Dad before approaching...he looked back with such an expression of loss and disconnect with reality.

    DH hasn't said much about it today- he's not the type to air it all out. But my mom has called and checked on him, and I took the day off from work, just to be here in case he needed me (those assholes he works for now would not give him the day off as his 90 days aren't up till next week, and he used his only personal holiday to fly with me to PA for my grandma's memorial service). I'm getting the house cleaned and taking care of other details. The little mentioning of what day it is today has been more remembering some of the shenanigans DH and BIL used to get up to.

    I will be distracting him though. We're going to Tampa again to view some houses in particular- so far I've got us seeing 5 tomorrow. Tonight we're driving to my folks place in Gainesville- while they are out of town visiting friends, we still have a key. I'll keep him distracted and talking about home shopping. He is the type to get really quiet and brood (as he did for the first month or two after BIL's death) if you let him. Distraction is a good thing here. Might swing by Dairy Queen and get him a Butterfinger Blizzard, like I did on BIL's birthday- that was the special treat they always used to get with their mom when she was alive. My friend whom we are staying with in Tampa has been warned as well (tomorrow would have been DH's mom's 55th birthday- April is a shitty month for us) an we're planning a cookout dinner, hot tub soak and conversation, and movie night with them.
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Exactly one year ago this evening, we got a call that DH's little brother had suddenly died at home at age 27. His fiancee found him, and we dropped everything to go to Savannah where they lived. DH doesn't remember much about those first few days, but I will never forget how his Dad broke down seeing DH and holding onto him. I will never forget the lost look on DH's face at the private viewing, when I let him go ahead with his Dad before approaching...he looked back with such an expression of loss and disconnect with reality.


    DH hasn't said much about it today- he's not the type to air it all out. But my mom has called and checked on him, and I took the day off from work, just to be here in case he needed me (those assholes he works for now would not give him the day off as his 90 days aren't up till next week, and he used his only personal holiday to fly with me to PA for my grandma's memorial service). I'm getting the house cleaned and taking care of other details. The little mentioning of what day it is today has been more remembering some of the shenanigans DH and BIL used to get up to.

    I will be distracting him though. We're going to Tampa again to view some houses in particular- so far I've got us seeing 5 tomorrow. Tonight we're driving to my folks place in Gainesville- while they are out of town visiting friends, we still have a key. I'll keep him distracted and talking about home shopping. He is the type to get really quiet and brood (as he did for the first month or two after BIL's death) if you let him. Distraction is a good thing here. Might swing by Dairy Queen and get him a Butterfinger Blizzard, like I did on BIL's birthday- that was the special treat they always used to get with their mom when she was alive. My friend whom we are staying with in Tampa has been warned as well (tomorrow would have been DH's mom's 55th birthday- April is a shitty month for us) an we're planning a cookout dinner, hot tub soak and conversation, and movie night with them.
    gosh, that has been a YEAR?! I can't believe it. Sorry for your loss :(

    But say hi to Gainesville for me. Man, I miss north-central Florida....
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