Family opinions on destination wedding... help!

LondonLisa

VerizonGirl said:

If your mother's name, or mom & dad, will be on the top line of the invitations, as the people who are hosting the wedding and inviting the guests to be in Bali, an attorney could name your parents in a law suit if something happened to a guest - so your mom has some real concern there.

Some of her other problems with your choice may be rooted in the concept that the bride's mom helps plan the wedding, and here you have done it all and so she does not get to do that which she has dreamed about since she gave birth to a little girl. 

This has to be one of the most misguided and false concerns I have ever read. On what planet could consenting adults sue another adult for inviting them on holiday?Did she hold a gun to their head and say: "Get on the plane!".  If something happened to them on holiday, maybe they could sue the hotel, tour operator or other body that actually had responsibility. This is like you suing me for inviting you to dinner when the restaurant gave you food poisoning. You would have to prove that I knowingly took you to a place that would make you ill and that you never, ever ate at restaurants because of the inherent risk. Any travel has an inherent risk, so you would have to be a grade-A moron to blame someone who invited you. 

And ditto PP, anyone can sue anyone at any time. You could sue me for this post. It doesn't mean it is stupid and silly, and would get thrown out of court (and I could very easily, in fact more easily than your situation, turn around and sue you for malicious use of process). 

ETA- I really find the inherent "it is developing so super dangerous" really, really off putting and beyond ignorant. As I said before, the US has far more gun crime, terrorist attacks and attacks on tourists than Bali does. The biggest thing you have to worry about in Bali is pickpocketing. Does that mean I avoid travelling to the US and tell everyone it is super dangerous? Of course not, people just know to use common sense, act like the locals and not be super flashy and entitled.

southernbelle0915

I would be PISSED if DH and I spent what it takes to go to Bali (probably about $10K all said and done) and y'all were already married. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

If you decide to go forward with this, I would make it more than crystal clear that y'all will already be married by the time you go.

Maggie0829

Well since you aren't actually getting married in Bali then your Mom should give out a big sigh of relief because she has a pretty good excuse to no longer go to your PPD.

themuffinman16

OP, I can't get over this entitlement. In your original post, I felt a little bad for you. Then, I realized you were throwing yourself the most expensive reenactment and making your nearest and dearest come under the guise of a wedding. I would be done with you if I realized I went on a 23 hour flight, paid at least $4000, and took time off of work for your staged reenactment. I'm guessing your mom knows that this is a PPD, and might just be making excuses as to why you should cancel your "Bali wedding" and just have your wedding in the states. 

lyndausvi

Meh, as long as it's all on the up and up I don't really care.

I went to Austria for 8 days to see a couple have their Catholic wedding.  In Austria you have to have a separate civil ceremony if you having a religious one also.  Due to immigration issues that popped up , they got civilly married in the states months before.  Then had the Catholic one as scheduled.

Again it was all on the up and up.  Everyone knew the deal.  And since the people in Europe already deal with the issue of 2 ceremonies it wasn't a big deal.

Now would I fly all the way to Bali for a 10 minute ceremony?   Doubt it.  I've already been to Bali (which was nice).  I would rather spend my $10K going somewhere else.

ETA - now that I think about this a little more.  Invitations are not summons, however I think asking family to travel half-way around the world for to a DW is really asking a lot.   Heck I lived in the islands and felt so guilty to ask our family/friends from the states to come down we went closer to them to help them save money.    

As at least the wedding is Austria was due the fact she is from there.  Half the guest list lives there or France.   There was a connection.  Heck they moved there to live a few years later.     

 I just couldn't ask everyone to travel that far for my wedding unless one of us was from there or if we lived there ourselves.    At min it's a $7K vacation.  That is a lot of money.  One has to wonder if mom is making the safety excuses because she doesn't want to spend that kind of money on travel?

drunkenwitch

limichelle said:

Thanks for all the advice! I told her I would handle all of her travel arrangements, but she still has qualms (she feels like we would be responsible if anything bad happened to anyone who was there because of the wedding, terrorists and all that..) so I think I just may need to change the subject whenever it comes up...

CMGragain said:

I was in Bali in January, and I loved it.  Do you qualify to be married there?  They have some unusual rules for marriage.  You must declare yourselves to be members of one of the state recognized religions in order to have a legal wedding in Bali.

How was the weather in January? We're planning on heading over in late Feb. We're planning on doing all the paperwork in the states beforehand, it won't technically be a legal wedding in Bali. 

Ladies and gentlemen start your engines and pull out your bingo cards, we have a serious PPD alert. 

Step right up and see who will be the first to be called ugly and judgmental?

Whose husband will she feel the most sorry for?

What special snowflake excuses make her situation so special and different?

Place your bets now.