Moms and Maids

Bachelorette Party planning roles - Maid/Man of Honor

My best friend is getting married this June and I am the MOH and she also has a Man-OH. The Man-OH is pretty flaky, great and creative when you get him to focus but not good at following through with plans. Him and I are also friends. I have tried a number of times to get a hold of him to ask questions about planning the bachelorette party and most times we have shared messages, it has taken him days to respond to me if he responds at all. He has not RSVP'd to the bridal shower or wedding yet (so the bride is annoyed with him) and has not coordinated with the MOB regarding the shower while I have taken care of shower games. The bride recently decided to switch the date of her bachelorette party from Memorial Day weekend to the following one and he has yet to weigh in on this decision (she put it to a vote). I have been holding off posting any official event info on a Facebook invite until I get him involved because I don't want him to feel left out or get mad that I am 'taking over' or anything but he has not responded to my plea for suggestions on what to put on the invite or any design. We have loose plans to look at some places for the party when I am in town later this month but I have been doing background research and planning a bride-approved itinerary. I am afraid I will offend him by having created the potential itinerary and making some decisions with the bride but he hasn't involved himself. I could email him the itinerary the bride has approved but I am not sure if there is anything else I can do to make sure his feelings aren't hurt yet this planning still gets done.

I should mention that he lives about 1.5 hours away from the bride while I live across the country and am planning to attend all events. (MOB planned the bridal shower on a weekend I'd be in town for my future SIL's wedding, which was nice of her). 

Re: Bachelorette Party planning roles - Maid/Man of Honor

  • My best friend is getting married this June and I am the MOH and she also has a Man-OH. The Man-OH is pretty flaky, great and creative when you get him to focus but not good at following through with plans. Him and I are also friends. I have tried a number of times to get a hold of him to ask questions about planning the bachelorette party and most times we have shared messages, it has taken him days to respond to me if he responds at all. He has not RSVP'd to the bridal shower or wedding yet (so the bride is annoyed with him) and has not coordinated with the MOB regarding the shower while I have taken care of shower games. The bride recently decided to switch the date of her bachelorette party from Memorial Day weekend to the following one and he has yet to weigh in on this decision (she put it to a vote). I have been holding off posting any official event info on a Facebook invite until I get him involved because I don't want him to feel left out or get mad that I am 'taking over' or anything but he has not responded to my plea for suggestions on what to put on the invite or any design. We have loose plans to look at some places for the party when I am in town later this month but I have been doing background research and planning a bride-approved itinerary. I am afraid I will offend him by having created the potential itinerary and making some decisions with the bride but he hasn't involved himself. I could email him the itinerary the bride has approved but I am not sure if there is anything else I can do to make sure his feelings aren't hurt yet this planning still gets done.


    I should mention that he lives about 1.5 hours away from the bride while I live across the country and am planning to attend all events. (MOB planned the bridal shower on a weekend I'd be in town for my future SIL's wedding, which was nice of her). 
    Its not his responsibility or yours to plan the bach. If you offer to throw one, then you should make the plans and host it. If I were you, I'd just move forward with whatever you want to do. If he offers to help, decide if you want his help or not. Personally I'd just tell him you have it under control since he's flakey.

    Why is the bride annoyed that he hasn't RSVPd for her June wedding? She's barely within the etiquette range for sending invites, let alone expecting RSVPs (which should be requested no more than 3-4 weeks max before the wedding). And why does she even know who's RSVPd for the shower? Is she planning her own shower?

    It kind of sounds like y'all are gossiping behind his back. I would stop doing that.
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    amelishaOliveOilsMomKahlyla
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @southernbelle0915 is right on all counts.  Nobody is responsible for planning either a wedding shower or a bachelorette party.  If he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to.  MOH is a ceremonial role and has no responsibilities other than showing up at the actual wedding.  In addition, it's way too soon to have an RSVP deadline for a June wedding.  That's just ridiculous.  It's barely time to send invitations for the wedding.  The RSVP date should be 2 or 3 weeks out from the wedding itself.  It sounds like both of you need to chill.



    Kahlyla
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    If this guy is normally flakey, he won't magically change just because there is a wedding involved.  If you are willing to take over planning, just say "Hey friend, I can take on planning the bachelorette party.  If you think you will be able to attend and want to help me plan it, then let me know."  This totally removes the guy from the planning. 

    Its very possible that he doesn't want anything to do with the shower or bachelorette party.  It's possible he does not feel comfortable attending either or helping to plan.  But since the bride is so stress inducing (is she really asking for RSVPs for a June wedding???), he is probably just ignoring all aspects of the wedding. 

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