F/U - Newborn at a "No Kids" wedding

MrsRonBurgundy

Hi Ladies,

A few days ago I posted that I have a newborn (still nursing) baby and wanted to bring her to my cousin's OOT wedding reception in a few weeks so that I do not wind up having to miss the reception. OP is here .

I wanted to let you know the resolution:

Cousin/Bride took a day to talk it over with her FI and got back to me that she would be happy for me to bring the baby to the reception. And she thanked me for making arrangements to not have the baby at the ceremony.

I'm very relieved this worked out as it did.

Here's a quick recap:

• Many of you posted that it is rude to put the bride on the spot and ask to bring someone who is not invited, which I totally get.
  
• Others agreed with me that it is OK to ask a close friend/family member, particularly since my presence was expected.
  
• Some pointed to the difficulty of nursing. 
  
• We had some breeders vs non-breeders moments.
  
• We had some side notes on maternity leave policies (pathetic in this country IMO, but that's another thread.)

These were my reasons:

• Baby is nursing still, has never had a bottle. I am beginning to pump and work up to bottles and build up supply in preparation for the wedding.
  
• I have not gone back to work yet so haven't left the baby for more than an hour for doc appointments during my recovery.
• I can leave her for a few hours to attend ceremony, but I can't leave her 8 hours to attend whole thing + travel time. (My boobs will begin to really hurt if I skip more than one feeding, this could also cause health problems for me and derail my nursing.)
  
• Reception and hotel are a distance away. If reception were at the hotel I'd have just left to feed her and come back.
  
• I'm concerned the baby might not take the bottle from OOT babysitter and we have no way to test it beforehand.
  
• I don't want the baby wailing all day with an OOT sitter I don't know very well, who is also watching my 4-year-old son at the same time.
• Daytime wedding + reception with seated dinner that will be toward the end, so if I get called away and they pay for my plate already that would not be cool.
  
• This is a close, small family and I am expected to attend most of this wedding. It's very likely they'll take a "cousins picture" at any point in the reception and people would actually be looking for me.
  
• If it was just a friend or a co-worker's wedding I would never have asked. I asked because I knew cousin would be disappointed (and MOB might even be mad at me) if I left reception early or skipped it.
  

Thanks all who weighed in on all sides. I appreciated your comments. 

here 

banana468

Do you have enough of a supply to see if hungry baby will take a bottle from someone as a test?

DS still won't take one from me but he has no problems taking them from the ladies at DC.   We use slow flow nipples and he'll use a Born Free, Avent and Playtex as long as I'm not holding him.

If I'm holding him he basically makes a face that silently says, "Bitch please."

As far as your cousin's response to not bring her to the reception, can you practice a small bottle to be fed and then mention that you'll need spaces to pump so you CAN attend the reception? (assuming you have enough stash built up to supply through the event).

Then you're working with the policy but she begins to learn that telling a nursing mom that you really want her to attend the entire reception without her baby is like saying,, "Please spend 8 hours away from your home but only pee in your home toilet."   

lovegood90

Just to clarify, is she saying she's okay with you bringing your baby to just the ceremony, or just the reception?

Also, no one can "expect" you to be anywhere (well, except your job). Don't feel bullied into attending an event that you feel is physically impossible for you. But I'm glad it worked out for you.

MrsRonBurgundy

She's saying, "Yes you can bring the baby to the reception. Please do not bring her to the ceremony."

I had said all along I would not bring the baby to the ceremony.

If I have to have my husband outside in the car with her I won't bring a baby to the ceremony! 

MrsRonBurgundy

banana468 said:

Do you have enough of a supply to see if hungry baby will take a bottle from someone as a test?

DS still won't take one from me but he has no problems taking them from the ladies at DC.   We use slow flow nipples and he'll use a Born Free, Avent and Playtex as long as I'm not holding him.

If I'm holding him he basically makes a face that silently says, "Bitch please."

As far as your cousin's response to not bring her to the reception, can you practice a small bottle to be fed and then mention that you'll need spaces to pump so you CAN attend the reception? (assuming you have enough stash built up to supply through the event).

Then you're working with the policy but she begins to learn that telling a nursing mom that you really want her to attend the entire reception without her baby is like saying,, "Please spend 8 hours away from your home but only pee in your home toilet."   

Banana, thanks for this.

Your "Please Bitch" cracked me up. Totally true.

We will practice with my husband giving her a bottle and then I'm going to have a friend she doesn't know come over at some point and give her a bottle as a dry run to the sitter doing it. The sitter we found is an RN, so I'm thinking she'll be pretty tough and persistent and not be fazed by a tiny tyrant.

As to nipples. Last time I used Born Free with DS and have a whole set of them waiting, but Medela now makes some fancy new nipple, have you seen it? I'm going to try that this time and see how it goes. 

I am not going to ask the bride for a place to pump. I'll ask the wedding planner or someone with the venue, or I'll pump in the damned bathroom -- anything to keep from bugging the bride again.

banana468

OK, so if you can bring the baby to the reception you should be in the clear mostly, right?   Then you just need to find a place to feed her.  When I took DS with me to a family wedding I just wore a cover and nursed him as needed.   It was a late afternoon wedding with an evening reception and at 5 weeks old, he was on me for a good 45 minutes out of every hour.

ShesSoCold

Am I the only one who reads "F/U" and thinks "fuck you" looooong before "follow up"?

thespeshulestsnowflake

ShesSoCold said:

Am I the only one who reads "F/U" and thinks "fuck you" looooong before "follow up"?

Nope. I do too.

KatWAG

ShesSoCold said:

Am I the only one who reads "F/U" and thinks "fuck you" looooong before "follow up"?

ShesSoCold said:

Boxes

ShesSoCold said:

It was the entire reason I opened this thread. I thought this should be interesting. I had my popcorn all ready. 

MrsRonBurgundy

banana468 said:

OK, so if you can bring the baby to the reception you should be in the clear mostly, right?   Then you just need to find a place to feed her.  When I took DS with me to a family wedding I just wore a cover and nursed him as needed.   It was a late afternoon wedding with an evening reception and at 5 weeks old, he was on me for a good 45 minutes out of every hour.

Yes. I'm good. Reception should be short. Knock wood, she tends to feed every 3 hrs and is pretty quick. Hoping I am not jinxing myself here. Need to find a dress I can get out of with no help.

MrsRonBurgundy

KatWAG said:

Am I the only one who reads "F/U" and thinks "fuck you" looooong before "follow up"?

Boxes

ShesSoCold said:

It was the entire reason I opened this thread. I thought this should be interesting. I had my popcorn all ready. 

Aw sorry guys. I was on TK years ago when I was getting married and people used it all the time. I always thought I was the only one who thought of FuckYou. Do they not use it now? 

banana468

MrsRonBurgundy said:

banana468 said:

OK, so if you can bring the baby to the reception you should be in the clear mostly, right?   Then you just need to find a place to feed her.  When I took DS with me to a family wedding I just wore a cover and nursed him as needed.   It was a late afternoon wedding with an evening reception and at 5 weeks old, he was on me for a good 45 minutes out of every hour.

Yes. I'm good. Reception should be short. Knock wood, she tends to feed every 3 hrs and is pretty quick. Hoping I am not jinxing myself here. Need to find a dress I can get out of with no help.

I am in love with wrap dresses and button up dresses for this reason.   Lately I've worn a wrap dress with a nursing tank under it and they've worked well.   Banana Republic had some great long sleeved ones.

MrsRonBurgundy

It's black tie (in the afternoon!?)

sophhabobopha

MrsRonBurgundy said:

It's black tie (in the afternoon!?)

Whaaaat. That's awkward

MrsRonBurgundy

sophhabobopha said:

MrsRonBurgundy said:

It's black tie (in the afternoon!?)

Whaaaat. That's awkward

Amen!

sophhabobopha

MrsRonBurgundy said:

sophhabobopha said:

MrsRonBurgundy said:

It's black tie (in the afternoon!?)

Whaaaat. That's awkward

Amen!

That side-eye is so crazy

huskypuppy14

MrsRonBurgundy said:

It's black tie (in the afternoon!?)

Not black tie.