Feminism

Cookie Pusher

southernbelle0915

Ohhhhh, and did everyone see Sarah Silverman's re-tweet on anti-rape tips for men?

ETF LINK (let's try this one):

http://hollywoodlife.com/2015/03/25/sarah-silverman-rape-tweet-male-fans-uproar/

Genius. I've gotten so many of those chain emails that are like "how to prevent rape", "10 tips that could save every woman's life", "kibosh cat-calling: what not to wear", etc. The fact that people even create those list-o-grams or whatever further caters to the shaming/blaming culture and the "well you could have prevented this if..." It's bullshit.

KatWAG

I never really considered myself a feminist until I had a baby and decided to return to work.

I got so many comments. My favorite one was " I don't understand why you would have a baby, if you aren't even going to raise it."

Oh, and when I found out how much more my male coworker make than I do.

littlepep

MagicInk said:

jenna8984 said:

My father always taught me to stand up for myself. And not by fist fighting or anything crazy but with my words. One time when I was about 20 years old, driving home at midnight because I'd just finished a shift at the restaurant, I'm driving along nice and slow. This car comes rushing up my ass and as I slow down to a practical roll to pull into my driveway, he slams on his breaks and skids to the side. He continues to pull into my driveway behind me (remember it's midnight) and he instantly gets out and starts screaming at me that I almost caused an accident, and it was my fault that he almost hit me, and he should call the cops on me for my crazy driving.

He had an Indian accent and I could tell right off the bat that he expected me to cower and apologize. He was in for quite the shock when I yelled back "You're the psycho who was driving too fast, following too closely, not paying attention, and almost hit me. So please do call the cops because I'd love them to remove you from my property immedately, you fucking asshole." He was like uuh, uuh you can't speak to me like that little girl. I was like "HAA I just fucking did- so get off my property before I go inside and get my father and his shotgun."

When I told my girlfriends about it, they were all horrified. They all said I was too harsh, and abrasive, and a bitch, and they'd never speak to a stranger like that, and what if he attacked me. It made me so mad- like really- you would have just apologized and been nice to this douchecanoe because he's a man and you're "afraid" of what he might do to you?? That's not ok!

A few weeks ago I got catcalled while in the grocery store parking lot (is nowhere sacred), and I gave the guy the finger. I told my coworker (same one from the story above) about it and she was horrified, because he could have retaliated for my reaction. So, what, I'm just supposed to ignore it or be okay with it because he might hurt me? Attitudes aren't going to change if we ignore the issues or pretend to be cool with it.

One day I was walking back to my shop from getting a soda and a guy thought it was ok to tell me he wanted to have sexual relations with me. But ya know, in slightly more vulgar terms.

So I told him I would not like to have sexual relations with him and would prefer to continue on my journey without receiving propositions from strange men on the street. But in more vulgar terms. At which point he called me a cunt.

I got back to the shop and retold this story to my friend and her friend she had brought with her. At which point her friend goes "Well...you are out dressed like that...you must want attention". And she got a nice lecture on feminism to which she responded "Well it's still dangerous, you shouldn't dress like that or engage with men on the street". 

I wear heels bigger than their dicks and carry pepper spray. They should be scared of me.

I'll wear what I damn well please. Just because I want to look good dosen't mean it's for anyone else. 

sassyfrass2014

There wasn't an "aha!" moment with me, but I grew into my feminism. I remember laughing along to "Women in the kitchen" jokes in high school because I wanted to be cool and I wanted to fit in. However, by Junior year of college I was actively calling myself a feminist. 

I would also lecture FI's fraternity brothers whenever they claimed that they got "friend zoned" because a girl wouldn't sleep with them or any stupid related shit like that. I became the go-to for my sorority sisters whenever someone needed to be educated on why they were being misogynists and why that wasn't okay. FI says that he's learned a lot from dating a feminist, too. But it helps that he grew up with two sisters.  

redoryx

flutteringinfl said:

Oh! Oh! I just remembered the moment when I realized I was a feminist. It was in high school. I went with some friends to see Margaret Atwood at the local university. I had just read The Handmaid's Tale over the summer and loved it. At the talk, someone asked something to do with her being a feminist writer. I can't remember the exact question, but it prompted her to ask the audience, "Raise your hand if you think women should have the right to vote." Of course everyone raised their hands. She said, "Congratulations. You're all feminists."

And I thought to myself, "That's it? That's all it is? I had no idea!" And that's how Margaret Atwood personally made me aware I was a feminist.

I LOVE MARGARET ATWOOD. I am dying for a good film version (not that awful one...) of The Handmaid's Tale and Oryx & Crake etc. to be made. I keep hoping thanks to the dystopian trend that someone will do it.

SOMEONE IS. 

http://io9.com/darren-aronofsky-is-adapting-margaret-atwoods-oryx-and-1586280331

O&C is my favorite (notice my user name) 

littlepep

amelisha

redoryx said:

flutteringinfl said:

Oh! Oh! I just remembered the moment when I realized I was a feminist. It was in high school. I went with some friends to see Margaret Atwood at the local university. I had just read The Handmaid's Tale over the summer and loved it. At the talk, someone asked something to do with her being a feminist writer. I can't remember the exact question, but it prompted her to ask the audience, "Raise your hand if you think women should have the right to vote." Of course everyone raised their hands. She said, "Congratulations. You're all feminists."

And I thought to myself, "That's it? That's all it is? I had no idea!" And that's how Margaret Atwood personally made me aware I was a feminist.

I LOVE MARGARET ATWOOD. I am dying for a good film version (not that awful one...) of The Handmaid's Tale and Oryx & Crake etc. to be made. I keep hoping thanks to the dystopian trend that someone will do it.

SOMEONE IS. 

http://io9.com/darren-aronofsky-is-adapting-margaret-atwoods-oryx-and-1586280331

O&C is my favorite (notice my user name) 

I didn't know this and I am now VERY EXCITED.

blabla89

My feminist role model is my Grandma. In the 1940's she couldn't fathom any other life than marrying young and becoming a housewife and mother, so that's what she did. But she wanted something more for her daughters and she made it happen. She taught them that they were just as smart and capable as any man, and made sacrifices for them to go to be able college. It paid off and they all became very successful. When three of them returned to work after having children, she supported their decision helped out in every way she could. I really admire that.

jdluvr06

I never realized I was a feminist because it has always been there. I spent my whole life surrounded my strong women. My mom is a hippie who raised my sister and I on her own and ran her own business. My grandma is also a hippie who has always been really independent. My great grandmother raised 8 kids mostly on her own while still having a career during a time when women weren't encouraged to work. That doesn't take into account all my great aunts, cousins, ect. I'm seriously completely surrounded by bad ass women and respectful men. My family has been the best influence for me.

[Deleted User]

Love me some Amy Poehler.

KatieinBkln

I can hardly remember a time when I wasn't a feminist. Probably when I was about 3, and didn't know the difference between the two genders (or the meaning of most words).

Ever since I had consciousness, I have chafed against the unfairness of being seen as weak, or silly, or emotional. I have had rage inside me since well before the classmate (whom I had just deposed as "king of the mountain" at recess) told me to "go back on the playground, where girls belong." I have felt it since before I announced to my parents at age 5 that I wanted to be a boy--not because I was confused about my gender, but "because they're the ones who are in charge." 

I've felt it nearly every day since. Every time it was implied or outright stated that "nice girls" don't have sex, and shouldn't want to. Every time I saw another friend make herself smaller, quieter, more obsequious, the moment she started dating someone. Every time I was told to be mindful of the clothes I wore, or the places I went. Every time I was told to stay away from drinking with strangers, to watch my drink like a hawk. Every time I found myself watching drinks for my friends, or paying extra for cabs. The time I got to college and took a women's biology course and discovered that I had not merely experienced gaps in my education, but had been outright lied to about my own anatomy. The time I was riding piggyback on my boyfriend while we walked from one bar to the next on Halloween, and a random stranger grabbed my ass. The time immediately after when I extricated myself from my boyfriend and demanded to know what the fucking fuck the ass-grabber thought he was doing.

The time my male colleague never had to do any "office housework" and it was a given that he would never be reprimanded in the event that it went undone. The times I find myself exhorting my single friends to for the love of god stop worrying about whether you're good enough for him, and start evaluating whether he's good enough for you. The times I feel afraid, and then furious because I have to feel afraid. The times I feel impotent, because I know that mouthing off to the wrong asshole could result in consequences I'm not prepared to handle.

We all know deep in our bones that we deserve to be treated equally. We can feel it when we're asked to put that rage to the side, to interpret holy texts or "social norms" or "traditions" in ways that ask us to be lesser, quieter, more obedient. We can see it every time a new bill is brought forth that--surprise surprise!--is most likely to negatively affect women, but specifically women who are already disenfranchised, poor, discriminated against.

It is not always fun to be so angry. It is not a happy experiment to continually explain that hating a societal structure is not the same as hating individual men. It isn't ideal to be the one who is tasked with pointing out when privilege clouds the judgment of otherwise kind, compassionate friends. 

But the reason I stick with it is because I MUST. I can't sit quietly. I won't. I'll wear the mantle of "Abrasive Bitch" until the day I die, but hopefully that day won't come before I can do some good, live my life fearlessly, and maybe change a few minds here and there.

Feminism is the only -ism I've ever believed in strongly enough to consider it a facet of my entire identity. I'm grateful to the women (and men) who came before me and started voicing that rage, that overriding childhood sense of "WAIT! How is that fair?" 

The theories and the realities of how sexist society develops are complex, and I can't claim to be proficient (or even conversant) in all of them. But the core of it is that little girl who won't take "ladylike" for an answer. We all know bullshit when we experience it, and we owe it to ourselves not to squelch that knowledge as we grow older.

chibiyui

I'm sorry, once I start Giffing, I can't stop.

falsara

I grew up with a Mom who was in the Navy as an Aviation Electrician back in the late 80's and early 90's while Tail Hook was happening.  My Mom part of the First group of women that were allowed on ship that was deployed.  That's pretty bad- ass.

My grandmother divorced her first husband in an era that said it wasn't OK to be divorced, even if your husband was an abusive alcoholic.  That is the kind of strong independent females i grew up with, and I heard their stories and knew as a kid that the hardships they had faced due to them being women were not OK. 

I've been a feminist since I was a kid and one of the things that has helped me solidify those ideas is going to a university that is centered around the principles of Social Justice.  

To me it is always about choice.  Everyone, no matter their sex, should be able to make their own choices without society being a factor.

   

bethsmiles

I don't remember having any specific light bulb moment where I knew I was a feminist. But one moment in particular that sticks out to me is from a couple of years ago when I was guest lecturing in one of my professor's upper level communication classes.

I talked about a few communication theories that operate in health promotion campaigns and then at the end did a discussion with the students about ethics in health campaigns. One of the ethics topics was unintentional stigmatizing of certain groups/people. I showed them an example where the focus of the ad was to get young people to stop binge drinking. The ad follows a young girl getting drunk, sleeping with a guy who appears to be her boyfriend and then he leaves her naked and alone in one of the rooms of the house and then the ad basically alludes to her getting raped. At the very end the narrator says something like "Binge drinking has consequences, are you ready for yours?" The ad is just disguising to me because it's very obviously placing blame on the rape victim because she drank too much. I showed it to a few people before the class just to make sure I wasn't reading too much into it and it was as obvious as I thought it was and they were just as appalled by the ad as I was.

Not only did my students not at all get that the ad was blaming the victim. But they also blamed the victim and said things such as it's mostly her fault for getting so drunk, she didn't have to drink!

I was absolutely appalled. I'm still appalled. I wish I had had more time to open up a longer discussion.

doeydo

lovegood90

Daniel Radcliffe is one of my favourites!

Casadena

I don't really remember a time where I wasn't a feminist or wasn't pissed off by non-feminist ideas.  That is directly attributed to my freaking awesome parents who made sure that my sister and I understood that we could be whatever we chose and supported us in any of those decisions. They definitely subscribe to the idea that "if there's something you want to do, do it, and who cares what anyone thinks."  

The time feminism "clicked" for me though was in 6th grade.  My school had a good basketball program so when we were little, my friends (boys and girls) typically played bball together at recess.  In 6th grade, the boys started football though, so they decided they were going to play boys only football at every recess, and then none of the girls wanted to play bball anymore.  So i decided that I would play football.  They kept telling me it was for boys only and I was having none of it.  After about a week of hanging out in the middle of their football game, they decided to give me tryout because teams had to be even.  Obviously they thought I would suck, but I ended up kicking butt because my dad had taught me long before that to play football.  Then i got to play football.  

Small moment in the grand scheme of life, but was kind of my defining moment of "don't tell me what I am or am not capable of or".  Which is feminism to me.  

ETF: clarification

bethsmiles

Kahlyla

For me, feminism means not having to explain that “it’s okay for me to do this/it’s
not okay for you to say that/this is the way things should be/that is not the way things should be” but at the same time it means constantly explaining these things, because the work is never done.


It means that I had a baby while attending university and my husband took the full
term of parental leave since I was able to give birth in the summer and go back
to school and my research position in the fall while he stayed home.


A few years on, and it means being co-president of a company that my husband and
I share. But it could also mean staying home for a while he goes to medical
school or teacher’s college, because he’s now considering those things and that
would be exciting for him. Or it could mean getting a McJob if our company went
under while he did the same, or frantically searching for new clients, or
running an in-home daycare to make ends meet, or branching out into another
field entirely. 

It means being an ally, to other women and to all marginalized groups everywhere,
and not being afraid to be visible and vocal in that ally-ship. It means
supporting other women and other people of all stripes in all the choices they
make, and refusing to participate in making them feel bad about who they are or
what they do. 

By and large, I’ve always felt this way. My parents always had every confidence
that I could do anything I set my mind to, and told me as much constantly, and
I had some awesome friends, boys and girls. I identified with punk and grunge
and the Riot Grrl scene at an early age, and being a feminist was just what you
did/were. There was never any other option. I suppose what was missing was
seeing the personal as political – I was not taught about this concept until
much later, and I spent most of high school being bullied by another girl,
slut-shaming style (I dared to fool around with my boyfriend of two years and
word got out), thinking this was purely a personal issue and not one of
internalized sexism, and basically hiding and spending every lunch hour in a
bathroom stall. Until I finally said fuck it. 

The way it has evolved in me in particular – the issues in myself that I had to
move past and reconcile with my being a feminist – included learning not to blame
other women for things that were not their fault, learning not to be jealous,
and, most recently, learning not to apologize for liking “girly” things, and
for being multi-faceted. I can camp and fish and rough it and shoot a bow and
run a business and go makeup-free happily, and I can also love pink, dye and
style my hair, wear makeup and heels if I choose, and I don’t need to explain
away or apologize for any one of those things, and neither does anyone else.

etf formatting

JenLD2015

My father was a well known doctor, specializing in organ transplant.  When I was younger, at a party someone asked him if he thought I should be a doctor? He said "whatever she puts her mind to, she will be able to do.  If that is medicince, being The President or anything else.  

My mother's only desire was to be a doctor's wife.  My dad taught me to be whatever I wanted, including being a feminist.  

AlexisA01

My intern spoke with me this week that she was assaulted by her ex boyfriend and all of her friends told her "Why would you have put yourself in that situation?" I should not have to hear people tell a woman that she was putting herself in a situation and that she got what she deserved. It's like they are saying as a woman you deal and expect  sexual and domestic violence but you should never be involved in ANY situation because of course you set yourself up to be attacked,

charcoalandblush

Has this one not been posted yet? this is one of my faves!

swimmy1988

Coming out of TK hiatus to post in this thread!

I don't really know when I realized I am a feminist. I just am.
I'm trying to teach H that feminists = wanting gender equality. That's it. He thinks feminists are man haters.

A couple months ago, I was shopping in the store where I worked prior to going on maternity leave. I talked to my old superior. She then advises me that once I have a second child, I should just stay at home and live off H's income because children need their mother at home. I was SO PISSED.
I have a Masters in Nutrition so I'm going to follow my dream of working as a Nutrition professional as well as follow my dream of being a mother. I can have both.

huskypuppy14

I think I've been a feminist for as long as I can remember. I don't have any brothers, my parents have 3 girls. They always told us we could be whatever we wanted. My dad always said when we were little, if someone touches you, you scream and fight back. I'm lucky that I haven't had many experiences like pp. 

I also have no problem causing a scene if I think someone is out of line. I was at a party and this guy kept slapping my ass. I finally said "If you touch my ass one more time, I'm going to punch you in the face". The host of the party finally was like, whoa whoa whoa, he's just drunk, he doesn't mean any harm." I told him I didn't care, he needs to stop assaulting me. 

I also had a coach that subtly was verbally sexually harassing us. It was little things at first, like jokes that were on the inappropriate side, but borderline. I'm  pretty laid back, but considering he was an authority figure, it was inappropriate. One time, during a tournament, I was taking off my warm up pants and he was all "ooh take it off' I told him to shut the fuck up. Yeah, he got fired.

I was also a Girl Scout from age 7-18. The Girl Scouts are a great organization. It gives young women confidence, leadership skills, and character.  I highly recommend it for anyone's daughter. (And they are a completely different organization than the boy scouts: I would never allow my son to be apart of that homophobic organization).

FiancB

I don't really know how I became one.  I remember being a little kid, watching my parents carry out traditional gender roles, and thinking that was bullshit.  Thinking it was bullshit I couldn't take my shirt off but boys could.  Thinking it was bullshit that all the things were pink. 

No one told me to be mad about these things. I just was. 

To me it goes so much deeper than what people think. It's not just about bra burning and demanding equal pay. It also requires looking within yourself and realizing that you have subconscious biases against women yourself and fighting to get rid of them. 

I haven't read Lean In but I follow on facebook. They mentioned an experiment where resumes were sent to companies that were identical except for whether they had a male or female name and some other slight changes. If the woman had the same experience but less education, the man would be chosen and the company would reason that they were looking for a certain education level. If it was reversed so that the woman had the same education but slightly less experience, they'd still pick the man, reasoning that they were looking for experience. 

Men are always seen as being more competent.

Now, relevant to current threads:

"Patriarchy:Women! Your job is to exist for the sexual consumption of men! I will make sure you are reminded of that every day of your life!

Some women:Okay, I'll just do sex work and make a paid living out of this arrangement that I'm otherwise non-consensually forced to endure.

Patriarchy:N-No, wait! I didn't mean like it's your ACTUAL job. Sex work isn't a job! You shouldn't be getting paid for the shit men are going to do to you for free. Have some self respect, you nasty slut."

FiancB

Um why can't I copy/paste from tumblr? 

FiancB

Study from okcupid: 

APDSS22

huskypuppy14 said:

I think I've been a feminist for as long as I can remember. I don't have any brothers, my parents have 3 girls. They always told us we could be whatever we wanted. My dad always said when we were little, if someone touches you, you scream and fight back. I'm lucky that I haven't had many experiences like pp. 

I also have no problem causing a scene if I think someone is out of line. I was at a party and this guy kept slapping my ass. I finally said "If you touch my ass one more time, I'm going to punch you in the face". The host of the party finally was like, whoa whoa whoa, he's just drunk, he doesn't mean any harm." I told him I didn't care, he needs to stop assaulting me. 

I also had a coach that subtly was verbally sexually harassing us. It was little things at first, like jokes that were on the inappropriate side, but borderline. I'm  pretty laid back, but considering he was an authority figure, it was inappropriate. One time, during a tournament, I was taking off my warm up pants and he was all "ooh take it off' I told him to shut the fuck up. Yeah, he got fired.

I was also a Girl Scout from age 7-18. The Girl Scouts are a great organization. It gives young women confidence, leadership skills, and character.  I highly recommend it for anyone's daughter. (And they are a completely different organization than the boy scouts: I would never allow my son to be apart of that homophobic organization).

I was in Girl Scouts all the way from Kindergarten to graduating high school.  I think it's a great organization.

I took a women's studies class in college for fun because I had all my electives.  I had to call it "social studies" around any adult men that I knew though because the only women who take women's studies classes are ragey feminazis, obviously.  We took a blind poll of a bunch of factors in our personal history.  The exercise was supposed to show how the traditional gender roles are still in place, women make less than men, etc.  I fucked up the whole classes' statistics because my mother has always made more than my father, in a traditionally male field, with a higher level of education and steadier employment.  My father was a SAHD for me and my brother and has worked in traditionally female job roles.  It was a little startling to me that I was the only person who had any of those results in a fairly large class size.

FiancB

Girl scouts was actually another thing that pissed off little born-feminist me. I begged to join because I thought we'd be going camping and stuff like that. I went to a meeting and we made magnets. I never went back. I realize not all troops are the same, but that one was definitely all about GIRL scouts doing GIRLY stuff. 

Here, have an exceptionally gross ad from Axe, champion of fuckboys. Also don't forget the same company sells Dove, so don't think for a second they give a shit about "real women" unless it's real women giving them money.