Second Reception/Marriage Celebration (What Is Acceptable)

kwiksilver

My FH's family all lives on one side of the country, and my family lives on the other.  Because it's completely impossible (for a whole host of reasons) for everyone to come to one place (regardless of where the place is) we are planning on splitting the celebrations between both places.  We will be having the ceremony and reception in one province (where FH is from) and then within a month or two, we will be having a celebration with my family in the other province.

Obviously, the second celebration will NOT be a wedding.  It will also not be a PPD.  I just want to know what is acceptable for etiquette when having a "second reception".  There won't be guest crossover at all, except maybe our parents.  I would like to be able to wear my dress for the second one, mostly so people can see it, but it's not going to be a white dress, or even all that weddingy (our ceremony/reception are going to be at a campground, it'll be casual).  There won't be a wedding cake or a WP or anything like that.  Mostly we want to round up our family and friends, probably play a video of our ceremony (it'll be short, less than 30 minutes) and then have food, drinks, dancing, that sort of thing.  It will be very informal.

Can any of you just give me some etiquette tips or no-nos that I should avoid?  I don't want to have a re-enactment, we just want to give everyone a chance to come and have a party (on our dime) because we finally got married.  We've also been living together for almost 6 years already so we are definitely not encouraging anyone to buy us anything (at EITHER event) and we won't have one of those Honeyfunds or anything.  Registries just make me feel weird anyway.

So, what should we call it on the invites, and do you have anything we should absolutely NOT do.  I just got engaged Saturday so I've been poking around here but haven't had time to do a lot of heavy reading.

Dreamergirl8812

Knottie1428886375 said:

My FH's family all lives on one side of the country, and my family lives on the other.  Because it's completely impossible (for a whole host of reasons) for everyone to come to one place (regardless of where the place is) we are planning on splitting the celebrations between both places.  We will be having the ceremony and reception in one province (where FH is from) and then within a month or two, we will be having a celebration with my family in the other province.

Obviously, the second celebration will NOT be a wedding.  It will also not be a PPD.  I just want to know what is acceptable for etiquette when having a "second reception".  There won't be guest crossover at all, except maybe our parents.  I would like to be able to wear my dress for the second one, mostly so people can see it, but it's not going to be a white dress, or even all that weddingy (our ceremony/reception are going to be at a campground, it'll be casual).  There won't be a wedding cake or a WP or anything like that.  Mostly we want to round up our family and friends, probably play a video of our ceremony (it'll be short, less than 30 minutes) and then have food, drinks, dancing, that sort of thing.  It will be very informal.

Can any of you just give me some etiquette tips or no-nos that I should avoid?  I don't want to have a re-enactment, we just want to give everyone a chance to come and have a party (on our dime) because we finally got married.  We've also been living together for almost 6 years already so we are definitely not encouraging anyone to buy us anything (at EITHER event) and we won't have one of those Honeyfunds or anything.  Registries just make me feel weird anyway.

So, what should we call it on the invites, and do you have anything we should absolutely NOT do.  I just got engaged Saturday so I've been poking around here but haven't had time to do a lot of heavy reading.

I would call the second event a celebration of marriage, not a reception. And I would word the invitations as such.

My only complaint would be the video of the ceremony. I would maybe have it be available somewhere for people to watch, like on a loop? But I would not sit a bunch of people down and make them watch a video of your ceremony.

As for your dress, I tend to think it's silly to dress as a bride when you're a wife, but who cares? It isn't against etiquette, just a little strange.

SP29

I think what you are doing is fine.

As long as your family knows that you had your wedding on X date previously, you aren't trying to re-enact your wedding day, and you are properly hosting your guests, have all the parties you want.

I'm fine with re-wearing the wedding dress. I mean, it's just a dress. And you probably paid enough for it (even if it is an inexpensive dress), why not wear it again? 

I agree that sending out invitations that say "Celebration of Marriage" is most appropriate. 

As for the wedding video- I'm OK with this for the most part- as long as all of your family (those at the second affair) know where and when you got married. The only situation where it may be tricky is that guests at this second affair may get offended that they weren't invited to your actual wedding. There may be guests who would have happily paid to travel. You know? So I don't think it's against etiquette to play the video, just know your crowd and make sure everyone understands what is going on. 

CMGragain

Mr. and Mrs. John Newlyweds
request the pleasure of your company
at dinner
in celebration of their recent marriage
Date
time
Venue
City, Province

This would be formal wording.  You might check out party invitations from places like Vistaprint. They have lots of fun designs,and they are budget friendly.  Fill-in invitations from a card store would be fine, too. 

kwiksilver

Thanks for the advice

Everyone will definitely know that we were already married.  FH and I both have relatively small families, so it won't be a case of people not knowing we had a ceremony already.

Since it's a small group, I will definitely let my family know that if they DO wish to pay to travel for the ceremony, we are fine with that.  I just know that most of them wouldn't be able to for financial and health reasons.  My mom is the "family gossip" so I plan to put her on the job of making sure all family members know what's going on and if anyone is interested in traveling I will definitely hear about it way before invitations are sent.

The video thing is mostly because I know my family would want to see it.  If I didn't think they would like that, I wouldn't bother.  It'll be short, I would definitely not do it if we were having a long ceremony or anything like that.  I wouldn't want to sit through an hour long video if I were a guest.

Anyway thanks again for taking the time to respond

southernbelle0915

"Celebration of marriage" of "celebration if their recent marriage". I recently got one in the mail for a "happily ever after party". They said something like "we got married! Come celebrate with us!" (Obviously more casual than CMG's wording)

I also side eye making a production out of the video. I agree with Dreamer about putting it on a loop on your laptop off in a corner somewhere. If people want to watch it they will.

Also, is there a plan B if it rains at the campground?

kwiksilver

Yes we definitely do have a plan B for rain, we are renting tents most likely.  The place where we are having it is new to hosting weddings (we won't be the first, but their first one was last summer and apparently it didn't work out great) so we are just working out details with them.  There is also a covered pavilion thing (a permanent structure) that will easily hold all of our guests.  I definitely do not want to mess around with the chance of bad weather, so one way or another we will have a dry place for people to be.

As for the video, we haven't really worked out how it's going to be incorporated so I will definitely keep the suggestion in mind.  Maybe the laptop or small TV or something will work.  We could set it up in a corner somewhere with some photos of the event, for people who are into it (my grandma and aunts will be all over that kind of thing).

ChemFanatic25

Knottie1428886375 said:

Yes we definitely do have a plan B for rain, we are renting tents most likely.  The place where we are having it is new to hosting weddings (we won't be the first, but their first one was last summer and apparently it didn't work out great) so we are just working out details with them.  There is also a covered pavilion thing (a permanent structure) that will easily hold all of our guests.  I definitely do not want to mess around with the chance of bad weather, so one way or another we will have a dry place for people to be.

As for the video, we haven't really worked out how it's going to be incorporated so I will definitely keep the suggestion in mind.  Maybe the laptop or small TV or something will work.  We could set it up in a corner somewhere with some photos of the event, for people who are into it (my grandma and aunts will be all over that kind of thing).

I really like the idea of a video loop because in case I have to go to the bathroom or grab some food or am talking to someone I can always come back and re-watch the video. Plus it's cool to have pictures in the background of the event. You always have some group of people who will gather point at the pictures, reminisce, and walk away and then another group will do the same :-)

littlepep

I agree with PPs that is sounds like what you have planned will be good. I definitely wouldn't side eye you wearing the dress, especially if it's not super bridal looking, because I would guess most people would want to see you in it. 

I too like the idea of a video loop. It's a nice way for people to watch on their own time without being held hostage. 

notdoingitbythebook

We're doing a second event a couple months after the wedding in another province as well and we're calling it "A Celebration Of Marriage".  We will be screening the ceremony as we've had many requests from family and friends living there who cannot attend the wedding, so we're going to have fun with that at the party. I haven't decided about wearing the dress again, I'd like to but I don't know if I feel like lugging it across the country again. I think as long as you have a rain plan, it sounds like your event will go well.

flantastic

notdoingitbythebook said:

We're doing a second event a couple months after the wedding in another province as well and we're calling it "A Celebration Of Marriage".  We will be screening the ceremony as we've had many requests from family and friends living there who cannot attend the wedding, so we're going to have fun with that at the party. I haven't decided about wearing the dress again, I'd like to but I don't know if I feel like lugging it across the country again. I think as long as you have a rain plan, it sounds like your event will go well.

How long will your ceremony be? Just because all the aunties want to squee over the video doesn't mean you should subject all the guests (have literally all of your guests told you they want to see this?), especially if it's going to be something like half an hour. Just let the people who want to see it come over and see it sometime.

msuprincess04

We did this at my parents home after our destination wedding. The wedding video was playing on loop on the covered patio, but the festivities took place in tents in the yard. A few people sat and would watch the video for a little bit, but it wasn't very popular. Most wanted to mingle and party. I guess that's why I wouldn't like the idea of dimming the music and making people sit and watch it.

Otherwise it sounds like a fun event.  

lovegood90

Everything sounds good to me, but I'd skip the video. If people specifically ask, then you can send it to them or play it for them when they're over some other time, but I wouldn't have a "viewing."

notdoingitbythebook

flantastic said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

We're doing a second event a couple months after the wedding in another province as well and we're calling it "A Celebration Of Marriage".  We will be screening the ceremony as we've had many requests from family and friends living there who cannot attend the wedding, so we're going to have fun with that at the party. I haven't decided about wearing the dress again, I'd like to but I don't know if I feel like lugging it across the country again. I think as long as you have a rain plan, it sounds like your event will go well.

How long will your ceremony be? Just because all the aunties want to squee over the video doesn't mean you should subject all the guests (have literally all of your guests told you they want to see this?), especially if it's going to be something like half an hour. Just let the people who want to see it come over and see it sometime.

It's not just aunties squeeing (actually now that I think of it, not a single aunt has done any squeeing about anything to this point), but the family and friends attending. They cannot just come over to our place to see it, they live between 2 and 4 provinces away from us. So we're going with this theme that has been received extremely well because of the fun aspect to it. People have said they want to see the ceremony, so we're giving them what they want. And we'll have fun with it. If they don't want to watch the screening, they don't have to. There will be other things they can do and lots of food and drink to amuse them for the 15-20 minutes of the screening.

Maggie0829

I am sure this is going to make me sound like a grump, but I have never understood having a second party after the wedding.  If people can't make the wedding, they can't make it.  I don't get the whole traveling wedding/marriage celebration tour.  Your friends and family will be able to go on with their lives if they don't attend your wedding, and they will certainly be able to survive if you don't have a marriage celebration.

mikenberger

Maggie0829 said:

I am sure this is going to make me sound like a grump, but I have never understood having a second party after the wedding.  If people can't make the wedding, they can't make it.  I don't get the whole traveling wedding/marriage celebration tour.  Your friends and family will be able to go on with their lives if they don't attend your wedding, and they will certainly be able to survive if you don't have a marriage celebration.

Count me as a grump as well. Since most of my family lives in Florida and can't afford the plane ride or travel to Iowa, does that mean I should go to Florida and have a second celebration? 

Probably not. I'll still be married either way. I'm sure the next time they see me "Oh, your wedding looked so lovely! I'm sorry we couldn't come." will be said and then we'll move on with our visit. Don't need a whole party to speak that sentiment.

aurianna

As long as there are things to do / places to go go during the screening.

Maybe I'm an odd duck.
I'm happy to go to a wedding ceremony if I'm invited.

If the ceremony was playing throughout somewhere, low key, I'd probably watch at least part of it at some point in the evening.

But the second you put it on a big screen in front of me and expect to me to spend 30 minutes of my life just sitting there watching a ceremony that already happened, I'd get rammy. It would seem AWish to me and I'd probably feel trapped and bored and forced to watch a quasi-redo, when really I'd just want to get on with the party.

So just make sure that the lights aren't dimmed to the point of people's not being able to see where they're going, that the setup isn't a way in which guests will feel singled out/shamed for not sitting through it, and that guests not wanting to watch it will be able to congregate somewhere where they will be able to talk without interrupting the show but won't feel quarantined.

lovegood90

mikenberger said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am sure this is going to make me sound like a grump, but I have never understood having a second party after the wedding.  If people can't make the wedding, they can't make it.  I don't get the whole traveling wedding/marriage celebration tour.  Your friends and family will be able to go on with their lives if they don't attend your wedding, and they will certainly be able to survive if you don't have a marriage celebration.

Count me as a grump as well. Since most of my family lives in Florida and can't afford the plane ride or travel to Iowa, does that mean I should go to Florida and have a second celebration? 

Probably not. I'll still be married either way. I'm sure the next time they see me "Oh, your wedding looked so lovely! I'm sorry we couldn't come." will be said and then we'll move on with our visit. Don't need a whole party to speak that sentiment.

Me three. I don't get it. If it's properly hosted, fine, have a party, but it seems so unnecessary.

notdoingitbythebook

Maggie0829 said:

I am sure this is going to make me sound like a grump, but I have never understood having a second party after the wedding.  If people can't make the wedding, they can't make it.  I don't get the whole traveling wedding/marriage celebration tour.  Your friends and family will be able to go on with their lives if they don't attend your wedding, and they will certainly be able to survive if you don't have a marriage celebration.

The wedding tour is actually an early 19th century custom where the couple (and possibly family and friends) would visit relatives or family friends who were unable to attend the ceremonies. This is generally considered as an upper class custom started in England. The style of honeymooning we are accustomed to today became more popular in the late 19th century.

Will my family and friends survive if I don't go home and celebrate with them? Sure they will. Is it more fun to have a celebration to include them? Yes. Does the custom appeal to me? Yes, but I do a lot of research on 19th century customs and so I like the thought of including it. Does everyone need to do it? No. But having a large geographical divide makes it very appealing.

Maggie0829

notdoingitbythebook said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am sure this is going to make me sound like a grump, but I have never understood having a second party after the wedding.  If people can't make the wedding, they can't make it.  I don't get the whole traveling wedding/marriage celebration tour.  Your friends and family will be able to go on with their lives if they don't attend your wedding, and they will certainly be able to survive if you don't have a marriage celebration.

The wedding tour is actually an early 19th century custom where the couple (and possibly family and friends) would visit relatives or family friends who were unable to attend the ceremonies. This is generally considered as an upper class custom started in England. The style of honeymooning we are accustomed to today became more popular in the late 19th century.

Will my family and friends survive if I don't go home and celebrate with them? Sure they will. Is it more fun to have a celebration to include them? Yes. Does the custom appeal to me? Yes, but I do a lot of research on 19th century customs and so I like the thought of including it. Does everyone need to do it? No. But having a large geographical divide makes it very appealing.

Yeah, see I don't give a crap if it was a 19th century upper class custom.  It is still very AWish to me.  A wedding, in all reality, is not a big deal.  Yay you got married.  Well so did a thousand other people that day.  To extend the celebration just seems silly.  Once your married everyone else goes back to their normal lives, only the excitement of the day stays with you and your SO.

mikenberger

Maggie0829 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am sure this is going to make me sound like a grump, but I have never understood having a second party after the wedding.  If people can't make the wedding, they can't make it.  I don't get the whole traveling wedding/marriage celebration tour.  Your friends and family will be able to go on with their lives if they don't attend your wedding, and they will certainly be able to survive if you don't have a marriage celebration.

The wedding tour is actually an early 19th century custom where the couple (and possibly family and friends) would visit relatives or family friends who were unable to attend the ceremonies. This is generally considered as an upper class custom started in England. The style of honeymooning we are accustomed to today became more popular in the late 19th century.

Will my family and friends survive if I don't go home and celebrate with them? Sure they will. Is it more fun to have a celebration to include them? Yes. Does the custom appeal to me? Yes, but I do a lot of research on 19th century customs and so I like the thought of including it. Does everyone need to do it? No. But having a large geographical divide makes it very appealing.

Yeah, see I don't give a crap if it was a 19th century upper class custom.  It is still very AWish to me.  A wedding, in all reality, is not a big deal.  Yay you got married.  Well so did a thousand other people that day.  To extend the celebration just seems silly.  Once your married everyone else goes back to their normal lives, only the excitement of the day stays with you and your SO.

And in the 19th century, they didn't do honeymoons, large weddings or really anything outside of immediate family and the local pastor in your local church or in your house (depending on your location). And frequently, black was the color of choice by brides as white was expensive and couldn't really be washed properly to be white again should it get dirty. They also didn't smile in their photographs if they were rich enough to get one.

And? Your point? 

KatWAG

Maggie0829 said:

I am sure this is going to make me sound like a grump, but I have never understood having a second party after the wedding.  If people can't make the wedding, they can't make it.  I don't get the whole traveling wedding/marriage celebration tour.  Your friends and family will be able to go on with their lives if they don't attend your wedding, and they will certainly be able to survive if you don't have a marriage celebration.

I am good with a second reception because free food and alcohol! But I would be so bored if I had to sit down for 20-30 minutes to watch a ceremony I didn't attend.

Talk about boring, and it will kill the whole party vibe.

flantastic

aurianna said:

As long as there are things to do / places to go go during the screening.

Maybe I'm an odd duck.
I'm happy to go to a wedding ceremony if I'm invited.

If the ceremony was playing throughout somewhere, low key, I'd probably watch at least part of it at some point in the evening.

But the second you put it on a big screen in front of me and expect to me to spend 30 minutes of my life just sitting there watching a ceremony that already happened, I'd get rammy. It would seem AWish to me and I'd probably feel trapped and bored and forced to watch a quasi-redo, when really I'd just want to get on with the party.

So just make sure that the lights aren't dimmed to the point of people's not being able to see where they're going, that the setup isn't a way in which guests will feel singled out/shamed for not sitting through it, and that guests not wanting to watch it will be able to congregate somewhere where they will be able to talk without interrupting the show but won't feel quarantined.

This was my point, @notdoingitbythebook. Just because there are guests (I don't care if they're aunt or other friends or family, I just used aunts as an example) who want to see this, do not mean you should subject everyone to it. There will be people who are like "Oh, God, really? We're going to watch a video of them doing the whole thing that happened a while ago? Can't we just celebrate with them and call it a day?" And that amounts to poor hosting.

edit for tag

notdoingitbythebook

mikenberger said:

Maggie0829 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am sure this is going to make me sound like a grump, but I have never understood having a second party after the wedding.  If people can't make the wedding, they can't make it.  I don't get the whole traveling wedding/marriage celebration tour.  Your friends and family will be able to go on with their lives if they don't attend your wedding, and they will certainly be able to survive if you don't have a marriage celebration.

The wedding tour is actually an early 19th century custom where the couple (and possibly family and friends) would visit relatives or family friends who were unable to attend the ceremonies. This is generally considered as an upper class custom started in England. The style of honeymooning we are accustomed to today became more popular in the late 19th century.

Will my family and friends survive if I don't go home and celebrate with them? Sure they will. Is it more fun to have a celebration to include them? Yes. Does the custom appeal to me? Yes, but I do a lot of research on 19th century customs and so I like the thought of including it. Does everyone need to do it? No. But having a large geographical divide makes it very appealing.

Yeah, see I don't give a crap if it was a 19th century upper class custom.  It is still very AWish to me.  A wedding, in all reality, is not a big deal.  Yay you got married.  Well so did a thousand other people that day.  To extend the celebration just seems silly.  Once your married everyone else goes back to their normal lives, only the excitement of the day stays with you and your SO.

And in the 19th century, they didn't do honeymoons, large weddings or really anything outside of immediate family and the local pastor in your local church or in your house (depending on your location). And frequently, black was the color of choice by brides as white was expensive and couldn't really be washed properly to be white again should it get dirty. They also didn't smile in their photographs if they were rich enough to get one.

And? Your point? 

My point is that there is actually a custom behind it.. it's not just some random idea pulled out of the air.

plainjane0415

From someone who is having a celebration of marriage party, just keep it simple.  Good food, good drinks, cake, and socializing and call it a day.  There really should be no wedding elements, and honestly showing the video of the ceremony and expecting everyone to watch it is just silly.

notdoingitbythebook

mikenberger said:

Maggie0829 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am sure this is going to make me sound like a grump, but I have never understood having a second party after the wedding.  If people can't make the wedding, they can't make it.  I don't get the whole traveling wedding/marriage celebration tour.  Your friends and family will be able to go on with their lives if they don't attend your wedding, and they will certainly be able to survive if you don't have a marriage celebration.

The wedding tour is actually an early 19th century custom where the couple (and possibly family and friends) would visit relatives or family friends who were unable to attend the ceremonies. This is generally considered as an upper class custom started in England. The style of honeymooning we are accustomed to today became more popular in the late 19th century.

Will my family and friends survive if I don't go home and celebrate with them? Sure they will. Is it more fun to have a celebration to include them? Yes. Does the custom appeal to me? Yes, but I do a lot of research on 19th century customs and so I like the thought of including it. Does everyone need to do it? No. But having a large geographical divide makes it very appealing.

Yeah, see I don't give a crap if it was a 19th century upper class custom.  It is still very AWish to me.  A wedding, in all reality, is not a big deal.  Yay you got married.  Well so did a thousand other people that day.  To extend the celebration just seems silly.  Once your married everyone else goes back to their normal lives, only the excitement of the day stays with you and your SO.

And in the 19th century, they didn't do honeymoons, large weddings or really anything outside of immediate family and the local pastor in your local church or in your house (depending on your location). And frequently, black was the color of choice by brides as white was expensive and couldn't really be washed properly to be white again should it get dirty. They also didn't smile in their photographs if they were rich enough to get one.

And? Your point? 

The point was that there is a custom attached to it. I am aware of other wedding customs from that era. Most brides wore blue actually, since it symbolizes purity (or extract from that virginity) and the white was not in custom until after Queen Victoria did it and it was only as a demonstration of wealth, not purity like so many think). Want me to go on? The point I was making is that a wedding tour (or going to visit family and friend who could not attend the wedding) is not a new thing. It's actually quite an old custom.

What's your point?

notdoingitbythebook

flantastic said:

aurianna said:

As long as there are things to do / places to go go during the screening.

Maybe I'm an odd duck.
I'm happy to go to a wedding ceremony if I'm invited.

If the ceremony was playing throughout somewhere, low key, I'd probably watch at least part of it at some point in the evening.

But the second you put it on a big screen in front of me and expect to me to spend 30 minutes of my life just sitting there watching a ceremony that already happened, I'd get rammy. It would seem AWish to me and I'd probably feel trapped and bored and forced to watch a quasi-redo, when really I'd just want to get on with the party.

So just make sure that the lights aren't dimmed to the point of people's not being able to see where they're going, that the setup isn't a way in which guests will feel singled out/shamed for not sitting through it, and that guests not wanting to watch it will be able to congregate somewhere where they will be able to talk without interrupting the show but won't feel quarantined.

This was my point, @notdoingitbythebook. Just because there are guests (I don't care if they're aunt or other friends or family, I just used aunts as an example) who want to see this, do not mean you should subject everyone to it. There will be people who are like "Oh, God, really? We're going to watch a video of them doing the whole thing that happened a while ago? Can't we just celebrate with them and call it a day?" And that amounts to poor hosting.

edit for tag

Okie dokie. Thanks for your opinion.

Maggie0829

notdoingitbythebook said:

Maggie0829 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am sure this is going to make me sound like a grump, but I have never understood having a second party after the wedding.  If people can't make the wedding, they can't make it.  I don't get the whole traveling wedding/marriage celebration tour.  Your friends and family will be able to go on with their lives if they don't attend your wedding, and they will certainly be able to survive if you don't have a marriage celebration.

The wedding tour is actually an early 19th century custom where the couple (and possibly family and friends) would visit relatives or family friends who were unable to attend the ceremonies. This is generally considered as an upper class custom started in England. The style of honeymooning we are accustomed to today became more popular in the late 19th century.

Will my family and friends survive if I don't go home and celebrate with them? Sure they will. Is it more fun to have a celebration to include them? Yes. Does the custom appeal to me? Yes, but I do a lot of research on 19th century customs and so I like the thought of including it. Does everyone need to do it? No. But having a large geographical divide makes it very appealing.

Yeah, see I don't give a crap if it was a 19th century upper class custom.  It is still very AWish to me.  A wedding, in all reality, is not a big deal.  Yay you got married.  Well so did a thousand other people that day.  To extend the celebration just seems silly.  Once your married everyone else goes back to their normal lives, only the excitement of the day stays with you and your SO.

And in the 19th century, they didn't do honeymoons, large weddings or really anything outside of immediate family and the local pastor in your local church or in your house (depending on your location). And frequently, black was the color of choice by brides as white was expensive and couldn't really be washed properly to be white again should it get dirty. They also didn't smile in their photographs if they were rich enough to get one.

And? Your point? 

The point was that there is a custom attached to it. I am aware of other wedding customs from that era. Most brides wore blue actually, since it symbolizes purity (or extract from that virginity) and the white was not in custom until after Queen Victoria did it and it was only as a demonstration of wealth, not purity like so many think). Want me to go on? The point I was making is that a wedding tour (or going to visit family and friend who could not attend the wedding) is not a new thing. It's actually quite an old custom.

What's your point?

That the custom is dumb.

[Deleted User]

I say have the second party.  Fine with me.  But I think you have to be sure to invite EVERYONE to the real, actual, legal marriage ceremony.  Let them decide if they can or cannot make it to that first before you saddle them with the second tier party.  So, budget for everyone you want to invite (you'll probably have lots of money left over if half the group declines.)  Then maybe put an insert in the invitation, "A celebration of marriage party will be thrown in this location on this date.  Official Evite to follow."  And I think you need to invite EVERYONE to that party as well.  Let's say I live in the location where you're getting officially married, but I have plans to be a bridesmaid in my BFF's wedding that weekend and can't attend yours.  Maybe I'd love to fly to your Celebration of Marriage location to celebrate with you there and make it a fun vacation as well.  Basically, I think you need to let the guests decide which party they want to attend (or both or none) rather than choosing for them.

thisismynickname2

adk19 said:

I say have the second party.  Fine with me.  But I think you have to be sure to invite EVERYONE to the real, actual, legal marriage ceremony.  Let them decide if they can or cannot make it to that first before you saddle them with the second tier party.  So, budget for everyone you want to invite (you'll probably have lots of money left over if half the group declines.)  Then maybe put an insert in the invitation, "A celebration of marriage party will be thrown in this location on this date.  Official Evite to follow."  And I think you need to invite EVERYONE to that party as well.  Let's say I live in the location where you're getting officially married, but I have plans to be a bridesmaid in my BFF's wedding that weekend and can't attend yours.  Maybe I'd love to fly to your Celebration of Marriage location to celebrate with you there and make it a fun vacation as well.  Basically, I think you need to let the guests decide which party they want to attend (or both or none) rather than choosing for them.

I'm with this. ^^

My entire side of extended family live on the other side of the ocean. My mom let them know there would be a wedding and asked who would want to make the trip. Only one set of aunt/uncle did. It doesn't mean I have to plan a party overseas too, and I didn't. The same thing happened with my sister. A year after her wedding, there was a family reunion overseas. Moral of the story is, family meets the spouse eventually. 

So, if you do have the means to host a celebration of marriage somewhere else, at least give people options as adk19 describes. 

flantastic

notdoingitbythebook said:

flantastic said:

aurianna said:

As long as there are things to do / places to go go during the screening.

Maybe I'm an odd duck.
I'm happy to go to a wedding ceremony if I'm invited.

If the ceremony was playing throughout somewhere, low key, I'd probably watch at least part of it at some point in the evening.

But the second you put it on a big screen in front of me and expect to me to spend 30 minutes of my life just sitting there watching a ceremony that already happened, I'd get rammy. It would seem AWish to me and I'd probably feel trapped and bored and forced to watch a quasi-redo, when really I'd just want to get on with the party.

So just make sure that the lights aren't dimmed to the point of people's not being able to see where they're going, that the setup isn't a way in which guests will feel singled out/shamed for not sitting through it, and that guests not wanting to watch it will be able to congregate somewhere where they will be able to talk without interrupting the show but won't feel quarantined.

This was my point, @notdoingitbythebook. Just because there are guests (I don't care if they're aunt or other friends or family, I just used aunts as an example) who want to see this, do not mean you should subject everyone to it. There will be people who are like "Oh, God, really? We're going to watch a video of them doing the whole thing that happened a while ago? Can't we just celebrate with them and call it a day?" And that amounts to poor hosting.

edit for tag

Okie dokie. Thanks for your opinion.

Okie dokie, you're welcome. It's clear that you don't give a shit about being rude to your guests at this point, but I'll probably continue to respond to you for the benefit of anyone else who may be reading.