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Unannounced Pop-in

climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
edited April 2015 in Chit Chat
My H has friends that like to come over unannounced. I find this incredibly rude. Why not just call someone before?

When this person showed up Sunday morning at 11am, we were actually in the middle of something, if ya catch my drift.

So, what are your thoughts on the unannounced pop-in?

Unannounced Pop-in 136 votes

Totally fine and normal. I do this all the time/our friends do this often.
1% 2 votes
Rude and odd. Please call first if you want to come over.
77% 105 votes
Your mac and cheese needs salt.
15% 21 votes
I like unicorns.
5% 8 votes

«13

Re: Unannounced Pop-in

  • Our house is almost always at least slightly messy, so I very much dislike unannounced pop-ins. I generally need at least an hour's notice to make sure the place is presentable, and I don't like to rush so even in those circumstances I get grumpy. Luckily we don't have friends who like to just pop in.
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  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Much annoyance. And a total boner kill. 

    A text is easy enough to send and to respond to or not respond to. Which to any reasonable human would signal "I'm busy/not at home." 

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  • I get super irritated when people just show up. If I didn't have to work that day, there's a good chance I'm in pajamas with gross hair and no make-up, trying to clean my house. Or I'm trying to lay around and have a lazy day to relax for once, so the house is a total mess. Either way, I don't want to see you. Leave me alone. 

    FSIL and FBIL stopped by unannounced once last summer. It was right after our dog got skunked, so our house reeked. It was disgusting. And there was powder all over our living room floor because he also brought in fleas so we were trying to kill them and vacuum them up. So I was wearing the attire mentioned above, and my shirt was slightly see-through and I had no bra on, because I was planning on a gross, messy house-cleaning day given the circumstances. Plus we had dirty laundry everywhere. I was humiliated to have them see all that. 
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Dude, no. My H's sister does this, and it drives me INSANE.

    I do not keep my house at company-level cleanliness at all times, but I like to give that illusion. When she does this shit, it is ruined. 

    Also, like, how do you know we are even home if you dont call?
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Much annoyance. And a total boner kill. 


    A text is easy enough to send and to respond to or not respond to. Which to any reasonable human would signal "I'm busy/not at home." 
    Exactly. It's not 1995. We all have cell phones. 

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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hell no. Although I wonder, did you do this as kids? I never did because my parents were so strict, but I had friends that would just pop in to each others homes. Maybe they just never outgrew that?

    Regardless, it's rude. I would never do that to someone now, and I would hate if anyone did that to us.
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  • I have people that do that. I just don't answer the door. Then they call and are like "Oh, but your car is here!" "Yeah... but I'm not." And then they go away lol
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  • I have people that do that. I just don't answer the door. Then they call and are like "Oh, but your car is here!" "Yeah... but I'm not." And then they go away lol

    My parents' neighbors had a really creepy adult son who would stalk our house sometimes. Like I would pull into the driveway and he would just appear with an icecream sundae for me (seriously, it was fucking weird). 

    If I was already in the house and he tried to just pop in, I would literally hide until he went away. (There's a good view of the front door from my parents' bedroom window upstairs, so I would run and peek out. If it was that guy, duck and hide). 
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I had a very hard time not answering with "your mac and cheese needs salt". very. hard. 

    Anyway, yes, not okay. H had to yell at his dad to not just show up when we first moved in together. Several times. His best friend used to just stop by too, but now that he's finally got a girlfriend he seems to understand that that shit's not okay. 
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  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    pinkcow13 said:

    Hell no. Although I wonder, did you do this as kids? I never did because my parents were so strict, but I had friends that would just pop in to each others homes. Maybe they just never outgrew that?


    Regardless, it's rude. I would never do that to someone now, and I would hate if anyone did that to us.
    This one kid next door to us use to just walk into our house without even knocking to see if I could come out and play. My parents were like WTF get out of here. 
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  • The last time I stopped by someone's house unannounced was when I rode my bike to my friend's house to ask if she could come out and play. 

    Not ok.
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  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    No no no. Unless it's some kind of crazy emergency. Pretty much everyone nowadays a phone on them at all times, why on earth would someone NOT call or text before coming?

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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    That is so rude. I would have been really pissed off. I was taught that you always call first. Even if it is family. It is just poor manners to just pop up on someone's doorstep unannounced.
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I really cannot imagine just-popping-in on anyone. Like, I got in "trouble" (read: stern talking-to) if a friend and I concocted a sleepover plan without prior permission from the hosting parents. I don't go anywhere I'm not explicitly invited. 
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  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Nope, never. We never do it and thankfully nobody ever does it to us. My parents have stopped by with little notice, but it wasn't supposed to be a real visit. That's about it.

    I just can't imagine getting into my car and driving someplace if I don't know that they are home. I am expending effort, I'm not going to do it if I know there's a good chance it's wasted.
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  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    I haven't heard of people doing this past the 90s, since everyone has a phone now...

    My friends and I obviously did this as kids, but I can't imagine grown adults doing this in this day and age. Maybe it's because my family and SO's family (the people most likely to do this) are 5 hours away, and we live in a apartment, that it would be pretty hard for people to unexpectedly drop by.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    They pulled into our driveway and the car was so loud that it startled both of us. So I pulled up the security cameras and saw this black convertible. H didn't even recognize the car. So I sent him out, and told him don't you dare invite them in. H stood outside and talked to them for a while and then they left. When H came back in, he said "It was Chris and his wife. They were out for a drive."

    Ok, so fucking drive. Don't come to our house unannounced. Crazy people. 

    [Deleted User]
  • I have people that do that. I just don't answer the door. Then they call and are like "Oh, but your car is here!" "Yeah... but I'm not." And then they go away lol

    My parents' neighbors had a really creepy adult son who would stalk our house sometimes. Like I would pull into the driveway and he would just appear with an icecream sundae for me (seriously, it was fucking weird). 

    If I was already in the house and he tried to just pop in, I would literally hide until he went away. (There's a good view of the front door from my parents' bedroom window upstairs, so I would run and peek out. If it was that guy, duck and hide). 
    Omg haha that's so creepy!
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    My place is almost never "company clean," so...no to popping in. I only have a few friends who actually live in my neighborhood, though, and they are not the types to just ring the bell and show up.

    It was definitely the norm in my neighborhood growing up though--people would drop by, but usually it was with some kind of purpose/to drop something off, etc. The "just stopping to say hi" stuff usually happened while one party was out walking and the other was in their yard/garage/porch and available to chat. 

    I think it probably depends on your neighborhood and your preferences--I could see myself getting my shit together sometime in the future to the point where I have a clean enough, large enough house to actually entertain the notion of entertaining on a moment's notice, but even then it would have to be close friends. And if I were "in the middle of something" I would most definitely NOT answer the door!
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  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    This is one of the things that I'll miss when we don't live in an apartment without a functional buzzer anymore - no one can drop in on us because the only way to get in is to call and have one of us come down and get you from the vestibule. I love it.

    As everyone else said, we all have cell phones now. If you're in someone's neighbourhood and you think "Oh, I would love to stop by and see so-and-so," all you have to do is pull out your phone and call or text to say that you're nearby and would love to stop and say hi or go grab a coffee if you have a minute. And then it's so easy for them to say "I'd love to see you but my kids are a little crazy this morning. Would you like to go have a drink later once their mom is home from work?" or "Sure, just let me put some pants and a pot of coffee on!"

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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    If I wanted to see you, I would have invited you over/out somewhere.

    Luckily, I have no one who does this. Even H's parents (I'd be the most worried about MIL doing this if they lived near us) call their friend next door before they go up and knock on her door. Sometimes she's taking a nap. Sometimes she's doing things and wants to clean up first. Sometimes she's just not in the mood. Not that hard.

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  • lurkergirllurkergirl ATL member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    HAIL NO! If you show up to my house unannounced, we will be having a very awkward conversation in which I kindly ask you to gtfo. I would never ever do that to someone else.




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  • lurkergirllurkergirl ATL member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2015
    HAIL NO! If you show up to my house unannounced, we will be having a very awkward conversation in which I kindly ask you to gtfo. I would never ever do that to someone else.




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  • They pulled into our driveway and the car was so loud that it startled both of us. So I pulled up the security cameras and saw this black convertible. H didn't even recognize the car. So I sent him out, and told him don't you dare invite them in. H stood outside and talked to them for a while and then they left. When H came back in, he said "It was Chris and his wife. They were out for a drive."


    Ok, so fucking drive. Don't come to our house unannounced. Crazy people. 
    This would be exactly my reaction. 

    "out for a drive" means you're driving....not putting parking unannounced in someone's driveway.

    Afternoon delight is a real thing...and climbingwife is getting it.
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    We are newlyweds. We're supposed to be boning 24/7. 
    Amen. More often and not, newlyweds shall be boning. Therefore the question isn't "hey, if y'all aren't busy, can we stop by?" The question should be "y'all are probably busy, so let us know if/when we could stop by"
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    climbingwifehuskypuppy14anjemon
  • The joys of living in an apartment building. People can't just knock on my door without me first buzzing them in.

    When I was maybe 12 or 13 I was home alone and my Great Uncle stopped by. He lives 2 1/2 hours away and I have NO idea why he was in town but he decided to visit and I was the only one home and it was before cell phones so I couldn't call my mom or dad to let them know in case they wanted to come back early. He couldn't stay long, so I just had to wait for a few hours and then when everyone got back say "Uncle Walt stopped by."

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