Unannounced Pop-in

littlepep

climbingwife said:

southernbelle0915 said:

climbingwife said:

They pulled into our driveway and the car was so loud that it startled both of us. So I pulled up the security cameras and saw this black convertible. H didn't even recognize the car. So I sent him out, and told him don't you dare invite them in. H stood outside and talked to them for a while and then they left. When H came back in, he said "It was Chris and his wife. They were out for a drive."

Ok, so fucking drive. Don't come to our house unannounced. Crazy people. 

This would be exactly my reaction. 

"out for a drive" means you're driving....not putting parking unannounced in someone's driveway.

Afternoon delight is a real thing...and climbingwife is getting it.

We are newlyweds. We're supposed to be boning 24/7. 

TrixieJess

I have a toddler, at least text me and let me know you want to come over and I will let you know if it's okay. 

Most of my friends don't do this because they know better. My mother is the only one who had to be trained out of doing this. She had a tendency to pop by without calling first and then would get upset when I wouldn't answer the door because I didn't know she was coming over. 

novella1186

TrixieJess said:

I have a toddler, at least text me and let me know you want to come over and I will let you know if it's okay. 

Most of my friends don't do this because they know better. My mother is the only one who had to be trained out of doing this. She had a tendency to pop by without calling first and then would get upset when I wouldn't answer the door because I didn't know she was coming over. 

ugh this is why I'm so glad I live an hour and a half away from my mother. If I lived any closer, she would totally just show up, probably every day. 

Even with the distance, she'll text and say "I think I'll come down and see you tomorrow." No, no you won't. 

I love my mom and it's not like I don't want to see her, but we're fucking busy. I can't just randomly drop everything to spend an evening with a spur-of-the-moment visit. But at least she warns me first so I can tell her no. 

southernbelle0915

TrixieJess said:

I have a toddler, at least text me and let me know you want to come over and I will let you know if it's okay. 

Most of my friends don't do this because they know better. My mother is the only one who had to be trained out of doing this. She had a tendency to pop by without calling first and then would get upset when I wouldn't answer the door because I didn't know she was coming over. 

I don't understand this way of thinking. 

There are a million reasons you might not answer the door. You're in the shower, you're taking a nap, you're mitigating a temper tantrum, you're cleaning up a mess/explosion and can't handle a visitor, etc. 

If I'm not expecting someone, I don't answer.* UPS leaves packages on the front porch, Jehovah's Witnesses leave after a few minutes, door-to-door sales people/political activists also leave if no one answers....For me, there's literally no reason to answer the door unless expecting someone.

*disclaimer: If I see that the door bell ringer is wearing a girl scout uniform and has an order form, I will trip over myself/my cat and run to get there before she leaves.

levioosa

I guess I'm in the non-existent minority who has done this....but only with my BFF and before we lived with SOs.  We still have a key to each other's houses, and it's a pretty open door policy, although we text now on our way over.  It probably has something to do with the fact that her parent's house was "the cool" house when we were growing up, and people dropped by unannounced all the time.  It just felt normal to us.  But I wouldn't do that with anyone else; I would definitely call or text first.  Hell, I don't even like going to my parents unannounced anymore because my Dad has claimed that he walks around naked now that we're all out of the house, and I just don't need to see that. 

TrixieJess

southernbelle0915 said:

TrixieJess said:

I have a toddler, at least text me and let me know you want to come over and I will let you know if it's okay. 

Most of my friends don't do this because they know better. My mother is the only one who had to be trained out of doing this. She had a tendency to pop by without calling first and then would get upset when I wouldn't answer the door because I didn't know she was coming over. 

I don't understand this way of thinking. 

There are a million reasons you might not answer the door. You're in the shower, you're taking a nap, you're mitigating a temper tantrum, you're cleaning up a mess/explosion and can't handle a visitor, etc. 

If I'm not expecting someone, I don't answer.* UPS leaves packages on the front porch, Jehovah's Witnesses leave after a few minutes, door-to-door sales people/political activists also leave if no one answers....For me, there's literally no reason to answer the door unless expecting someone.

*disclaimer: If I see that the door bell ringer is wearing a girl scout uniform and has an order form, I will trip over myself/my cat and run to get there before she leaves.

I should probably explain that my mother is bi-polar and a narcissist (yes, diagnosed), it's always about her.

banana468

We had to have a talk with my dad about this after he drove one hour to gift us an expensive piece of lawn equipment. We appreciated it but I also said that DH could be naked so I need warning!

Cookie Pusher

I mostly don't care. My apartment is usually a mess, but most people who come over are only interested in one thing - whatever I'm cooking. After dark, tho, I do prefer to at least get a text beforehand since we can't see if someone is standing on our porch.

sarahufl

The only time I have done this that I can remember is when we were in my old town over Christmas. We had moved away at least 10 years prior. We decided to pop in and see some friends we hadn't seen in years. We no longer had their phone numbers so we decided to take a chance and ring their doorbell with my mom and sister. We wore santa hats and brought cookies.

They were so shocked to see us and so happy we came by- one of the families even invited us to stay for lunch. They thanked us so many times for coming over.

That was fun! But no, ordinarily I would never do it.

themuffinman16

My step-mom does this all of the time.  Thankfully, my apartment has a garage. So I just tell her I'm out and wait for the threat level to decrease to orange. My sister, unfortunately, does not have a garage she can park her car in. My step-mother pops in ALL THE TIME, and always early in the morning (sometimes before 8AM!) My sister has a 2 year old and an almost one year old. Her house is in a constant state of nuclear playtime. My step-mother always makes some nasty comment on the state of the house. My sister told her if she doesn't like the state of the house, she should call before she comes over to give her a chance to clean.  She, now, calls my sister 10 minutes before she comes over... WHY BOTHER?

  Sis also had a problem with her FIL coming over unannounced AND without knocking and just entering. She solved that real quick with breast feeding.

   My twin sister is the only person allowed to enter my house without calling.  We shared a womb together, she knows how I keep my place, and the same rings true for her.

MyNameIsNot

This is my favorite thing about living out in the suburbs. Everyone is at least 15-20 minutes away, so no one drops by without making sure we're home first. Back when we lived in town, it was different. Friends and neighbors would just pop by to see if we were home because they were literally right in front of our building. 

I have a friend that has a huge issue with this and the inlaws. Not only does her FIL drop by unannounced all the time, he has a key and will let himself in and make a sandwich or take a nap whether anyone is home or not. I don't understand why she puts up with that BS. I would cut a bitch. 

climbingsingle

For the record, in the two years H and I have been together, these people have never just stopped by. They are not close friends and we've never hung out with them. I've met the husband maybe twice. 

redoryx

Sorry. posted in wrong forum. LOL.

classicalandedgy

Just no...  I've never nderstood why people think this is ok.

luckya23

My parents and grandparents are fine with this, and it's pretty much expected.

I'm trying to train them out of doing this at MY HOUSE though. 

They have keys to my house too, and one time I walked out of my bedroom (thankfully dressed) and found my dad in the hallway!  I don't remember why he was here, but he said he didn't want to upset the dogs by ringing the bell, so he let himself in!

Poor FI, I will once in a while stop the action and say "was that the door???"

chibiyui

SS. I can understand this somewhat if I lived in the same neighborhood/across the street from someone I'm close to (Like say, Mom or best friend) And I have done this with family when I went to visit someone else in my hometown I might drop by their house to see if they're there (Older relatives, they do not have cellphones).

Otherwise though. Nope. Rude as fuck.

sarahufl

My ILs will never get a key to my house.

I would be HORRIFIED if I came home to see them in my house. Who does that?!

lyndausvi

It doesn't bother me.  Not that it happens because my family is far away.  I grew up in a family where your house is always "company" ready.   We also always had a stocked bar "just in case company showed up".  So if you just popped in to my house you will see a somewhat clean house and be offered a cocktail and a snack.     But again, it doesn't happen here. But if it did, no big deal.

Dare I say when we are in my home town I've been known to do a pop in? I've only done it to my aunt and other family. Their homes are known to be pop-in places anyway.  These same people do pop-ins at my parent's beach house.  Not to stay over night.   Just to say "hi".  My parents don't mind at all.

DH also does pop-ins when we are at his hometown.  Not all the time.  More like we will drive by a friend's house and he will see their car there and just "pop-in".  Everyone is gets so excited to randomly see DH.

We never do it outside of our hometowns though.   

 Some of my favorite memories are things that were NOT planned and more spontaneous.  Sometimes that included a random pop-in by either myself or someone doing it to me.

I think this is a "know your audience" thing.

NowIamMrsKlein

I pretty much never answer the door if I am not expecting someone. And definitely don't do it when I am by myself. Had to many poor experiences with creepy door to door sales men.

 (Which kind of goes a long with the feminist thread, when I told a salesman I wasn't interested and he asked me when my husband would be home so he could discuss it with someone who would understand and be able to make a decision for the household.....)

But yea, FI and I can get lazy with the dishes and I am pretty much sweat pants and no bra the instant I get home so I would be mortified if someone just stopped by.

cupcait927

Nope. Not okay. My anxiety would shoot through the roof if someone just popped by my house unannounced. Our house doesn't ever get that messy but I still like to straighten up and make sure that I look presentable before anyone comes over. My mom has done the random pop-in a few times and it drives me batty, because it's always at the most inconvenient or most inappropriate time. Luckily she's the only one that's ever done this.

 

H will randomly pop into his parents house all the time but they more or less expect him to do that. We still get packages delivered there (no mail delivery at our house) and he likes to visit his mom for lunch. I try to get him to at least give them a heads up if we're both planning on stopping by because a) his dad's been known to walk around naked or in his underwear (thankfully I've never encountered that) or b) they might be in the middle of dinner or housework and not really ready for company, even though he's their kid.

climbingsingle

I keep our house pretty clean. I would consider it always presentable. But that's not really the point. At 11AM on a Sunday, if I'm not busy with my H, I'm probably doing laundry. Which means I'm in sweats and have not showered and look like a mess. And I'm not down to hang out with people when I'm not showered and in sweats. 

levioosa

I'm pretty sure my Italian side is all about the pop-ins, but I don't live in the same city, so I have been exempted from it.  They're totally the hardcore "buy homes on the same street" Italian family.  The last wedding was family only and had 350 people.  My Aunt absolutely loves it, but that sounds like my personal hell.  I need my space.  I can't have thirty aunts and cousins dropping by all the time.

l9i

I HATE when people stop by unannounced for all the reasons previously mentioned.  Recently my DH's cousin (who is very awkward with strange social skills) stopped by randomly while we were in the middle of cooking dinner and cleaning so the house was a mess.  He stopped by and had nothing really to share, so it was like trying to find small talk and super awkward.  He also come in and announced he's gassy and kept farting, it was awful.  Oh yeah, and because we were in the middle of cooking and then trying to talk to him our food got burnt.  Even as we were taking the food out of the oven he still didn't get the hint to leave and that he might be interrupting.  I would feel awful just showing up at someones house without at least mentioning it or seeing if I could....

LadyMillil

lyndausvi said:

It doesn't bother me.  Not that it happens because my family is far away.  I grew up in a family where your house is always "company" ready.   We also always had a stocked bar "just in case company showed up".  So if you just popped in to my house you will see a somewhat clean house and be offered a cocktail and a snack.     But again, it doesn't happen here. But if it did, no big deal.

I voted for mac and cheese because no other options fit. I think it is a little rude but not odd because it's the norm in my hometown. The bolded is true for my family and living situation as well. I live far away from my family and will not move back to my hometown, so no need to worry about family popping in. People don't do it where I currently live.

jenna8984

climbingwife said:

For the record, in the two years H and I have been together, these people have never just stopped by. They are not close friends and we've never hung out with them. I've met the husband maybe twice. 

I was just going to say it depends how close you are to the people (relatonship wise not distance). I will sometimes pop over my brother's house when I know he's just home feeding the kids dinner and his wife is at work becuase she's 2nd shift. And he will sometimes pop over my house to say check out my new car/ 4 wheeler/ toy.

My best friend invited me over for Easter, I didn't bother texting her that morning I just showed up. She was at church with her grandma but of course her mom and sisters welcomed me in and handed me salad to prep because that's the relationship we have.

These people that you barely know? Fuck no.

princessofgenovia

If I'm home, just hanging out, there is super good chance I am not wearing clothing. If you force me to put on clothes because you can't figure out how to text "Hey I'm in the area, can I come by and see you for a bit", I don't like you. 

What annoys me the most though are the people who pop by and then get bitchy you aren't home. I got a text this weekend that read "Came by to see you, but apparently you guys weren't home?", I replayed back "No, we're doing some stuff, sorry we missed you" and then they respond "Well it would've been nice to know beforehand you weren't going to be home". You know the best way to find that information out? Fucking CALL OR TEXT before you come over. 

flantastic

princessofgenovia said:

If I'm home, just hanging out, there is super good chance I am not wearing clothing. If you force me to put on clothes because you can't figure out how to text "Hey I'm in the area, can I come by and see you for a bit", I don't like you. 

What annoys me the most though are the people who pop by and then get bitchy you aren't home. I got a text this weekend that read "Came by to see you, but apparently you guys weren't home?", I replayed back "No, we're doing some stuff, sorry we missed you" and then they respond "Well it would've been nice to know beforehand you weren't going to be home". You know the best way to find that information out? Fucking CALL OR TEXT before you come over. 

That's impressive that they try to blame it on you. Are you supposed to text them every time you leave your house?

Actually, I might start doing that, just to make a point.

"Hey, in case you were thinking of stopping by, I'm running to the grocery store."

"Hey, in case you were thinking of stopping by, I'm headed to work." (every single morning.)

"Hey, in case you were thinking of stopping by, I have better things to do right now and won't answer the door."

jenna8984

Ok I had a busy weekend and I'm just catching up on TK....got to the mac & cheese thread and now your option makes so much more sense hahahah fantastic!

l9i

flantastic said:

princessofgenovia said:

If I'm home, just hanging out, there is super good chance I am not wearing clothing. If you force me to put on clothes because you can't figure out how to text "Hey I'm in the area, can I come by and see you for a bit", I don't like you. 

What annoys me the most though are the people who pop by and then get bitchy you aren't home. I got a text this weekend that read "Came by to see you, but apparently you guys weren't home?", I replayed back "No, we're doing some stuff, sorry we missed you" and then they respond "Well it would've been nice to know beforehand you weren't going to be home". You know the best way to find that information out? Fucking CALL OR TEXT before you come over. 

That's impressive that they try to blame it on you. Are you supposed to text them every time you leave your house?

Actually, I might start doing that, just to make a point.

"Hey, in case you were thinking of stopping by, I'm running to the grocery store."

"Hey, in case you were thinking of stopping by, I'm headed to work." (every single morning.)

"Hey, in case you were thinking of stopping by, I have better things to do right now and won't answer the door."

^^^ THIS.  PLEASE.

princessofgenovia

flantastic said:

princessofgenovia said:

If I'm home, just hanging out, there is super good chance I am not wearing clothing. If you force me to put on clothes because you can't figure out how to text "Hey I'm in the area, can I come by and see you for a bit", I don't like you. 

What annoys me the most though are the people who pop by and then get bitchy you aren't home. I got a text this weekend that read "Came by to see you, but apparently you guys weren't home?", I replayed back "No, we're doing some stuff, sorry we missed you" and then they respond "Well it would've been nice to know beforehand you weren't going to be home". You know the best way to find that information out? Fucking CALL OR TEXT before you come over. 

That's impressive that they try to blame it on you. Are you supposed to text them every time you leave your house?

Actually, I might start doing that, just to make a point.

"Hey, in case you were thinking of stopping by, I'm running to the grocery store."

"Hey, in case you were thinking of stopping by, I'm headed to work." (every single morning.)

"Hey, in case you were thinking of stopping by, I have better things to do right now and won't answer the door."

That's basically what I told them. I said "Sorry, didn't realize I needed to confirm my plans with you each day", they didn't respond.

I think I should do this with my mother. She doesn't try to make it my fault but she does pop by and then get frustrated I'm not home. Well don't just drop by. You've got a cell phone, call me. Text me.