Will you contribute to your kids' weddings?

lovemesomemonster

Just want to weigh in on the paying for college thing. My parents did what they could through college, I went as an athlete but was a walk on so working was not possible and no scholarship. I had to take out loans for two years of it and I appreciate everything they did for me. On the flip side of that, FI's parents paid for his school with the agreement that he would come home and farm for them every summer, saving enough money to pay for his housing/food. I would love to be able to pay for school for my kids but there would be stings attached. They had that agreement with all of their kids and found out after paying for two years of his little brother's schooling that he had failed out and he didn't tell them. On the other hand, FI graduated, held good grades, and now has a good job and it's nice for us to only have my loans to worry about. So yes, would be nice, but they have to pull the grades and have a plan, I'm not paying for you to party. 

princessofgenovia

My parents didn't pay for my college. There was no money to do so. They did say if I went to school close to home I could continue to live there for free, but that was about all they could offer. I didn't stay close to home so I had to live in the dorms. But between scholarships, grants, and loans I did pretty well. 

FI's moms did pay for a portion of his college. He had a scholarship that covered most of his tuition (he said it worked out to about 80%), they covered the rest and his books and dorm. And they paid for half of his law school tuition. 

If we have kids, I'm not sure we'll fund their college 100%. I remember college. I remember the kids who didn't have to worry about paying tuition or really anything else. College was a four year party for them. I had to work during college and it was hard but it did give me real life work experience as well. I think that helped me land a job when I graduated.

But I'd like to help them a little with college. Not sure yet. Not even sure we want kids so planning this all out could be a moot point.

plainjane0415

princessofgenovia said:

My parents didn't pay for my college. There was no money to do so. They did say if I went to school close to home I could continue to live there for free, but that was about all they could offer. I didn't stay close to home so I had to live in the dorms. But between scholarships, grants, and loans I did pretty well. 

FI's moms did pay for a portion of his college. He had a scholarship that covered most of his tuition (he said it worked out to about 80%), they covered the rest and his books and dorm. And they paid for half of his law school tuition. 

If we have kids, I'm not sure we'll fund their college 100%. I remember college. I remember the kids who didn't have to worry about paying tuition or really anything else. College was a four year party for them. I had to work during college and it was hard but it did give me real life work experience as well. I think that helped me land a job when I graduated.

But I'd like to help them a little with college. Not sure yet. Not even sure we want kids so planning this all out could be a moot point.

This isn't the case for everyone though.  My parents paid for college, and I worked part time to provide all the extras I wanted in college.  Just because your parents pay for your schooling doesn't automatically mean you take advantage and party 24/7.  I didn't.

princessofgenovia

plainjane0415 said:

princessofgenovia said:

My parents didn't pay for my college. There was no money to do so. They did say if I went to school close to home I could continue to live there for free, but that was about all they could offer. I didn't stay close to home so I had to live in the dorms. But between scholarships, grants, and loans I did pretty well. 

FI's moms did pay for a portion of his college. He had a scholarship that covered most of his tuition (he said it worked out to about 80%), they covered the rest and his books and dorm. And they paid for half of his law school tuition. 

If we have kids, I'm not sure we'll fund their college 100%. I remember college. I remember the kids who didn't have to worry about paying tuition or really anything else. College was a four year party for them. I had to work during college and it was hard but it did give me real life work experience as well. I think that helped me land a job when I graduated.

But I'd like to help them a little with college. Not sure yet. Not even sure we want kids so planning this all out could be a moot point.

This isn't the case for everyone though.  My parents paid for college, and I worked part time to provide all the extras I wanted in college.  Just because your parents pay for your schooling doesn't automatically mean you take advantage and party 24/7.  I didn't.

That's true. I have friends who had everything paid for and didn't party 24/7. And I had friends who had to pay their own way and did party 24/7. 

But just in case I get a party kid, I'd rather they do it on their own dime then on mine.

plainjane0415

princessofgenovia said:

plainjane0415 said:

princessofgenovia said:

My parents didn't pay for my college. There was no money to do so. They did say if I went to school close to home I could continue to live there for free, but that was about all they could offer. I didn't stay close to home so I had to live in the dorms. But between scholarships, grants, and loans I did pretty well. 

FI's moms did pay for a portion of his college. He had a scholarship that covered most of his tuition (he said it worked out to about 80%), they covered the rest and his books and dorm. And they paid for half of his law school tuition. 

If we have kids, I'm not sure we'll fund their college 100%. I remember college. I remember the kids who didn't have to worry about paying tuition or really anything else. College was a four year party for them. I had to work during college and it was hard but it did give me real life work experience as well. I think that helped me land a job when I graduated.

But I'd like to help them a little with college. Not sure yet. Not even sure we want kids so planning this all out could be a moot point.

This isn't the case for everyone though.  My parents paid for college, and I worked part time to provide all the extras I wanted in college.  Just because your parents pay for your schooling doesn't automatically mean you take advantage and party 24/7.  I didn't.

That's true. I have friends who had everything paid for and didn't party 24/7. And I had friends who had to pay their own way and did party 24/7. 

But just in case I get a party kid, I'd rather they do it on their own dime then on mine.

But partying doesn't necessarily mean you are going to do bad in school either.  So I don't understand why this generalization has anything to do with your performance in school.

LadyMillil

amelisha said:

My parents paid for college - like all of it, tuition, books, room and board/rent, food, supplies, etc. Both my sister and I went to a private school, so I know it wasn't cheap. They gave us both credit cards and paid the bills to help us build credit. Obviously we weren't allowed to just charge any old thing on it. If they saw charges that weren't for groceries or books, we had to pay them back. 

Mine did this too and I'd love to do it for hypothetical future children, but only if they're responsible with money and work a few hours a week as well and take summer jobs and all that. I'd rather give kids an education than a wedding (or house payment, which to me makes much more sense than the wedding) but I hope we'd be able to do both.

I put myself through an undergraduate degree and 7 years of grad school on scholarships. I worked during the summer to have spending money during the year. Since my parents didn't have to pay for my education they used the money they had earmarked for education to pay for my wedding reception and 50% of my car.

I agree with the bolded. I want to help out my hypothetical kids as much as possible with school costs but I also want them to contribute. 

levioosa

I think it's kind of insulting to insinuate that helping your kids out with college automatically makes them privileged and spoiled.  I think that kind of attitude and mentality starts long before the gift of money for college or a wedding.  My parents helped me out a little, but I still worked two full time jobs and took 24 units/quarter.  I worked my ass off, and partying was not my thing.  I know they helped me so I could avoid graduating with crippling debt in our high cost of living area. I still have debt, but I'm so blessed to have had their help so it has been reduced, and now I'm able to pursue a graduate degree for the career I've always wanted.  I also never asked them for money in high school.  I got a job to pay for my "extras," which included gas, car insurance, groceries, clothes, and a cell phone.  I saw how hard my Dad worked, and I didn't want to ask for anything else.  I am so grateful to my parents for their commitment to helping me start off well in life.

I would really like to be able to do the same for my children, but by no means will I just hand it to them.  They have to show me that they really want it, and that they're willing to work hard and take care of life's responsibilities first.  A kid doesn't necessarily have to work multiple jobs to prove that.

When my Aunt went to USC in the 80's, it cost around $8K a year.  She was able to buy a $25K house in her early twenties.  That isn't the case any more.  I am terrified of what an education might cost for my children unless something drastic changes.  I think helping them out with an education is more important than a giant party, but if they're wise with their choices, and they work hard and I have the extra cash, I'll help them out with both. 

plainjane0415

levioosa said:

I think it's kind of insulting to insinuate that helping your kids out with college automatically makes them privileged and spoiled.  I think that kind of attitude and mentality starts long before the gift of money for college or a wedding.  My parents helped me out a little, but I still worked two full time jobs and took 24 units/quarter.  I worked my ass off, and partying was not my thing.  I know they helped me so I could avoid graduating with crippling debt in our high cost of living area. I still have debt, but I'm so blessed to have had their help so it has been reduced, and now I'm able to pursue a graduate degree for the career I've always wanted.  I also never asked them for money in high school.  I got a job to pay for my "extras," which included gas, car insurance, groceries, clothes, and a cell phone.  I saw how hard my Dad worked, and I didn't want to ask for anything else.  I am so grateful to my parents for their commitment to helping me start off well in life.

I would really like to be able to do the same for my children, but by no means will I just hand it to them.  They have to show me that they really want it, and that they're willing to work hard and take care of life's responsibilities first.  A kid doesn't necessarily have to work multiple jobs to prove that.

When my Aunt went to USC in the 80's, it cost around $8K a year.  She was able to buy a $25K house in her early twenties.  That isn't the case any more.  I am terrified of what an education might cost for my children unless something drastic changes.  I think helping them out with an education is more important than a giant party, but if they're wise with their choices, and they work hard and I have the extra cash, I'll help them out with both. 

THIS X1000

princessofgenovia

plainjane0415 said:

princessofgenovia said:

plainjane0415 said:

princessofgenovia said:

My parents didn't pay for my college. There was no money to do so. They did say if I went to school close to home I could continue to live there for free, but that was about all they could offer. I didn't stay close to home so I had to live in the dorms. But between scholarships, grants, and loans I did pretty well. 

FI's moms did pay for a portion of his college. He had a scholarship that covered most of his tuition (he said it worked out to about 80%), they covered the rest and his books and dorm. And they paid for half of his law school tuition. 

If we have kids, I'm not sure we'll fund their college 100%. I remember college. I remember the kids who didn't have to worry about paying tuition or really anything else. College was a four year party for them. I had to work during college and it was hard but it did give me real life work experience as well. I think that helped me land a job when I graduated.

But I'd like to help them a little with college. Not sure yet. Not even sure we want kids so planning this all out could be a moot point.

This isn't the case for everyone though.  My parents paid for college, and I worked part time to provide all the extras I wanted in college.  Just because your parents pay for your schooling doesn't automatically mean you take advantage and party 24/7.  I didn't.

That's true. I have friends who had everything paid for and didn't party 24/7. And I had friends who had to pay their own way and did party 24/7. 

But just in case I get a party kid, I'd rather they do it on their own dime then on mine.

But partying doesn't necessarily mean you are going to do bad in school either.  So I don't understand why this generalization has anything to do with your performance in school.

I don't think I said they did bad in school. Some did, because if you're drunk all the time you're probably not going to class. I partied and I did fine in school.

But that doesn't make me want to pay for them to go up and spend all day and night drunk. If they want to do that with their own money, well it's still a poor life choice, but it's their money. 

If you want to pay for your kid(s) college tuition, room and board, books, and give them spending money, that's your choice. It's my choice not to do those things with my hypothetical child. 

CMGragain

We put both our kids to work on weekends and school breaks as soon as they turned 16.  They were told they were expected to help pay for their college education.  Both kids worked every summer, too.  Daughter got a free ride on scholarship her last two years of school.  We paid for the rest. Son took an extra year to make it through college.  We paid.  We also bought them old, but safe cars for transportation.
This was the best investment we ever made.  Both kids are debt free (except for mortgages) and completely self supporting.  They never come to us for money.  Daughter paid for her Master's Degree while she was working.  Son gets a free ride from Johns Hopkins on his Master's. (Hasn't finished yet,)
I have some in-laws who are wealthy.  Their kids went to ivy league schools - no scholarship.  They are out of school, and living on allowances from their parents.  Yeah, no jobs with living wages. They drive recent model luxury cars.  They never worked for college funds, either.

jacques27

For those who answered they are planning to contribute, I'm curious - do you plan to tell your kids this money is available to them for that purpose?  Or just sock it away and surprise them if they ever do get engaged?  What happens to the money if they never get married?  Or not married in a certain time frame? 

For myself, I have no intention of financially contributing to a wedding for my children.  It's just not something I value or prioritize highly (the party, that is).  Even for myself, I strongly believe that if you are old enough to legally bind yourself to another human being, that should come with the maturity to be fiscally responsible to celebrate that within your means and that is solely your responsibility to fund.  I don't begrudge anyone for wanting a fancy party, but I don't feel it's my responsibility as a parent to fund the wants of my adult children.  That isn't to say that I absolutely wouldn't contribute - I love giving and making my loved ones happy as much as the next person, but it would come in the form of "is there a specific thing that maybe is just a little out of reach that I am in the financial position to help with right now?" or maybe a surprise paying off the last of the contract.  Like if my daughter fell in love with a dress just $500 out of her budget - yeah, I'll probably try to make that happen for her. 

But I feel like specifically socking away money for my children to throw a party is just so contrary to my very pragmatic beliefs.  Something about it feels like I'm somehow laying the foundation for them to believe or am complicit in contributing to the notion that having a wedding is something to aspire to, a goal in and of itself, or something they are entitled to have.  Or that having a wedding is the only proper end result of a successful relationship  - so much so that I started putting away money for it to happen as if it was a foregone conclusion.   I'm certainly not saying those who would set aside money are doing that - just that is how it makes me feel personally if I were to do it, even if I never told my children I was saving the money and just surprised them with it.  It just does not fundamentally fit in with my priorities.

flbride2015

lovemesomemonster said:

Just want to weigh in on the paying for college thing. My parents did what they could through college, I went as an athlete but was a walk on so working was not possible and no scholarship. I had to take out loans for two years of it and I appreciate everything they did for me. On the flip side of that, FI's parents paid for his school with the agreement that he would come home and farm for them every summer, saving enough money to pay for his housing/food. I would love to be able to pay for school for my kids but there would be stings attached. They had that agreement with all of their kids and found out after paying for two years of his little brother's schooling that he had failed out and he didn't tell them. On the other hand, FI graduated, held good grades, and now has a good job and it's nice for us to only have my loans to worry about. So yes, would be nice, but they have to pull the grades and have a plan, I'm not paying for you to party. 

I think it was onDave Ramsey's website, but I read somewhere that someone essentially paid for their kids' college using a "tuition reimbursement" concept. The kids would use scholarships, financial aid, and loans up front, and at the end of the semester, the parents would pay off any loans for classes the kids passed with a certain grade. That's what I would like to do for my kids for college.  

VulgarGirl

Our parents gave us a couple hundred towards the wedding when we got engaged. But the rest we came up with on our own.

I figure if fufu (and any other kids) get married we'll do something similar. There's something about paying for my grown child to throw a party that rubs me wrong. Want a big wedding? Start saving sweetie. Of course I also don't plan on fufu getting married. Maybe s/he will, maybe s/he won't. Putting aside money feels like putting the pressure on to get married. Like they have too to get married to live a complete life. Which ya know bullshit.

As for college my dad works for a community college which means any of his dependents can attend classes for free. So he persuaded me and my brothers to do our first two years there. Anything past that we had to pay for. I got my AA during high school and then had a scholarship for my undergrad. I'm lucky to have no student loans.

The plan @flbride2015 mentioned is something wifey and I have discussed as a possibility.

I struggled when I was younger. But now...those are fun times to look back on. Yes it was hard. But...also kind of great.

CMGragain

MagicInk said:

Our parents gave us a couple hundred towards the wedding when we got engaged. But the rest we came up with on our own.

I figure if fufu (and any other kids) get married we'll do something similar. There's something about paying for my grown child to throw a party that rubs me wrong. Want a big wedding? Start saving sweetie. Of course I also don't plan on fufu getting married. Maybe s/he will, maybe s/he won't. Putting aside money feels like putting the pressure on to get married. Like they have too to get married to live a complete life. Which ya know bullshit.

As for college my dad works for a community college which means any of his dependents can attend classes for free. So he persuaded me and my brothers to do our first two years there. Anything past that we had to pay for. I got my AA during high school and then had a scholarship for my undergrad. I'm lucky to have no student loans.

The plan @flbride2015 mentioned is something wifey and I have discussed as a possibility.

I struggled when I was younger. But now...those are fun times to look back on. Yes it was hard. But...also kind of great.

I did pay for daughter's wedding, but I had no fear of her being extravagant.  I raised her.  Her values are like mine.  She had an $11,000 wedding in the Washington, DC area.  Those Knotties that live there know how frugal that is.
When you raise your child, I doubt that he/she will be expecting anything big and showy.  You certainly don't need to contribute to a family wedding, but you can if you wish.  I was very proud to pay for daughter's reasonable wedding.  I was so pleased with her life choices.  (Working hard, being fiscally responsible, staying away from trouble.)
We didn't have a special savings account for this.  We lived simply and saved for future needs.  The money was there.  We also helped her when it was time to buy their second house.  (They never asked for money.  We volunteered it.)   Now our money is earmarked for Grandson's college education.

FiancB

We've talked about it and we'd like to. How much depends on our financial situation and what's reasonable for the area. We had a fairly bare-bones wedding and would probably give something comparable and if they want to get fancy or have a ton of people, then they can pay for those things, but I'd certainly like to cover the basics. So probably like $15-20k and if they want to go above and beyond they can do so but at least it won't hurt quite so much. Not quite a blank check but enough to cover a lot of things. 

No traditions, even if we have a son I'd like to contribute, depending on the situation. 

No strings. Just good communication and don't be an asshole. I suppose if they took the money intended for a wedding and instead spent it on other things I wouldn't be thrilled. 

My parents paid for most of my college but none of my wedding even though they paid for my sister's, partly because I did have money and was older than she was, and partly I suspect because our wedding wasn't religious, and they've gotten really frugal in general as they've gotten older. They always were penny pinchers but it's gotten kinda out of hand. H's parents didn't pay for his school but did give us a little money for our wedding, including our rehearsal dinner that we held out of their garage and was catered by Qdoba. We paid for the vast majority of stuff ourselves. 

VulgarGirl

@CMGragain I think you missed my point. To me it's not the size of the party or even the cost, it's throwing a party for my adult child because they're getting married. I mean, I wouldn't throw them a party for moving in with a significant other, why for marriage?

Yes marriage is wondeful. I like being married. But...it's not like my kid achieved something by getting married that they wouldn't achieve by not getting married.

To me it's like saying "Oh well now you're worthy if this fancy party. Now that you've decided to get married". I mean would you be any less proud of your daughter's life choices if they didn't include marriage and a child?

I don't see how a wedding is celebrating life accomplishments beyond finding someone to hitch your wagon to.

southernbelle0915

I don't think most parents pay for weddings because it's an "accomplishment" or that they're "now worthy" of a party. I think they pay for it (or chip in) because they want to help fund a celebration if a big life event.

Denise40

We paid for the open bar at our sons wedding, the rehearsal dinner, hotel lodging for our out of town guests and we paid for their honeymoon to Maui. It was the traditional old way where bride/family paid for majority of the wedding per her family. They also had the say of what the moms wore. When my daughter decides to marry, we will pay for her wedding most likely with no strings attached.

emmaaa

southernbelle0915 said:

I don't think most parents pay for weddings because it's an "accomplishment" or that they're "now worthy" of a party. I think they pay for it (or chip in) because they want to help fund a celebration if a big life event.

This.

DH and I were planning a very small church wedding and then a small reception for close friends because that's what we could afford (even though we wanted a bigger wedding). My mom offered to pay so we could have a bigger wedding and invite all of our friends and family. 

wandajune6

My parents paid for our college educations. They started saving for college when we were born (twins) because it was important to them. They worked their way through school and wanted us to have better opportunities. When we were in high school and looking at schools, there were a few times that we were told that the schools would be a stretch financially but we were told to follow what we wanted.

They also had a similar approach to @plainjane's parents--- they paid tuition and basic housing but that was it. I worked part-time during school and in a plant during the summers for everything else. I paid for my own groceries, money for going out, clothes, travel, etc. They were incredibly generous but wanted us to feel responsible as well.

I graduated with a 3.9 GPA in 4 years. I was devoted to my education in part because I understood the sacrifices my parents made to get me there.

labro

This was the one thing that H and I discovered during pre-marital counseling that we hadn't already talked about. H paid 100% for his own education. My parents helped cover some school expenses and living expenses but I still had some student loans to cover the rest. Which was amazing, I graduated on time, and I just paid off my loans this month, nearly 6 years after graduating. They had the ability and the desire to assist and I really appreciated everything they contributed.

H's parents had zero ability to help him out with college. The most they could do was co-sign on his student loans and that was it. If he wanted to go to school, then finding funding of any sort was entirely up to him. Because of that experience, he feels that even if we have the ability to pay, our future kids should 100% have to fund their own education. I disagree. I think we have the ability to help, then we should (to a point) and have set expectations - like if they choose to go to a private school that we can only contribute x amount, or that we stop contributing beyond a certain # of years (because I don't particularly want to pay 100% for someone on the 10 year undergrad plan).

Whoever brought up Dave Ramsey and the pay back plan is awesome. I think this is definitely an idea I want to bring up with H whenever we get around to discussing having kids again.

In regards to weddings, I think this is going to be an even bigger hurdle for us than funding college. My parents paid for our wedding, they gave us an extremely generous budget, and I generally had free reign (although I involved them in nearly every aspect of planning) so I never felt like I had to agree to certain strings other than inviting some close friends of my parents. H is a big-time saver, and I definitely don't see him agreeing to give anything to help fund a wedding....and even if he did, it definitely wouldn't come to close to what my parents offered to us. So I suppose this will be something for us to talk about too.

If we were able to fund a wedding and agreed to I'd like to give something similar-ish to what my parents gave - so $25,000 to $30,000.

My only strings would be similar to my parents - making sure close family members were invited, and close friends (as long as that fit within the general guest list desires of the future married couple, obviously this wouldn't work if they wanted an intimate 10 person affair). I'd also want them to adhere to proper etiquette/hosts the guests well.

VulgarGirl

I don't think most parents pay for weddings because it's an "accomplishment" or that they're "now worthy" of a party. I think they pay for it (or chip in) because they want to help fund a celebration if a big life event.

I was speaking very specifically about my feelings in regards to paying for Fufu's future potential wedding. Not in general. It rubs me wrong. It feels weird to me to say "Oh, you're getting married? Allow me to throw you a huge party". Because what other "major life event" do you do that for? 

I didn't get a party that cost $11K (using CMG's budget of what she paid for her daughter's wedding) for any other life event. Not for my high school graduation, my college graduation, buying my first house, renting my first apartment, loosing my virginity, nada. And people would think you're whack a doodles for doing so. 

But a marriage. Wedding. Well...that's ok to drop $11K on for your kid. That event is worth $11K. 

Again, these are my feelings. I'm not saying it's wrong or bad or weird to throw your kid a wedding or anything party. Fuck its your kid and your money. I'm talking about me, my kid, and my money.

Wifey says she'll happily pay for the marriage license for any of our kids. Because that's all you need to be married. And she'll even toss in the officient fee.

kmmssg

No secret around here that we paid for our 4 girls weddings, but we had a certain budget amount and anything they wanted that was above that, they paid for.  I would guess on average they chipped in 2500.00 ish or so.

It was something I had always waited to be able to do and had a ball.  It wasn't our responsibility, it was a gift we wanted to give them.

thisismynickname2

To the question of if I would tell my child I was saving for their wedding.... Nope. They may never get married and then there'd be pressure to do so, or they may not need my money while I definitely may need it at some point. 

When I got married, I knew my parents would give me something only because they gave my sister something (and I didn't know the dollar amount until after getting engaged). My parents were always very fair and always gave my sister and me gifts of equal value. That's the only reason I had a clue I'd get something. But, I was at the point where I didn't really want their money. My dad is a penny pincher and likes to cry poor (even though they're not poor). At this point, I just think my parents were better off investing that money or using it themselves than giving it to me for a party. In the end though, I realized it was a "gift" and accepted the funding. 

Point being, if I had a hard time accepting my own parents' money, you know I'm not telling my own kid a single thing about a wedding budget until there's an engagement ring and plans in the works. 

luckya23

MagicInk said:

I don't think most parents pay for weddings because it's an "accomplishment" or that they're "now worthy" of a party. I think they pay for it (or chip in) because they want to help fund a celebration if a big life event.

I was speaking very specifically about my feelings in regards to paying for Fufu's future potential wedding. Not in general. It rubs me wrong. It feels weird to me to say "Oh, you're getting married? Allow me to throw you a huge party". Because what other "major life event" do you do that for? 

I didn't get a party that cost $11K (using CMG's budget of what she paid for her daughter's wedding) for any other life event. Not for my high school graduation, my college graduation, buying my first house, renting my first apartment, loosing my virginity, nada. And people would think you're whack a doodles for doing so. 

But a marriage. Wedding. Well...that's ok to drop $11K on for your kid. That event is worth $11K. 

Again, these are my feelings. I'm not saying it's wrong or bad or weird to throw your kid a wedding or anything party. Fuck its your kid and your money. I'm talking about me, my kid, and my money.

Wifey says she'll happily pay for the marriage license for any of our kids. Because that's all you need to be married. And she'll even toss in the officient fee.

I hope Fufu is a girl so you can have a First Moon Party!!

https://youtu.be/56ZoVTkDqH8

VulgarGirl

luckya23 said:

MagicInk said:

I don't think most parents pay for weddings because it's an "accomplishment" or that they're "now worthy" of a party. I think they pay for it (or chip in) because they want to help fund a celebration if a big life event.

I was speaking very specifically about my feelings in regards to paying for Fufu's future potential wedding. Not in general. It rubs me wrong. It feels weird to me to say "Oh, you're getting married? Allow me to throw you a huge party". Because what other "major life event" do you do that for? 

I didn't get a party that cost $11K (using CMG's budget of what she paid for her daughter's wedding) for any other life event. Not for my high school graduation, my college graduation, buying my first house, renting my first apartment, loosing my virginity, nada. And people would think you're whack a doodles for doing so. 

But a marriage. Wedding. Well...that's ok to drop $11K on for your kid. That event is worth $11K. 

Again, these are my feelings. I'm not saying it's wrong or bad or weird to throw your kid a wedding or anything party. Fuck its your kid and your money. I'm talking about me, my kid, and my money.

Wifey says she'll happily pay for the marriage license for any of our kids. Because that's all you need to be married. And she'll even toss in the officient fee.

I hope Fufu is a girl so you can have a First Moon Party!!

https://youtu.be/56ZoVTkDqH8

Oh I so fucking would.

levioosa

luckya23 said:

MagicInk said:

I don't think most parents pay for weddings because it's an "accomplishment" or that they're "now worthy" of a party. I think they pay for it (or chip in) because they want to help fund a celebration if a big life event.

I was speaking very specifically about my feelings in regards to paying for Fufu's future potential wedding. Not in general. It rubs me wrong. It feels weird to me to say "Oh, you're getting married? Allow me to throw you a huge party". Because what other "major life event" do you do that for? 

I didn't get a party that cost $11K (using CMG's budget of what she paid for her daughter's wedding) for any other life event. Not for my high school graduation, my college graduation, buying my first house, renting my first apartment, loosing my virginity, nada. And people would think you're whack a doodles for doing so. 

But a marriage. Wedding. Well...that's ok to drop $11K on for your kid. That event is worth $11K. 

Again, these are my feelings. I'm not saying it's wrong or bad or weird to throw your kid a wedding or anything party. Fuck its your kid and your money. I'm talking about me, my kid, and my money.

Wifey says she'll happily pay for the marriage license for any of our kids. Because that's all you need to be married. And she'll even toss in the officient fee.

I hope Fufu is a girl so you can have a First Moon Party!!

https://youtu.be/56ZoVTkDqH8

"Periods don't look like Florida."

sophhabobopha

MagicInk said:

I don't think most parents pay for weddings because it's an "accomplishment" or that they're "now worthy" of a party. I think they pay for it (or chip in) because they want to help fund a celebration if a big life event.

I was speaking very specifically about my feelings in regards to paying for Fufu's future potential wedding. Not in general. It rubs me wrong. It feels weird to me to say "Oh, you're getting married? Allow me to throw you a huge party". Because what other "major life event" do you do that for? 

I didn't get a party that cost $11K (using CMG's budget of what she paid for her daughter's wedding) for any other life event. Not for my high school graduation, my college graduation, buying my first house, renting my first apartment, loosing my virginity, nada. And people would think you're whack a doodles for doing so. 

But a marriage. Wedding. Well...that's ok to drop $11K on for your kid. That event is worth $11K. 

Again, these are my feelings. I'm not saying it's wrong or bad or weird to throw your kid a wedding or anything party. Fuck its your kid and your money. I'm talking about me, my kid, and my money.

Wifey says she'll happily pay for the marriage license for any of our kids. Because that's all you need to be married. And she'll even toss in the officient fee.

These are my exact feelings.

Also, I've been working since I was 14, grew up without a lavish existence, and thus feel very uncomfortable taking money from my mom. She's guilted me into allowing her to help me with school and giving me her 'old' car, but I put my foot down about the wedding. I'm an adult, I'm choosing to get married like millions of other people, whoopty do Basil.

ohannabelle

There was no specific wedding fund, but just try and stop me from contributing. Because FUN.  

I think limiting college contributions to just tuition is a great idea. Not because I'm poor or cheap, but it's a really good time to learn to transition between home and complete independence. 

(Of course, the door is always open for food and laundry and emergency situations. Because that's how I am. )

CMGragain

MagicInk said:

@CMGragain I think you missed my point. To me it's not the size of the party or even the cost, it's throwing a party for my adult child because they're getting married. I mean, I wouldn't throw them a party for moving in with a significant other, why for marriage?

Yes marriage is wondeful. I like being married. But...it's not like my kid achieved something by getting married that they wouldn't achieve by not getting married.

To me it's like saying "Oh well now you're worthy if this fancy party. Now that you've decided to get married". I mean would you be any less proud of your daughter's life choices if they didn't include marriage and a child?

I don't see how a wedding is celebrating life accomplishments beyond finding someone to hitch your wagon to.

Please reread my post.  I never said that I was proud of her for getting married and having a child!  I said that I was proud of her life choices.  Hard work,good choices.  I do like her husband a lot, but that wasn't part of the reason.
I never had to spend money to bail her out of jail.  I never had to spend money for a lawyer to get her out of trouble.  She worked hard in school and her job, and I admire that.  She has always been strong minded.  (Role model?)  She was almost 32 on her wedding day.
I  was so happy to see her married to the love of her life.  Her wedding day was the happiest day of my life.  My own wedding day was an ordeal due to crazy family on both sides.  I was so very happy that I could give her that beautiful day!  It was a gift from me to her.
What if she never had gotten married?  I would love her as much as I do now.