"Outdated Wedding Traditions"

TrixieJess

So this was on the Wedding Wire site (I like the drama there and the lack of etiquette).

http://distractify.com/suzanne-figuers/25-outdated-wedding-traditions-that-need-to-stop/

The girls on WW were going on about how ridiculous it was that these traditions are for a reason and you should have some of them if you are getting married. Umm, I'm not having ANY of these traditions in my wedding for various reasons, will that make me any less married?

What are some traditions that are either family or regional that you are doing or forgoing that will possibly raise some eyebrows?

charcoalandblush

We're definitely not doing the garter/bouquet toss. I'm not like morally opposed to it or anything. It's just that most of our friends are married, so unless we let the kids do it (which I think is weird), it would be like 3 people for each. And honestly I feel like it could be a mood-killer. Why stop the dance party if everyone is having fun?

Also no one will be "giving me away." My dad and my stepdad will be walking me down the aisle, but I am not property and I am not a child. I do not need my dads' permission to get married.

Also I will be pissed if DF smashes cake in my face. So disrespectful.

KeptInStitches

The only one I'm doing is old-new-borrowed-blue-sixpence. I had items for all of them, so why not?

lovemesomemonster

My family has done a dollar dance at every wedding I have ever been to (I'm the second to last one to get hitched) and I'm not doing it. No big entrance, no receiving line, no garter/bouquet toss, no flower girl. Still debating the first dances but I'm sure FI will want to do them. Looks like mine won't be official if we aren't doing any of this!

FI does not want to see me before the ceremony and Dad will be walking me down the aisle so I guess we are doing some of the traditional things. 

sassercake12

We're not doing the bouquet or garter toss, mostly because I don't want to have FI take it off of my leg in front of our nearest and dearest. We're also not doing favors, a receiving line or the dollar dance. My parents did the dollar dance at their wedding and were a little confused as to why we didn't want to do it. 

minttobemrsb

We didn't care either way about the bouquet/garter toss. We counted how many singles would even be there. When we realized it was quite a few, we went ahead and agreed to do it. 

We are NOT doing:

-cake smashing. We both agreed that this was totally off limits. 

-throwing rice, or birdseed, or confetti...or anything else. Also no sparklers or ribbon. Basically, no "grand exit"

-bride side/groom side. The whole point of a wedding is that the couple is joining as one unit. And what if one family is bigger? Do you set up 20 chairs on one side and 100 on the other?

-bride's family paying (ha! Don't I wish) We are paying for the wedding ourselves. With that said, both of our families have now gifted us with some money to use for the wedding however we see fit. We did not plan on that money, but it was a very sweet gesture. 

-dollar dance. Just, no. 

-receiving line

-wedding favors (unless they want to take an extra cupcake home. We have boxes for that)

southernbelle0915

We didn't do most of these. Ones we DID do were:

- not seeing each other before the wedding (DH's call - I wanted a first look)

- all female BMs, all male GMs (just the way our friends worked out - not intentional)

- old, new, borrowed, blue

- we gave single guests plus ones

- I have a diamond ring

- receiving line - yes, it was important to us to individually thank people for coming....

TrixieJess

- I'm not having a white dress because I'm pasty, clumsy and bound to spill something.

- We live together so we will see each other the morning of the wedding.

- We aren't having a "wedding" party

- Most of our guests are couples so we aren't giving out "plus ones"

- See above for the reason for no bouquet toss or garter throw

- Our City doesn't allow rice throws and our venue doesn't allow anything to be thrown

- I don't like diamonds, I like emeralds or non-precious stones like amethyst 

- Receiving line - we will do table visits because of how our venue will be set up

- Dollar Dance - never heard of it before coming to the wedding boards - Nope

- Cake smashing - Nope, we don't waste cake in our house

- Favours - no one really notices them

- Sides - We are having tables for our ceremony and reception and mixing up the tables.

We are having a small intimate wedding with close family and friends. We were originally going to elope but realised that FI's mother would never forgive us if she couldn't be there for the wedding and since we couldn't accommodate eloping with her involved, we decided to a small wedding instead.

Small, intimate weddings are the norm in my family. A lot of the "traditions" I see on these boards, I've never seen at family weddings.

PandaNikki

DH joked about smashing cake in my face.. we did a little bit of it, not enough to be obnoxious about it (I didn't have frosting up my nose or anything, just a little on my face to wipe off with a napkin, him too).

I did a twist on the bouquet and garter toss- I invited everyone up instead of just singles, the people who caught them didn't have to do the awkward putting of the garter on the random stranger- instead the people who caught them won a bunch of scratch tickets.

I did a good chunk of these things, but my family did not pay for the wedding, we did table visits instead of a receiving line, and we did NOT have a dollar dance.

littlepep

charcoalandblush said:

We're definitely not doing the garter/bouquet toss. I'm not like morally opposed to it or anything. It's just that most of our friends are married, so unless we let the kids do it (which I think is weird), it would be like 3 people for each. And honestly I feel like it could be a mood-killer. Why stop the dance party if everyone is having fun?

Also no one will be "giving me away." My dad and my stepdad will be walking me down the aisle, but I am not property and I am not a child. I do not need my dads' permission to get married.

Also I will be pissed if DF smashes cake in my face. So disrespectful.

YAS GIRL. Preach. 

I was super instant on this. My dad is walking me down the aisle, but he will not give me away. I think we're just doing the ask our families to stand up and say they will support us in our marriage thing. 

We aren't doing garter/bouquet toss. I always feel like it's so awkward. Catching a bouquet did not determine when FI proposed so seems silly. And a lot of our friends are married so I feel like it's awkward for the few single people. 

And if FI smashing cake in my face, I will be pissed that he wasted that delicous cake. 

[Deleted User]

PandaNikki said:

DH joked about smashing cake in my face.. we did a little bit of it, not enough to be obnoxious about it (I didn't have frosting up my nose or anything, just a little on my face to wipe off with a napkin, him too).

I did a twist on the bouquet and garter toss- I invited everyone up instead of just singles, the people who caught them didn't have to do the awkward putting of the garter on the random stranger- instead the people who caught them won a bunch of scratch tickets.

I did a good chunk of these things, but my family did not pay for the wedding, we did table visits instead of a receiving line, and we did NOT have a dollar dance.

That's fun!!!

PandaNikki

purplepinkcupcake said:

PandaNikki said:

DH joked about smashing cake in my face.. we did a little bit of it, not enough to be obnoxious about it (I didn't have frosting up my nose or anything, just a little on my face to wipe off with a napkin, him too).

I did a twist on the bouquet and garter toss- I invited everyone up instead of just singles, the people who caught them didn't have to do the awkward putting of the garter on the random stranger- instead the people who caught them won a bunch of scratch tickets.

I did a good chunk of these things, but my family did not pay for the wedding, we did table visits instead of a receiving line, and we did NOT have a dollar dance.

That's fun!!!

It was a lot of fun and let everyone participate instead of having our few single family/friends go up there.. I can't claim credit for the idea though, and I don't remember where I had read it.

And now we get the fun fact that my godmother (who is my mother's cousin, who was her MOH) caught the bouquet at both my parents' wedding and my wedding!

momofbride530

For my daughter's wedding we will not:
1. Have a cake smash. Cake is delicious and should not be smashed!
2. No dollar dances. Super tacky!
3. No receiving line. Too formal, daughter wants to mingle with guests during the reception.
4. Probably won't do the garter toss.
5. No favors and no rice throwing

Will do:
1. They don't want to see each other before the ceremony. Not because of any superstition but she wants him to see her for the first time walking down the aisle.
2. She is doing the something old, something new because she likes that tradition.

larrygaga

Not doing cake smashing, dollar dance or letting the ring bearers actually hold my rings. I sewed fake bling onto the pillow. Can't trust those little shits for anything. Love them, though.

Edit: My dress is gold!!! With an ivory lace over it. It's not a very dense lace so the gold is the main color. 

huskypuppy14

We didn't do most of these.

The ones we did:

I have a diamond ring.

We gave plus ones to everyone.

Our wedding parties were gender specific, but that's just how our friends/family worked out. He has all brothers, I have all sisters. My best friend is a woman, his best friends are guys.

We did announce the wedding party.

Questionable:

My parents paid for the majority of the wedding, but my husband and I paid a big chunk, and my inlaws contributed as well. 

I didn't wear a veil over my face, but I did wear one.

My dress was champagne and ivory, but I guess that's in the white family.

VulgarGirl

We gave everyone plus ones.

That's it. That's all the tradition we did.

charlieyankee03

-We are absolutely not doing a garter toss. My bouquet will be made of sola flowers so that I can keep it, thus I don't plan to throw it to the two single women attending so it can be destroyed.

-My father is walking me down the aisle, but there will be no "who gives this woman to this man" crap. I'm 29 and FI and I live together. That ship has sailed.

-We'll be doing a first look beforehand. Our photographer is coming at 2 for a 5:30 ceremony to get as many formal shots in as possible before the wedding.

-No rice throwing (because birds and mess). FMIL wants us to have sparklers and has offered to pay for them so we'll have those, but I don't know that we'll actually do a send off.

-We don't have a wedding party. It will just be me, FI, and our officiant at the altar. And there won't be a sign designating that people can "pick a seat, not a side" because we're all grown ups, but I don't care what side they sit on.

-We're paying for a majority of the wedding, with gifts from all sides. And NO dollar dance. I had never heard of that before these boards.

-I'm doing the old/new/borrowed/blue thing. My wedding dress has blue stitching on the lace. Also, my ring is moissanite. And nobody can tell the difference.

-Other than that, no wedding party to announce. No receiving line (we'll do table visits). No favors because it's a waste of money.

 

blushingbride8888

We're not doing a garter/bouquet toss. I don't want to call out single people and don't want our families watching Fil reach up my dress. I'm not a prude but it weirds me out,

No first look.

No receiving line - we're doing table visits.

No send off.

We're paying for the majority of the wedding with generous help from my parents for specific things (flowers, rehearsal, honeymoon)

My dad will walk me down the aisle. We haven't figured out our ceremony yet but I'm a feminist and the permission thing doesn't sit well with me;)

[Deleted User]

blushingbride889 said:

We're not doing a garter/bouquet toss. I don't want to call out single people and don't want our families watching Fil reach up my dress. I'm not a prude but it weirds me out,

No first look.

No receiving line - we're doing table visits.

No send off.

We're paying for the majority of the wedding with generous help from my parents for specific things (flowers, rehearsal, honeymoon)

My dad will walk me down the aisle. We haven't figured out our ceremony yet but I'm a feminist and the permission thing doesn't sit well with me;)

I told FH there'd be hell to pay if he went to my dad to "ask for my hand" before he asked me to marry him.  One, my dad is not in charge of who I marry.  Two, why does someone other than the proposer and the ring-maker get to know I'm getting engaged before I do?  Bullshit, I tell you.

thespeshulestsnowflake

blushingbride889 said:

We're not doing a garter/bouquet toss. I don't want to call out single people and don't want our families watching Fil reach up my dress. I'm not a prude but it weirds me out,

No first look.

No receiving line - we're doing table visits.

No send off.

We're paying for the majority of the wedding with generous help from my parents for specific things (flowers, rehearsal, honeymoon)

My dad will walk me down the aisle. We haven't figured out our ceremony yet but I'm a feminist and the permission thing doesn't sit well with me;)

Please tell me that is a typo for FI and not FIL.

blushingbride8888

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

blushingbride889 said:

We're not doing a garter/bouquet toss. I don't want to call out single people and don't want our families watching Fil reach up my dress. I'm not a prude but it weirds me out,

No first look.

No receiving line - we're doing table visits.

No send off.

We're paying for the majority of the wedding with generous help from my parents for specific things (flowers, rehearsal, honeymoon)

My dad will walk me down the aisle. We haven't figured out our ceremony yet but I'm a feminist and the permission thing doesn't sit well with me;)

Please tell me that is a typo for FI and not FIL.

Omg yes typo.on my iPad! Ah!

anjemon

Huh. We ended up doing a lot of them. But I don't think a lot of these need to go away. If you want to use them, I think people should be free to do so. I liked having some tradition in my wedding. I also liked ignoring ones I thought were useless.

- We did do a bouquet toss, but not the garter. No icky reaching up the skirt and H wasn't interested in tossing for his friends.

- My Dad gave me away. You're all right that it's anti-feminist. But I still sort of like the tradition. And how my Dad says "Her Mother and I" all precise. So to me it symbolizes changing families and not property. YMMV.

- I sort of did the old, new, borrowed, blue thing. Except I never figured out what was old. Something had to have been...

- I wore a veil. And I'm so happy I did. It really completed the look and made me feel so bridal. It was also my borrowed piece from my little sister.

We didn't do the receiving line (table visits), grand entrance or exit, dollar dance, or not seeing each other before the ceremony. I loved the idea of a first look and that gave us time to be together that day. And for the other things, H didn't want any more attention than he had to have, so we mostly skipped things that were just people watching us do things. Also the dollar dance was awkward feeling. It's very usual in my region, but we decided we didn't need it at all.

lovemesomemonster

adk19 said:

blushingbride889 said:

We're not doing a garter/bouquet toss. I don't want to call out single people and don't want our families watching Fil reach up my dress. I'm not a prude but it weirds me out,

No first look.

No receiving line - we're doing table visits.

No send off.

We're paying for the majority of the wedding with generous help from my parents for specific things (flowers, rehearsal, honeymoon)

My dad will walk me down the aisle. We haven't figured out our ceremony yet but I'm a feminist and the permission thing doesn't sit well with me;)

I told FH there'd be hell to pay if he went to my dad to "ask for my hand" before he asked me to marry him.  One, my dad is not in charge of who I marry.  Two, why does someone other than the proposer and the ring-maker get to know I'm getting engaged before I do?  Bullshit, I tell you.

I was struggling with this too! I hate the line "who gives this woman to this man".. Um, nobody, I'm not a possession! I found a ceremony that has the wording "who presents this woman to this man" and I can go with that.. Yes, you are presenting me not "giving" me.

[Deleted User]

lovemesomemonster said:

adk19 said:

blushingbride889 said:

We're not doing a garter/bouquet toss. I don't want to call out single people and don't want our families watching Fil reach up my dress. I'm not a prude but it weirds me out,

No first look.

No receiving line - we're doing table visits.

No send off.

We're paying for the majority of the wedding with generous help from my parents for specific things (flowers, rehearsal, honeymoon)

My dad will walk me down the aisle. We haven't figured out our ceremony yet but I'm a feminist and the permission thing doesn't sit well with me;)

I told FH there'd be hell to pay if he went to my dad to "ask for my hand" before he asked me to marry him.  One, my dad is not in charge of who I marry.  Two, why does someone other than the proposer and the ring-maker get to know I'm getting engaged before I do?  Bullshit, I tell you.

I was struggling with this too! I hate the line "who gives this woman to this man".. Um, nobody, I'm not a possession! I found a ceremony that has the wording "who presents this woman to this man" and I can go with that.. Yes, you are presenting me not "giving" me.

I don't even want to be "presented".  FH and I own a home together, we wake up every morning in the same bed.  Why would anybody need to "present" me to him?  If I'm going to get "presented" at all, FH should present me to the rest of the guests.

Just looked at the "working copy" of the wedding ceremony I'm writing for myself.  Looks like that whole part just gets completely skipped and starts with us in front of the officiant.

southernbelle0915

@lovemesomemonster @adk19 - we skipped the give away for the same reasons y'all are thinking about. Both my parents walked down the aisle with me. When we got to the front, they just sat down and I stayed standing up there. And FWIW, both of DH's parents walked with him as well.

lovemesomemonster

southernbelle0915 said:

@lovemesomemonster @adk19 - we skipped the give away for the same reasons y'all are thinking about. Both my parents walked down the aisle with me. When we got to the front, they just sat down and I stayed standing up there. And FWIW, both of DH's parents walked with him as well.

I like the his parents walking with him thing.. hadn't thought of that!

lyndausvi

1) garter toss  - No.  I didn't even get a garter

2) Giving away - My dad escorted me down the aisle, but he did not give me away

3) Bouquet toss- no

4) Not seeing before the wedding.  We did spend the night apart and the entire morning.  We did a first look about 2 hours before the wedding.  

5) Cake smashing - no

6) Tossing rice - No. 

7) Veil - I didn't not wear a veil

8) Gender specific WP - we did that.  But we also believed the wedding party was for both of us and not his side/ her side.  Meaning, just because the women were on my side, it didn't mean they were there to support ME.   They were supporting US.    

9) Bride's side/ groom's side -  I think was done but not as a directive from us.  We didn't have ushers and guests could sit where they wanted.  From looking at the pictures it seems like they picked sides on their own

10) Bride's family paying - yeah, my parents mostly paid (we covered a decent amount on our own).  They offered.  We agreed and were able to have a kickass 3.5 week HM as a result.   I don't think it should be a tradition, but I have no problem with parent's CHOOSING to help.   The couple or the groom's parents should never ASSUME they will. Nor should the bride's parents think it's their responsibility

11) Dollar dance- nope.  I do not know people who do either.

12) Something blue, old, new, whatever - I guess I did it by default.   I had a new dress, my mom gave me her mom's wedding band to keep forever.  Not as an "old" for the tradition.  My seamstress put in a blue ribbon inside the dress. I never asked her to.   I did borrow a bracelet from a jewelry.   Then DH ended up buying it for me after the wedding.

13) Diamond ring - the stone was from my MIL.

14)  +one for everyone.  - I have no idea what that need to go away immediately.  But yes we did because we are nice to our guests.

15) announcing the WP - yep.  I like to hear who is who.  But not necessary.

16) White dress - I had an Ivory one.    

17) Receiving line - we didn't plan on having one, but ended with one.  It doubled as the line to the bar.  So I do not think it was much of a hardship as the author claims they can be.

18) Favors - we had a candy buffet.  Favors are generally a waste and I agree they are so unnecessary.    Our candy buffet was a huge hit, though.  It was so worth the cost.

[Deleted User]

lyndausvi said:

1) garter toss  - No.  I didn't even get a garter

2) Giving away - My dad escorted me down the aisle, but he did not give me away

3) Bouquet toss- no

4) Not seeing before the wedding.  We did spend the night apart and the entire morning.  We did a first look about 2 hours before the wedding.  

5) Cake smashing - no

6) Tossing rice - No. 

7) Veil - I didn't not wear a veil

8) Gender specific WP - we did that.  But we also believed the wedding party was for both of us and not his side/ her side.  Meaning, just because the women were on my side, it didn't mean they were there to support ME.   They were supporting US.    

9) Bride's side/ groom's side -  I think was done but not as a directive from us.  We didn't have ushers and guests could sit where they wanted.  From looking at the pictures it seems like they picked sides on their own

10) Bride's family paying - yeah, my parents mostly paid (we covered a decent amount on our own).  They offered.  We agreed and were able to have a kickass 3.5 week HM as a result.   I don't think it should be a tradition, but I have no problem with parent's CHOOSING to help.   The couple or the groom's parents should never ASSUME they will. Nor should the bride's parents think it's their responsibility

11) Dollar dance- nope.  I do not know people who do either.

12) Something blue, old, new, whatever - I guess I did it by default.   I had a new dress, my mom gave me her mom's wedding band to keep forever.  Not as an "old" for the tradition.  My seamstress put in a blue ribbon inside the dress. I never asked her to.   I did borrow a bracelet from a jewelry.   Then DH ended up buying it for me after the wedding.

13) Diamond ring - the stone was from my MIL.

14)  +one for everyone.  - I have no idea what that need to go away immediately.  But yes we did because we are nice to our guests.

15) announcing the WP - yep.  I like to hear who is who.  But not necessary.

16) White dress - I had an Ivory one.    

17) Receiving line - we didn't plan on having one, but ended with one.  It doubled as the line to the bar.  So I do not think it was much of a hardship as the author claims they can be.

18) Favors - we had a candy buffet.  Favors are generally a waste and I agree they are so unnecessary.    Our candy buffet was a huge hit, though.  It was so worth the cost.

I don't understand the garter.  I got one for prom because I was supposed to according to all my girlfriends.  I was then horrified to discover that my date was to take it off my leg and wear it around his arm for the rest of the evening.  As in, they had an official time where the DJ announced that it was time for all the dudes to slide up their date's thigh to grab the garter.  Horrified, I tell you.  I will never buy another garter.

levioosa

adk19 said:

lyndausvi said:

1) garter toss  - No.  I didn't even get a garter

2) Giving away - My dad escorted me down the aisle, but he did not give me away

3) Bouquet toss- no

4) Not seeing before the wedding.  We did spend the night apart and the entire morning.  We did a first look about 2 hours before the wedding.  

5) Cake smashing - no

6) Tossing rice - No. 

7) Veil - I didn't not wear a veil

8) Gender specific WP - we did that.  But we also believed the wedding party was for both of us and not his side/ her side.  Meaning, just because the women were on my side, it didn't mean they were there to support ME.   They were supporting US.    

9) Bride's side/ groom's side -  I think was done but not as a directive from us.  We didn't have ushers and guests could sit where they wanted.  From looking at the pictures it seems like they picked sides on their own

10) Bride's family paying - yeah, my parents mostly paid (we covered a decent amount on our own).  They offered.  We agreed and were able to have a kickass 3.5 week HM as a result.   I don't think it should be a tradition, but I have no problem with parent's CHOOSING to help.   The couple or the groom's parents should never ASSUME they will. Nor should the bride's parents think it's their responsibility

11) Dollar dance- nope.  I do not know people who do either.

12) Something blue, old, new, whatever - I guess I did it by default.   I had a new dress, my mom gave me her mom's wedding band to keep forever.  Not as an "old" for the tradition.  My seamstress put in a blue ribbon inside the dress. I never asked her to.   I did borrow a bracelet from a jewelry.   Then DH ended up buying it for me after the wedding.

13) Diamond ring - the stone was from my MIL.

14)  +one for everyone.  - I have no idea what that need to go away immediately.  But yes we did because we are nice to our guests.

15) announcing the WP - yep.  I like to hear who is who.  But not necessary.

16) White dress - I had an Ivory one.    

17) Receiving line - we didn't plan on having one, but ended with one.  It doubled as the line to the bar.  So I do not think it was much of a hardship as the author claims they can be.

18) Favors - we had a candy buffet.  Favors are generally a waste and I agree they are so unnecessary.    Our candy buffet was a huge hit, though.  It was so worth the cost.

I don't understand the garter.  I got one for prom because I was supposed to according to all my girlfriends.  I was then horrified to discover that my date was to take it off my leg and wear it around his arm for the rest of the evening.  As in, they had an official time where the DJ announced that it was time for all the dudes to slide up their date's thigh to grab the garter.  Horrified, I tell you.  I will never buy another garter.

Where the hell did you go to school!?  I have never heard of such a thing.  

Kahlyla

• 1) Garter toss - No, didn't wear one.
  

  
  

  2) Giving away - No, both parents walked with me and there was no "giving away" at all.
  

  
  

  3) Bouquet toss - No
  

  
  

  4)
  Not seeing each other before the wedding - No, we got ready together and drove there together
• 
  
• 5) Cake smashing - No
  

  
  

  6) Tossing rice - No

  
  

  7) Veil - No

  
  

  8)
  Gender specific WP - No - I had two guys and three girls, he had one girl and four guys
  

  
  

  9)
  Bride's side/ groom's side - No

  
  

  10) Bride's family paying - No

  
  

  11) Dollar dance - No
  

  
  

  12)
  Something blue, old, new, whatever - No

  
  

  13) Diamond ring - Yes

  
  

  14) Plus one for everyone. - Yes, named guests and plus ones for truly single people
  

  
  

  15) Announcing the WP - No

  
  

  16) White dress - Yes, ivory
  

  
  

  17)
  Receiving line - We didn't plan to, but it ended up happening because our ceremony and reception venue were two different rooms in the same building; so as we were trying to just go back inside after recessing, people started coming up to us for hugs and such.
  

  
  

  18)
  Favors - Yes, jelly bellies I think
  

  
  
  
  
  

Kahlyla

^ Sorry, I can't seem to fix the wonky formatting.

eta: the hell...?