"Outdated Wedding Traditions"

Vivandiere8

Anyone else ever feel as annoyed as I do about the claim that smashing the cake in the face comes from the ancient tradition of breaking the cake over the brides head for luck or whatever? It clearly did not come from that. It was a break off of the tradition where the bride and groom would feed each other a peice of the cake to symbolize how they would care for one another, and then some couples thought they would be cute and unique and started smashing it in each others faces, and then every other couple decided they also had to be "different" too and smash it in each others faces.

It just annoys me that they make it sound as if people were doing this since the dark ages, through Victorian times, and up until now.

MissKittyDanger

I was actually talking to my FI about a few things on this list.

We aren't doing garter {I have one, but it was more a joke gift tbh - might wear it wedding night to be funny}

We agreed no cake smash, but his exact words "can I smush it around your mouth to get the lip colour off?"
me: nope. it's a lip stain, it's not budging!

He is not a fan of kissing when I'm wearing a lip colour, but this is kiss resistant lol

Bigwands

1. I only became aware of the garter toss a few years ago and as my garter is going to be functional and hold my insulin pump that's not happening.
2. I kind of wanted to not do the giving away because I'm an adult and make my own damn decisions, but I don't want to hurt my dad so I think I might modify it to have both parents give me away.  This also gives my mom a role in the wedding.
3. Definitely no bouquet toss.  I just hate the whole idea of all the single women fighting over this bouquet because it represents their salvation from the fate of spinsterdom.
4. I want my dress to be a surprise, but only cause I like surprises.
5. No way in hell am I getting icing smeared all across the makeup I careful applied and/or paid an obscene amount of money to have applied.
6. If we do an exit I'm leaning towards lavender, but rice sounds like hell plus it's bad for birds.
7. I think veils look pretty, but I'm not going to cover my face.
8. I have a best man, so that's not happening.
9. I agree with what everyone else seems to be saying.  It's about coming together as one.  Why segregate?
10. I actually haven't talked to my family about paying for things.  I was surprised when my mom alluded to paying for stuff whe nI told her of the engagement because I've always assumed I'd pay for my wedding.
11. I have never heard of a dollar dance.
12. Couldn't care less about something old etc.  I do have blue hair though so it'd e easy if a family member made a fuss or something.
13. I have an amethyst ring  imo diamonds are kind of boring and then there's the part where diamond engagement rings were a marketing strategy because they couldn't sell diamonds.
14. I want friends from different social circles to feel comfortable so we'll probably keep plus 1s
15. Ehhh I don't know about announcing the party.  Probably not.
16. It's what I dreamed of as a little girl so that's happening.
17. Receiving lines seem a little stuffy for us. 
    
18. Wedding favours will be simple, but they'll happen.  Its a nice way to thank people for supporting us and I have sooooo many ideas on Pinterest.  I have to use at least one of them.

We're also skipping the pint-sized wedding party members.  We don't really know many kids right now and we don't want to stick one in the wedding just because we need a flower girl or ring bearer.

tl;dr I want to feel pretty, but we're feminists and cheap ones at that.

fyrchk

Do people feel better about the tradition of giving the bouquet to the couple who's been together longest? I'm not planning on a toss or anything, but I've read about this and just wondered what people's thoughts were...

sassercake12

I like the thought of doing that, or an anniversary dance where the last couple on the dance floor gets the bouquet. We're not doing either, but I especially didn't want to throw my bouquet at a bunch of single girls to save them from spinsterhood or something. How weird.

[Deleted User]

fyrchk said:

Do people feel better about the tradition of giving the bouquet to the couple who's been together longest? I'm not planning on a toss or anything, but I've read about this and just wondered what people's thoughts were...

Some people do this.  Some people don't because they think about how their grandfather died just last year and if he hadn't, he and grandma would have "won" the bouquet and that would be sad for grandma.

mrscomposer

adk19 said:

fyrchk said:

Do people feel better about the tradition of giving the bouquet to the couple who's been together longest? I'm not planning on a toss or anything, but I've read about this and just wondered what people's thoughts were...

Some people do this.  Some people don't because they think about how their grandfather died just last year and if he hadn't, he and grandma would have "won" the bouquet and that would be sad for grandma.

That was us.  J's grandparents would have been together the longest, had Gramps not passed away a year and a half before. 

We didn't do any tosses.  No one missed them, because they were too busy dancing.

MissKittyDanger

We did garter toss and bouquet toss. One of my bridesmaids and husband's best man caught both, so they opted to dance together.

Everyone took the opportunity to dance with someone different since it wasn't a lovey-dovey song. My mum danced with my husband and I danced with his stepdad {which was hilarious because I'm about 5'2" and he is 6'7" hahaha!}

futurecptkirk

Feel like most of us are in agreement and it's been done to death, but hey who doesn't love to talk about their wedding.

1. Garter toss- I bought one yesterday from DB. Rethinking it because I honestly don't care enough to waste my time doing the garter toss. Also, it's a little gross that something near your lady bits gets thrown at a throng of men. 

2. Given away- Umm. My dad is officiating and my mom is walking me down the aisle. This would be weird logistically speaking. 

3. Bouquet toss- Probably, but only because I think my traditional family might incite a riot if it isn't done and I get a free toss bouquet. .

4. Not seeing each other before the wedding- No I don't want to wait  until 6:30 to hang out with my best friend. Also I want a private moment before the insanity and get pictures out of the way. 

5. Smashing cake- Why pay someone to do my makeup and then have someone ruin it with cake? Also cake goes IN my mouth not UP my nose. Don't you dare waste that cake! 

6. Throwing rice- Not allowed to throw anything so we are doing bubbles. Even though I bought sparklers the venue apparently got caught and is not not allowed to have "fireworks." Boo. They bought a bubble machine for angry brides so I got over it real quick.

7. Wearing a veil- I'm wearing a veil with Belgian lace from the 1800s. I am also having all of the wedding announcements of every woman in my family who has worn that veil on display for cocktail hour so everyone can appreciate the history and sentiment of my yellowish veil. Also it looks super regal and makes me feel like a princess since my dress has no train.

8. Gender-specific wedding parties- Just happened, but wasn't necessarily intentional.

9. Separate sides-  We won't have a "pick a seat not a side sign" so people can sit wherever they feel is best. 

10. Bride's family pays- Yes. My family is a lot more affluent. I originally started planning a wedding for much, much less. My mom, knowing me, gave me the money as a gift to get my "dream" wedding and I am eternally thankful. My dad is also contributing 1/5 of the budget. His family is taking care of the rehearsal dinner (less booze, which FI and I will provide). Ended up traditional on that, but more out of circumstance. 

11. Dollar dance- Someone actually told me he is starting one for me and I told him please god no. 

12. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue- Yes, but unintentionally. Old veil (previously mentioned), new dress, borrowing my aunt's vintage Christian Dior earrings, and my grandmother's blue handkerchief because apparently you can't get married without one? My family is so traditional...

13. Diamond rings- Yes, my grandmother's diamond that my grandfather proposed with.

14. Plus One- no

15. Announcing the wedding party- undecided

16. Wearing a white dress- Ivory to match my veil. My mom bought me Jimmy Choo's to match the veil before we went dress shopping to make sure my dress matched. She knew if she bought the shoes I would have to buy an ivory dress to match them... She manipulated me and I don't even care. 

17. Having a receiving line- Uh no. Venue doesn't accommodate this... Ceremony and reception are in the same place. 

18. Giving out wedding favors- No. I don't remember any favors at other weddings so easy cut. 

mollybarker11

I think I've already shared my horrific experience of catching the bouquet at a wedding & then having sit in the middle of the dancefloor while the drunk buffoon who caught the garter put it onto my leg, right?

Please kill this tradition.

Knottie1437445399

Traditions are nice but the beauty of a wedding is you can decide what you want. Me and my fiance will be married in January and it will be aa 2nd marriage for each of us. I did the typical "wedding" things the first time but didn't really like my dress (settled for what I could afford), didn't get to choose who stood up with me (he didn't have that many guy friends and he wanted his good buddy, his wife and their 3 kids to be our bridal party and I wasted no time arguing), and the list goes on. My fiance got married by a judge and his family didn't know until weeks later because his ex convinced him it would hurt their feelings to find out via a phone call. And yes, his mother's feelings were truly hurt when she found out (he's an only child). In an effort to make his mom's wish come true of seeing hey only happily married, we will be doing the wedding thing. What we will be doing:

1) Gowns and tuxes
2) full bridal party
3) ring ceremony and sand ceremony (which will include our adult and almost adult children even though several on here have not had anything good to say about that choice. Or sand ceremony will not be viewed for us as husband/wife, but vowing to treat all family members with respect, etc).
4) receiving line
5) cutting the cake (preferably no smashing though!!)
6) toasting
7) making it a very informal event for our guests (January wedding in Indiana... Never know what the weather will be like and we have told or guests they can wear jeans if they'd like. We want them to be comfortable!
8) not seeing each other before. I'll be staying at my mom's for 3 days prior.
9) paying for everything ourselves

What we aren't doing:
1) bouquet/garter toss
2) having a dj
3) dad and step-dad "giving by me away" (my adult son will be escorting me)
4) formal rehearsal dinner (ordering pizza)

I'm sure some will cringe when reading this but every wedding is different.

MissKittyDanger

mollybarker11 said:

I think I've already shared my horrific experience of catching the bouquet at a wedding & then having sit in the middle of the dance floor while the drunk buffoon who caught the garter put it onto my leg, right?

Please kill this tradition.

That sucks

For my wedding it turned out well with this. The best man and one of my bridesmaids were the two people who caught bouquet/garter toss. He opted to put the garter on her since they got along, but I think it would be super awkward if it was random people. We also had the dj play some funny love song afterwards - they opted to dance with each other, but others got up.

WriterBrideUK

I think we'll be reasonably traditional...

Garter toss - nope. I've never seen this in the UK but I don't think I'd do it anyway.

Giving away - my dad and/or stepdad will walk me up the aisle. I've heard people say that this doesn't necessarily mean giving away. How so? I'm torn on this one because on the one hand, I'm not property to be given to anyone, but on the other, I like the idea of my dads having that special role in the wedding. And I think it's lost it's meaning somewhat anyway, these days.

Bouquet toss - doubt it. I find it a little cringey tbh. Each to their own of course, but not my thing.

Not seeing each other before the ceremony - Yes. I think it's cute.

Smashing cake - no. I think this might be a US thing anyway. But I wouldn't want to spoil my make-up lol

Throwing confetti - yes, I love this

Veil - maybe

Gender specific WP - unsure. But only because we're not fixed on our WP. Neither of us care which gender goes on which side.

Sides of church/ceremony - no, we'll want to mix this up. Most of the guests will be my family so his side could look rather empty! Plus they'll be his family too, so why split them?

Bride's family paying - My parents are paying for certain parts, but we'll mostly be paying ourselves.

Dollar dance - I only have a vague idea of what this is. It's not a UK thing but I'm not sure I would anyway...

Old, new, borrowed and blue - yes, it's a sweet little tradition

Diamond ring - yes

Plus ones - where appropriate, yes

Announcing the wedding party - hadn't thought about it before now! maybe

White dress - yes

Receiving line - maybe. Is this quite a formal thing?

Wedding favours - Yes. While I honestly can't remember if they were at previous weddings I've been to, and I don't think my guests will care(nor would I), I think it's a nice touch.

spockforprez

MissKittyDanger said:

I was actually talking to my FI about a few things on this list.

We aren't doing garter {I have one, but it was more a joke gift tbh - might wear it wedding night to be funny}

We agreed no cake smash, but his exact words "can I smush it around your mouth to get the lip colour off?"
me: nope. it's a lip stain, it's not budging!

He is not a fan of kissing when I'm wearing a lip colour, but this is kiss resistant lol

@MissKittyDanger, care to share what lip stain you're using?! I'm having such a hard time finding one that doesn't transfer. I want a dark blue-red berry color. 

spockforprez

I'll play!

1. Garter toss - nope, not wearing one.
2. Giving away - nope, walking in with my FH. We may incorporate some kind of parent participation but not giving away.
3. Bouquet toss - nope. I may keep it to preserve it or give it to my mom. I'd love to do one of the grandmother traditions, but FH doesn't have any grandparents still living and would hate to upset him.
4. Not seeing each other - nope. We will spend the night before together, wake up and have breakfast, then separate for getting ready. After getting ready we'll do a first look, then walk down the aisle together.
5. Cake smash - nope. NEVER.
6. Rice toss - nope.
7. Veil - I waffle on this as I'm having a flower crown so it would be an add-on. FH has said he'd like to see my face without the veil (and if I wear one I'd want to wear it over my face) so that's a strong vote in the no column.
8. Gender specific WP - yes and no. We have 4 girls, 4 guys, but it's a mix of siblings and friends from us both. We call them bridesmaids and groomsmen for convenience. FH doesn't like the traditional lineup so we'll either have them line up guy/girl or we'll just have them seated. Still pondering.
9. Bride's side/Groom's side - nope.
10. Bride's family paying - yes and no. My FH and I are contributing along with my parents (my mom). FH's parents paid for our downpayment on our house and offered to contribute to the wedding but we declined because of the help they'd already given us.
11. Dollar dance - never knew this was a thing before TK and would never have one.
12. Something blue, etc. - probably not. If it turns out to be important to one of my family members it won't be hard to do, but if not, then I won't worry about it. It'll probably happen naturally, tbh.
13. Diamond ring - nope. No e-ring at all. Wedding band will be plain white gold and match FH's.
14. Plus one for all - yes. We only have 7 single guests and they will all be given a plus one. Everyone else will be invited with spouse or SO.
15. Announcing the WP - no. They will join cocktail hour after ceremony/any pictures. FH and I will be announced, though.
16. White dress - yes. My current dress is ivory. I may have to buy another but if I do it would be ivory too.
17. Receiving line - probably not. 
18. Favors - not planning on it. A bridesmaid wants to do wildflower seeds in little envelopes (we have an unofficial wildflower theme/motif going on) and said she would buy the supplies and do it because it would be less than $15. If she does that, great! If not, no favors.

MissKittyDanger

dreadpirateroberts said:

MissKittyDanger said:

I was actually talking to my FI about a few things on this list.

We aren't doing garter {I have one, but it was more a joke gift tbh - might wear it wedding night to be funny}

We agreed no cake smash, but his exact words "can I smush it around your mouth to get the lip colour off?"
me: nope. it's a lip stain, it's not budging!

He is not a fan of kissing when I'm wearing a lip colour, but this is kiss resistant lol

@MissKittyDanger, care to share what lip stain you're using?! I'm having such a hard time finding one that doesn't transfer. I want a dark blue-red berry color. 

@dreadpirateroberts It did fade a bit, but it does start as a dark blue-red. I used the Younique one because I am selling it {if you want specific link, just IM me and I'll send !}

What's your price point because there are a few other options, I'm big on stains lol

ryanandjoe4

1) garter toss  - At FI request he wants to put it around a football and throw it (eyeroll) I am not worried about doing it in front of my family though, it is hard to embarrass me after all they have put me through..

2) Giving away - My brother will be walking me, but no discussion of "giving away" if it happens it happens I guess but FI mom will be walking him (he has two sisters he walked, and his mom never walked any of their children.. Also we both lost our dads at a young age)

3) Bouquet toss- yes since we are doing the garter, but no putting it back on and the dance of the two single people.. I have never head of that until now..

4) Not seeing before the wedding.  FI is insistant on this he wants his first time seeing me walking down the isle, we live together so he has decide to stay at his moms house ( the church, hour house, and his moms is 5 minutes from each other)

5) Cake smashing - no I said I am not paying for professional makeup for you to ruin it before i want to take it off...

6) Tossing rice - No, we are doing bubbles, mom who is a photographer likes the photos that they provide.. and at the end of the reception we had A TON of sparklers left over from my sons party in July.. so we had the supplies to do a sparkler send off.. so only because we had the stuff..

7) Veil - small birdcage to "finish the look"

8) Gender specific WP -not on purpose just worked out that way.. 

9) Bride's side/ groom's side - I am doing the sign to say sit where ever, just because it will be really unbalanced and my OCD may not handle it well.. but if it happens anyways OH well..

10) Bride's family paying - NOPE

11) Dollar dance- nope.  Never heard of it..

12) Something blue, borrowed, old, new, - yes because It was all done for me except borrowed, but my FMIL is letting me borrow a pearl necklace..

13) Diamond ring - yes.. I would have liked a blue or something, but with horses Diamond I think was a good decision.. 

14)  +one for everyone.  - Not many people with out SO single but SO

15) announcing the WP - yep.  I like to hear who is who.  But not necessary. AGREED

16) White dress - I had an Ivory one.    SAME

17) Receiving line - Nope visiting tables

18) Favors - We and most of our guests collect Koozies, and we found 150 for less than $100 and it isn't the general sayings you see other wise it would have to be boxes for extra cup cakes..

spockforprez

MissKittyDanger said:

dreadpirateroberts said:

MissKittyDanger said:

I was actually talking to my FI about a few things on this list.

We aren't doing garter {I have one, but it was more a joke gift tbh - might wear it wedding night to be funny}

We agreed no cake smash, but his exact words "can I smush it around your mouth to get the lip colour off?"
me: nope. it's a lip stain, it's not budging!

He is not a fan of kissing when I'm wearing a lip colour, but this is kiss resistant lol

@MissKittyDanger, care to share what lip stain you're using?! I'm having such a hard time finding one that doesn't transfer. I want a dark blue-red berry color. 

@dreadpirateroberts It did fade a bit, but it does start as a dark blue-red. I used the Younique one because I am selling it {if you want specific link, just IM me and I'll send !}

What's your price point because there are a few other options, I'm big on stains lol

@MissKittyDanger Yes pretty please! Will PM you. I've got $150 budgeted to spend on any new makeup needed for the wedding. I already have most things and plan to keep it simple, but I assume there may be more specialized products like primer or whatnot I might want to wear. My lips are the most important part, though! And I will pick a nail polish to match once I get the color right.