Not Engaged Yet

Help! BSC has invaded me....

jenjen047jenjen047 member
First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
edited April 2015 in Not Engaged Yet
I feel like I've been doing a great job keeping myself not-BSC but for some reason today all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. Did this happen to other ladies on here? I've been trying to keep occupied by making lists of all new recipes I want to try, downloading some audio books I've been wanting to listen to, and cleaning out my closet. Hopefully tomorrow is back to normal non-BSC levels. But....in the meantime and so I don't feel so crazypants....I thought it might be funny to hear from some of you lovely ladies about the BSC things you did. I think someone here bought a wedding dress before being engaged?

I'll start with something from my own past.....about 4 years ago when I was sure I was going to marry the guy I was dating, I bought a CZ ring from Claire's to wear around the house when I was home alone. Sometimes I'd wear it while running errands and a lady once asked me when my wedding was.
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After that I came to my senses, realized I had really gone off the deep end, and got rid of the ring.

Who's next???

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Re: Help! BSC has invaded me....

  • I actually was thinking about this today... I was at the bookstore and passed the bridal magazines... then the wedding section... then the bridal magazines again........ I had to exercise extreme self control not to buy one and I just thought of BF finding it and being like "uh... what is this??" and I was able to rein myself in :)

    Our sixth anniversary is coming up in a few months and it hit me the other day that when that day arrives we will have been together for a QUARTER of our lives and not living together or engaged so I'm right there with you. Just trying to occupy myself and remember that as of right now I cannot afford to get married the way I want anyway lol. I am challenging myself to take advantage of my town's great library and read one book a week until the end of the summer or even later if I am successful, so you are welcome to join me in that quest if you want lol
  • I don't remember actually DOING anything too BSC, I just spent nearly all of my driving time imagining FI proposing. One time I did buy a bridal magazine for the train ride home, but I threw it away before I got into our apt. 


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  • I know this feeling all too well. Ever since I found out BF has the ring I've had to fight to keep my BSC at bay. This past weekend I did not put up the greatest fight. 

    We were supposed to go hang out with friends, but neither one of us felt like going so I suggested instead we get dressed up and go to a nice dinner. He agreed, but then invited my parents when we talked to them later that night. We had a nice night out, but I did get cranky (for lack of a better word) and ended up saying how I was feeling. He's been obsessing over the new Batman vs Superman trailer and I told him that I wish he was as excited about getting engaged as he was about Batman vs Superman. 

    We argued, but out of the tiff came a great conversation. We talked about our timeline again and it turns out that in his mind he is still 22/23. He knows he is turning 27 in a few weeks he just "doesn't feel 27." We had a great talk and he assured me that he is going to be doing it in the next few weeks, but I have to stop being emotional about it. 

    So I am fully fighting to keep myself busy to pass the time. Between Friends on Netflix (I'm halfway through season 8!) and my new coloring books I'm doing pretty good! I keep trying to remind myself that this is a happy time and to enjoy this time because it's not something I can get back. Convincing myself is the hard part, but I think I'm doing good now. 
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  • After I changed jobs, I thought H was going to propose pretty soon after that (I felt he was hinting at it), so I had bought a bridal magazine or two.  After we started looking at rings together, we were at a book store that was going out of business and they had a bridal planner/organizers marked down to $3, so I bought it - he was with me; I don't think I even used it.


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  • Even though I've said to BF that I wanna help pick out the ring, I know he will NEVER tell me when he has it because I will go CRAZY. I just know I will badger him and get my feelings all hurt and overthink everything, so its better that way probably lol. I already kinda bring it up a lot because I know he's waiting till after he finishes nursing school which won't be for a while and I kinda get a kick out of his reaction every time lol. I don't like that I do it, it's not even intentional, so I am really looking for ways to pass the time.
  • The BSC came out for me in my dreams. I had three different dreams about DH proposing and in all of them, the ring was HIDEOUS. Well, in one, it was a hideous necklace, but you get the picture. I never even thought to buy a bridal magazine. That would have totally sent me over the edge.
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  • I was a little BSC once DH told me his plans on proposing within the next six months. I'm not very good with surprises so if I know something is coming, I do all that I can to find out about it soo...I'm sure you can imagine how that was. Luckily he didn't make me wait that long.

    I also bought a couple bridal magazines along the way haha. They didn't make me crazy but it was kind of like looking at Pinterest to me. You see cute things and maybe think of doing that some day.
  • I don't think I didn't anything BSC.  I was just whiny and complaining about when it would finally happen. 

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  • I was a little BSC once DH told me his plans on proposing within the next six months. I'm not very good with surprises so if I know something is coming, I do all that I can to find out about it soo...I'm sure you can imagine how that was. Luckily he didn't make me wait that long.


    I also bought a couple bridal magazines along the way haha. They didn't make me crazy but it was kind of like looking at Pinterest to me. You see cute things and maybe think of doing that some day.
    THIS. At first we agreed it would happen this year.....but since then we have had some more convos and Friday night we were both VERY drunk and he told me it would happen by mid-August. Now I am counting the days. UGH. He also has started asking when/where I might want to get married and it makes me feel like if he wants to have these conversations....what are we waiting for?? But I'm sure he has a good reason for waiting (either money or sentimental) so I need to just chill and have faith that there is a good reason why it's happening when it's happening and not rightthissecond. But that's HARD! OK, end whining like a 4 year old.
  • @jenjen047 I think I only went BSC if it came up when we were drunk! The months before the proposal (we got engaged in fall of 2013) several of our friends got engaged, which only made marriage and wedding talk happen more often. Since I was drunk, my BSC look was mostly tears and unintelligible talk lol. Even if it was only a couple times, I'm still embarrassed about it!
  • @jenjen047 If he is telling you that it's going to be within such and such time then I would try to just rest in knowing that it's going to happen. I know it's hard, believe me...I've been there. If he wants to talk about wedding stuff then I that's totally fine to discuss that with him, it will be much easier to plan once you're engaged.
  • cu97tiger said:

    The BSC came out for me in my dreams. I had three different dreams about DH proposing and in all of them, the ring was HIDEOUS. Well, in one, it was a hideous necklace, but you get the picture. I never even thought to buy a bridal magazine. That would have totally sent me over the edge.



    This. I used to get these crazy engagement dreams where BF would propose with absolutely hideous rings. I haven't had one in awhile though. I've also had the urge to buy bridal magazines but I never have.

    BF has been bringing up wedding stuff more often lately and I feel like talking about wedding stuff helps any BSC.



  • I've been going BSC for the past year, I haven't done anything too crazy per se but I can't stop thinking about us getting engaged. I was especially worried that it wouldn't happen because it wasn't something my SO was really interested in but after consulting with the ladies here I broached the subject with him again recently and he assured me that he understands that marriage is important to me and that it is something he wants with me and that it would be happening this year! Now that I know it's happening this year I've felt a lot better but also anxious, I keep sending hints on e-rings and envisioning when he's going to do it. I find talking about it with my close friend, lurking on TK and perusing e-rings keep my BSC from getting too out of hand.
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  • OMG. These are not good memories. When ex-BF and I were together and about 3-4 years into things, we were 100% positive that we would get married after college. I started hoarding all of my spare change so we'd have a little nest egg for this wedding I was SURE would happen within a year or two. I watched a LOT of My Fair Wedding. There was the occasional glance at wedding stuff online or in magazines, but I never bought anything. Then ex-BF decided it would be better to wait until I was out of nursing school (which was smart!), and by that time I had found NEY and learned to concentrate more on the relationship than the wedding stuff. We used the spare change for some fun vacations/date nights, and eventually I realized it wasn't a great relationship for us anymore anyway.

    One of my friends bought her wedding dress like two years into their relationship. He proposed a year and a half later. I always thought that was strange, but I never said anything. It was apparently a great deal, and she still liked the dress come wedding time, so I guess it worked out OK for her. Not something I would do, though; I change my mind too quickly about these things.

    Even though I'm not in a relationship, I hate to say that I still have moments of BSC, but now they just feel even more pathetic. Mostly it comes up when other people ask about if I have a boyfriend yet, who I'm dating and if they're "the one" (seriously...uggghhh), if I'm ready to settle down/get married/have kids already, and similar questions. It makes me feel like I've done all this great stuff with getting an amazing job, moving out, and starting to enjoy all of the wonderful family, friends, and hobbies I have...and it's still meaningless without having a significant other. So that makes me get a little antsy, but I can talk myself down pretty quickly from that.

  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    My BSC, historically, mostly consisted of spending a lot of time online looking at wedding dresses and jewelry.
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    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  •  

    If you have discussed a timeline, I would be super exicted and enjoy the last of BF/GF status. I know it's hard but hey, it's only 4 more months! Woo hoo!!! Do you think he has a ring or has he asked any questions about what you might like? This is an exciting time, I would kick back and relax!

     

     

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  • Oh boy, was I ever BSC. Holy moly, I think I was queen of BSC-dom for the month or two before FI proposed. For the past few years, we'd talked about a Halloween 2015 wedding. We sat down one day in 2012 and came up with a timeline, and FI said he would propose once his student loans and his car were paid off in 2015. Well, around May 2014 I started getting really antsy. I knew he'd be proposing soon, and he told me had just finished paying off his student loans and had one more payment on his car. We'd been looking at rings for a few months by that point, and I was just dying with anticipation. 

    Well, lo and behold, one day in early June FI told me that he'd probably have to delay the engagement a few months because of an upcoming trip we had planned to Mexico. He said the cost of the trip wasn't factored into his original timeline, and he wasn't going to be able to save up enough for the ring before the fall. I was crushed. I'd been waiting for YEARS, and I just couldn't fathom waiting any longer. 

    One morning I just broke down and cried to him about it. I felt so silly while I was doing it because I knew we were still going to get engaged and married, and I was essentially throwing a temper tantrum because I was too impatient to wait for a ring while he paid off his car and our vacation. Total first world problems over here. After I finally calmed down, I immediately got a nose bleed. Yep, that's right, I gave myself a nose bleed after throwing a hissy fit over having to wait a few more months to get engaged. 

    FI had the ring the whole time, btw. He proposed about two weeks later. He was just trying to throw me off the scent. 




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  • Even though I'm not in a relationship, I hate to say that I still have moments of BSC, but now they just feel even more pathetic. Mostly it comes up when other people ask about if I have a boyfriend yet, who I'm dating and if they're "the one" (seriously...uggghhh), if I'm ready to settle down/get married/have kids already, and similar questions. It makes me feel like I've done all this great stuff with getting an amazing job, moving out, and starting to enjoy all of the wonderful family, friends, and hobbies I have...and it's still meaningless without having a significant other. So that makes me get a little antsy, but I can talk myself down pretty quickly from that.

    Please try not to have this mentality. Your life is NOT "meaningless" just because you're single. This is one of my soapboxes. As with any invasive life question (when are you getting married? when are you having babies?) it has nothing to do with you & your life choices. Don't let it get you down - you have a 100% meaningful life regardless of relationship status.
    CLoGreenEyes I get questions like that all the time; some people are just rude.  You have accomplished so much and should 100% be proud of that. 

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  • @loves2dream - Oh it's very exciting!!! I can't believe it will happen so soon! But then I get impatient and want something sparkly/want to start planning now. We went ring shopping in mid-March but I'm 99% sure he hasn't purchased anything yet.
    I also told him I'm not comfortable with him having it and hiding it somewhere in our apartment because 1. I'm scared I might come across it and 2. I'd be afraid it would get lost. I somehow managed to lose a pair of pants in my 400 sq ft apartment, so a very small and very expensive (at least compared to a pair of pants) ring seems like a silly thing to hide for more than a few days.

    @eilis1228 - Love that you went a little BSC too. I hope someday soon I am the wise FI telling BSC NEY girls my story! Luckily I have been able to hide it from him.....my BSC is more just I want it now and I can't stop thinking about anything and everything ring/proposal/wedding planning related.

    Maybe I should set a goal for myself that coincides with our timeline? Take the next 3-4 months and train for a 10k or something? That way it gives me something constructive to count down to instead of just counting down to the proposal (which could also get changed at any time, as life can get in the way).
  • @GoldenPeguin and @speakeasy14, thanks, ladies. :) That is definitely not MY mentality, but it seems like what a lot of well-meaning people around me think. I'm pretty happy and satisfied with my life right now and I have a lot to be proud of. It's just not the most affirming thing when people ask about my life and I say all the awesome stuff I have going on, and the only thing they have to say is, "But are you dating anyone?"

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  • jenjen047 do you have any vacations planned for this year?  I love to travel, so anytime I need to distract myself, I'll look for travel deals.  If I already have something planned, I'll research things to do, places to eat at, or anything else I should know before the trip.  

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  • jenjen047jenjen047 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    @speakeasy14 - No vacations planned....just a few weekend trips (going to NH this weekend and going to VT for a weekend in August). 

    ETA: We have a few other weekend family obligations in May/June so we don't want to plan any other trips because BF works in sales and weekends are his busiest time, so he can't really take much more time off than what we already have planned.
  • @GoldenPeguin and @speakeasy14, thanks, ladies. :) That is definitely not MY mentality, but it seems like what a lot of well-meaning people around me think. I'm pretty happy and satisfied with my life right now and I have a lot to be proud of. It's just not the most affirming thing when people ask about my life and I say all the awesome stuff I have going on, and the only thing they have to say is, "But are you dating anyone?"

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    Okay good. I can see now in re-reading your original post how you meant that OTHER people think that your life is meaningless because you're single, but I read it the other way before and I was all 
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  • CLoGreenEyesCLoGreenEyes member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited April 2015


    Okay good. I can see now in re-reading your original post how you meant that OTHER people think that your life is meaningless because you're single, but I read it the other way before and I was all 

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    Yeeeaahhh, going back and re-reading, I see I was a little unclear...

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  • Yea I had some BSC moments too. I never put down deposits or bought any WR things, but I definitely looked at Pinterest a lot and started researching some venues online to get price points at least (which was probably bad, but it did help with figuring out our budget and now FI gave me permission to do so as long as I didn't book anything). 

    Part of it was that FI was the one to first bring up engagement, on my college graduation day in 2013. He out of the blue asked me what ring styles I liked, and I was so confused because I had never really thought about getting engaged prior to that conversation. It was something that wasn't even on my mind, and that I didn't think would happen until I was much older. But after he brought that up, it was almost all I could think about. We hit some bumps along the way, which I completely understood (moving across the country and fighting with the insurance company for almost a year to get his car totaled after an accident while they refused to pay for repairs), but then all of that settled and still no updates on getting engaged. 

    Then he went ring shopping on his own and got overwhelmed and finally broke down and told me. I sent him some ring pictures to help him get an idea, and that still wasn't enough. He waited a few more months before telling me he was still overwhelmed. Then we went to a jeweler together and I tried on some ones that I liked, but he didn't like them. More months passed, and I was getting more and more upset and felt he was stringing me along. I broke down in tears a few times. He finally gave up on the idea of surprising me with the ring style, and we went and picked it out together. After that I still didn't know when the ring would be ready, but knew it wouldn't be long. And this was in late October of last year, right before we were flying back to NY for the holidays. I went a little more BSC because I had nightmares about everyone asking us when we would get engaged (by this point our families knew he had a ring) and coming back still not engaged. I broke down one night again right before we flew back, and he calmed me down saying that he had already thought of proposing while we were back in NY. So that calmed me down for a while. Thanksgiving and Chirstmas both came and went and still nothing. There was a party that his family had the weekend after Christmas (my family and friends were also invited, as they normally are), and I was really hoping to be able to tell everyone there about our engagement, but we still weren't engaged by the time the party came. I was honestly a bit depressed and upset that night showing up to that party and not engaged yet, but didn't want to tell BF at the time. 

    Well, I don't know if he had read my mind or what, but he took me aside in a private part of his parents' house and proposed that night. So not only did we get to tell everyone about our engagement there, but we got to celebrate with them right after we were engaged. 

  • jenjen047jenjen047 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    Thanks for the tales of commiseration ladies! I haven't done any pre-planning aside from browsing stuff on Pinterest and making a mental note when I see a FB friend getting married in a venue I like....which I don't think really counts as pre-planning? Just like making a comment about a cute house when you aren't really house shopping is fine, but calling a realtor for more information is a no-no.

    Anywho I think I decided to sign up for a 10k race at the end of July. It will give me something productive to focus on as we get closer to August and my mind is in overdrive.

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  • ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2015

    Confession for me: My craziness is that I'm afraid to discuss a timeline. We just passed our one year anniversary. His divorce was final the December before we started dating and I ended an engagement the February before we started dating. We both agree that we feel strongly about wanting to be married and have a future together but because he went through a divorce so recently and I broke off an engagement I'm afraid I'll look like a needy crazy person if I even think to suggest getting engaged. He does not know this and I am keeping it at bay mostly because I keep reminding myself what a lot of the ladies on this board recommend - JUST ENJOY THE RELATIONSHIP! (yeah, in big letters screaming inside my head.) Don't get me wrong - I love my freaking relationship with him. I absolutely know I love him so I know that if we got engaged soon I would know it's because we want to be together not because I want to have a ring but I'm afraid of people thinking that exact thought - oh she just wants to be engaged. So yeah . . . craziness abound in my head.

     

    Edit: Wow, can I tell you how good that felt to get off my chest? I have been keeping that one down for a while because I'm afraid my friends will judge me. Thanks for posting about BSC, OP!

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  • Oh god I'll play. Please don't judge me. A year into dating my now FI I decided that he was the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. My friend who was getting married invited me to go to a bridal expo with her and I happily agreed. We were signing up for a bunch of stuff and I played it off as oh we're doubling our chances to win things (secretly I wanted him to propose before, so if I did win, we would have a sweet set up). I started to get really into it. I must have signed up at every freaking table, and took brochures from EVERYWHERE. I went home and I put the wedding related materials in the back of the closet. Every few days I would read a brochure or two, and would earmark pages of things I liked in the free magazines.

    Well, three weeks later my FI offered to clean the house and pick up the mail on his day off from work. He picked up the mail, which had two letters in it saying that we won a wedding videography package, and another saying we won a dream honeymoon. Then he cleaned the house and found my wedding material stash I made in the closet. When I got home he asked if why were these wedding related materials in our closet, and what was with all the wedding materials in the closet? I was so embarrassed because he caught me in the middle of a BSC moment. He and I then established a timeline, and I got rid of the brochures.

    So, moral of the story, don't go to bridal expos when you aren't engaged, because they'll fuck with your BSC. 
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