Etiquette

Two Receptions - WWYD

antotoantoto member
500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
edited April 2015 in Etiquette
Hello Everyone!

So I'd love to hear what some of you would do in this situation.  I absolutely know that gifts are not a requirement for a wedding, but I am definitely a gifter.  So DH and I are attending a wedding in August.  I knew in advance there might be some craziness because the two families are from two different religions so they are having two different ceremonies (Catholic ceremony and Nikah).  These ceremonies are followed by a reception which looks to be absolutely amazing and I am really excited.  

Yesterday I got an invitation for a second reception.  This second reception will take place a little over a month later.  It is just down the road from us, so we are going to attend, but I am curious what you ladies would choose to do for the gift?  Would you get two equal gifts?  Would you get sort of a half sized gift to give for each day?  Would you just give them one gift?  

I've never been in this situation before and am not really sure what I should do...

Thanks for all your help!

Edit:  words are hard.
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Re: Two Receptions - WWYD

  • This seems really odd to me but I know nothing about Nikah so I'm not even gonna comment on the two weddings thing. 


    I would just give 1 gift at 1 of the receptions and call it a day. It's 1 couple, 1 marriage. 2 gifts is not necessary. 






    Ahhhhh stuck in the box.  Yeah that was sort of my first reaction... but on BOTH of the invites it says "no boxed gifts please" so I worry that I will be the only one not gifting at the second one.  Maybe just give them... a second card?  Gah that seems weird. 
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  • "No boxed gifts" sigh...........

    I would get them a gift card for one of the receptions and call it a day.

    I know, right?  If they hadn't mentioned gifts at all I wouldn't have thought twice about it and just gifted at the first reception.  But now I feel crudy not bringing anything to the second one since they will obviously be expecting something...
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    antoto said:

    "No boxed gifts" sigh...........

    I would get them a gift card for one of the receptions and call it a day.

    I know, right?  If they hadn't mentioned gifts at all I wouldn't have thought twice about it and just gifted at the first reception.  But now I feel crudy not bringing anything to the second one since they will obviously be expecting something...

    I really do think you're safe in just gifting at one of the receptions.  Since gifts are never to be expected, I don't think you're in the wrong for just gifting at one.
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    antoto
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would get them one gift and give it to them at the reception following their actual ceremony.  I would then attend the second reception only if I wanted to but you should not feel obligated getting them a second gift.  Essentially you would be giving them 2 gifts for one event and that is just super gift grabby on their part.

    Do you know why they are having a second reception?

    antotoPrettyGirlLost
  • antoto said:

    "No boxed gifts" sigh...........

    I would get them a gift card for one of the receptions and call it a day.

    I know, right?  If they hadn't mentioned gifts at all I wouldn't have thought twice about it and just gifted at the first reception.  But now I feel crudy not bringing anything to the second one since they will obviously be expecting something...
    Bring a card to both receptions. 1 empty card, and 1 card that contains a gift card. That way you don't have to feel wierd walking in empty-handed, and for all those people know, the card contains a $500 check. So bam. 
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    antotoChemFanatic25mrsdee15[Deleted User]
  • I would get them one gift and give it to them at the reception following their actual ceremony.  I would then attend the second reception only if I wanted to but you should not feel obligated getting them a second gift.  Essentially you would be giving them 2 gifts for one event and that is just super gift grabby on their part.


    Do you know why they are having a second reception?
    I think they are having a second reception because the parents are so... divided?  This is pure speculation on my part.  DH and I joke that it's the crusades of weddings.
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  • I get super annoyed at the "no boxed gifts" because it is a direct translation to "I expect you'll give a gift...make it cash". Those words make me give less of a gift and more likely to give a boxed gift than not. 


    I would do one of two things:

    1) If you're spiteful about the "no boxed gifts" thing, find their registry and send a boxed gift to their house as their one and only wedding gift. You'd obviously arrive empty handed to both parties, but you will have already given a wedding gift.
    2) Give them cash and bring it to the first party. You'd go to the second party empty handed.
    Yeah I mean as crappy as that boxed gift thing makes me feel, I don't feel angry or anything.  I think this is a genuine case of really great, well intentioned people making a mistake.  They most likely do believe that it is helpful to guests and that it is appropriate.  I really love this couple and can't believe they would intentionally do anything to make guests feel awkward.  They are very sweet and fun loving.
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    side note, but @antoto I love your sig pic.  That's a gorgeous photo!
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    antotonovella1186kns1988
  • antoto said:

    "No boxed gifts" sigh...........

    I would get them a gift card for one of the receptions and call it a day.

    I know, right?  If they hadn't mentioned gifts at all I wouldn't have thought twice about it and just gifted at the first reception.  But now I feel crudy not bringing anything to the second one since they will obviously be expecting something...
    Bring a card to both receptions. 1 empty card, and 1 card that contains a gift card. That way you don't have to feel wierd walking in empty-handed, and for all those people know, the card contains a $500 check. So bam. 
    LOL good point.  I'm not sure what I would write in the second card though "... congrats... again..." Maybe "happy one month anniversary!"

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    plainjane0415novella1186
  • side note, but @antoto I love your sig pic.  That's a gorgeous photo!

    Awe thank you <3
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    JBee85
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    antoto said:

    "No boxed gifts" sigh...........

    I would get them a gift card for one of the receptions and call it a day.

    I know, right?  If they hadn't mentioned gifts at all I wouldn't have thought twice about it and just gifted at the first reception.  But now I feel crudy not bringing anything to the second one since they will obviously be expecting something...
    I know a lot of people who are expecting silly things, even with "good" intentions. I don't need to point out to them explicitly that they're being entitled, but neither do I need to give them what they expect. Bring a card to the second reception if you want, but don't feel guilty not doing it.
    antotoPrettyGirlLost
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would give just one gift. 

    antotoPrettyGirlLost
  • Thanks ladies!  As always, you put my mind at ease by showing me the light.  
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  • marie2785marie2785 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    antoto said:

    Oh, and I'm on The Bump now and saw this thread.  Reminded me of you guys <3  http://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12563713/is-ttc-stealing-a-brides-spotlight-if-you-are-in-the-wedding

    OMG. I actually found out recently that a bridesmaid of mine was TTC. I am not the slightest bit annoyed, but I am seriously confused because she ordered her bridesmaid's dress a size down because she planned to lose weight by my wedding (this was AFTER she began TTC according to the timeline she gave me). 

    I have simply kept my confusion to myself and hope they get pregnant ASAP since I know they want it :)
    antoto
  • On the original question -- we've received a lot of wedding gifts prior to the wedding. Some have sent us a gift with their regrets that they cannot attend, but many gifts are from people who ARE attending who just wanted to go ahead and get the gifting out of the way. I appreciate this because it will reduce the gift schlepping a lot on the wedding day.

    Since they don't want "boxed" gifts, why not send a check or gift card a week or two before the first "wedding" rather than bringing something to one or the other. I truly don't think it's weird to show up to a wedding empty handed because again, a lot of people send gifts before the wedding anyway. 
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    antoto
  • Another vote for one gift at the first reception
    antoto
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    antoto said:

    Oh, and I'm on The Bump now and saw this thread.  Reminded me of you guys <3  http://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12563713/is-ttc-stealing-a-brides-spotlight-if-you-are-in-the-wedding

    oh man my bridesmaid announced her third pregnancy at my shower!!!

    Should I be mad? The reactions of some family members made me think I should be mad. I was more just embarrassed for her.

    lol
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    antoto
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    The gift is in congratulations for the marriage, not for the reception, so the fact that there are two receptions is irrelevant.  Technically you're not even supposed to bring wedding gifts to the ceremony and reception; you're supposed to send gifts to their house or their parents' house before or after the wedding.



    antotonovella1186PrettyGirlLostSP29
  • Actually that's a great idea - sending the gift out before any of the festivities begin...

    You peeps are brilliant.  Gracias.
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    Viczaesarnovella1186
  • What about "bagged gifts" since boxed gifts are a no go. Sorry, the whole no boxed gift thing bugs me enough that I'd bring something in a bag (even a gift card).

    But yes, sending something before or giving two cards would be fine. I can't see them really expecting gifts at both events from people attending both.

    antoto
  • behsco90behsco90 Oregon member
    100 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    How funny, at first I thought you were talking about my wedding. We are doing a Catholic ceremony and a Nikah as well, but we are only having 1 reception. I wonder why they are having 2 receptions...
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    antoto
  • Ugh "no boxed gifts" = aka $$$$$ plz

    Anyway - we had a DW and then a casual BBQ party at home a month or so later (this was a concession to my mom). There were a mix of people there - some had attended our wedding but most hadn't. Some people brought a gift but plenty of people just brought cards or a bottle of wine or what have you. Most of the people who'd attended the DW did not bring a gift...b/c to my way of thinking one wedding = one gift! 

    So I think if you've gone to the first wedding/reception/whatever and given a gift, just skip it for the second party or as PP said, bring a nice card if you feel weird walking in empty handed.
    antoto
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    antoto said:

    "No boxed gifts" sigh...........

    I would get them a gift card for one of the receptions and call it a day.

    I know, right?  If they hadn't mentioned gifts at all I wouldn't have thought twice about it and just gifted at the first reception.  But now I feel crudy not bringing anything to the second one since they will obviously be expecting something...
    Don't feel cruddy because the couple is rude and gift grabby. They can expect whatever, they are not entitled to a second gift at a second "reception."

    Give them a gift at the actual reception following the wedding and that's it.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    antoto
  • behsco90 said:

    How funny, at first I thought you were talking about my wedding. We are doing a Catholic ceremony and a Nikah as well, but we are only having 1 reception. I wonder why they are having 2 receptions...

    Oh god that was a bit of a worry of mine.  "Oh god, what if the bride is on here and then she hates meeeee"  
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