Addressing question

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

redoryx said:

MagicInk said:

CMGragain said:

I did mention in my post that hyphenating your names was an option.  I do like the idea.  Since same sex marriage is new in the USA, etiquette is still evolving.
The people I know who used the bride's family's surname just used the traditional form of address:  Mr. and Mrs. John Herlastname, or Ms. Jane Herlastname and Mr. John Herlastname.
The Queen of Great Britain hyphenated her last name for her descendants who need one.  Mountbatten-Windsor.

Yes, you said it was an option for both same sex and opposite sex couples. However you only gave hyphenated options for same sex couples and thinking back, anytime I've asked for same sex couples examples you either include only hyphenated or both keep their own last names.

Sophia Magicink and Fiona Magicink. How would one address that?

And while same sex marriage being legal is somewhat new, same sex couples are not. Homos have been around forever. We've been invited to weddings, we've lived together, we've raised families together, and we've even changed our last names together to signify we were a couple when the law refused to recognize us. Really it's only the federal government recognizing our marriages that is new.

I know, I know, you're old, or the chemo, or you just have never met gay people before so you never thought we might I don't know do really similar things to heterosexuals. 

1.  Mrs Sophia Magicink and Mrs.Fiona Magicink, OR Ms. Sophia Magicink and Ms. Fiona Magicink, of course.

2.  This is insulting.  I am a retired musician and theater person.  Ever heard of  Tschaikowsky?  Brahms?  Your assumption that I don't know any same sex couples, or don't have any friends that are homosexuals is wrong and very judgmental of you.  Even Amy Vanderbilt was pro-gay rights.

Tchaikovsky. 

If you're going to use an absurd argument like that, at least get his fucking name correct. 

Tschaikowsky, Tchakovsky, Tschaikovsky, etc. spoke Russian and used the Cyrillic alphabet.  Our Roman alphabet translates his name phonetically, and there are several versions.  I have performed his music many times.
I believe you meant to be patronizing?  I'm not sure why.  You are wrong.


This is seriously the only thing you have to comment on?  Someone correcting your spelling?

Maybe an apology would be more appropriate.

redoryx

CMGragain said: MagicInk said: CMGragain said:I did mention in my post that hyphenating your names was an option.  I do like the idea.  Since same sex marriage is new in the USA, etiquette is still evolving.
The people I know who used the bride's family's surname just used the traditional form of address:  Mr. and Mrs. John Herlastname, or Ms. Jane Herlastname and Mr. John Herlastname.
The Queen of Great Britain hyphenated her last name for her descendants who need one.  Mountbatten-Windsor.


Yes, you said it was an option for both same sex and opposite sex couples. However you only gave hyphenated options for same sex couples and thinking back, anytime I've asked for same sex couples examples you either include only hyphenated or both keep their own last names.
Sophia Magicink and Fiona Magicink. How would one address that?

And while same sex marriage being legal is somewhat new, same sex couples are not. Homos have been around forever. We've been invited to weddings, we've lived together, we've raised families together, and we've even changed our last names together to signify we were a couple when the law refused to recognize us. Really it's only the federal government recognizing our marriages that is new.
I know, I know, you're old, or the chemo, or you just have never met gay people before so you never thought we might I don't know do really similar things to heterosexuals. 

1.  Mrs Sophia Magicink and Mrs.Fiona Magicink, OR Ms. Sophia Magicink and Ms. Fiona Magicink, of course.

2.  This is insulting.  I am a retired musician and theater person.  Ever heard of  Tschaikowsky?  Brahms?  Your assumption that I don't know any same sex couples, or don't have any friends that are homosexuals is wrong and very judgmental of you.  Even Amy Vanderbilt was pro-gay rights.


Tchaikovsky. 

If you're going to use an absurd argument like that, at least get his fucking name correct. 

Tschaikowsky, Tchakovsky, Tschaikovsky, etc. spoke Russian and used the Cyrillic alphabet.  Our Roman alphabet translates his name phonetically, and there are several versions.  I have performed his music many times.
I believe you meant to be patronizing?  I'm not sure why.  You are wrong.
*boxes boxes** 

Oh, well, if that's the game you want to play, how about Пётр Ильи́ч Чайко́вский

Re-read what @magicink said. She did a far better job explaining why I felt the need to be patronizing. 

southernbelle0915

CMGragain said:

I agree with you.  I never said the rules were fair.  Just as "Ms." has become acceptable as a woman's title, I am sure other etiquette rules will change.
I only give advice about current practices.  I can't change the rules, but they do need to change, just as our laws are changing, thank goodness!

But this is a "tradition". No one has the "authority" to change tradition. It changes when people stop advise addressing in a male dominated way that only favors one type of relationship. Addressing people should be gender neutral and applicable to all types of relationships. 

From now on, I will not advise people that "Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith" is "correct" or "proper etiquette". The only adjective I would use to describe this method would be "traditional". 

Call it radical, I don't give a shit. I will die on a hill for gender equality and the rights of all relationships to be recognized and addressed as equal.

There is no reason (at least no reason that's not rooted in sexism and woman as property) why a couple who share a last name can't be addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. John and Sally Smith". A man can't be separated from his last name? Sure he can. Just as his wife can.

And for same sex couples who share a last name, there's no reason they can't be addressed as Mr. and Mr. John and James Smith or Ms. and Ms. Jane and Sally Jones. 

RezIpsa

I am pretty committed to addressing people as individuals. If I know someone doesn't like it, I will change it, but other wise it is:

Mr./Ms./Dr. FirstName LastName

If there are multiple people, they each get their own line. Works for same sex couples, opposite sex couples, and people in polygamous relationships.

I really dislike that women are the only ones who get their "marriage status" displayed, so everyone gets a "Ms." from me. My mom is 74 and she would fly many hours out here to beat me if I ever addressed anything to a woman using her husband's first name.

I know it isn't correct etiquette, but this is one case where the rules seem extraordinarily dated and sexist. No thanks.