Welcome Dinners and Post-wedding Brunches- a thing these days?

chloe97

FMIL and I were having this conversation yesterday about weddings. She was ripping into her sister for not planning a "Welcome Dinner" and post-wedding brunch for her daughter's wedding (daughter and her FI are paying for their own wedding). A "Welcome Dinner" involves inviting all out town guests and Brunch, I guess, is for all those staying at the hotel. In her opinion it's simply rude to outof town guests not to. I, personally, have only been to one wedding with either in my 35 years. Pre-wedding parties are rehearsal dinners and post-wedding everyone is on their own in my circle.

FMIL is hosting a Welcome Dinner and brunch for our wedding, which I think is a bit over the top, but it's important to her so we're just letting her do her thing. Are these an expected "thing" these days? How many out of town weddings have you been to with Welcome dinners and brunches?

luckya23

I've been to 3 OOT weddings and I've been invited to 1 brunch, no dinners.

FMIL was asking if she should do a brunch in addition to the RD, and I told her that's really up to her.  I get that its like a reunion for the families, and it could be fun to rehash the next day.... but honestly, I don't want another obligation, especially on my FIRST DAY AS A NEWLYWED.  Checking out of the hotel early to go have brunch with my in-laws.... not fun, IMO.

ETA: I just realized that the 1 brunch, the B&G didn't attend, it was at bride's parents' house.  It was a very small thing, and the bride is my dad's cousin.  He often stayed with the aunt when he came to town (my college town).

ETA2:  Most everyone I care about, I see regularly.  This wedding is almost entirely for our parents' guests, and I figure they only get one day of a show.  FMIL originally wanted to have her whole block AND her friends that we weren't inviting at a "rehearsal dinner."  NOPE.  I have other things to do the night before my wedding, mkay?

allispain

We didn't have a welcome dinner, but we did let our OOT guests know that we would be at a local bar the evening before, if anyone wanted to come have a drink with us (this was following our RD, which was at that restaurant). We had about 10 people come join us - it was nice to get to spend a little extra time with them. We also had a brunch the day after - only because our hotel offered a complimentary continental breakfast, so we just hung out in the breakfast area and talked with people as they came through :-)

I've been to a couple weddings with welcome dinners and/or brunches. I haven't always attended them due to my schedule, but it was nice to have those extra opportunities to see the couple. Often it's allowed me to have a full-length conversation with them, as opposed to just the quick "thanks for coming!" at the reception. That being said, I've never had an issue with people not offering them - to me, it's not expected, it's just an extra perk.

lyndausvi

With more and more people having to travel to weddings I've noticed there is an increase in welcome dinners and/or brunches.

We had a welcome reception.  Basically it was an open house from 8pm until 11-12.   Cocktails and snacks.    Our wedding was OOT for 100% of the guests.  We wanted to spend more then just the wedding day with them.  I would do it again.  We didn't do a brunch.

They are not necessary.   Certainly do not go in debt having one.   

minttobemrsb

allispain said:

We didn't have a welcome dinner, but we did let our OOT guests know that we would be at a local bar the evening before, if anyone wanted to come have a drink with us (this was following our RD, which was at that restaurant). We had about 10 people come join us - it was nice to get to spend a little extra time with them. We also had a brunch the day after - only because our hotel offered a complimentary continental breakfast, so we just hung out in the breakfast area and talked with people as they came through :-)

I've been to a couple weddings with welcome dinners and/or brunches. I haven't always attended them due to my schedule, but it was nice to have those extra opportunities to see the couple. Often it's allowed me to have a full-length conversation with them, as opposed to just the quick "thanks for coming!" at the reception. That being said, I've never had an issue with people not offering them - to me, it's not expected, it's just an extra perk.

This is exactly what we are doing. It's not common or expected here to be hosted for the entire trip. Some of my family is staying until Sunday/Monday since they live so far away so we also plan to do things with them during that time. 

jenna8984

I've never been to either. While it's unnecessary, I do think it's kind of nice to spend time with OOT guests. I went to a wedding in Cancun and barely got to see the couple.

theartistformerlyknownas

Out of 4 destination weddings I've been to, two had a welcome dinner in place of a traditional RD, and none had a brunch. None of the non-DWs had either.

Our hotel had the included buffet breakfast, so we just told people we'd be there in the morning. We didn't host anything separately.

chloe97

I certainly get it for destination weddings, but not if a wedding is simply in the hometown of the groom rather than the bride. I'm going to tell FI to tell his mom to stand down on this stuff. Telling people how to spend their money is rude, even if it her sister!

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Casadena

If you can afford it and don't mind, I think a welcome dinner is fine.  For my wedding last year?  Not happening, because I think it's silly.  I really really really really really dislike morning after brunches.  As a newlywed I did not want to have to get up early for anything other than sex or leaving for my honeymoon.  Apparently it's been a "thing" for H's family and all his cousins and I think his mom was a little pissy that we didn't have/want one. We avoided the conversation by promptly booking our honeymoon flights for the morning after our wedding.  

As for your question, I've been to both the welcome dinners and brunches for others.  I'll reiterate that I think welcome dinners were fun, brunches always felt awkward to me.  

littlepep

Brunch to me is awkward. After the wedding I want to get out and be alone with FI. I don't want to wake up the next morning to hang out with people. Sorry not sorry if that's selfish. 

I would think meeting people out for drinks after the RD is ok, but it can be expensive to host all out of town people for dinner so we're not doing that. Granted FMIL is paying so she can invite whoever, but we're not planning to invite all OOT guests. 

larrygaga

My FI is half polish. Not like half descended from polish people, but they still speak it on that side.

Apparently it's traditional to have a 3 day party for weddings. Every wedding I've been to on that side was a big long party. They are fun but so expensive, because his family is huge. 

We ended up compromising and having a big bonfire and paella the night before the wedding. Paella is a traditional dish on my side. Anyone is invited, although we purposely made dinner at 6pm on friday so less people hopefully show up. We had some people offer to potluck some desserts and sides. I hate potluck, but whatever. It ain't all about what I want. 

We also got a hotel with breakfast so I suppose we will all be having a brunch together. 

I think for most people who don't have that traditional aspect really just want more parties in their name. Nobody has to host these things by standard American etiquette. It's fun to do though, I can tell you from experience. You get a lot more time to spend with your wedding guests, and you don't have to worry so much on your wedding day that you aren't talking to enough people. Because you hung out with them the night before or the next day. 

FiancB

I've been to a couple weddings including our own where a dinner was held but no actual rehearsal. We also had kind of an informal brunch for family and OOT VIPs. 

I dunno, it's not a necessity but it's nice to have that regroup before and after. Our rehearsal dinner was held out of H's parent's garage and was catered by Qdoba, which was really popular, easy, and cheap. Breakfast was a "hey, let's go breakfast" at the restaurant attached to the hotel where we, my family, and a couple of my bridesmaids were staying. Doesn't need to be complicated. 

mj8215

We are doing both the welcome dinner and the morning after brunch, mostly because our wedding is a a very far-flung DW for 70% of the guests (including ourselves) and local for my family and childhood friends, and its a nice way to spend more time together. We are leaving for our honeymoon two days after the wedding so the morning-after-brunch doesn't interfere with anything... Although PPs made some good points about other things we may rather be doing as newlyweds, I just feel like its expected of me (both my family and ILs really want it) and we're fine with it. We have the entire honeymoon + the rest of our lives for alone time

lyndausvi

We live far from family.   We lived together before the wedding.  We were about to take a 2.5 week HM together, then head home.   We would not see our families and some friends again for almost another year.

Spending the morning after the wedding with some guests was embraced.   We had plenty of time later to be newlyweds.   Actually by 1pm the next day we were alone.

FiancB

^Same, my family and friends live on the other side of the country so I didn't mind spending the majority of the day after with them. We purposely didn't leave for our honeymoon right away for that exact reason. 

minttobemrsb

Same. My family is mostly OOT with the majority of them on the other side of the country. I only get to see them a couple times a year. Seeing them for a weekend is very important to us. Our HM isn't until a few weeks after the wedding and then we are moving out of state. We don't even know our next opportunity to travel to see some of this family. 

labro

My parents opted to host a morning after brunch for their out of town family after the wedding. If it's becoming more of the custom, then I think that's great. I don't think anyone should be criticized for NOT having one, but it was certainly nice to have extra time outside of the craziness of the reception to actually sit down and talk with family that we don't even seen on a yearly basis.

We didn't do a welcome dinner really. We just opened up the rehearsal dinner to all of the out of town family, it was the same for my sister's wedding. Again, it was just a nice opportunity to actually get to see and talk with people for more than a few minutes.

thisismynickname2

Weddings are expensive enough without the extra events. If everyone just so happens to be having breakfast at the same time in a hotel, that's cool. It happened after mine (hotel had free continental breakfast). Nothing was planned. 

I'd rather throw all my money into the actual reception that 100% of RSVP'd guests are attending, rather than compromise on the reception in order to have funds available to host a portion of the guests for morning-after brunch or a welcome dinner the night before.

And Lord, we didn't even do a rehearsal dinner. I can't imagine the stress of having a full welcome dinner the night before the wedding. 

Insanity. Go with the flow. 

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226

My cousin got married a few years ago and hosted a brunch for everyone staying at the hotel the next day and I loved it. Got to spend extra time with my family and go over the night before. We are going to be hosting a brunch as well the day after the wedding and I am really excited! However, last year I was in a wedding and the day after we had a "mandatory" brunch where there was hardly any food and we watched them open their presents so no, that wasn't fun.

ETA: my cousin's wedding was about 45 minutes away from where I live but we still stayed at the hotel. I am telling everyone they are welcome to brunch whether they stay at the hotel or not.

novella1186

Out of all the weddings I've been to (which have all be out of town for me) there has never been a welcome dinner or brunch. 

My parents are hosting a brunch the day after our wedding only because it's common on my dad's side of the family, plus my parents are huge AWs and will grasp at any opportunity to throw money around. Whatever. I'm not going to it because they planned it to be in their city rather than the city that the wedding is in, but that's a whole other story. 

redheadbride15

Hahaha, we're doing BOTH! But everyone's coming from OOT and I want to see people as much as I can!

The welcome dinner is immediate family only, but that's still like 40 people. I sort of see it as a replacement for the rehearsal dinner which we aren't having because we don't have a bridal party.

The brunch is also partially because there isn't a breakfast offered at the venue, which is where most of our guests are staying, and it's in the middle of nowhere so people would have to drive quite a ways for food and even then the options are limited. So I kind of see this as good hosting.

banana468

I think it really depends on the kind of event.

We didn't do a welcome dinner or day after brunch.  My ILs threw a RD and we invited the long distance guests (4) to that.   The day after our wedding I think DH and I grabbed breakfast at my parents' house and we had dinner with the ILs because BIL was leaving town too so it was nice for quality time.

But when BIL got married, his wedding was a minimum 8 hour drive for anyone who attended from his family.   My MIL and FIL recognized that it was a big deal for their guests to attend so they wanted to welcome them to the area by hosting them for the RD and then it wouldn't have been fair to SIL's family if they didn't extend the invitation to her side so the RD had something like 60 people attend.   The day after BIL's wedding, MIL and FIL also hosted a brunch for all the OOT guests who were leaving town and needing to hit the road.     The newlyweds attended and it was a nice way for them to see all the guests.     No it wasn't required but I just don't get the mentality of "we need to be intimate with each other because we're now MARRIED!!"   You have the rest of your lives to be alone with each other.   Spend some time with the guests who spent most of their waking hours getting to see you walk down the aisle!

tcnoble

My ILs wanted a brunch the morning after the wedding... which we talked them out of just due to logistics at the hotel. And then they planned a family bbq at their house the day after for all their OOT family. DH felt obligated to go, but I didn't. FILs made it clear to us that we were not hosts of this bbq or required to be there. So that was nice on their part..

It had nothing to do with wanting to be wrapped up in my new husband... more that I was exhausted and sleep deprived and wanted to hide out in my house with our dog.

badbnagdway

I think it's a really nice thing to do to host something for the OOT guests. Realistically, it can be really hard though. We have 100 people coming to our wedding and a little over 50% of them are coming from OOT. We did invite all of our family to the rehearsal dinner (along with of course our WP and officient), even that meant a guest list of 49 people. Feeding that many people is expensive, whether for brunch or dinner. Our rehearsal dinner will cost us about $1,500. 

I definitely don't think it's required to host people for these extra events, it's just a nice bonus. 

Maggie0829

I completely get welcome dinners for destination weddings.  Since it is a destination then everyone has to travel to get there which most likely means that everyone is getting there a day or two ahead of time.  But for non-destination weddings, just because some of your guests may have to travel in does not mean that you have to throw any type of welcome dinner.  For my wedding we had a handful of my parents friends travel in.  We didn't do a dinner for them because they had already planned out their days before the wedding.  They all had things they wanted to do and to see so a dinner would have just been an interruption of their plans.

And day after brunches I just don't get.  I just saw all of you people the night before so why do I need to see you all again the next morning?

bizzy592

For the first night we're debating whether to do a casual BBQ/pigroast open to all, or drinks with passed trays after the RD, depending on timing and $$. FFIL has very kindly offered to pay for the RD, so we're gauging what he'd prefer. We're also doing a farewell brunch.

I'm seeing these more and more, but it's probably related to the fact that my friends and family are spread all over the country (and some overseas). If someone is flying 3000 miles to attend your wedding, it's nice to spend more time with them, if you're able.

NowIamMrsKlein

We have post wedding BBQ's in my family. My parent's own an acreage and a lot of my extended family will bring their trailers and camp on their lot the weekend of the wedding. So with the invites/on the website there is an insert informal invite to their house on sunday for a Hosted BBQ. We usually go simple with buying hotdogs/hamburgers and salads/chips from costco.

Its an opportunity for everyone to just hang out and for the bride and groom to get a little bit more relaxed catchup time with out of town guests.

PandaNikki

Everyone had to travel in from OOT for my wedding, but we didn't have a welcome dinner the night before- just the RD with a few extra people at my ILs request because they were paying.

We had to get on a plane the next morning for our honeymoon, but apparently our guests all ended up continuing to party together (sort of).

My mom's cousin (we're close with that part of my family) decided it would be "convenient" to plan her daughter's bridal shower for the day after my wedding in the same area. She said- you will feed them dinner, and we'll feed them brunch! I didn't care (as we say, I only had one day) but I felt bad for her a little bit- everyone was talking about my wedding at her shower. Also a few people had mentioned (through the grapevine) that it would end up being a really expensive weekend with getting a hotel, gift for my wedding, and gift for her bridal shower.

DH's family all found a local Dim Sum place and had around 45 people for lunch there- which was almost half the people who came to our wedding! Now that sounded like a good time.

Blergbot

We got married in H's hometown, but our guest list was literally 90% OOT. We had a rehearsal dinner and invited everyone and we had a brunch. Both were hosted at my IL's large home. The rehearsal dinner was catered. The brunch was much more informal, word of mouth and my MIL went to Costco and made eggs. It was important for us to spend the time with our guests, most of whom we rarely get to see, and to make the trip worth it for our OOT guests. Still, we had the events because my ILs were able to host. If not we would have just let people know where we were going to be and gathered that way.

vikinganna87

We got married in the mountains 3 hours from where we live and had ~50 guests.  About half the people were flying in from overseas or other parts of the country.  My parents didn't have strong opinions about the wedding, except that they insisted on a brunch the morning after. 

Originally I was very opposed to it since we invited everyone to the rehearsal dinner Fri night and I thought it would require our guests attending too many activities in one weekend.  I was also concerned it would be too formal.  But I gave in.

I am incredibly grateful that my parents insisted on the brunch.  We weren't ready to say good-bye to our guests the night of the wedding and it was a great way to reconnect and tell stories from the night before.  It wasn't too formal and I was shocked that about 90% of the wedding guests came.  For us it was awesome and I recommend it to anyone, whether it's informally suggesting that everyone meet at a specific place for breakfast or arranging it in advance.