Opening Gifts

daystardreams

My mom mentioned something about opening gifts at the reception. I told her that people don't do that. The next day she told me that she and her friends talked about it and decided it is incredibly rude not to open gifts at the reception. She said that people want to see your reaction to your gifts. She also likened it to a baby shower. I feel it is different. Baby showers are a gift giving event, weddings are about getting married...not getting stuff.
So, what's the consensus on this? Thanks!

LondonLisa

This reminds me of a child's birthday party. Is everyone supposed to stop the party and watch you open gifts? That sounds like it will bring the fun to a screeching halt.

larrygaga

No. Many people open them the next day at brunch. Or just pack it up and take it home. 

banana468

Absolutely not. V

MobKaz

I have never seen this done. Would you open all the cards with gifts of money? That would be rude to open boxed gifts, acknowledge those guests, and ignore the guests that gifted you money. Explain to your mom how rude and awkward that would be. Just say no!

climbingsingle

No! I have also never seen this done before at a wedding, and I've attended many. Totally rude and strange and awkward. 

Jen4948

No, your mom and her friends are wrong.

The reception is to thank the guests for attending your wedding, not the time to open gifts. It's not a kids' birthday party or a shower. And if you have to open lots of gifts, it will take forever. I was forced to attend a "day-after gift opening" for my cousin and his wife, and I hated it because it was so boring to sit there and watch them open something like one hundred gifts.

Not only that, gifts are not supposed to be brought to weddings, so people who haven't brought them but send them before or after will feel awkward. And having to take all those gifts home after the wedding will be a logistical nightmare.

Stand firm with your mom on this. "Mom, there will be no gift opening at the reception. It is not a shower, and it would be rude to our guests to treat them as a captive audience for that, especially because it would take hours to open all the gifts and respond graciously. It is not rude at all to not open gifts at the reception, so that's our final decision on the matter."

spglsp

Opening gifts at a reception? That's a new one. I don't think you need another voice added to the chorus here but really, that's a terrible idea. Aside from the obvious reasons, bringing physical gifts to weddings seems to be going out of vogue as more guests tend to have them delivered to the couple directly. I see this as a more polite option as it means no one has to keep track of boxes and checks at a party not to mention the dreaded drive back home

charcoalandblush

I think it would be so tacky and weird to open gifts at the reception. Not to mention, if you had say a 200 person wedding and had to open every single gift, that would basically be your entire reception.

We're having a gift-opening brunch the day after the wedding... but it's with the only people who care about our gifts: us and our parents.

Maggie0829

Okay, so please change my answer to the first option.  For some reason I was reading this as you were talking about a bridal shower, not the reception.

But yes, it would be completely awkward and weird to open gifts at the reception.  I did talk to one co-worker who got married many years ago and she said that she opened all of her gifts at her reception.  But this was the same person who was horrified that I wasn't wearing gloves or hose for my wedding, so yeah.

fyrchk

Do you loudly say, "Thank you for the $500 mom and dad!" "Oh thank you for the $20, Susie!" And shame people?

I have NEVER been to a wedding where I've had to sit through the opening of gifts. I imagine that if that were the case, the bar would be very busy.

TrixieJess

Most of the weddings I've been to, the gifts are either packed up or moved into another locked room before dinner. I've been to 30+ weddings in my life and have never seen anyone open gifts at a reception. 

Tell your mother that she and her friends must be mistaken and you will not be doing this. 

beachyone15

I think she's confusing "reception" with "bridal shower". Gifts are opened at bridal showers, not receptions.

jacques27

ABSOLUTELY NOT!  Cannot stress that enough.

In fact, until I came to this board I didn't even know people brought gifts to weddings.  In my circle/region, you send the gifts directly to their home before the wedding or shortly after the wedding (or honeymoon if one is planned).  Most people have better things to do then schlep a gift around to a party and most married people or their immediate families have better things to do than figuring out where to put all this stuff temporarily and making sure it doesn't get stolen or that it gets transported to the house afterwards.  There's too much stuff going on to have to worry about holding/transporting a bunch of gifts, too.

southernbelle0915

daystardreams said:

My mom mentioned something about opening gifts at the reception. I told her that people don't do that. The next day she told me that she and her friends talked about it and decided it is incredibly rude not to open gifts at the reception. She said that people want to see your reaction to your gifts. She also likened it to a baby shower. I feel it is different. Baby showers are a gift giving event, weddings are about getting married...not getting stuff.
So, what's the consensus on this? Thanks!

Well, you talked about it with your friends (and TK) and you disagree. I mean, seriously? Like her friends are the end all be all of etiquette advice.

No. She is incorrect. It is awkward and tacky. Showers are FOR gifts, so opening gifts is proper. The comparison can't really be made. Also, cash is a typical gift at weddings. How incredibly awkward to basically show guests how much everyone else gave... Ugh. No.

I have never seen this and I hope I never do.

blabla89

southernbelle0915 said:

daystardreams said:

My mom mentioned something about opening gifts at the reception. I told her that people don't do that. The next day she told me that she and her friends talked about it and decided it is incredibly rude not to open gifts at the reception. She said that people want to see your reaction to your gifts. She also likened it to a baby shower. I feel it is different. Baby showers are a gift giving event, weddings are about getting married...not getting stuff.
So, what's the consensus on this? Thanks!

Well, you talked about it with your friends (and TK) and you disagree. I mean, seriously? Like her friends are the end all be all of etiquette advice.

No. She is incorrect. It is awkward and tacky. Showers are FOR gifts, so opening gifts is proper. The comparison can't really be made. Also, cash is a typical gift at weddings. How incredibly awkward to basically show guests how much everyone else gave... Ugh. No.

I have never seen this and I hope I never do.

OP, send your mom over here, we'll take care of it

arrippa

Maggie0829 said:

Okay, so please change my answer to the first option.  For some reason I was reading this as you were talking about a bridal shower, not the reception.

But yes, it would be completely awkward and weird to open gifts at the reception.  I did talk to one co-worker who got married many years ago and she said that she opened all of her gifts at her reception.  But this was the same person who was horrified that I wasn't wearing gloves or hose for my wedding, so yeah.

I was wondering who the one vote was.

southernbelle0915

arrippa said:

Maggie0829 said:

Okay, so please change my answer to the first option.  For some reason I was reading this as you were talking about a bridal shower, not the reception.

But yes, it would be completely awkward and weird to open gifts at the reception.  I did talk to one co-worker who got married many years ago and she said that she opened all of her gifts at her reception.  But this was the same person who was horrified that I wasn't wearing gloves or hose for my wedding, so yeah.

I was wondering who the one vote was.

Her mom... stalking her TK account. 

daria24

Another person who has never ever seen this done. also, 90% of our boxed gifts were mailed to our apartment, since most people order online. I would never bring a boxed gift to a wedding, it's either sent to their house or we give a card/cash. 

I'm not even a fan of the next day brunch gift opening/display, which I know some regions do. I don't need to watch you open your Pyrex, I'm good. 

If people want to see your reaction, they can give you the gift at another time when you aren't surrounded by 200 people who just want to mingle and eat their filet. 

Maggie0829

arrippa said:

Maggie0829 said:

Okay, so please change my answer to the first option.  For some reason I was reading this as you were talking about a bridal shower, not the reception.

But yes, it would be completely awkward and weird to open gifts at the reception.  I did talk to one co-worker who got married many years ago and she said that she opened all of her gifts at her reception.  But this was the same person who was horrified that I wasn't wearing gloves or hose for my wedding, so yeah.

I was wondering who the one vote was.

Yeah, I voted and then I was all "Oh, she is talking about the reception.  Shit!"

sarawifenow

Wtf? Do NOT do this! That is so awkward and so so so tacky.

levioosa

Woah! No!  That is incredibly awkward and tacky!  I have never seen or heard of this being done.

littlepep

That is legit one of the weirdest things I've ever heard. I would be so confused if someone started doing this at a wedding reception. Do not do this. I want to eat and drink and dance. I do not want to watch you open gifts. 

banana468

To add, I've also been to a ton of weddings and haven't seen it done at any.

And if you did this, it would be boring for all your guests and some could be PISSED.   

When you give a shower gift, you know that it's with the expectation that there will be a public gift opening.   That isn't the case with a wedding gift. I don't always bring gifts to the wedding and when I do it's cash or a check.  The gift is to the newlyweds.   I don't get the strong desire to see something so intimate. 

MandyMost

We didn't receive a single boxed gift at our wedding reception. We received a bunch before the wedding that had been shipped to us, and also some after the wedding. My parents-in-law brought us some gifts to the house the day before the wedding. My sister-in-law (my brother's wife) gave me a picture frame the day of the wedding (or maybe the night before? I don't remember?)...I thought it was just a (not actually very )thoughtful token, but turns out that was their gift. (Not actually very thoughtful because it was so obviously not my style at all). 

All we received at the reception was cards. 

I challenge you to find one reception timeline that includes "open the gifts" as an activity!

whovianstark

MandyMost said:

We didn't receive a single boxed gift at our wedding reception. We received a bunch before the wedding that had been shipped to us, and also some after the wedding. My parents-in-law brought us some gifts to the house the day before the wedding. My sister-in-law (my brother's wife) gave me a picture frame the day of the wedding (or maybe the night before? I don't remember?)...I thought it was just a (not actually very )thoughtful token, but turns out that was their gift. (Not actually very thoughtful because it was so obviously not my style at all). 

All we received at the reception was cards. 

I challenge you to find one reception timeline that includes "open the gifts" as an activity!

Daenerys Targaryen's wedding in Game of Thrones. BOOM. Haha just kidding I would feel really awkward to have people know how much money I gave the B & G

[Deleted User]

Out of all of the gifts we received (about 80 gifts in total) only 5 were actual items. The rest were checks and cash. There was no way I was going to stop the dancing & drinking while I opened gifts.

daystardreams

My thoughts exactly! Thanks guys! I'm sending a screenshot of the poll results to my mom, lol.

Casadena

NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AddieCake

I would be bored as fuck and incredibly turned off by anyone opening gifts at a wedding reception unless it's me opening the favor. 

huskypuppy14

daystardreams said:

My thoughts exactly! Thanks guys! I'm sending a screenshot of the poll results to my mom, lol.

Make sure you tell her the one vote for, was because the person read the question wrong and thought it as a shower. You know how people always latch on to the one person who agrees with them.