First Etiquette Blunder of My Wedding

lovegood90

Knottie76541734 said:

Thank you everyone for your input. I called my mom the day after I posted this and asked if we could inquire about changing the invites.  She told me that 1) the first batch of invites had already been printed and were ready to be picked up 2) The cost to re-do them would be $700 and 3) most importantly, the last morning of our trip, while FI and I were still packing and getting ready, she had brought it up again to my FMIL, and she said something like, "Oh, it's not that big of a deal, I wish I hadn't said anything, I just kind of blurted it out."

So... I think we're ok. My FMIL is very practical and frugal, and my mom said, "she'd probably feel bad if we did reprint."  And frankly, we just can't afford to do so even if she felt differently. That's just way too much to spend on correcting an error in ettiquette. On paper. That will eventually end up in people's recycling bins.  As I'm sure you all know, the wedding costs pile up and to re-do something like this would be major. I think it's just onward and upward from here.  

Wait, are you saying your mom brought up the cost of reprinting to your FMIL? If that's true and I'm reading that correctly, that was really inappropriate IMO. Now your FMIL feels guilty for bringing something up that she had every right to. Unless your mom brought it up in the context of apologizing for the blunder?

ETA: Since you said your dad is a medical doctor and was referred to as Dr on the invites, if you had accidentally left the Dr title out and he was offended, would you have spent the $700 to fix the blunder?

If the answer is yes, then you should absolutely spend the money to reprint to fix the mistake with your FMIL.

CMGragain

From the quote, it sounds to me that FMIL is aware of the etiquette, and is going along.  I think you should forget about it.  Does she normally go by "Dr. FMIL"?  If she doesn't, I wouldn't worry about it.  I do think this rule needs to change.

Snaps816

No, she didn't bring up the cost.  She said something like, "I feel so terrible about the invites! We are so sorry."  My mom would never actually bring up the cost.  She just acknowledged the mistake, and FMIL was like, it's not that big of a deal, I wish I hadn't said anything. 

And I really think if we'd somehow forgotten my dad's "Dr," (which would be unlikely because, well, he's my dad and we've always known him as such) we wouldn't reprint. It's too expensive, and it's literally a piece of paper!  The invites look beautiful and they convey the necessary info about the wedding.  They serve their purpose.  He's not that hung up on the title. I think anyone who was that hung up on it ($700 worth) might have their priorities mixed up.

If it had turned out that the printer hadn't started on our invites and was able to make a last-minute change for little or no cost, of course we would. But that is not the case. And one thing I know about FMIL after dating her son for 6.5 years is that she's very practical and frugal. I truly agree with my mom and FI that she probably wouldn't have us go back and change it. 

Snaps816

No, FMIL wans't upset, and really FI wasn't either. I think my parents and I were the most upset because we felt guilty!  As I said in another comment, we did check, and reprinting would cost $700 and set us back on our timeline (and this will be an out-of-state wedding for about half of our guests, so timeliness trumps decorum in this case, I think).

After some time to think about it, I think we're ok. FMIL is very practical and frugal, so I don't think she'd expect us to reprint them. 

As for FI proofing the invited, I swear I showed them to him, but he swears he never saw them.  We've done so much wedding crap lately, it's hard to remember.  But I don't even think he would have spotted this error, because he is just not tuned into the formalities that much.