Mistakes We Made, What I'd Change

veritasargent

We were just married, and overall everything went great. We received no end of compliments, but there are definitely things I would change or do differently. Here's my advice!

Delegate, delegate, delegate!
~Sure, everybody says "let me know if you need anything", but they won't unless you ask. And be specific. I was up until midnight the night before my wedding making the favors, because nobody helped out.

Lots of bridesmaids, or helpers
~I had one bridesmaid (with no car) and a man of honor (900 miles away), so they were less than helpful. I highly recommend having a hoard of helpers. And make use of them! [see above]

DO NOT PROCRASTINATE.... on ANYTHING!
~I cannot stress this enough. I was up until midnight the night before, the groom spent the morning of burning CDs for the playlist. Not fun. I didn't even pack for my wedding night, so I didn't have PJs or other little things that would have been nice.

Mind your religious requirements
~My husband is Catholic, and we were going to wed in the church. We met with the priest twice about what we would have to do, and we were under the impression that things would be fine. My husband is military, so we were unable to do the prewedding classes, etc. The priest told us this wouldn't be a problem. The diocese disagreed, and TWO WEEKS before the wedding, I suddenly had no ceremony location or officiant, and a very angry side of the family. Get a second opinion on this kind of stuff.

Be very careful with "friendors"
~If Aunt Jane is a photographer and Uncle Joe has been a DJ before, that's great. But make darn sure they will do the job you want. Our DJ was a family friend... we had to provide her CDs, including a list of the songs in order, plus notes about when to announce, etc etc. She still messed up, ran out of music during certain events, it was a mess. Also her speakers kept crapping out. Overall not a great $300 spent. It would have been better to go up in price a little bit and hire a real DJ.


I'm sure I'll think of other things. What would you change or have done differently?

MoonlightSilver

Bridesmaids are not slaves to do your work, so I'm not sure what you mean by "a hoard of helpers." They should be your nearest and dearest friends/family, whom you want to stand with you. 

Otherwise, this is good advice. Especially the part about not hiring family/friends to be vendors- it might save you some money, but I'd rather let Aunt Sally enjoy the night as a guest and have professional pictures the next morning. 

Weezy56

I must agree with Moonlight. Nobody is required to help out with favors, or anything else for that matter. You shouldn't ask people to be in your wedding party to help you with stuff. You weren't up doing favors until midnight because nobody helped out, you were up doing favors until midnight because you procrastinated. I think you are spot on with everything else though

[Deleted User]

Your biggest mistake was not hiring a DOC. Let this be a lesson to other brides-to-be reading this post. Do NOT use your family, friends, or loved ones as free labor as it is only you and your FI's responsibility to take care of your wedding. If you require assistance, hire a DOC.

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_mistakes-we-made-what-id-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:8806415b-548f-4744-9dbf-dc310386a1adPost:9d786e7d-33a2-4da9-a358-5dec161f35d5">Mistakes We Made, What I'd Change</a>:
[QUOTE]We were just married, and overall everything went great. We received no end of compliments, but there are definitely things I would change or do differently. Here's my advice! Delegate, delegate, delegate! ~Sure, everybody says "let me know if you need anything", but they won't unless you ask. And be specific.<strong> I was up until midnight the night before my wedding making the favors, because nobody helped out.</strong> Lots of bridesmaids, or helpers ~<strong>I had one bridesmaid (with no car) and a man of honor (900 miles away), so they were less than helpful.</strong> I highly recommend having a hoard of helpers. And make use of them! [see above] DO NOT PROCRASTINATE.... on ANYTHING! ~I cannot stress this enough.<strong> I was up until midnight the night before, the groom spent the morning of burning CDs for the playlist.</strong><strong> Not fun. I didn't even pack for my wedding night, so I didn't have PJs or other little things that would have been nice.</strong> Mind your religious requirements ~My husband is Catholic, and we were going to wed in the church. We met with the priest twice about what we would have to do, and we were under the impression that things would be fine. My husband is military, so we were unable to do the prewedding classes, etc. The priest told us this wouldn't be a problem. The diocese disagreed, and TWO WEEKS before the wedding, I suddenly had no ceremony location or officiant, and a very angry side of the family. Get a second opinion on this kind of stuff. Be very careful with "friendors" ~If Aunt Jane is a photographer and Uncle Joe has been a DJ before, that's great. But make darn sure they will do the job you want. Our DJ was a family friend... we had to provide her CDs, including a list of the songs in order, plus notes about when to announce, etc etc. She still messed up, ran out of music during certain events, it was a mess. Also her speakers kept crapping out. Overall not a great $300 spent. It would have been better to go up in price a little bit and hire a real DJ. I'm sure I'll think of other things. What would you change or have done differently?
Posted by veritasargent[/QUOTE]

That's your problem.  Nobody is required to assemble your favors for you.  Why on earth would you wait until the night before your wedding??

Your bp are not your slaves.  It is NOT their responsibility to help plan your wedding.

Again, why would you wait until the very last minute to do these things?

Agree with you 100% on "friendors."

Not for nothing, but it sounds like you (and H) brought the stress on yourselves.  Glad you  recognize you could have saved yourselves a lot of the stress if you wouldn't have procrastinated.

shine882007

Did your bridal party showed up to your wedding dressed in their attire? Then they did their job.

Its no one's fault but you and your H for the favors and music not getting done.  That falls completely on you and irresponsible planning.  

cwaggoner07

I agree, a lot of this stuff sounds like very poor planning. I know friends who have gotten married in the Catholic church, and the requirements are no joke, but they took them seriously and made sure they took all the appropriate steps.

 It is important to delegate, I agree, but within reason. I had two aunts ask if they could help, and I had two fairly simple tasks that I could delegate, and it was great. But if they had not asked, I would have NEVER delegated those items to them. I would have figured out a way to take care of it on my own.

But congrats on being married, since that truly is what matters.

MrsTribo1884

I feel like people are over-reacting over this. She was trying to be helpful, every bride can use as much help as possible. Also, I have been a bridesmaid numerous times and nothing makes me happier than being there for the bride. Whether it's stuffing envelopes or running errands. A bride shouldn't select bridesmaids for the sole reason of having extra help, but I don't think that is what veritasargent meant by this post, anyway.

MirandaVanZ

I don't understand why people think they can't ask for help. It's a day when a lot of stuff has to get done, probably on a pretty limited budget, to celebrate with your community. Why on earth would said community not want to help with making the celebrations happen.
If someone asked you to help them move you wouldn't mutter any well I nevers and how rudes, you would give the girl a hand because you are they're friend.

rks421

totally agree with you miranda

MeeJay22

            While Bridemaids are not required to help with the wedding, I would be pretty dissapointed if I could not ask my friends for help. It reflects more on the friendship than the title of Bridesmaid. Helping with a thing or two is not the same as slavery... geeze!
      
         Also, the OP clearly stated the Priest said everything was fine she had no reason to believe it wouldn't be. I left my home church because of constant miscommuications. If I hadn't been an overbearing nag I would have never found out my pastor and day of co-ordinator left and I would have to be married by a complete stranger- with new requirements and re-take marriage counseling. I hated the way my church looked and only chose it because I loved the Pastor. I lost the deposit and it was worth every penny. If I had been a normal bride I would not have known there was a problem and wouldn't have been able to book another venue in time.

CutieCrab

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_mistakes-we-made-what-id-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:8806415b-548f-4744-9dbf-dc310386a1adPost:f419508c-92da-496f-acca-a66d3b9b06d6">Re: Mistakes We Made, What I'd Change</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Mistakes We Made, What I'd Change : That's your problem.  Nobody is required to assemble your favors for you.  Why on earth would you wait until the night before your wedding?? Your bp are not your slaves.  It is NOT their responsibility to help plan your wedding. Again, why would you wait until the very last minute to do these things? Agree with you 100% on "friendors." Not for nothing, but it sounds like you (and H) brought the stress on yourselves.  Glad you  recognize you could have saved yourselves a lot of the stress if you wouldn't have procrastinated.
Posted by LiLe422[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

Ella and Pedro

Procrastination is definitely a theme here. 

My sister and her fiance were/are very last minute- it's=ok-to=be-10-or-20-minutes-late kinda people. Especially her.  To give you an idea, she did anot have welcome bags, did not see the need for them, and was very blase about giving them out, even though most guests had traveled across 5 states to be there for her wedding.  What ended up happening was my stepmother and I went to Walmart and got the stuff, and assembled them for her.  She could have cared less if this task got done.  Ditto for her pedicure.  Never got one, did not seem to care terribly much, in spite of her open-toed sandals.  I personally found that maddening but then again, it was her 'day,' and I did not say a word because I didn't want to add stress.   These are just two examples of many.

Needless to say, I don't plan on having this kind of wedding weekend.

Hopefully.

*fingers crossed*

willow1984

I noticed on the day of my wedding I was nervous (about being in front of everyone, not tripping, remembering our dance moves, etc) and there were some little details I couldn't remember.  I definitely needed people like my close friends who KNOW me like no other.  My bridesmaids were helpful, but they weren't that much of a help unless I gave them something very specific to help me with.  This was hard for me to ask for help because I'm used to just doing things myself.  The second I put my wedding dress on I knew I was now depending on others and it was a scary feeling.  Thank goodness for my mom.  She remembered how I wanted little details setup for the day of the wedding. 

YvonneG28

I think the whole point that the original poster was trying to make was not specifically in regards to the bridal party helping out, but anyone in the immediate circle can help out.  In laws, siblings, parents, friends who aren't in the bridal party. People should calm down. A wedding is a community event.