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Wedding Night Jitters

Wasn't sure where to put this, so I guess I'll put it here. My fiance and I are both virgins. And we are both nervous for our wedding night. I need advice

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Re: Wedding Night Jitters

  • Go slow and it will get better with practice.

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  • edited June 2015
  • Try not to make it a big production. You don't need candles, rose petals, or 50 shades of anything. Just enjoy each other and let it happen naturally. It will indeed get better with time and may even be spectacular the first time.
  • Wow, what a second post!

    Um... what, specifically, are you looking for advice on?
  • And make sure you've had a drink or two first- but don't get drunk. You just want to take the edge off and make yourself less anxious. Experience says you don't want to be drunk when you lose it.

    Also, don't put a ton of pressure on yourself. We didn't want to have sex on our wedding night. We were exhausted and were much more excited about eating. One of my favorite memories was sitting on the bed in DH's dress shirt eating a Big Mac and fries on the bed in our hotel while chatting about the night. We were so tired that I woke up with makeup on and a hair full of pins.

    Finally, don't expect magic. You need to learn each other. If you already know what works, don't abandon it- just add to it.
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  • Mainly best positions for first time penetration. We have tried before and have always stopped because it is too painful for me


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  • edited June 2015
  • esstee33esstee33 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2015
    OK, if it's painful, that's a problem. It shouldn't hurt. 1) are you using lube? I'm not talking about "well, we've been fooling around for a while and it's pretty wet." I'm talking LUBE. FROM A BOTTLE. Use it. Seriously. Lube makes everything so much better and easier. 

    2) If you're using lube and it's still so painful you have to stop, please talk to your doctor about it. That could be a serious issue like Vaginismus. 

    TBH, I'd consider girl on top to be really good for first time penetration. It's going to take a lot more self-confidence, but you're in control of the speed and amount of penetration, and that can make a massive difference in how good it feels for you. 

    ETA: Also, RELAX! I know that's hard, but you have to relax. The more relaxed you are, the easier it'll be. 
  • I dunno, I think that depends on how our bits connect. I guess I would say good-ol' missionary. For me at least, girl on top was ... intense (?) at first. Doggy could also be intense, but that's my anatomy.

    Regardless, I think first time should be something where you can face each other and connect. I mean, fuck, it's the first time, and you're going to be contractually stuck together. Might as well hug and mouth-kiss, right?

    I agree, missionary was best for my anatomy in the beginning.

    Personally, I suggest starting slow and being patient. Lots of foreplay is also recommended. My first time sucked (no pun intended) and was very painful. For other people, it's not too bad. With patience, it shouldn't be super horrible.

    Good luck!


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  • Mainly best positions for first time penetration. We have tried before and have always stopped because it is too painful for me


    When is your wedding? I think this is something you definitely want to figure out before the wedding. If it has been painful I second the doctor rec as a starting point 

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  • For me, missionary was easiest. A good friend of mine could not make missionary work her first time and found her being on top was better. Don't be afraid to try different positions if you need to. Go slow and talk to each other about what is working or what you need.

    My first time was pretty painful as well. That was mostly due to me unconsciously tensing up due to nerves. The more you can relax, the easier and less painful it will be. Putting a fluffy pillow under my hips also makes everything line up better and puts him at an angle that feels better. Starting with fingers before going into sex also can make things easier and less painful.

    Lube is your best friend. They are not all created equal, and you may need to try different ones to find one that works best for you. They also make applicators that help you get more lube inside. I highly recommend getting one of those. Some women don't produce a lot of natural lubrication, so making sure enough lube finds its way inside can be really important.

    Finally, we were way too exhausted on our wedding night for sex. It wouldn't have been any good if we had tried, and we had been having sex regularly for a long time at that point. If you both are too tired that night, don't feel bad about waiting until the next morning or even the next night. You both should be feeling good for your first time.
  • Do you know where your clitoris is? That's most likely going to be the key little button for the rest of your sex life. It is for most women. 

    It's also most likely going to hurt for you and going to be fast for him. That's the super fun harsh truth! Don't let that scare you away though. Have a few drinks, like PP said, and relax. Put a towel down on the bed unless you are in a hotel or want to sleep in sex goo all night. 

    The most important thing for your sex life is communication. If you do or don't like something, or want to try something, say so! Just like everything else, it takes practice. 

    EDIT: Just read OP's update. I first had sex with my FI when I was 13/14. It took like ten tries to even let him finish, it hurt me so bad. We had and still kind of have a big size difference. Power through. Maybe you need to go on top so you can control the amount of wang that goes in. 
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  • Okay, so we were virgins too. First attempt on our honeymoon we literally could not get it in and I cried.

    Second attempt we didn't focus on penetration and just made out at first and everything went much better.

    Generally speaking, don't try penetration until you're very wet (naturally, or lube both partners--we use Astroglide when we need extra). You can never have too much foreplay. Oral will basically always get me ready; find what works for you.

    Ditto missionary for position. Girl on top is, uh... really hard to get it in IME. Not sure why.

    All that said, I have some questions in case there are other issues at play here. Do you masturbate? If so, do you orgasm when doing so? Do you and he have other kinds of sex besides penetrative and are orgasms had by all then? I'm not trying to be nosy, but if you haven't at least gotten yourself off, you need to go do that first. It helps to know how your own body works.
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  • Did you figure out why it hurt when you tried before? Were you dry? Try lots of foreplay and lube. Were you super tense/nervous? Don't forget to breathe and try to relax. Does he have a huge wang? Try lots of finger foreplay up until wedding to, um, stretch you out a bit.

    I would also start with classic missionary. Or if you are hurting and want to guide the process more easily, try you on top.

    It's probably not going to be stellar sex no matter what you do. I don't think anyone's first time is awesome. Which is a good thing - if it started of super amazing, you'd plateau really fast.

    And if it hurts again, just stop. You don't HAVE to have sex on your wedding night. You have the rest of your lives to figure out what works for y'all.
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  • Sex with my H hurts every now and then. He's...ugh....kind of a bigger guy. We need LOTS of lube (we use the silicone based since we don't use condoms, and that works so much better IMO), I need lots of foreplay and we need to take it slow in the beginning. 

    We didn't have sex the night of the wedding because we were so tired and he was super drunk. Also, if you Fi gets a few drinks in him, he might last a little longer.


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  • Ooh boy. I think you should get some lube, and try some things on on your own. Like Magic get, get a dildo or a vibrator. Relax. Take your time. Good luck. 
  • Because no one else has addressed it yet: the whole thing about the hyman "ripping" on your first time is a myth! I remember that this image used to terrify me, and so I would unconsciously tense up. At least 3 potential first pairings failed because of this. So if this is the image that's in your head please re-educate yourself. We are all born with open vaginas - this is why you bleed when you get your period and can put in a tampon. The opening does stretch out a bit with more use, but it's much less intimidating and more realistic to think of it as "stretching" instead of "ripping". As others have said: use lubrication and go very, very slowly. Ask your H to be patient. And don't necessarily expect anything on your wedding night. You DO have your whole lifetimes to figure it out.
  • Also curious why you've tried it already but now decided to wait. Would you be open to just trying it again now? It'll take a lot of pressure off. 

    I suggest doing it in a bath. Doesn't get any wetter than that.

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  • Ditto @lurkergirl - water always dries things right up for me and it's more painful. Not that we don't power through but still. Probably not the best place for a first time.

  • Go purchase or borrow "The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex."
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  • edited May 2015

    Also curious why you've tried it already but now decided to wait. Would you be open to just trying it again now? It'll take a lot of pressure off. 


    I suggest doing it in a bath. Doesn't get any wetter than that.

    _ _ _ _ _

    See I actually think the bath dries things up. It's like an oil and water thing I guess. :/
    I have this issue too. 

    Anyway, OP. I agree with PPs. Definitely get lube, definitely don't put any pressure on yourself (I know easier said than done) and definitely don't expect it to be amazing. My first time was painful too and very meh. He was nervous too and I think we were both kind of over it after a few minutes. 

    Remember that you have the rest of your life to do this. Play around with yourself and with him and just have fun. 

    ETA: Is your ticker correct? Your wedding is in three days? Seriously don't be upset if you need to stop or if it doesn't happen that night. 
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  • Okay, hold up. So you are not a virgin because of religious reasons or whatever, but because you tried and it hurt? That's an immense amount of pressure to put on yourselves on your wedding night.

    Yeah, I am going to have to agree with Ashley here. That is a lot of pressure. Try between now and then.

    Also, ditto what PPs said- if the pain is really intense, you may want to see a doctor. It is going to hurt, but it shouldn't hurt SO MUCH especially after a few tries. There may be something wrong that you can address now.
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  • Also curious why you've tried it already but now decided to wait. Would you be open to just trying it again now? It'll take a lot of pressure off. 


    I suggest doing it in a bath. Doesn't get any wetter than that.

    _ _ _ _ _

    See I actually think the bath dries things up. It's like an oil and water thing I guess. :/
    Hm, guess I use a lot of bubbles. :)

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  • So, my H is also on the bigger side, and we're long distance right now so it can be a while between sexytimes. This meant that sex was pretty painful when we did see each other, which in turn meant We could really only do it once a visit because I needed to recover. I bought a dildo (glass, which is awesome) and I make sure to use it a few times during the week before we see each other to get "in shape" as it were. It's been super helpful.

    If your wedding really is in a couple days you may not have time for this pre-wedding, but I definitely recommend getting something small, not intimidating that you can practice with. Of you're getting nervous or the pain when you tried before is causing you to freak out a little, you can get used to penetration (sorry!) in a low-pressure way. Use it alone! Use it together! If you can't use the dildo, or can't make the switch to the real thing, a visit to a doctor may be in order. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, but sex shouldn't be that painful, even at the beginning.

    Also adding to the recommendations for lube. It makes alllll the difference. Silicone lube is especially awesome, but it reacts badly with condoms (they disintegrate) so it depends on what you're doing for birth control.
  • edited June 2015
  • doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    PPs gave good advice.  I'd just like to add that "p in v" sex did absolutely nothing for me pleasure wise.  I tried it with different men and one that I was with for years.  I would feign interest and fake moans (not a good idea, BTW, because how is your partner going to know that what they are doing isn't good for you if you act like it is?).  Anywho, masturbation helped a lot.  Also, I needed a strong plug-in vibrator  to use on my clitoris to actually achieve orgasm.  So don't feel like anything is "wrong" with you when you do have sex if penetration and that sort of thing doesn't do it for you.
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