Wedding Night Jitters

VulgarGirl

pinkrevenge said:

RosieC18 said:

So, my H is also on the bigger side, and we're long distance right now so it can be a while between sexytimes. This meant that sex was pretty painful when we did see each other, which in turn meant We could really only do it once a visit because I needed to recover. I bought a dildo (glass, which is awesome) and I make sure to use it a few times during the week before we see each other to get "in shape" as it were. It's been super helpful.

If your wedding really is in a couple days you may not have time for this pre-wedding, but I definitely recommend getting something small, not intimidating that you can practice with. Of you're getting nervous or the pain when you tried before is causing you to freak out a little, you can get used to penetration (sorry!) in a low-pressure way. Use it alone! Use it together! If you can't use the dildo, or can't make the switch to the real thing, a visit to a doctor may be in order. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, but sex shouldn't be that painful, even at the beginning.

Also adding to the recommendations for lube. It makes alllll the difference. Silicone lube is especially awesome, but it reacts badly with condoms (they disintegrate) so it depends on what you're doing for birth control.

 

Chiming in that silicon lube will melt silicon toys, as will letting two silicon toys rest against each other. Silicon, in my opinion, is best for sex, but be aware when water-based is more appropriate.

Also when using a water based lube, be aware it will absorb quicker (by your body) and you will need to reapply. Keep it handy. But it also cleans up easier then silicone based lubes cause...it's water.

I like silicone for non-toy time and water based for toys. I love Pink lube and Jo flavored lubes. Not a fan of Astroglide or KY. And stay the fuck away from KY his&hers or whatever it's called. It contains sugar. Which can cause yeast infections when it gets in your vagina. 

JennyColada

I actually really like Pjur silicon lube, which is also safe to use with silicone toys.

VulgarGirl

Also I keep singing the line "silicone parts are made for toys!" from Baby Got Back.

That's not gonna help with the fucking. It's just stuck in my head.

littlepep

Yikes. I think PPs have given good advice, but like Ashley I think this is a lot of pressure for your wedding night. Hurting is not good. If it's just because you weren't wet, lube should help, but if it's not, that could be the sign of a medical issue. I think, if you're open to it, I would try again before the honeymoon. If it's a medical thing, that's something you may want to address before the honeymoon because it won't get better on it's own. 

hellosweetie1015

MagicInk said:

pinkrevenge said:

RosieC18 said:

So, my H is also on the bigger side, and we're long distance right now so it can be a while between sexytimes. This meant that sex was pretty painful when we did see each other, which in turn meant We could really only do it once a visit because I needed to recover. I bought a dildo (glass, which is awesome) and I make sure to use it a few times during the week before we see each other to get "in shape" as it were. It's been super helpful.

If your wedding really is in a couple days you may not have time for this pre-wedding, but I definitely recommend getting something small, not intimidating that you can practice with. Of you're getting nervous or the pain when you tried before is causing you to freak out a little, you can get used to penetration (sorry!) in a low-pressure way. Use it alone! Use it together! If you can't use the dildo, or can't make the switch to the real thing, a visit to a doctor may be in order. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, but sex shouldn't be that painful, even at the beginning.

Also adding to the recommendations for lube. It makes alllll the difference. Silicone lube is especially awesome, but it reacts badly with condoms (they disintegrate) so it depends on what you're doing for birth control.

 

Chiming in that silicon lube will melt silicon toys, as will letting two silicon toys rest against each other. Silicon, in my opinion, is best for sex, but be aware when water-based is more appropriate.

Also when using a water based lube, be aware it will absorb quicker (by your body) and you will need to reapply. Keep it handy. But it also cleans up easier then silicone based lubes cause...it's water.

I like silicone for non-toy time and water based for toys. I love Pink lube and Jo flavored lubes. Not a fan of Astroglide or KY. And stay the fuck away from KY his&hers or whatever it's called. It contains sugar. Which can cause yeast infections when it gets in your vagina. 

I'll go ahead and second both the love for Jo flavored lubes and the distaste for Astroglide. 

I would also like to second / third / whatever the suggestions that - given that it doesn't seem you're abstaining for religious reasons - A. you need to do you first before your FI / new H does you. You'll know more about your body and what works for you, and B. you and your FI need to try it in a low-pressure situation. Your wedding night - while certainly romanticized, and rightfully so for a lot of reasons - should be for unwinding after you just threw what is likely the largest party of your life so far. If sex works for that, great! If sex is just going to add pressure, though, I'd abstain for one more night. 

[Deleted User]

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lacqueredlover

Liquid Silk is my jam when it comes to lube.  If I ever have sex again, I'm down with it haha.

VulgarGirl

pinkrevenge said:

MagicInk said:

pinkrevenge said:

RosieC18 said:

So, my H is also on the bigger side, and we're long distance right now so it can be a while between sexytimes. This meant that sex was pretty painful when we did see each other, which in turn meant We could really only do it once a visit because I needed to recover. I bought a dildo (glass, which is awesome) and I make sure to use it a few times during the week before we see each other to get "in shape" as it were. It's been super helpful.

If your wedding really is in a couple days you may not have time for this pre-wedding, but I definitely recommend getting something small, not intimidating that you can practice with. Of you're getting nervous or the pain when you tried before is causing you to freak out a little, you can get used to penetration (sorry!) in a low-pressure way. Use it alone! Use it together! If you can't use the dildo, or can't make the switch to the real thing, a visit to a doctor may be in order. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, but sex shouldn't be that painful, even at the beginning.

Also adding to the recommendations for lube. It makes alllll the difference. Silicone lube is especially awesome, but it reacts badly with condoms (they disintegrate) so it depends on what you're doing for birth control.

 

Chiming in that silicon lube will melt silicon toys, as will letting two silicon toys rest against each other. Silicon, in my opinion, is best for sex, but be aware when water-based is more appropriate.

Also when using a water based lube, be aware it will absorb quicker (by your body) and you will need to reapply. Keep it handy. But it also cleans up easier then silicone based lubes cause...it's water.

I like silicone for non-toy time and water based for toys. I love Pink lube and Jo flavored lubes. Not a fan of Astroglide or KY. And stay the fuck away from KY his&hers or whatever it's called. It contains sugar. Which can cause yeast infections when it gets in your vagina. 

I love Pink lube.

Is so good.

Oh and if you have a man person who is not secure enough in his own masculanity to use something called pink on penis, try gun oil. Exact same shit. Different packaging. 

[Deleted User]

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wandajune6

MagicInk said:

pinkrevenge said:

RosieC18 said:

So, my H is also on the bigger side, and we're long distance right now so it can be a while between sexytimes. This meant that sex was pretty painful when we did see each other, which in turn meant We could really only do it once a visit because I needed to recover. I bought a dildo (glass, which is awesome) and I make sure to use it a few times during the week before we see each other to get "in shape" as it were. It's been super helpful.

If your wedding really is in a couple days you may not have time for this pre-wedding, but I definitely recommend getting something small, not intimidating that you can practice with. Of you're getting nervous or the pain when you tried before is causing you to freak out a little, you can get used to penetration (sorry!) in a low-pressure way. Use it alone! Use it together! If you can't use the dildo, or can't make the switch to the real thing, a visit to a doctor may be in order. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, but sex shouldn't be that painful, even at the beginning.

Also adding to the recommendations for lube. It makes alllll the difference. Silicone lube is especially awesome, but it reacts badly with condoms (they disintegrate) so it depends on what you're doing for birth control.

 

Chiming in that silicon lube will melt silicon toys, as will letting two silicon toys rest against each other. Silicon, in my opinion, is best for sex, but be aware when water-based is more appropriate.

Also when using a water based lube, be aware it will absorb quicker (by your body) and you will need to reapply. Keep it handy. But it also cleans up easier then silicone based lubes cause...it's water.

I like silicone for non-toy time and water based for toys. I love Pink lube and Jo flavored lubes. Not a fan of Astroglide or KY. And stay the fuck away from KY his&hers or whatever it's called. It contains sugar. Which can cause yeast infections when it gets in your vagina. 

QFT. Check the ingredients on all flavored options for the same reason.

Also, Pink is my favorite.

VulgarGirl

pinkrevenge said:

MagicInk said:

pinkrevenge said:

I love Pink lube.

Is so good.

Oh and if you have a man person who is not secure enough in his own masculanity to use something called pink on penis, try gun oil. Exact same shit. Different packaging.  Ditch him for a better guy.

FTFY

Much better advice. Though we did buy the Gun Oil one once because they were out of the Pink.

I kind of like the packaging better. It looked cool on the night stand. "What's that?" "Oh, that's just my gun oil. Like to keep it near by. For oiling my gun. My gun is my vagina by the way"

[Deleted User]

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hellohkb

I've been using unrefined coconut oil as lube. Different lubes have irritated me in the past so when I read you could use coconut oil in place of a lubricant I tried it out and I like it so much better. I now buy it in bulk at Costco.

People at the store may think I'm doing a lot of cooking. I'm not.

larrygaga

hellohkb said:

I've been using unrefined coconut oil as lube. Different lubes have irritated me in the past so when I read you could use coconut oil in place of a lubricant I tried it out and I like it so much better. I now buy it in bulk at Costco.

People at the store may think I'm doing a lot of cooking. I'm not.

How do you keep it from ruining all fabrics in the ten foot vicinity?

hellohkb

larrygaga said:

hellohkb said:

I've been using unrefined coconut oil as lube. Different lubes have irritated me in the past so when I read you could use coconut oil in place of a lubricant I tried it out and I like it so much better. I now buy it in bulk at Costco.

People at the store may think I'm doing a lot of cooking. I'm not.

How do you keep it from ruining all fabrics in the ten foot vicinity?

I've never had an issue with that, but you're not the first person to ask (I also use it for shaving cream, lotion, makeup remover, and hair conditioner). Maybe it's the fabrics I use or the brand of coconut oil.

larrygaga

hellohkb said:

larrygaga said:

hellohkb said:

I've been using unrefined coconut oil as lube. Different lubes have irritated me in the past so when I read you could use coconut oil in place of a lubricant I tried it out and I like it so much better. I now buy it in bulk at Costco.

People at the store may think I'm doing a lot of cooking. I'm not.

How do you keep it from ruining all fabrics in the ten foot vicinity?

I've never had an issue with that, but you're not the first person to ask (I also use it for shaving cream, lotion, makeup remover, and hair conditioner). Maybe it's the fabrics I use or the brand of coconut oil.

See I use it as hair conditioner and shaving cream, but always in the shower or with my hair dye tshirt on. 

Viczaesar

redheadbride15 said:

Because no one else has addressed it yet: the whole thing about the hyman "ripping" on your first time is a myth! I remember that this image used to terrify me, and so I would unconsciously tense up. At least 3 potential first pairings failed because of this. So if this is the image that's in your head please re-educate yourself. We are all born with open vaginas - this is why you bleed when you get your period and can put in a tampon. The opening does stretch out a bit with more use, but it's much less intimidating and more realistic to think of it as "stretching" instead of "ripping". As others have said: use lubrication and go very, very slowly. Ask your H to be patient. And don't necessarily expect anything on your wedding night. You DO have your whole lifetimes to figure it out.

That depends on the hymen.  They don't all look alike/aren't all shaped alike.  TMI warning - mine had to be surgically removed; it was like a string across the opening, so when I used tampons they often got stuck on the way out and I had to carry around a mirror to visually guide the damn things out.  When I tried to have sex with my bf it wouldn't break, hence the surgery.

lovesclimbing

Relax is the biggest thing.  Also lube. And take it sloooooooow.  As a previous poster said, you have a lifetime to figure it out. I know it took my sister and her H (virgins who had never messed around at all before) close to a month before he was able to get all the way in.  I think it's pretty rare to take that much time. My sister is pretty unusual because she's also never used tampons because even those were super uncomfortable. They must have a decent sex life now because they're expecting their first child!

All that to say, just try to let it happen and be as relaxed as possible. You say you've messed around before so you don't have the "Oh my goodness, I'm naked in front of a naked man" factor making you even more nervous.

For positions, I'd say missionary or girl on top.

drunkenwitch

Lie back and think of England.