• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Moms and Maids

Help! Do I let future MIL wear what she wants?

edited May 2015 in Moms and Maids
.

Help! Do I let future MIL wear what she wants? 80 votes

Let it go...Let it gooo
98% 79 votes
Say something
1% 1 vote
«134

Re: Help! Do I let future MIL wear what she wants?

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The mothers don't have to get the bride's approval on their dresses. They don't have to match or complement each other, the wedding party or the decor. Let this go. There's no way anyone is going to upstage the bride on her wedding day. 

    It looks like you have a gap the ceremony and cocktail hour. How do you plan on providing for your guests during that time?
                       
    KnottiePinelc07
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You can't dictate what any of your guests wear.  It is also against etiquette to put "semi-formal" on the invitations.  Tell your FMIL to wear whatever she feels the most beautiful in.  

    I second MariePoppy.  Why do you have a gap?  

    Hey all! I'm getting married this September. We're getting married in a rose garden behind an old Greek mansion, so I'm going for this very garden-y look. We're getting married at 230 pm and cocktail hour is at 430 pm. The reception is at a nice place (not super formal). We're going for a casual - semi formal look. It's the end of the summer so we expect guests to be in shirts and ties and women in summer dresses. My dress is ivory and lacey. It's a strapless mermaid style dress with a sweetheart neckline. My bridesmaids are wearing flowy pale pink dresses with straps (I wanted to be the only one with a strapless). My future mother in law has decided to wear a silver strapless mermaid style dress with a sweetheart neckline...I told her it looks a little too formal. It's the kind of dress one would wear to a black tie wedding. She insists that its the only dress she has felt comfortable in and that she can get away with it because its an evening wedding. It's not an evening wedding! It's an evening reception like everyone and their mother has. Anyway, she's the kind of person where everything needs to be about her. I feel like she's trying to take my day away from me. Do i insist she wear a different style/type of dress or let it slide?? Thank you in advance :)




    image
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Hey all! I'm getting married this September. We're getting married in a rose garden behind an old Greek mansion, so I'm going for this very garden-y look. We're getting married at 230 pm and cocktail hour is at 430 pm. The reception is at a nice place (not super formal). We're going for a casual - semi formal look. It's the end of the summer so we expect guests to be in shirts and ties and women in summer dresses. My dress is ivory and lacey. It's a strapless mermaid style dress with a sweetheart neckline. My bridesmaids are wearing flowy pale pink dresses with straps (I wanted to be the only one with a strapless). My future mother in law has decided to wear a silver strapless mermaid style dress with a sweetheart neckline...I told her it looks a little too formal. It's the kind of dress one would wear to a black tie wedding. She insists that its the only dress she has felt comfortable in and that she can get away with it because its an evening wedding. It's not an evening wedding! It's an evening reception like everyone and their mother has. Anyway, she's the kind of person where everything needs to be about her. I feel like she's trying to take my day away from me. Do i insist she wear a different style/type of dress or let it slide?? Thank you in advance :)

    You have no right to dictate how anyone in your wedding dresses except for your bridesmaids.

    Also, is your ceremony two hours long?  If not, you need to push your ceremony back or move your cocktail hour up.  Gaps are rude.



    [Deleted User]ashley8918
  • I'm curious how you "let" an adult wear something. I'm even more curious as to how you would stop them from wearing something. 

    You note that you want to be "the only one with a strapless." Does this extend to all your guests, and exactly how do you enforce this?

    So, no. Your FMIL may be overdressed, you might not like her dress, you may have had visions of what you wanted her to wear, but there is no reasonable way in the universe to tell another adult what they're allowed to wear. You can "insist" all you want, and she can rightfully ignore you. You don't get to choose other people's clothing. 

    (And what are the guests doing between the wedding and the cocktail hour? Standing around the rose garden wishing they had a drink? Or are you having a really really really long ceremony?)
    [Deleted User]ashley8918esstee33
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hey all! I'm getting married this September. We're getting married in a rose garden behind an old Greek mansion, so I'm going for this very garden-y look. We're getting married at 230 pm and cocktail hour is at 430 pm. The reception is at a nice place (not super formal). We're going for a casual - semi formal look. It's the end of the summer so we expect guests to be in shirts and ties and women in summer dresses. My dress is ivory and lacey. It's a strapless mermaid style dress with a sweetheart neckline. My bridesmaids are wearing flowy pale pink dresses with straps (I wanted to be the only one with a strapless). My future mother in law has decided to wear a silver strapless mermaid style dress with a sweetheart neckline...I told her it looks a little too formal. It's the kind of dress one would wear to a black tie wedding. She insists that its the only dress she has felt comfortable in and that she can get away with it because its an evening wedding. It's not an evening wedding! It's an evening reception like everyone and their mother has. Anyway, she's the kind of person where everything needs to be about her. I feel like she's trying to take my day away from me. Do i insist she wear a different style/type of dress or let it slide?? Thank you in advance :)
    You really need to let her wear what she wants.  I can't imagine trying to tell my MIL what to wear.

    On top of it just not being ok to tell and adult what to wear, think about it this way. If your MIL is wearing something she's uncomfortable in, that will show through in photos.  Wouldn't you prefer her happy and comfortable in the photos that will likely be on your wall forever?

    If she ends up feeling awkward and overdressed, that's her feelings and her problem. She knows what other people will likely be wearing.

    Also, strapless is extremely popular. Even if your MIL wore something else, I expect there will be at least a few other people in strapless at your wedding.

    [Deleted User]
  • edited May 2015
  • edited May 2015
  • You are all extremely rude. I'm not telling her what to wear (insisting she wear something else was the wrong way of putting it). She told me to let her know how I felt about it and another and if I would be okay with that particular dress. So I was simply asking for an opinion on whether I should say wear which ever or if I should tell her how I truly feel. I am NOT telling my guests what to wear for Gods sake. But I do know everyone whose coming to my wedding and I predict that's how people will be dressed. As for the strapless thing...I'm not putting on the invitation "you must wear straps". The guests can wear what they want but for my pictures with the wedding party I was hoping to be the only one without straps but not a big deal. And I'm not apologizing to her for anything because I am not "micromanaging and insulting". I haven't said anything to her hence this whole post. You all could've taken the poll without being rude. Also I'm not asking opinions on my schedule. Thanks.

    When you post on the boards you asked for criticism. Don't be upset that criticism is exactly what you got.

    And it IS rude to leave your guests for hours worth nothing to do. So unless you have a really long ceremony you need to change your ceremony start time or reception time.

    [Deleted User]OliveOilsMomashley8918huskypuppy14
  • edited May 2015
    It's a poll. I didn't ask for criticism actually. I asked for votes.
  • edited May 2015
    I'm not looking for any opinions just votes.
  • edited May 2015
    Lol who said its unhosted? I sure didn't. & my mil did ask me to tell her whether I thought the dress was too much or not hence this post.
  • It's a poll. I didn't ask for criticism actually. I asked for votes.

    That's not how the internet works Snoflake!
  • Lol who said its unhosted? I sure didn't. & my mil did ask me to tell her whether I thought the dress was too much or not hence this post.

    Then why on Earth haven't you responded to the many comments about a 2:30 ceremony and  4:30 reception?  
    [Deleted User]ashley8918
  • I created this thread with only the best intentions and I'm pretty upset at what this has turned into. I never told my MIL what she has to wear. She chose the dress I initially described and she told me to think on it and to let her know if I thought it was too much. So, I created this post to see what everyone thought I should do if I did, indeed, think it was too much. I haven't said a word to her on whether I like it or not. I'm the type of person who wants to do nothing but please the people close to me in my life, her being one of them. I'm a little confused as to why I was just initially attacked after one post being called "ridiculous". I never said I had to give her permission to wear something. I also never asked an opinion on my schedule for my wedding day. I have everything planned out...wedding ceremony, activity to entertain guests (which is hosted), cocktail hour, and reception. I didn't need help or opinions on that. 
  • edited May 2015
    I'm a little busy with my 4 month old daughter & on top of that I don't understand why I have to explain.
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    I'm a little busy with my 4 month old daughter & on top of that I don't understand why I have to explain.

    But you have time to dictate the dress of others.

    Curious.

    You let your FMIL wear whatever the hell she wants. Let it go. Let it goooo. To give my vote appropriately.

    image
    [Deleted User]erinlin25ashley8918lnixon8
  • edited May 2015
    I. Am. Not. Dressing. Others. 

    I'm not dictating anything. 
  • You are all extremely rude. I'm not telling her what to wear (insisting she wear something else was the wrong way of putting it). She told me to let her know how I felt about it and another and if I would be okay with that particular dress. So I was simply asking for an opinion on whether I should say wear which ever or if I should tell her how I truly feel. I am NOT telling my guests what to wear for Gods sake. But I do know everyone whose coming to my wedding and I predict that's how people will be dressed. As for the strapless thing...I'm not putting on the invitation "you must wear straps". The guests can wear what they want but for my pictures with the wedding party I was hoping to be the only one without straps but not a big deal. And I'm not apologizing to her for anything because I am not "micromanaging and insulting". I haven't said anything to her hence this whole post. You all could've taken the poll without being rude. Also I'm not asking opinions on my schedule. Thanks.

    Seriously? And now you're trying to control how other people respond?  And no, everybody wasn't rude. I was extremely reasonable, and asked reasonable questions. 
    That's not how the internet- or real life conversations- work.  You don't get to control how people answer. And deleting things doesn't make them go away.  

    You!re absolutely 100% changing your story.  
    Above, you say,  She told me to let her know how I felt about it and another and if I would be okay with that particular dress. So I was simply asking for an opinion on whether I should say wear which ever or if I should tell her how I truly feel.  

    But in your first post, you already told her:.... I told her it looks a little too formal. It's the kind of dress one would wear to a black tie wedding. She insists that its the only dress she has felt comfortable in and that she can get away with it because its an evening wedding. 

    So, unless you were completely inventing the story in your first post, you already gave your opinion. 

    You need to move your ceremony up, or move your cocktail hour back. Your guests shouldn't be sitting alone for an hour and a half, waiting for things to start. That's what cocktail hour is for.  Keeping people entertained while you sign your license and take a few pictures.  Note, a few pictures. One hour is the absolute longest you should leave your own party, and you shouldn't leave it unhosted. 
    Not a big deal.  A simple schedule adjustment, and it saves you from being rude and looking like you don't have a clue how to host an event. 


  • You have the time to type but you can't write, "The gap is hosted."??

    I have kids too.  I still answer questions. 
    [Deleted User]bizzy592OliveOilsMomHeffalump
  • The ONLY things I said to her when she tried the dresses on for me were that I liked the one she didn't choose better and that the one she did choose looked a bit too formal. This was before she picked too. Her response was I feel more comfortable in this dress (the one she chose). I then said whatever you feel more comfortable with. She then told me to take the time to think and let her know if I thought it was too much. I'm not changing the story. What I should've done was taken more time on my original post, but I didn't think this would turn into this so I didn't. & I would delete this whole post if I could because frankly this is an absolute waste of my time and this isn't what I was looking for. I wasn't looking to be ridiculed. Everyone has made it seem like I'm telling her what she needs to wear and thats so far from the truth. I haven't said anything to her yet on whether I think she should go for that dress or not.  
  • The activity between the ceremony and cocktail hour is hosted. It'll be an hour and 15 min in between the ceremony and cocktail hour, tops. 
  • Please don't tell your FMIL how to dress for your wedding. She can wear whatever she wants - if she happens to look overdressed, who cares?

    FWIW, both my mom and MIL wore very formal dresses for my wedding (which was an evening wedding but at a more relaxed venue). They did not look out of place at all. My SMIL wore a very informal dress - something I could see her wearing to a backyard BBQ. She also did not look out of place. They wore what made them feel beautiful and comfortable, and to me that was all that mattered.
    image
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The votes are people's opinions. How do you NOT see that??

    This was the title of your post:

    Help! Do I let my future MIL wear what she wants?" 

    YES. You fucking let her wear whatever the hell she wants. If she wants to wear a bright pink potato sack, you let her. 

    My wedding was during the day, and we got married outside in a garden in September. My mom and my MIL both choose fancy black dresses, maybe dresses that you'd typically see at an evening wedding. Did I care? Nope. Not one bit. My only concern on that day was for THEM be happy. They both looked beautiful and radiant. 

    For you to think she's trying to "take the day away" from you is childish and ridiculous. Grow up. 

    esstee33
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015

    I. Am. Not. Dressing. Others. 


    I'm not dictating anything. 
    --------BOXES-----------------------------------------


    So tell me what the point of this poll is? What is the correct answer to "DO I LET my Mother in Law wear what she wants?" Here is your answer: you don't let any other adult wear what they want because it isn't your job to LET any other adult wear clothing. They wear what they want and you wear what you want. They don;t need your permission. Does your MIL let you wear your choice of outfits to her house? 

    ETA: Because I think you are missing the point- "Letting" someone wear (or not wear) a certain dress is by definition telling them what to wear. The only appropriate answer to a MIL who says "Should I wear this" should be "As long as you are happy and feel great, I don't care what you wear!".

    When she is around 10, you might LET your daughter wear a certain dress or you might not, because she is a child and you have the right to make that decision for her (and you are most likely buying it). When she is older, you can't do that because she is an adult. See the difference?
    [Deleted User]ashley8918
  • MIL told me to let her know if dress is too much. I think it is. It's the same exact style dress as mine except silver. Looks like a wedding dress for bride whose already been married. I wanted to get opinions on whether I should be honest and say I think it is too much or just let it go and tell her she should wear it. THAT was the point. 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards