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Moms and Maids

Help! Do I let future MIL wear what she wants?

13

Re: Help! Do I let future MIL wear what she wants?

  • I was looking for constructive opinions. & frankly I don't care about the comments that aren't helpful and are just outright mean. So, for those, no I don't give a fuck.

    So by "constructive opinions" you mean only nice, positive stuff that backs you up?

    Honestly, I have to take shit DAILY at work from clients who aren't happy for one reason or another. You know how I deal with it? I LISTEN, comprehend, and respond. I recommend the same approach here. If a shitload of people are saying the same thing, there is probably some merit to it. No one was mean but I understand that some people can't take criticism very well unless it's delivered with a "good effort" trophy.

    Look, you seem a lot more flexible than your OP suggests. I get that. I have also been misunderstood & had the worst assumed of me in an OP here before. Rather than get defensive which is a knee-jerk reaction, why don't you take a step back, realize that your FMIL is not trying to/going to "upstage" you and not only let her wear whatever she wants but be happy that she has something that she feels beautiful/comfortable in.

    No one gives a fuck about your straps or lack of straps. You will be the center of attn that day regardless, so let go of any OCD-driven visions of what your photos will look like.

    Shit, I don't even know who our photographer is & we get married in 2 weeks. I know it's going to be a beautiful, perfect, total blow out & the last thing on my mind is what my guests will be wearing. I just want everyone to have a blast.
    thespeshulestsnowflake
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    No one shows up to a wedding wearing a white dress that looks like a wedding dress with good intentions, in my opinion. I feel like it's just simply disrespectful. My mother and mil would never do that so that's not something I have to worry about.

    image

    You stay classy, OP. It is hard to be disrespectful to someone whose behaviour is so undeserving of respect.

    You have a lot of growing up to do if you are worried about silly things like people taking attention from you. I know 7 year olds who are more mature than how you sound.
    ashley8918mrsdee15esstee33[Deleted User]
  • edited May 2015
    This is my final post, because this is giving me nothing but a headache. First off, I want to make it clear I created this poll because I was on the fence of how to handle this situation I was in. I didn't think some of you were helpful because you didn't have a different opinion, it was because of the manner in which you expressed your opinions. After reading some of the replies to posts on other threads made by some of you, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of you use this "community" to be assholes. It is POSSIBLE to give an opinion without being a jerk. After only one post, I was already called ridiculous and made to feel stupid by a few of you. Simply telling me I should let it go because thats not how weddings work wouldve sufficed. I do not take well to being given this huge attitude and called things I'm not. I'm a people pleaser. I don't want to tell someone what to do, but I wanted to see what others thought on the subject. The reason my post title is titled the way it is is because I feel I was given the choice from my FMIL to let her wear one dress over the other. MY FMIL really made it seem to me that I have a large say in what she wears and me never being involved in a wedding didn't know otherwise. Also, I didn't make it "a rule" that I was to be the ONLY one wearing a strapless dress. It was a preference not a dictation. That is why when my bridesmaids and I went for their dresses they got straps. I simply told them I liked dresses with straps. I Knew my mother wasn't considering a strapless because she made it clear she wanted 3/4 sleeves. I didn't think my FMIL would go for one either considering her age and such. But, this wasn't something I was enforcing or even told anyone about what I secretly wanted. I haven't told my guests what to wear either, thats something I would NEVER even think about doing. The strapless thing was me just thinking of bridal party photos with parents. That's all. 

    Everyone who did comment had the same exact opinion but some said it better than others. Thank you to those who gave me an honest opinion without being hurtful or forceful. Yesterday, I told my FMIL she can whatever she wants. She continued to ask for an opinion and I told her both are beautiful. So, as far as I'm concerned this doesn't need go on any longer.

    image

  • My future mother in law wants me to take her to find a dress/ suite for my wedding that's next year.  She lives out of state, so this year is best. When we go I will consider what she is comfy in and what she doesn't like. It really depends on what the mom is going to wear. I went to a wedding where both mom has on similar colors, but the styles were off. It didn't look right to me
  • abl13abl13 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    Putting "dresses with straps only" on an invitation is so controlling and rude. If I received that I would definitely wear a strapless dress.

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Are you that insecure that you would literally turn away a guest in a white dress? Holy god.

    My SIL wore a long white dress to my wedding. I didn't even notice until my sister pointed it out, as a joke. I'm pretty sure no one congratulated her and unfortunately she was not given the bill at the end of the night. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    ashley8918
  • edited May 2015
    Abl13...wut? You realize that's not happening nor was that ever said? You need to spend a little more time reading before you decide to put in your two cents. Shessocold...cool story. & Yes, I'm saying I wouldn't allow someone to wear a white wedding dress to my wedding. Say as you wish. I'm not being insecure, it's my wedding. I'm not spending thousands on a dress to have someone else at my wedding wearing a wedding dress.
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Abl13...wut? You realize that's not happening nor was that ever said? You need to spend a little more time reading before you decide to put in your two cents. Shessocold...cool story. & Yes, I'm saying I wouldn't allow someone to wear a white wedding dress to my wedding. Say as you wish. It's my wedding. I'm not spending thousands on a dress to have someone else at my wedding wearing a wedding dress.
    So, this is your wedding, yes? Do you have a fiance? I'm assuming you're not marrying yourself. Is this his wedding as well? Will he be turning away guests that wear whatever color he's wearing? What if someone has the same type of shoulder covering as him?!  If not, dear lord, HOW WILL THEY KNOW HE IS THE GROOM! It's a recipe for disaster!! 

    Or is that okay because this is YOUR DAY and he's not as important as you are?
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    esstee33thespeshulestsnowflake[Deleted User]
  • edited May 2015
    What kind of argument is that? Lol. Of course it's his wedding too and he's just as important. The guys are wearing suits (their choice) and guys will likely show up with suits. You can't compare dresses to suits nor women to men. So that's literally the dumbest response. I also know for a fact that he would not be okay with someone showing up in a wedding dress either. Also, I was referring to it being my wedding, not yours...ugh. But regardless this is VERY unlikely to happen nor was it the point of this thread. So move on.
  • Ok, look... 

    1) Posting to the internet is like standing on a super busy street corner and yelling out a question to the masses. Some people are going to be helpful, some are going to hurt your feelings, some are going to ignore you. Some are going to say things you agree with, some are going to say things you don't like. 

    If you only focused on the "assholes" and tried to tell them how to respond to you, you'd miss a lot of the constructive stuff others were saying. The internet is exactly the same. Just ignore the stuff you don't like and focus your energy on the constructive stuff.

    2) I mean this in the most constructive way possible... Relax! If someone showed up wearing Kate Middleton's wedding dress and veil, they'd just look like an asshole nutjob. If you laughed it off, people would see that as chill and mature AND they'd probably mock the guest endlessly. If you freaked out and kicked the guest out, people would have a reason to see you as a little nutty. Don't give anyone a reason to see you as nutty. Relax... nothing can ruin your wedding (except maybe a natural disaster) unless you allow it.
    *********************************************************************************

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    MairePoppyBubblegum5586
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2015
    abl13 said:

    Putting "dresses with straps only" on an invitation is so controlling and rude. If I received that I would definitely wear a strapless dress.

    She didn't put that on her invitations. She didn't want her bms to wear strapless dresses.

    For my DDs late afternoon/early afternoon wedding I wore a burgundy, lace knee length cocktail dress. MOG wore a formal, silver blue, silk ball skirt. She looked stunning and I think I looked pretty good, too. We didn't ruin any photographs. In fact we moms and dads were in family shots with the B&G, not any photos with the wedding party.

    By posting here you are inviting opinions. You may not restrict comments or end a thread, so be careful on what you post



                       
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    This is my final post, because this is giving me nothing but a headache. First off, I want to make it clear I created this poll because I was on the fence of how to handle this situation I was in. I didn't think some of you were helpful because you didn't have a different opinion, it was because of the manner in which you expressed your opinions. After reading some of the replies to posts on other threads made by some of you, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of you use this "community" to be assholes. It is POSSIBLE to give an opinion without being a jerk. After only one post, I was already called ridiculous and made to feel stupid by a few of you. Simply telling me I should let it go because thats not how weddings work wouldve sufficed. I do not take well to being given this huge attitude and called things I'm not. I'm a people pleaser. I don't want to tell someone what to do, but I wanted to see what others thought on the subject. The reason my post title is titled the way it is is because I feel I was given the choice from my FMIL to let her wear one dress over the other. MY FMIL really made it seem to me that I have a large say in what she wears and me never being involved in a wedding didn't know otherwise. Also, I didn't make it "a rule" that I was to be the ONLY one wearing a strapless dress. It was a preference not a dictation. That is why when my bridesmaids and I went for their dresses they got straps. I simply told them I liked dresses with straps. I Knew my mother wasn't considering a strapless because she made it clear she wanted 3/4 sleeves. I didn't think my FMIL would go for one either considering her age and such. But, this wasn't something I was enforcing or even told anyone about what I secretly wanted. I haven't told my guests what to wear either, thats something I would NEVER even think about doing. The strapless thing was me just thinking of bridal party photos with parents. That's all. 


    Everyone who did comment had the same exact opinion but some said it better than others. Thank you to those who gave me an honest opinion without being hurtful or forceful. Yesterday, I told my FMIL she can whatever she wants. She continued to ask for an opinion and I told her both are beautiful. So, as far as I'm concerned this doesn't need go on any longer.

    image

    JIC

    Anniversary

    ashley8918redoryx
  • This is my final post

    So much for this, eh?

    image



    It's not a proper flounce until you write your GBCK post declaring us all to be bitches who are fat and ugly and just sit at our computers all day and I feel sorry for your husbands I thought this was a place for support.  Then you have to come back because you want to try and get the last word.  Then you come back again yelling about we don't know your life and your friends and family love you so they'll understand and we're a bunch of bullies.  Then declare again it's your final final for realzies this time post only to come back a month later and drag up a bunch of zombie threads.

    OP is just following tradition.

    ashley8918[Deleted User]Heffalump
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2015
    It was my stepmom who wore the ivory dress she married my dad in to my wedding. She looked lovely, it was not done with "bad intentions," and it didn't affect me, my husband, or our wedding in any way. I agree with Esstee. If I saw (or heard about) you kicking someone out for wearing a white dress, you're not a person I need in my life. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    MairePoppyShesSoCold[Deleted User]ashley8918
  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    You know, this came up with my mom the other day. She asked me what I thought she needed to wear to my wedding (which is just over five months away) and asked if I'd talked to FMIL about it yet.

    I told her I hadn't, and wouldn't unless FMIL brought it up, and then I would tell her exactly what I was telling my mom: wear what you feel comfortable in. If that's a dress, go for it! If that's skinny jeans (97% of my mother's wardrobe), go for it! If that's a swimsuit, go for it!

    Literally the only thing I care about is that they're comfortable and happy.

    Of course, as OP has semi-flounced, this may be a useless anecdote. But then again so are most of my other posts, so, as Ashley loves to say:
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    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    image
    ashley8918
  • AddieCake said:

    It was my stepmom who wore the ivory dress she married my dad in to my wedding. She looked lovely, it was not done with "bad intentions," and it didn't affect me, my husband, or our wedding in any way. I agree with Esstee. If I saw (or heard about) you kicking someone out for wearing a white dress, you're not a person I need in my life. 

    I almost tagged you but didn't want to just call you out like that.

    OP, no one will get confused as to who the bride is regardless of what anyone is wearing. Let. It. Go. You will look like a crazy bridezilla if you kick someone out of your wedding no matter what they have on.
    image
    AddieCakeashley8918
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    @artbyallie You can always tag me; I don't mind!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    artbyallie
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    My future mother in law wants me to take her to find a dress/ suite for my wedding that's next year.  She lives out of state, so this year is best. When we go I will consider what she is comfy in and what she doesn't like. It really depends on what the mom is going to wear. I went to a wedding where both mom has on similar colors, but the styles were off. It didn't look right to me

    Please continue to lurk on the boards prior to going dress shopping with your FMIL.  Her dress should have NO bearing on what your mom selects.  The only thing that should be considered is that HER choice reflect the formality of your wedding.  I would also discourage shopping for a dress so far out from the wedding date.  Encourage your FMIL to browse online using major department stores such as Nordstrom, Macy's, Lord & Taylor, or Neiman Marcus.  Most have exceptional return policies.  In addition, encourage her to look at specific designer lines to see who best fits her style.  I found dresses as the MOB and MOG through the lines of Tadashi Shoji and Calvin Klein.  
  • Wait, wait, wait!  Hold the presses.  I'm wearing a pink dress to my wedding.  Am I supposed to put on the invitation that nobody is allowed to wear pink?  Shit!  Do I need to reprint my invitations???  Crap, what if someone tries to upstage me by wearing a pink dress!!!???  I am so screwed.
    AddieCake
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    adk19 said:

    Wait, wait, wait!  Hold the presses.  I'm wearing a pink dress to my wedding.  Am I supposed to put on the invitation that nobody is allowed to wear pink?  Shit!  Do I need to reprint my invitations???  Crap, what if someone tries to upstage me by wearing a pink dress!!!???  I am so screwed.

    I think stomping your feet, flailing, yelling and slamming doors in the face of anyone wearing pink will suffice. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    [Deleted User]ashley8918
  • louxnoellelouxnoelle #patriotsnation member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    Hey all! I'm getting married this September. We're getting married in a rose garden behind an old Greek mansion, so I'm going for this very garden-y look. We're getting married at 230 pm and cocktail hour is at 430 pm. The reception is at a nice place (not super formal). We're going for a casual - semi formal look. It's the end of the summer so we expect guests to be in shirts and ties and women in summer dresses. My dress is ivory and lacey. It's a strapless mermaid style dress with a sweetheart neckline. My bridesmaids are wearing flowy pale pink dresses with straps (I wanted to be the only one with a strapless). My future mother in law has decided to wear a silver strapless mermaid style dress with a sweetheart neckline...I told her it looks a little too formal. It's the kind of dress one would wear to a black tie wedding. She insists that its the only dress she has felt comfortable in and that she can get away with it because its an evening wedding. It's not an evening wedding! It's an evening reception like everyone and their mother has. Anyway, she's the kind of person where everything needs to be about her. I feel like she's trying to take my day away from me. Do i insist she wear a different style/type of dress or let it slide?? Thank you in advance :)

    So, I'm a few days late to this, and PPs have it covered, but I just ... can anyone explain the bolded to me? WTF does that mean? I have never heard that concern before, and I feel like I'm missing out on a fun little bridal neurosis.
    image
    [Deleted User]mrsdee15ashley8918southernbelle0915
  • I'm not looking for any opinions just votes.

    This is my final post

    So much for this, eh?

    image



    It's not a proper flounce until you write your GBCK post declaring us all to be bitches who are fat and ugly and just sit at our computers all day and I feel sorry for your husbands I thought this was a place for support.  Then you have to come back because you want to try and get the last word.  Then you come back again yelling about we don't know your life and your friends and family love you so they'll understand and we're a bunch of bullies.  Then declare again it's your final final for realzies this time post only to come back a month later and drag up a bunch of zombie threads.

    OP is just following tradition.

    Don't forget creating an AE and claiming to be the FI, and then calling everyone out for making his bride-to-be cry.  Because she's the sweetest person ever and only wants to bring joy and light to the world, and we are jealous old married hags, cackling behind our screens.
    [Deleted User]mrsdee15drunkenwitchhellosweetie1015
  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    This is my final post, because this is giving me nothing but a headache. First off, I want to make it clear I created this poll because I was on the fence of how to handle this situation I was in. I didn't think some of you were helpful because you didn't have a different opinion, it was because of the manner in which you expressed your opinions. After reading some of the replies to posts on other threads made by some of you, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of you use this "community" to be assholes. It is POSSIBLE to give an opinion without being a jerk. After only one post, I was already called ridiculous and made to feel stupid by a few of you. Simply telling me I should let it go because thats not how weddings work wouldve sufficed. I do not take well to being given this huge attitude and called things I'm not. I'm a people pleaser. I don't want to tell someone what to do, but I wanted to see what others thought on the subject. The reason my post title is titled the way it is is because I feel I was given the choice from my FMIL to let her wear one dress over the other. MY FMIL really made it seem to me that I have a large say in what she wears and me never being involved in a wedding didn't know otherwise. Also, I didn't make it "a rule" that I was to be the ONLY one wearing a strapless dress. It was a preference not a dictation. That is why when my bridesmaids and I went for their dresses they got straps. I simply told them I liked dresses with straps. I Knew my mother wasn't considering a strapless because she made it clear she wanted 3/4 sleeves. I didn't think my FMIL would go for one either considering her age and such. But, this wasn't something I was enforcing or even told anyone about what I secretly wanted. I haven't told my guests what to wear either, thats something I would NEVER even think about doing. The strapless thing was me just thinking of bridal party photos with parents. That's all. 


    Everyone who did comment had the same exact opinion but some said it better than others. Thank you to those who gave me an honest opinion without being hurtful or forceful. Yesterday, I told my FMIL she can whatever she wants. She continued to ask for an opinion and I told her both are beautiful. So, as far as I'm concerned this doesn't need go on any longer.

    image



    Sooooooooo you're still the only one wearing a strapless dress though, right? But it's not a "rule" or anything. So what would have happened if they liked a strapless dress?

    image
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper

    Hey all! I'm getting married this September. We're getting married in a rose garden behind an old Greek mansion, so I'm going for this very garden-y look. We're getting married at 230 pm and cocktail hour is at 430 pm. The reception is at a nice place (not super formal). We're going for a casual - semi formal look. It's the end of the summer so we expect guests to be in shirts and ties and women in summer dresses. My dress is ivory and lacey. It's a strapless mermaid style dress with a sweetheart neckline. My bridesmaids are wearing flowy pale pink dresses with straps (I wanted to be the only one with a strapless). My future mother in law has decided to wear a silver strapless mermaid style dress with a sweetheart neckline...I told her it looks a little too formal. It's the kind of dress one would wear to a black tie wedding. She insists that its the only dress she has felt comfortable in and that she can get away with it because its an evening wedding. It's not an evening wedding! It's an evening reception like everyone and their mother has. Anyway, she's the kind of person where everything needs to be about her. I feel like she's trying to take my day away from me. Do i insist she wear a different style/type of dress or let it slide?? Thank you in advance :)

    So, I'm a few days late to this, and PPs have it covered, but I just ... can anyone explain the bolded to me? WTF does that mean? I have never heard that concern before, and I feel like I'm missing out on a fun little bridal neurosis.
    It means someone didn't get enough attention as a child.
    image
    image

    [Deleted User]
  • adk19 said:

    Wait, wait, wait!  Hold the presses.  I'm wearing a pink dress to my wedding.  Am I supposed to put on the invitation that nobody is allowed to wear pink?  Shit!  Do I need to reprint my invitations???  Crap, what if someone tries to upstage me by wearing a pink dress!!!???  I am so screwed.

    I think stomping your feet, flailing, yelling and slamming doors in the face of anyone wearing pink will suffice. 
    Cool, cool.  Just as long as there's a solution.  Note to self; purchase good stomping shoes.  Thanks.
  • adk19 said:

    adk19 said:

    Wait, wait, wait!  Hold the presses.  I'm wearing a pink dress to my wedding.  Am I supposed to put on the invitation that nobody is allowed to wear pink?  Shit!  Do I need to reprint my invitations???  Crap, what if someone tries to upstage me by wearing a pink dress!!!???  I am so screwed.

    I think stomping your feet, flailing, yelling and slamming doors in the face of anyone wearing pink will suffice. 
    Cool, cool.  Just as long as there's a solution.  Note to self; purchase good stomping shoes.  Thanks.
    Or, you could buy stilettos and throw them at peoples heads. 

  • Heffalump said:

    I'm not looking for any opinions just votes.

    This is my final post

    So much for this, eh?

    image



    It's not a proper flounce until you write your GBCK post declaring us all to be bitches who are fat and ugly and just sit at our computers all day and I feel sorry for your husbands I thought this was a place for support.  Then you have to come back because you want to try and get the last word.  Then you come back again yelling about we don't know your life and your friends and family love you so they'll understand and we're a bunch of bullies.  Then declare again it's your final final for realzies this time post only to come back a month later and drag up a bunch of zombie threads.

    OP is just following tradition.

    Don't forget creating an AE and claiming to be the FI, and then calling everyone out for making his bride-to-be cry.  Because she's the sweetest person ever and only wants to bring joy and light to the world, and we are jealous old married hags, cackling behind our screens.
    Right! Very crucial step, I'm sure the OP is working on that.

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