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Moms and Maids

What to pay for the bridesmaid and what should they cover by themselves

Hi All, 

I have encountered something that really frustrated me and upset me. Apparently my bridesmaid chatted and together send me a link trying to tell me what I should be covering for them this mornig..Here's the link they sent me (http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5340418
A little background about the story: I have three bridesmaid, two of them live in California and one aboard, my wedding will be in Washington state. They are all really good friends of mine, I used to live in Cali and that's where I met them as well. 
I know they are planning to buy their flight tickets to our this August wedding recently and they have bought the dress as well. I have a really tight budget so I cant really afford paying for their dresses, (To be honest, I dont even know now if I can afford their bouquet or not, so they might not have flowers on their hands the day of) 
It was really nice of them to offer paying their own dress. However, we were discussing about the lodging and transportation and this was where the problem started. My fiance and I will be moving to our new home couple weeks before the wedding, we have enough rooms so I offered them they can stay at our place if they want, that way they can save the hotel cost and we dont mind at all. I told them we will be on a really tight budget, so unfortunately there wont be beds for them and plus my parents will be staying with us as well, but I will make sure provide whatever I can to make them comfortable. 
Our new home will be 20 mins away from downtown Seattle, they were worrying about the fact that they cant go to the city without the transportation, and they want me to pay for their rental cars. I told them my fiance and I both have cars so we can go airport to pick them up and ride to the venue together the day of. (I dont know if this is a weird idea or not, I was thinking we might all need to go the venue early morning for decorating and preparing, so riding together shouldnt be a problem..) 
So our wedding will be on Saturday and they are hoping to fly in on Thursday night. I figured it is perfect timing since technically I am the one preparing the wedding all the time anyways.. it's really hard to ask my bridesmaid to help me since they all live not close to me. I personally dont mind to do all the works, I just really hope they will fly here and attend the rehearsal and the wedding. During the discussion about the transportation, they were saying they want to visit this and that place in Seattle as well. I tried to ignored about that part, since I know even it will be my wedding weekend, they still can go sightseeing if the time permits. So when I brought up the idea of picking them at the airport and riding together, one of the bridesmaid asked "So does that mean you will be driving us and showing us around the day after the wedding?" I told them my parents will be in town and I havent seen them for a while so I will have to be with my parents. 
The conversation didnt go anywhere and I seriously dont know what to do. I know ideally they want to live somewhere in downtown Seattle and me renting cars for them. It just that it will be a big burden for me and I dont think there's need to rent a car except they wanting to go places not for the wedding. 
Any suggestions on what I should do? 
much appreciated. 


 

Re: What to pay for the bridesmaid and what should they cover by themselves

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited May 2015

    Except for the actual outfits and anything else you require your wedding party members to wear/use at the wedding, i.e. hair, makeup, and accessories, wedding party members usually are expected to cover all the costs involved.  This includes travel, local transportation, lodging, shoes, and the costs of any gifts or parties someone chooses to throw for you.

    I'd let your wedding party members worry about transportation costs if you can't assume them.  Certainly you are not required to pay for their post-wedding transportation or entertainment.


  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    They're wrong. You're not required to pay for all that stuff.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    Okay, did THEY read the article they sent you?  No where does it say that you need to pay for their vehicles to go out and about.  You need to get them to the ceremony and reception, and that's it. 

    Also - lodging doesn't have to be paid for.  You've offered them the use of your house.  It may not be ideal (no beds), but it's been offered.  If they don't want it, they can take care of it themselves.

    Your BMs know that they're coming to your wedding, right?  And that you're going to be a little busy?  Jeepers creepers.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • I have to wonder if your BMs haven't been in weddings before.   While I think that too much is expected of BMs in general, you sound like you have a solid head on your shoulders here.

    I didn't pay for my BMs lodging either.  They stayed with me at my parents' home the night before the wedding and it involved spare beds and air mattresses and that was fine by all of us.   

    You may need to remind them of what you ARE doing but that the rest is on them. 
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I can't believe you would call these people friends. It's perfectly okay for them to say "I'm sorry, but my finances are tight right now and I won't be able to participate in the wedding party." It is NOT okay to gang up on a bride and send her a link to a website on things she should be paying for and demanding outrageous things such as paying for their rental car. That's awful. They're awful. Sorry, my words may be slightly harsh but damn. I can't imagine what I would do if my bridal party had done that to me. You are being perfectly reasonable by offering them a place to stay and transportation to and from the wedding.

    image
    [Deleted User]JerseyBeachGal22
  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Hi All, 


    I have encountered something that really frustrated me and upset me. Apparently my bridesmaid chatted and together send me a link trying to tell me what I should be covering for them this mornig..Here's the link they sent me (http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5340418
    A little background about the story: I have three bridesmaid, two of them live in California and one aboard, my wedding will be in Washington state. They are all really good friends of mine, I used to live in Cali and that's where I met them as well. 
    I know they are planning to buy their flight tickets to our this August wedding recently and they have bought the dress as well. I have a really tight budget so I cant really afford paying for their dresses, (To be honest, I dont even know now if I can afford their bouquet or not, so they might not have flowers on their hands the day of) 
    It was really nice of them to offer paying their own dress. However, we were discussing about the lodging and transportation and this was where the problem started. My fiance and I will be moving to our new home couple weeks before the wedding, we have enough rooms so I offered them they can stay at our place if they want, that way they can save the hotel cost and we dont mind at all. I told them we will be on a really tight budget, so unfortunately there wont be beds for them and plus my parents will be staying with us as well, but I will make sure provide whatever I can to make them comfortable. 
    Our new home will be 20 mins away from downtown Seattle, they were worrying about the fact that they cant go to the city without the transportation, and they want me to pay for their rental cars. I told them my fiance and I both have cars so we can go airport to pick them up and ride to the venue together the day of. (I dont know if this is a weird idea or not, I was thinking we might all need to go the venue early morning for decorating and preparing, so riding together shouldnt be a problem..) 
    So our wedding will be on Saturday and they are hoping to fly in on Thursday night. I figured it is perfect timing since technically I am the one preparing the wedding all the time anyways.. it's really hard to ask my bridesmaid to help me since they all live not close to me. I personally dont mind to do all the works, I just really hope they will fly here and attend the rehearsal and the wedding. During the discussion about the transportation, they were saying they want to visit this and that place in Seattle as well. I tried to ignored about that part, since I know even it will be my wedding weekend, they still can go sightseeing if the time permits. So when I brought up the idea of picking them at the airport and riding together, one of the bridesmaid asked "So does that mean you will be driving us and showing us around the day after the wedding?" I told them my parents will be in town and I havent seen them for a while so I will have to be with my parents. 
    The conversation didnt go anywhere and I seriously dont know what to do. I know ideally they want to live somewhere in downtown Seattle and me renting cars for them. It just that it will be a big burden for me and I dont think there's need to rent a car except they wanting to go places not for the wedding. 
    Any suggestions on what I should do? 
    much appreciated. 


     



    They seriously sent an article and told you what they expect you to pay? Something doesn't add up here. Friends who would do that don't seem like good friends and it would take some balls to do that. If this is real then set expectations on what you can do (pick up from airport, stay at your house) and let them know u can offer resources if they need more like rental car, tourist info or hotels
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