What to pay for the bridesmaid and what should they cover by themselves

Knottie33698528 · May 2015

Hi All,

I have encountered something that really frustrated me and upset me. Apparently my bridesmaid chatted and together send me a link trying to tell me what I should be covering for them this mornig..Here's the link they sent me (http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5340418)

A little background about the story: I have three bridesmaid, two of them live in California and one aboard, my wedding will be in Washington state. They are all really good friends of mine, I used to live in Cali and that's where I met them as well.

I know they are planning to buy their flight tickets to our this August wedding recently and they have bought the dress as well. I have a really tight budget so I cant really afford paying for their dresses, (To be honest, I dont even know now if I can afford their bouquet or not, so they might not have flowers on their hands the day of)

It was really nice of them to offer paying their own dress. However, we were discussing about the lodging and transportation and this was where the problem started. My fiance and I will be moving to our new home couple weeks before the wedding, we have enough rooms so I offered them they can stay at our place if they want, that way they can save the hotel cost and we dont mind at all. I told them we will be on a really tight budget, so unfortunately there wont be beds for them and plus my parents will be staying with us as well, but I will make sure provide whatever I can to make them comfortable.

Our new home will be 20 mins away from downtown Seattle, they were worrying about the fact that they cant go to the city without the transportation, and they want me to pay for their rental cars. I told them my fiance and I both have cars so we can go airport to pick them up and ride to the venue together the day of. (I dont know if this is a weird idea or not, I was thinking we might all need to go the venue early morning for decorating and preparing, so riding together shouldnt be a problem..)

So our wedding will be on Saturday and they are hoping to fly in on Thursday night. I figured it is perfect timing since technically I am the one preparing the wedding all the time anyways.. it's really hard to ask my bridesmaid to help me since they all live not close to me. I personally dont mind to do all the works, I just really hope they will fly here and attend the rehearsal and the wedding. During the discussion about the transportation, they were saying they want to visit this and that place in Seattle as well. I tried to ignored about that part, since I know even it will be my wedding weekend, they still can go sightseeing if the time permits. So when I brought up the idea of picking them at the airport and riding together, one of the bridesmaid asked "So does that mean you will be driving us and showing us around the day after the wedding?" I told them my parents will be in town and I havent seen them for a while so I will have to be with my parents.

The conversation didnt go anywhere and I seriously dont know what to do. I know ideally they want to live somewhere in downtown Seattle and me renting cars for them. It just that it will be a big burden for me and I dont think there's need to rent a car except they wanting to go places not for the wedding.

Any suggestions on what I should do?

much appreciated.

Jen4948 · May 2015

Except for the actual outfits and anything else you require your wedding party members to wear/use at the wedding, i.e. hair, makeup, and accessories, wedding party members usually are expected to cover all the costs involved. This includes travel, local transportation, lodging, shoes, and the costs of any gifts or parties someone chooses to throw for you.

I'd let your wedding party members worry about transportation costs if you can't assume them. Certainly you are not required to pay for their post-wedding transportation or entertainment.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

Who the fuck is Cheryl Seidel? I disagree with her that the B&G are supposed to pay for lodging for out of town guests. That's ridiculous. Plus these girls are asking for a rental car? Yea, no.

You should send your BMs the following articles:

https://www.theknot.com/content/bridesmaids-money-matters

http://www.bluenile.com/bridesmaid-duties

http://laurenconrad.com/blog/2013/03/wedding-bells-the-duties/

Don't really send them those articles. My point is that you can find anything on the internet to support what you want to believe. It's really shitty of them to find some random article and use it as support to demand that you pay for their lodging. Like, wtf? They sound like stellar friends....

Anyway, just tell them, "I'm sorry, I can't afford to pay for your hotel rooms. We have a hotel block at _______ for a discounted rate of $____/night. I also can't afford to rent cars for you. I'm sorry that you feel your lodging and transportation for this trip are my responsibility. That was never my understanding and I simply can't afford it. If you can't attend, I understand."

Let them huff and puff. They're being absolutely ridiculous and you owe them ZERO of these things.

AddieCake · May 2015

They're wrong. You're not required to pay for all that stuff.

mrscomposer · May 2015

Okay, did THEY read the article they sent you? No where does it say that you need to pay for their vehicles to go out and about. You need to get them to the ceremony and reception, and that's it.

Also - lodging doesn't have to be paid for. You've offered them the use of your house. It may not be ideal (no beds), but it's been offered. If they don't want it, they can take care of it themselves.

Your BMs know that they're coming to your wedding, right? And that you're going to be a little busy? Jeepers creepers.

banana468 · May 2015

I have to wonder if your BMs haven't been in weddings before. While I think that too much is expected of BMs in general, you sound like you have a solid head on your shoulders here.

I didn't pay for my BMs lodging either. They stayed with me at my parents' home the night before the wedding and it involved spare beds and air mattresses and that was fine by all of us.

You may need to remind them of what you ARE doing but that the rest is on them.

mikenberger · May 2015

I can't believe you would call these people friends. It's perfectly okay for them to say "I'm sorry, but my finances are tight right now and I won't be able to participate in the wedding party." It is NOT okay to gang up on a bride and send her a link to a website on things she should be paying for and demanding outrageous things such as paying for their rental car. That's awful. They're awful. Sorry, my words may be slightly harsh but damn. I can't imagine what I would do if my bridal party had done that to me. You are being perfectly reasonable by offering them a place to stay and transportation to and from the wedding.

kvruns · May 2015

Knottie33698528 said:
Hi All,

I have encountered something that really frustrated me and upset me. Apparently my bridesmaid chatted and together send me a link trying to tell me what I should be covering for them this mornig..Here's the link they sent me (http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5340418)
A little background about the story: I have three bridesmaid, two of them live in California and one aboard, my wedding will be in Washington state. They are all really good friends of mine, I used to live in Cali and that's where I met them as well.
I know they are planning to buy their flight tickets to our this August wedding recently and they have bought the dress as well. I have a really tight budget so I cant really afford paying for their dresses, (To be honest, I dont even know now if I can afford their bouquet or not, so they might not have flowers on their hands the day of)
It was really nice of them to offer paying their own dress. However, we were discussing about the lodging and transportation and this was where the problem started. My fiance and I will be moving to our new home couple weeks before the wedding, we have enough rooms so I offered them they can stay at our place if they want, that way they can save the hotel cost and we dont mind at all. I told them we will be on a really tight budget, so unfortunately there wont be beds for them and plus my parents will be staying with us as well, but I will make sure provide whatever I can to make them comfortable.
Our new home will be 20 mins away from downtown Seattle, they were worrying about the fact that they cant go to the city without the transportation, and they want me to pay for their rental cars. I told them my fiance and I both have cars so we can go airport to pick them up and ride to the venue together the day of. (I dont know if this is a weird idea or not, I was thinking we might all need to go the venue early morning for decorating and preparing, so riding together shouldnt be a problem..)
So our wedding will be on Saturday and they are hoping to fly in on Thursday night. I figured it is perfect timing since technically I am the one preparing the wedding all the time anyways.. it's really hard to ask my bridesmaid to help me since they all live not close to me. I personally dont mind to do all the works, I just really hope they will fly here and attend the rehearsal and the wedding. During the discussion about the transportation, they were saying they want to visit this and that place in Seattle as well. I tried to ignored about that part, since I know even it will be my wedding weekend, they still can go sightseeing if the time permits. So when I brought up the idea of picking them at the airport and riding together, one of the bridesmaid asked "So does that mean you will be driving us and showing us around the day after the wedding?" I told them my parents will be in town and I havent seen them for a while so I will have to be with my parents.
The conversation didnt go anywhere and I seriously dont know what to do. I know ideally they want to live somewhere in downtown Seattle and me renting cars for them. It just that it will be a big burden for me and I dont think there's need to rent a car except they wanting to go places not for the wedding.
Any suggestions on what I should do?
much appreciated.

They seriously sent an article and told you what they expect you to pay? Something doesn't add up here. Friends who would do that don't seem like good friends and it would take some balls to do that. If this is real then set expectations on what you can do (pick up from airport, stay at your house) and let them know u can offer resources if they need more like rental car, tourist info or hotels

What to pay for the bridesmaid and what should they cover by themselves

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