Giving a gift for older, second-marriage couple

Penguins1987

Hi Everyone! 

I am attending my aunt's wedding this summer. It is her second marriage, as well as her fiance's. 

They are both in their 50's, are at least fairly well-off, have good jobs, and are merging two homes, and I am 20's. I don't think it is appropriate to give them a cash gift for their wedding. My issue is not with spending money, as I am happy to be as generous to them as I am to weddings that I go to of my friends and other family members. 

Would you all agree that it would be a bit inappropriate for me to write them a check? In lieu of that, I have considered buying them theater tickets, or something to that effect. I would appreciate any suggestions! 

Thanks! 

LondonLisa

Penguins1987 said:

Hi Everyone! 

I am attending my aunt's wedding this summer. It is her second marriage, as well as her fiance's. 

They are both in their 50's, are at least fairly well-off, have good jobs, and are merging two homes, and I am 20's. I don't think it is appropriate to give them a cash gift for their wedding. My issue is not with spending money, as I am happy to be as generous to them as I am to weddings that I go to of my friends and other family members. 

Would you all agree that it would be a bit inappropriate for me to write them a check? In lieu of that, I have considered buying them theater tickets, or something to that effect. I would appreciate any suggestions! 

Thanks! 

I agree cash would be fairly strange in that situation. I would do something you think they will like together: theatre tickets, restaurant meal, nice bottle of wine, sports game tickets. Just make sure that you know they are free before you buy the tickets for a specific event.

[Deleted User]

I felt the same way about giving a wedding gift to my cousin.  He's loaded.  It would have been weird for me to write him a check.  I got stuff off their registry because they were both coming from roommate situations where they each only had some and mismatched stuff.  In your case I like the idea for tickets to something.  Or you can do something like a backpack picnic basket for concerts in the park or whatnot.  Or a basket of wine and fancy cheese.

theartistformerlyknownas

Inappropriate? Not necessarily. But I agree I would be uncomfortable giving money in that situation, and lean toward more experiential types of gifts.

southernbelle0915

I see what you mean about giving cash, but I don't think it's "inappropriate". 

I like @LondonLisa's suggestion of "experience" type gifts. If you don't know their schedule/when they'll be free, a certificate for a hot air balloon ride, a wine tasting package, a couple's massage, or a sort of use-any-time gift card would be nice. 

If they're foodie type people, a gift basket of gourmet consumables might be nice too - think wine, nice cheeses, crackers, a cheese board/knife, chocolate truffles, herbed olive oil, nuts, candies, you get the idea..

STARMOON44

I don't think cash would be inappropriate at all- all a gift card is really is cash with strings though so if you aren't into cash I'd lean towards a physical gift instead of an experience gift certificate.

photokitty

I'm not a fan of tickets bc it has a specific date attached to It, and they might not be able to go that date.

I'd buy a physical gift - my go to it's Waterford Crystal, especially a wedding bowl- or a check.

NowIamMrsKlein

If I am not comfortable giving cash and the couple is not registered I usually go the 'date night' route. I'll grab a gift card for a fancy restaurant in an amount that would cover entree, dessert and drinks and then another gift card to a movie theatre/spa/etc.

It is still technically giving them cash, but it's encouraging them to get out and have a night to themselves that they may not be willing to spend money on, especialyl after paying for a wedding.

Penguins1987

Thanks everyone! 

If I were to buy tickets for something, it would be a general purchase, like for Ticketmaster.com or Broadway.com, and then they're not even limited to my show/game/concert selection. 

We also have Sur La Table in our area, so I'm also thinking about getting them a gift card there, and they can use it to upgrade their kitchen ware, or take a cooking/baking class together if they prefer. 

Denise40

I'm an older bride and 2nd marriage coming up and there's nothing wrong with giving cash or a check. They might want the cash for a specific item. Just because they are older and well off, shouldn't dictate what you give as long as it's from the heart.

Penguins1987

Denise40 said:

I'm an older bride and 2nd marriage coming up and there's nothing wrong with giving cash or a check. They might want the cash for a specific item. Just because they are older and well off, shouldn't dictate what you give as long as it's from the heart.

I would say it's more that it's an aunt-niece relationship that is making me feel that it is inappropriate. If it were a co-worker or family friend in the same situation, I might not feel so odd about giving cash or a check, but for someone who has given me birthday/holiday monetary gifts since my birth, something about it just doesn't feel right. 

Denise40

I understand now. That makes sense.