Wedding Etiquette Forum

SO at the Rehearsal Dinner

Hi all,

So my fiancé's parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner.   They asked me, and so I'm asking you (because I have no clue)- are significant others of the bridesmaids and groomsmen supposed to be invited to the rehearsal dinner?  Our dinner is right after the rehearsal itself- do they come to that too? 

Thanks!

Re: SO at the Rehearsal Dinner

  • Yes, absolutely.
  • The significant others of everyone invited, not just the BMs and GMs, should be invited. Goes for every social event.
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    The significant others of everyone invited, not just the BMs and GMs, should be invited. Goes for every social event.

    This. Any social event should include significant others. 
  • yes






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • They definitely need to be invited.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • PPs have it covered but I'll throw in my two cents:

    Yup.  
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Very definitely. Rehearsal dinners are occasions that require people to be invited together with their SOs. This is the case even when the dinner is very casual.
  • JBee85JBee85 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    I was a bridesmaid for a friend's wedding and she did not invite my fiancé to the RD. she also told three people in her bridal party they couldn't bring their SOs to her wedding because they were at capacity. I was engaged and was getting married two months after her wedding. There was a MAJOR rift when she only invited half of the bridal party members' SOs, but the other half couldn't bring theirs. She tried justifying it as the SOs were invited because those people were from out of town... Well, I lived put of state even though the drive was 45 mins... So what the fuck? I saw it as the bride was playing favorites. We are barely speaking because of this. She can't be botherd to respect my relationship... Well.. Fuck her.

    Not inviting SOs of the bridal party is a serious friendship ending move.
  • I totally agree that it would be a friendship ending move. 

    At our RD my husband and I got up at one point to toast our friends and family and thank them for all their support leading up to the wedding. And I even threw in a special thank you to my BMs' husbands for putting up with all my wedding crazy. (My BMs were all from out of town, and because they are the most wonderful friends ever, traveled down to see me so many times leading up to the wedding for all sorts of random wedding activities.)
  • Because it wasn't really clear in anyone's answer...should SO's be invited to the rehearsal (to just watch), or just the dinner? I think it could be awkward to have them at the rehearsal.
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  • anrforanr said:

    Because it wasn't really clear in anyone's answer...should SO's be invited to the rehearsal (to just watch), or just the dinner? I think it could be awkward to have them at the rehearsal.

    It's not awkward at all - I say this from experience.

    If the people are coming from OOT, it makes no sense to have the SO have to hang out at the hotel or something, and then deal with transportation and everything. If they're local, then some will come to the rehearsal and some won't. Who cares? Regardless, the invitation should be extended to them all.
    image
  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I told my bridesmaids SO's they're invited to dinner and also welcome to come to the actual rehearsal. In the same sentence I gave them names of good bars close to the church where they could kill some time if they want.


  • It really isn't awkward.   They just stand off to the side while you're rehearse.   No big deal.
  • anrforanr said:

    Because it wasn't really clear in anyone's answer...should SO's be invited to the rehearsal (to just watch), or just the dinner? I think it could be awkward to have them at the rehearsal.

    DH was in a wedding in the fall.  I attended the rehearsal mostly because where we were staying was 20 minutes from the church and the restaurant was close to that.   Seemed silly not to attend together. We were also OOT, so we only had 1 car anyway. 

    It was far from awkward watching the rehearsal.  Actually it was pretty entertaining watching a bunch of grown adults not able to get into a line or walk down the aisle properly.  DH and BIL were both "yelled" at by the church lady.  Who by-the-way was pretty serious and the WP were everything but.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Yes, let them know they can come to the rehearsal, but don't have to be there since they don't have a role in the ceremony.  If my FH was rehearsing, I'd either have a book and find a place to read.  Or I'd talk to some of the other SOs of the bridal party.  Or, if it was a nice day, I might wander around outside looking at the flowers.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    anrforanr said:

    Because it wasn't really clear in anyone's answer...should SO's be invited to the rehearsal (to just watch), or just the dinner? I think it could be awkward to have them at the rehearsal.

    It depends on logistics. 

    Our RD was within walking distance of our rehearsal, so there weren't issues with transportation. We told s/os and dates that they could sit and watch the rehearsal, or they could head over to the dinner spot and have a drink. They all opted for the drink. 

    If the dinner is far enough away that your WP members are going to need to ride with their s/o's, they probably will need to be at the rehearsal.
  • anjemonanjemon member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    We invited SOs to both the rehearsal and the dinner. Most of them declined, but a few came. It actually ended up being really helpful because traffic was truly horrible that evening and two of our WP members were really late. So the SO's stood in for them (to help with positioning and stuff) and then we explained it to the late ones when they arrived. 
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  • Invite the SO's to the dinner and let people know that SO's are welcome at the rehearsal but their attendance is not required. That lets people decide what they want to do. 
    image
  • Okay, thanks everyone! The brewery we're having our rehearsal dinner at is about half way between the hotels and our venue, so I'll just let people know they can go hang there (or anywhere in the downtown area), or they can come to the venue.
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  • Thanks so much for the advice ladies!  I just honestly didn't know what the etiquette was.  When in doubt, ask.  I told my fiance to let my future in-laws that it is polite to invite significant others to the RD.  They were happy to include them!
  • I think the offer of SOs coming to the rehearsal, but also letting them know where the nearest bar is, is the best bet. My wedding was in a courtyard and there was a bar inside one of the buildings adjacent, and during the rehearsal most of the lady SOs stayed and watched and most of the dude SOs went to the bar. 

    Plus, rehearsals are usually really short. I think ours was 20 minutes TOPS, probably less. And then we all walked as a group to the restaurant. Not awkward at all. 

    I've also sat through a rehearsal my husband was in, and it was entertaining! I just stood with the other SOs off to the side, and because we are terrible people, giggled non-stop at the whole thing. It was fun!

  • @jenijoyk I have a question : Do you invite the groomsmen and bridesmaids children (if they aren't apart of the wedding)?
  • SO's should always be invited to the rehearsal dinner.  As for the rehearsal it depends on logistics, if they are coming from OOT it's good to have them at the rehearsal so that they aren't stuck in an unfamiliar hotel.  If they are local I'd extend the invite but they may choose to just meet you at the actual dinner.

  • @jenijoyk I have a question : Do you invite the groomsmen and bridesmaids children (if they aren't apart of the wedding)?
    You are not required to invite the kids.   If they are coming from OOT with the kids (and the kids are going to the wedding) then I would.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • We did not invite children to the RD or the wedding. Except for babies (like newborns). We had lots of newborns at the wedding, and one at the RD. 
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You aren't required to invite children, but realize if they are OOT then will need a sitter, and otherwise may not be able to attend. 
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