Invite 'Plus Ones' to Rehearsal Dinner?

loro929

I have an etiquette question that is stumping me.

I am giving Plus One's to all invited guests (including Truly Single Guests) and some of my bridesmaids fall into this category.

I am starting to organize the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and I had a doubt:

Do the Plus 1's  of the "Truly Single BMs"  that are also local - meaning less than 15 min drive, no travel required, need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner?

Since it is a smaller and more intimate affair, I was not sure if it was necessary to extend the invite also there?

ETA. for grammar. Haven't had coffee yet.

artbyallie

Short answer: yes.

The wedding party's dates need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. They may end up not coming if they're not SOs, but they do need to be given the option.

loro929

artbyallie said:

Short answer: yes.

The wedding party's dates need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. They may end up not coming if they're not SOs, but they do need to be given the option.

Ok, thanks! It is what I figured, but wanted to double check.

The rehearsal and dinner are going to be on a Thursday night, which is also why I wasn't sure what to do. Mainly, not to make it a hassle for the others.

JellyBean52513

artbyallie said:

Short answer: yes.

The wedding party's dates need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. They may end up not coming if they're not SOs, but they do need to be given the option.

Really? I would think only the significant other would need to be invited, since they're a social unit, but not someone who is just a date for the wedding if they're not technically a social unit. For example, what if a bridesmaid's date is her cousin who's in town visiting. Would the cousin really have to be invited to the rehearsal?

I could be totally off base here. I genuinely didn't think anyone but actual social units needed to be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

MGP

JellyBean52513 said:

artbyallie said:

Short answer: yes.

The wedding party's dates need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. They may end up not coming if they're not SOs, but they do need to be given the option.

Really? I would think only the significant other would need to be invited, since they're a social unit, but not someone who is just a date for the wedding if they're not technically a social unit. For example, what if a bridesmaid's date is her cousin who's in town visiting. Would the cousin really have to be invited to the rehearsal?

I could be totally off base here. I genuinely didn't think anyone but actual social units needed to be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

No, I think if you are going to give someone a true +1 you need to acknowledge and honor the fact that is their social unit for the event, especially if they are traveling. Even if they decide not to come they need to be given the option to attend.

For example: in my single days I was the +1 at a wedding for a guy friend of mine. We drove in the morning of the wedding, but what if he was invited to the RD the night before and I wasn't? Was I supposed to sit in the hotel room by myself, or find dinner on my own in the podunk town? That's really rude.

Another example: again in my single days I was given a +1 for my friend's DW. I decided not to bring someone but if I did and they weren't invited to the RD what should they have done? Find dinner in Miami on their own or awkwardly try and make friends and dinner plans with the other dates that didn't get invited? Again that's rude.

The main point of giving someone a +1 is so they dont have to attend by themselves. I think the +1 needs to be consitent across all of the wedding events.

loro929

MGP said:

artbyallie said:

Short answer: yes.

The wedding party's dates need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. They may end up not coming if they're not SOs, but they do need to be given the option.

Really? I would think only the significant other would need to be invited, since they're a social unit, but not someone who is just a date for the wedding if they're not technically a social unit. For example, what if a bridesmaid's date is her cousin who's in town visiting. Would the cousin really have to be invited to the rehearsal?

I could be totally off base here. I genuinely didn't think anyone but actual social units needed to be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

No, I think if you are going to give someone a true +1 you need to acknowledge and honor the fact that is their social unit for the event, especially if they are traveling. Even if they decide not to come they need to be given the option to attend.

For example: in my single days I was the +1 at a wedding for a guy friend of mine. We drove in the morning of the wedding, but what if he was invited to the RD the night before and I wasn't? Was I supposed to sit in the hotel room by myself, or find dinner on my own in the podunk town? That's really rude.

Another example: again in my single days I was given a +1 for my friend's DW. I decided not to bring someone but if I did and they weren't invited to the RD what should they have done? Find dinner in Miami on their own or awkwardly try and make friends and dinner plans with the other dates that didn't get invited? Again that's rude.

The main point of giving someone a +1 is so they dont have to attend by themselves. I think the +1 needs to be consitent across all of the wedding events.

********************************BOXES****************************************

This was what was making me have the doubt. If it were a case of people travelling, I would not have even asked the question because of course their travel companion is invited.

However, in this specific case, they would not be travelling, the rehearsal dinner is actually in the same town that most of the BP grew up in. Hence, why I wanted to confirm the 'etiquette'-friendly route to take.

redoryx

Well, remember, an invitation is not a summons. That includes an invite to an RD. I'd at least invite the +1 and then let them decide. 

lyndausvi

IMO a truly single who is local does NOT need a date for the RD.  It's a nice gesture, but I do not think it's a must.

Truly single and traveling with a date, then yes the date should be invited. Of course, any WP with a SO the SO needs to be invited.

Now I'm not sure when your wedding is, but it's always a good idea to pad the counts to include a SO for your truly singles just in case.   DH and I were engaged within a few months.   You should never assume that your truly singles are going to stay single your entire engagement.

Truly single = they are not dating anyone at all.

lovegood90

I think "technically" you're off the hook inviting the plus ones of truly single guests. However, I like @MGP 's thinking- if they're invited to the wedding, it's a nice thing to do to consider them a social unit for the entirety of the event and its accompanying activities.

Etiquette is all about making people comfortable, right? So even though it's technically not in the books or whatever, won't it make both your friend and their dates (who are technically your guests too) feel the most comfortable to be included in the RD?

[Deleted User]

An invitation is not a summons.  If they don't want to attend a second wedding-related event on a Thursday night, they don't have to.  But it would be nice to be invited.

larrygaga

I would say yes because it's so close to the wedding and  you basically treat them as a social unit at that point. 

MyNameIsNot

lyndausvi said:

IMO a truly single who is local does NOT need a date for the RD.  It's a nice gesture, but I do not think it's a must.

Truly single and traveling with a date, then yes the date should be invited. Of course, any WP with a SO the SO needs to be invited.

Now I'm not sure when your wedding is, but it's always a good idea to pad the counts to include a SO for your truly singles just in case.   DH and I were engaged within a few months.   You should never assume that your truly singles are going to stay single your entire engagement.

Truly single = they are not dating anyone at all.

This. The wedding and RD are different events. Extending plus ones to single guests to the wedding does not mean you have to do the same for the RD. (If the guest in question has to travel, it's a totally different situation.)

It's nice if you can include the guest for both events, and I would if you can, but you aren't required to. 

Jen4948

MyNameIsNot said:

lyndausvi said:

IMO a truly single who is local does NOT need a date for the RD.  It's a nice gesture, but I do not think it's a must.

Truly single and traveling with a date, then yes the date should be invited. Of course, any WP with a SO the SO needs to be invited.

Now I'm not sure when your wedding is, but it's always a good idea to pad the counts to include a SO for your truly singles just in case.   DH and I were engaged within a few months.   You should never assume that your truly singles are going to stay single your entire engagement.

Truly single = they are not dating anyone at all.

This. The wedding and RD are different events. Extending plus ones to single guests to the wedding does not mean you have to do the same for the RD. (If the guest in question has to travel, it's a totally different situation.)

It's nice if you can include the guest for both events, and I would if you can, but you aren't required to. 

I agree. You certainly have to invite SOs to both weddings and rehearsal dinners, but if you have truly single guests you are inviting with plus ones, while it's a kindness to invite the plus one to the rehearsal dinner, I don't think etiquette requires it, and the plus one may well not want to attend it as a plus one.

loro929

In the end, I will give +1's to all the truly single guests  for the RD and let them to decide what to do.

TBH, if I was the +1 of a truly single guest, I probably would NOT want to attend the RD of the friend of my date, unless the bride/groom was also a friend of mine; but, that is JMHO, and its not up to me to decide what works best for other people.

Thanks for all the great advice.

delujm0

I think i'd give everyone invited to the RD the same type of invite as they're getting for the wedding...i see the two events as so related, it would be weird to me if i had a +1 for a wedding but not the dinner the night before.  If they don't want to bring a date to the dinner, they will just come alone.  Even though the guests are local, who's to say that their dates are?  How do you know that one of them doesn't have a friend coming in from OOT to be their wedding date?  In that case, would they leave their guests sitting around the house to attend the RD the night before?  I don't know.  i'd just stick to the same invite plan as for the wedding itself i think.

MGP

loro929 said:

In the end, I will give +1's to all the truly single guests  for the RD and let them to decide what to do.

TBH, if I was the +1 of a truly single guest, I probably would NOT want to attend the RD of the friend of my date, unless the bride/groom was also a friend of mine; but, that is JMHO, and its not up to me to decide what works best for other people.

Thanks for all the great advice.

I totally agree.  If I was the +1 for a local wedding unless my date wanted me to go I probably wouldn't go, but a very kind thing to give people the option to bring someone and like others have said they could get a SO before the wedding day arrives.  As long as you are not inviting for Bridezilla reasons (don't want to spend the money or don't want to spend your time with "strangers") I think you are right in line.

You have a great attitude towards this stuff.  Please stick around!

SP29

I am of the camp that the RD is a separate event (it must be separate, or else you would need to invite your entire guest list), thus +1 not required, BUT it would be a nice gesture.