Pre-wedding Parties

shower

Im asking this on behalf of my MOH. I really didnt know the answer or what to expect from my one BM who is my FI bff and she is in the wedding I'm friends with her as well but shes not my BFF. So my shower is taking place in NY and the BM lives in Florida so she wont be attending mind you my one from Cali will be attending and helping out fully. My MOH asked if she thought the girl who wasnt coming was going to pitch in at least something...I really had no idea and my FI said good luck...to me if I was in a wedding and couldnt attend a shower I would still throw in at least 100 bux or at least offer up something. Mind you my MOH has email/FB messaged everyone all the same info asking for ideas and what everyones thoughts are and what have you and she hasnt even responded to anything. So i nicely just asked if she had gotten the messages just to be sure. I just found it kind of rude she couldnt even respond to anything. Thats besides the point question is woud you all chip in if you coukdnt go on something>? thoughts suggestions please? Im not sure if she has responded to the messages after i said anything...Im trying to stay out of things but its hard when you have people in different states and dont know one another.

Re: shower

  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Im asking this on behalf of my MOH. I really didnt know the answer or what to expect from my one BM who is my FI bff and she is in the wedding I'm friends with her as well but shes not my BFF. So my shower is taking place in NY and the BM lives in Florida so she wont be attending mind you my one from Cali will be attending and helping out fully. My MOH asked if she thought the girl who wasnt coming was going to pitch in at least something...I really had no idea and my FI said good luck...to me if I was in a wedding and couldnt attend a shower I would still throw in at least 100 bux or at least offer up something. Mind you my MOH has email/FB messaged everyone all the same info asking for ideas and what everyones thoughts are and what have you and she hasnt even responded to anything. So i nicely just asked if she had gotten the messages just to be sure. I just found it kind of rude she couldnt even respond to anything. Thats besides the point question is woud you all chip in if you coukdnt go on something>? thoughts suggestions please? Im not sure if she has responded to the messages after i said anything...Im trying to stay out of things but its hard when you have people in different states and dont know one another.



    This is damn near impossible to read. Punctuation is your friend.

    First, why are you involving yourself in this? Its between MOH and BM. Not your monkeys, not your business.

    And no, I would not pay for a party I could not attend. I am would likely not reply to messages where I was being volunTOLD how to participate.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    [Deleted User]KatieEmilyClnixon8SP29
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    If your MOH is the host of the shower, then she needs to bear all the costs associated with it. No one is required to pitch in to pay for a party in your honor, whether they are in the wedding party or not.

    If people offer, great, but you guys need to stop badgering her- it's very rude of you both. I'm not surprised she's ignoring all the messages.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    [Deleted User]SP29
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015

    @agenevieve22106 this is on your profile.

    "I live in Florida and all of my family is in NY. I have. Huge family and my fiancé does not. We are having our wedding on the beach and we are paying for it ourselves and only have a budget of 8k. I am only inviting to the actual wedding my closets family and friends which is still nearing 70 and hoping at least 30 can't make it. I am going to have a BBQ party back in NY and my shower will also be there. What does everyone think on invites. I can't invite everyone to the wedding in Florida but I want all my family to be involved in the shower and after BBQ party. Does everyone think this is wrong and rude because everyone can't be invited to the beach???"

    Ugh. The only people who can be invited to your shower, are those who are invited to your actual wedding.

    And if you are on such a tight budget, why are you having a second party? The party is what costs the most money.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    [Deleted User]
  • KatWAG said:

    @agenevieve22106 this is on your profile.

    "I live in Florida and all of my family is in NY. I have. Huge family and my fiancé does not. We are having our wedding on the beach and we are paying for it ourselves and only have a budget of 8k. I am only inviting to the actual wedding my closets family and friends which is still nearing 70 and hoping at least 30 can't make it. I am going to have a BBQ party back in NY and my shower will also be there. What does everyone think on invites. I can't invite everyone to the wedding in Florida but I want all my family to be involved in the shower and after BBQ party. Does everyone think this is wrong and rude because everyone can't be invited to the beach???"

    Ugh. The only people who can be invited to your shower, are those who are invited to your actual wedding.

    And if you are on such a tight budget, why are you having a second party? The party is what costs the most money.

    If you're hoping only half your guest list shows up, why invite them at all?
  • Im asking this on behalf of my MOH. I really didnt know the answer or what to expect from my one BM who is my FI bff and she is in the wedding I'm friends with her as well but shes not my BFF. So my shower is taking place in NY and the BM lives in Florida so she wont be attending mind you my one from Cali will be attending and helping out fully. My MOH asked if she thought the girl who wasnt coming was going to pitch in at least something...I really had no idea and my FI said good luck...to me if I was in a wedding and couldnt attend a shower I would still throw in at least 100 bux or at least offer up something. Mind you my MOH has email/FB messaged everyone all the same info asking for ideas and what everyones thoughts are and what have you and she hasnt even responded to anything. So i nicely just asked if she had gotten the messages just to be sure. I just found it kind of rude she couldnt even respond to anything. Thats besides the point question is woud you all chip in if you coukdnt go on something>? thoughts suggestions please? Im not sure if she has responded to the messages after i said anything...Im trying to stay out of things but its hard when you have people in different states and dont know one another.

    No. 
    A bridesmaid is under absolutely ZERO obligation to help fund any party, unless it's a party she offered to host. You and your maid of honor are wrong to expect it. 
    She hasn't responded because she's not the host, won't be at the party, and has zero involvement. 
    The only person responsible for hosting a party is the host.
    You shouldn't even be involved in the situation. 
    [Deleted User]
  • No one is obligated to pay for any piece of a party unless they offered to host the party. This other BM did not offer, so no. I would not expect her to ship in.
    *********************************************************************************

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    [Deleted User]
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    No one is obligated to throw or pay for your parties.  First of all, your BM in Florida is under no obligation to pay for a party.  She is especially under no obligation to pay for a party she won't even attend.  Your MOH doesn't get to plan a party and then bill the BM for it.  That's not how it works.  

    You need to stay out of this. BMs don't have any duties, other than showing up, on time, sober, and in the correct attire in good spirits on the day of the wedding.  That's it.  

    And ditto kat.  If you aren't inviting the bridal shower guest list to the actual wedding, then they can't be invited. It is rude and looks gift grabby.  


    image
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Im asking this on behalf of my MOH. I really didnt know the answer or what to expect from my one BM who is my FI bff and she is in the wedding I'm friends with her as well but shes not my BFF. So my shower is taking place in NY and the BM lives in Florida so she wont be attending mind you my one from Cali will be attending and helping out fully. My MOH asked if she thought the girl who wasnt coming was going to pitch in at least something...I really had no idea and my FI said good luck...to me if I was in a wedding and couldnt attend a shower I would still throw in at least 100 bux or at least offer up something. Mind you my MOH has email/FB messaged everyone all the same info asking for ideas and what everyones thoughts are and what have you and she hasnt even responded to anything. So i nicely just asked if she had gotten the messages just to be sure. I just found it kind of rude she couldnt even respond to anything. Thats besides the point question is woud you all chip in if you coukdnt go on something>? thoughts suggestions please? Im not sure if she has responded to the messages after i said anything...Im trying to stay out of things but its hard when you have people in different states and dont know one another.

    Hell no.



    [Deleted User]
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I can't even understand what you typed.
    image
    ohannabelleflantastic
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2015
    Is English not your first language? It's hard to understand exactly what you are saying, but I'll try to respond to what I think you are trying to say. 

    If I were a BM who'd offered to contribute to a shower but then found that I couldn't attend, I would probably still contribute something. If I'd never offered to host, I wouldn't contribute anything. 
     
    It sounds like your MOH somehow assumed that all of the BMs would be helping her host. It doesn't sound like either of these BMs offered to co-host. Your MOH is way out of line. You should apologize to the BM for asking her about the shower and tell MOH that she should host whatever is in her budget and to stop asking other people to contribute. Don't let a pushy MOH make you look greedy. 

    Also, it's hard to understand the except PP posted, but I think you are saying that people are invited to this shower who are not invited to your ceremony. If that's the case, you need to rectify that. Anyone invited to the shower must be invited to the ceremony. The good news is that cutting these people from the shower list will help your MOH reign in her budget. 
    SP29
  • No one was being rude to girl I simply asked if she got the message.  Sorry I don't use proper punctuation for all of the English majors I was in a rush and just trying to get an opinion. Every wedding I have ever been in which has been many, we all chipped in together. So for me asking on her behalf was just simple question. And to answer all of you on what was on my profile that was 6months ago and that isnt happening at that point, we really didn't know what we were doing, but since everyone has to go by what that said then no that isnt happening whos invited to the ceremony, is invited to the reception, is invited to the shower. Thank you to the ones who just responded in a normal form of no the BMs dont need to cheap in thats all I was looking for. I dont need all the rude responses, but I have learned on here that people are completely rude and harsh no matter what gets asked or posted. I think I'll just figure things out on my own. 
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    No one was being rude to girl I simply asked if she got the message.  Sorry I don't use proper punctuation for all of the English majors I was in a rush and just trying to get an opinion. Every wedding I have ever been in which has been many, we all chipped in together. So for me asking on her behalf was just simple question. And to answer all of you on what was on my profile that was 6months ago and that isnt happening at that point, we really didn't know what we were doing, but since everyone has to go by what that said then no that isnt happening whos invited to the ceremony, is invited to the reception, is invited to the shower. Thank you to the ones who just responded in a normal form of no the BMs dont need to cheap in thats all I was looking for. I dont need all the rude responses, but I have learned on here that people are completely rude and harsh no matter what gets asked or posted. I think I'll just figure things out on my own. 




    I genuinely have no idea what exactly you are trying to say. One doesn't need to be an English major to use punctuation or proper grammar. You will find that people will be more responsive when you communicate effectively.

    But I think you need to remember two key things:
    1) everyone invited to the shower MUST be invited to the ceremony
    2) The host pays for the shower. That is the definition of a host. One volunteers to host a party (like your MOH did). She cannot tell others to host as well. Maybe you hosted showers in the past, but no one is obligated to pay for yours (except your MOH offered to host).
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    No one was being rude to girl I simply asked if she got the message.  Sorry I don't use proper punctuation for all of the English majors I was in a rush and just trying to get an opinion. Every wedding I have ever been in which has been many, we all chipped in together. So for me asking on her behalf was just simple question. And to answer all of you on what was on my profile that was 6months ago and that isnt happening at that point, we really didn't know what we were doing, but since everyone has to go by what that said then no that isnt happening whos invited to the ceremony, is invited to the reception, is invited to the shower. Thank you to the ones who just responded in a normal form of no the BMs dont need to cheap in thats all I was looking for. I dont need all the rude responses, but I have learned on here that people are completely rude and harsh no matter what gets asked or posted. I think I'll just figure things out on my own. 

    No one was rude to you. I seriously don't know what you are talking about.

    No one is saying you have to write like an English major. But if you want people to understand what you are trying to say, you have to use some form of sentence structure and punctuation. People genuinely want to help you, but they can't understand what you are saying. It's pretty rude to come into a community and ask people to help you, while not even bothering to clearly communicate. 

    You should never have asked the BM anything about money. Even a reminder was really pushy of you. You should apologize to her. 

    SP29
  • Glad I read the responses to this post! I was a BM in my friend's wedding last year and the MOH (her sister) and Mother took it upon themselves to plan a lavish shower and have the other 3 BM's split the cost.  
    I was a BM in 2 other weddings and was never asked to contribute financially to the showers, though I did offer to make chocolate favors for both.
    I ended up HAVING to pay $250 for my friends shower, and I was unemployed at the time.  At the time, I thought it was A LOT to ask, but no idea if the bride knew the situation and didn't want to be the only one in the BP to oppose it.  It is clear now how rude and ridiculous this was.  
    [Deleted User]SP29
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    No, I would not contribute to a shower unless I had offered to host or help.

    No, I would not chip in toward a shower I was not attending.

    No, your MOH cannot ask or expect the rest of the bridal party to help her cover the cost. She should only host what she can afford. And if that is nothing, then she does not host your shower. 

    You should leave this between your MOH and your BM, except to tell your MOH that it's not appropriate for her to ask the others to help out. 
    [Deleted User]
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