How to respond?

kiwicat1417

Hello! I've been reading they Knot boards for awhile but I don't really post that much because I'm not actually engaged. I do have a question though. I've been dating my amazing boyfriend on and off for about four years now. About a year ago, is when we got really serious. We both have discussed and agreed that we want to get married. We are just waiting a couple of years for me to finish college and find a stable job. He told his parents about our chat and his mom (like most women), had to tell her sisters and friends. Except she made it sound like he is going to propose to  me very soon. Now, every time we go to family functions or go to visit his parents (which is pretty much every week because he is very close with his family), they keep hinting at things like kids and marriage. His aunts keep asking me when the wedding is and similar questions like that. The last incident was last Sunday when we stopped by his parent's to help his dad with some home remodeling. They are selling the house and as we are leaving his dad said "This would be a great place for you to start a family." He then made eye contact with me. I don't have issues with it, I just don't know how to respond. I do know I want to marry him but like I said, not yet. Anyone had to deal with this? How would you respond to hints like that?

buddysmom80

kiwicat14 said:

Hello! I've been reading they Knot boards for awhile but I don't really post that much because I'm not actually engaged. I do have a question though. I've been dating my amazing boyfriend on and off for about four years now. About a year ago, is when we got really serious. We both have discussed and agreed that we want to get married. We are just waiting a couple of years for me to finish college and find a stable job. He told his parents about our chat and his mom (like most women), had to tell her sisters and friends. Except she made it sound like he is going to propose to  me very soon. Now, every time we go to family functions or go to visit his parents (which is pretty much every week because he is very close with his family), they keep hinting at things like kids and marriage. His aunts keep asking me when the wedding is and similar questions like that. The last incident was last Sunday when we stopped by his parent's to help his dad with some home remodeling. They are selling the house and as we are leaving his dad said "This would be a great place for you to start a family." He then made eye contact with me. I don't have issues with it, I just don't know how to respond. I do know I want to marry him but like I said, not yet. Anyone had to deal with this? How would you respond to hints like that?

Bean dip them: "This house is great, have you tried Aunt Marge's bean dip?"

You're going to run into this all the time, before I was engaged that happened, now that I'm married it's "why aren't you pregnant yet?"

Bean dip FTW

[Deleted User]

It's annoying.  If it's your BF's family doing most of the teasing, I'd just tell him that you don't know how to respond and see what his thoughts are.  He probably thinks it's annoying or bothersome, too.  The conversation doesn't have to be a big deal if you don't treat it like one.  

Just, "Hey BF, I was wondering... when your family/dad/aunts/etc. start giving me a hard time/asking questions about the wedding/making hints about kids, I don't know exactly how to respond.  Can you help me come up with a better response than standing there, feeling like a dope?"  As long as you keep it from being accusatory ("OMG YOUR FAMILY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE"), it doesn't have to be a huge deal.  

My H and I have had these conversations about his family, and generally we've decided the best response is a smile and to gently change the conversation.  One big thing is that his family will ask "how much did that cost?" about EVERYTHING.  My response now is a slight smile and, "Oh gosh, I can't remember!" and act totally clueless.  And when his family (or even my family!) starts giving us a hard time about kids, we remind them that they already have 2 furry grand-dogs and bean-dip onto funny dog stories.  It works, for now.

cu97tiger

I would talk to your BF and ask him to talk to his mom, who can then talk to her sisters and friends. Something along the lines of 'I totally love kiwi, but we are waiting until she's done with college to get engaged, so the constant comments about marriage and kids just aren't appropriate right now.' 

jenjen047

Agree with everything PP have said. Talk to BF and get his input. Likely he feels the same and you guys can decide together  how to respond to those comments and/or he can talk to his family and explain. Also, feel free to post even though you aren't engaged! There are plenty of people on this board who are not engaged (myself included) and this is a really fun, supportive group of women. We'd love to have you stick around!

teddygirl9

I get this so often, since we've been together for 9 years. I usually just laugh it off and say something like 'oh maybe one day haha' and then change the subject. I like the idea of talking to BF about it. It could be making him uncomfortable as well.

lnixon8

Make it clear to his family that you're not into it. Giggling or making comments right back about wishing for an e-ring, or you bf dragging his feet will only make them think it's ok and you don't mind. I'm not assuming you're doing this but I know for me once I stopped giggling and started giving an uncomfortable look the comments stopped.

kiwicat1417

Thanks y'all. SO and I actually had a conversation last night and he has changed his mind now. He said he's thinking about proposing this winter. I guess we'll see what happens. I'm down for anything.

I haven't posted that much because I didn't want to be one of those single girls who posts way too much about their dream wedding and not follow the conversations of the actual brides. I do love weddings and enjoy kind of lurking and reading the boards.:)

labro

kiwicat14 said:

Thanks y'all. SO and I actually had a conversation last night and he has changed his mind now. He said he's thinking about proposing this winter. I guess we'll see what happens. I'm down for anything.

I haven't posted that much because I didn't want to be one of those single girls who posts way too much about their dream wedding and not follow the conversations of the actual brides. I do love weddings and enjoy kind of lurking and reading the boards.:)

That's the great thing about NEY though! Sure, we have some regs who have been here a long time (back from before they were engaged) who are getting married or recently got married, but the whole point of this board is to help the BSC and not encourage tons of wedding chat, especially if you're not engaged. We're here to talk about fun day to day stuff, or whatever is going on in your life, so stick around!

kiwicat1417

Thanks! Y'all seem pretty awesome. At least from my lurking viewpoint. I'll start posting more.

kiwicat1417

Update: SO told me that he was at a family function (that I couldn't attend because I had to work) and his aunts and mom told him that they thought he was playing me and holding out. That he ought to propose. Now he's all concerned that I'm looking for commitment and am unhappy that there is no ring. He said he didn't really reply to their comments.

Honestly, while I would say yes if he proposed right now, he doesn't have to propose to me. I don't think he's playing me. He's not that kind of guy. I think he just waiting for the right time. We've tried everything to get them to stop nagging us to tie the not and it's not working.

In other news, one of my best friends got engaged and asked me to be her bridesmaid! Her wedding is in November and I'm so excited!

MnHGirl

It is really annoying when family is like that!

Hubby and I were together for 8.5 years before we got married, so I feel what you are going through. I was never afraid of him not being committed and honestly we acted like a married couple already. I guess neither of us were in a rush and when people would ask we would laugh and say "we are on the 10 year plan" or something along those lines. 

If your BF is worried now about how you are feeling, the best thing to do is talk to him. Reassure him that you are not looking to run if you two don't get married soon. Neither of you need to be pressured into it as it is a big decision and commitment. 

On the plus side of waiting so long to get married, we have been in the work force for 10 years and had money saved up for the wedding (since we paid and did not have any help... which is ok). It is nice not having any wedding loans to pay off