Wedding Etiquette Forum

Shower guest list question

I was recently asked about a guest list for my bridal shower and there's something I'm not sure about. What is the etiquette (if there is any) about inviting people  to your shower who live very far away? I have a few friends who live in other parts of the country who I am inviting to the wedding; I know at least one of them is planning to attend.  But I am not sure about inviting them to the shower. If they lived closer, I wouldn't hesitate, but I can't help thinking that it'll seem like I'm expecting way too much if I invite them to both the wedding and the shower. At the very least, I'm afraid it'll look gift-grabby, especially since I know they probably won't be able to attend. Any thoughts?
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Re: Shower guest list question

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You can include them if you want to, provided they are invited to your wedding.
  • justsiejustsie member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would always go back to an invitation is not a summons, so they are free to decline and see you at the wedding (provided they can attend that). It wouldn't be against etiquette at all, as long as they are also invited to the wedding. 
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  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    I usually err on the side of "it's an invitation, not a subpoena," but this is specifically a gift giving event.  Literally the only purpose of this event is to shower you with gifts.  So, in your situation, depending on what you consider "very far away," I would be inclined to not invite them.  The only exceptions I would make to that is:

    1.  It's actually still within driving distance (I have a lot of family about a 2.5 hour drive - we frequently make day trips back and forth, it wouldn't be a huge deal)
    2.  The shower is actually taking place within a day or two of the wedding, where they might be in town early and actually attend (unlikely, but possible)
    3.  I know the shower is occurring during a planned vacation here already (I have family about 2000 miles from me that take a month long annual vacation here every year). 

    In the case of #2, this is where if you were having a bachelorette party a couple days before, I would be all for inviting in case they want to extend their trip because a bach party is not a gift giving event.
    SP29
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If you would want them there, invite them. They know they don't have to go.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I invited my MIL/SIL even though they lived very far away and I knew they weren't coming.  I did tell them that I knew they couldn't make the trip (SIL lives in Chile) but I wanted them to know that I was thinking of them and couldn't wait to see them at the wedding.  They knew it wasn't a request for a gift but more of making sure they were a part of the wedding events even though they couldn't participate in person

    [Deleted User]
  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I was recently invited to a shower of a girl (now woman) I used to babysit. I'm invited to the wedding, but I haven't really kept in contact with her or seen her in probably close to 10 years. I found that far more gift grabby than I would being invited to the shower of a friend who just happens to live far away.
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    poodledoodleooo[Deleted User]
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Agree that an invitation is not a summons.

    Also agree that it would also not be rude to not invite them if you *know* they can't come, because this is primarily a gift giving event. 

    I moved away from my hometown, but I still keep in touch with a few good friends. Two of my friends have gotten married in this time. I was not invited to either of their showers, but was invited to both weddings. I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited, because we all knew I wouldn't be able to come. The first, I was also unable to attend the wedding but still sent a gift. The second I attended with gift.

    I think if I had been invited to the shower, I would have declined but still sent a gift. But I wouldn't have felt bad about it. The only reason I didn't send gifts to either of these two friends is because I didn't know the showers were happening.

    So- all in all, I also agree there is a difference between inviting a GOOD friend you know likely can't come and inviting someone you are less acquainted with that is OOT. 
  • For the most part I limited my "out of town/not likely to come" invites to one of my bridesmaids, my MIL, SIL, and husband's two nieces.
  • I would still invite them. You never know they may want to come. I live about an 8 hr drive from one of my friends and was invited to her shower and was super excited to see her again. She lived in my hometown so I just made it an extended weekend trip to visit my family as well as go to her shower. 
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