Wedding Etiquette Forum

No Cash Bars- Your Family will NOT be Ok with It

2

Re: No Cash Bars- Your Family will NOT be Ok with It

  • Viczaesar said:



    some states open bar is included in all packages i know in connecticut it is. in rhode island and ma is a separate charge so most people i have known only did beer and wine soda . which is fine but cash bar is a no no 

    if they could not properly host it they should have done just beer wine and soda

    never ask your guest to open pockets
    your there to thank them for coming to your wedding no cash should be spent 

    That's a load of crap, @hyechica81.  Also, do you EVER come back to a thread?  Like, ever?


    Yeah, most CT weddings are open bar but I have been to partial cash bar ones and my aunt tells the story of having to pick up the tab for her table's drinks at a wedding in Mystic. It's not like open bars are the law here.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, I'm not buying that all of CT is an automatic open-bar wedding.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Every wedding I've been to in  Delaware, (some 40) have been open bar.


     That doesn't not mean there is a law in Delaware you must have an open bar.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    AddieCake said:
    Yeah, I'm not buying that all of CT is an automatic open-bar wedding.
    And yet she'll never come back to the thread and will continue spouting that crap.  So annoying.



    AddieCake
  • Viczaesar said:
    My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.
    That is an absolutely shitty attitude to have.  You are the host, don't be a crappy host.  Why the hell would it matter in the slightest how many drinks you'll have at your wedding?  Cash bars are extremely rude and against etiquette (aka good manners).
    I don't see why cash bars are bad. I've been to more than one wedding with them (only one as someone who could drink though), and I see no problem with them. Maybe you guys think it's against etiquette, and it's fine for you to have that opinion, but I will respectfully disagree.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.

    That's....just....no. What a terrible attitude and absurd reason for not having an open bar. There are tons of in-between options. It's not only full open bar or cash bar, no other possible ways to go about it.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I'm not gonna fight about this. I have better things to do than argue with people I don't even know over the internet. Hopefully you do too.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    This is the etiquette board.  We are going to give CORRECT advice on etiquette.  We will address people who give poor etiquette advice.

    What [general] you does with the information is up to you.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    [Deleted User]SP29
  • Viczaesar said:
    My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.
    That is an absolutely shitty attitude to have.  You are the host, don't be a crappy host.  Why the hell would it matter in the slightest how many drinks you'll have at your wedding?  Cash bars are extremely rude and against etiquette (aka good manners).
    I don't see why cash bars are bad. I've been to more than one wedding with them (only one as someone who could drink though), and I see no problem with them. Maybe you guys think it's against etiquette, and it's fine for you to have that opinion, but I will respectfully disagree.

    Do you charge people for drinks when you invite them to come over for dinner?
    [Deleted User]newvalleySP29
  • edited July 2015
    I'm not gonna fight about this. I have better things to do than argue with people I don't even know over the internet. Hopefully you do too.


    BOX BOX BOX BOX
    There is no fight and this is not an argument.  Cash bars are bad manners.  PPs have covered why (and there is an entire tutorial on this very "Etiquette" board).  Just own that you are OK with being rude and not hosting your guests properly.  Don't hide behind statements like "it's my opinion that..." or "I feel..." or "I don't think something is bad so it must not be..." 

    Etiquette rules are not subject to opinion.  They are a universal set of guidelines that can be applied consistently across a number of circumstances to help people develop good manners and treat others in a way that is not offensive or rude.  These rules would be pointless if they were open to interpretation based on what suits YOU.  It's REALLY simple.  
    [Deleted User]newvalleySP29
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm not gonna fight about this. I have better things to do than argue with people I don't even know over the internet. Hopefully you do too.
    How about instead of fighting you actually read and think about what everybody on this thread has said?



    [Deleted User]
  • I've read this entire thread, and the sticky. Don't judge when you don't have the facts.
  • I've read this entire thread, and the sticky. Don't judge when you don't have the facts.
    Not sure what facts we are missing.  You indicated that you didn't intend to pay for your guests to have more than two drinks b/c that is all you would have.  This is a bizarrely narrow-minded and inwardly focused attitude that points to you not understanding how hosting works and the fact that a reception is a "thank you" to your guests for coming to celebrate your wedding and witness your ceremony.  There are no facts that make cash bars or partial cash bars OK.  Dry wedding?  Totally OK, etiquette approved.  Limited bar?  (By this I mean beer/wine only, not a time limit or bait & switch) Again, OK.  

    Asking your guests to subsidize (pay for) any part of your wedding is rude.  There are no additional "facts" that can change this.  
    [Deleted User]newvalleyLiatris2010
  • edited July 2015
    I've read this entire thread, and the sticky. Don't judge when you don't have the facts.
    Not sure what facts we are missing.  You indicated that you didn't intend to pay for your guests to have more than two drinks b/c that is all you would have.  This is a bizarrely narrow-minded and inwardly focused attitude that points to you not understanding how hosting works and the fact that a reception is a "thank you" to your guests for coming to celebrate your wedding and witness your ceremony.  There are no facts that make cash bars or partial cash bars OK.  Dry wedding?  Totally OK, etiquette approved.  Limited bar?  (By this I mean beer/wine only, not a time limit or bait & switch) Again, OK.  

    Asking your guests to subsidize (pay for) any part of your wedding is rude.  There are no additional "facts" that can change this.  


    I said that I won't be having more than 2 drinks. I said nothing about how much guests can or should drink.
  • I've read this entire thread, and the sticky. Don't judge when you don't have the facts.
    Not sure what facts we are missing.  You indicated that you didn't intend to pay for your guests to have more than two drinks b/c that is all you would have.  This is a bizarrely narrow-minded and inwardly focused attitude that points to you not understanding how hosting works and the fact that a reception is a "thank you" to your guests for coming to celebrate your wedding and witness your ceremony.  There are no facts that make cash bars or partial cash bars OK.  Dry wedding?  Totally OK, etiquette approved.  Limited bar?  (By this I mean beer/wine only, not a time limit or bait & switch) Again, OK.  

    Asking your guests to subsidize (pay for) any part of your wedding is rude.  There are no additional "facts" that can change this.  


    I said that I won't be having more than 2 drinks. I said nothing about how much guests can or should drink.
    By saying this... "My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max."

    You have implied...that you don't intend to host your guests (pay for them) to drink as much as they want.  Why wouldn't you want your guests to have as much as they want?  They are your guests, they need to be hosted.  If it's a budget issue, there are plenty of budget friendly ways to properly host your guests without breaking the bank and not asking them to open your wallets at a party you are supposed to be throwing for them.  

    [Deleted User]newvalley




  • I've read this entire thread, and the sticky. Don't judge when you don't have the facts.

    Not sure what facts we are missing.  You indicated that you didn't intend to pay for your guests to have more than two drinks b/c that is all you would have.  This is a bizarrely narrow-minded and inwardly focused attitude that points to you not understanding how hosting works and the fact that a reception is a "thank you" to your guests for coming to celebrate your wedding and witness your ceremony.  There are no facts that make cash bars or partial cash bars OK.  Dry wedding?  Totally OK, etiquette approved.  Limited bar?  (By this I mean beer/wine only, not a time limit or bait & switch) Again, OK.  

    Asking your guests to subsidize (pay for) any part of your wedding is rude.  There are no additional "facts" that can change this.  





    I said that I won't be having more than 2 drinks. I said nothing about how much guests can or should drink.

    "I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I won't have more than 2 drinks max."
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You don't have to pay for your guests to have ANY drinks. You can have a dry reception. Then you don't have to feel put out paying for them to have something you aren't. One of my friends was underage when she got married and used that to "justify" their cash bar. Not cool.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • edited July 2015
    Well, everyone can do what they want, and I see no problem with a cash bar. Nothing you say here is going to change my mind.
  • We chose our venue in part because they have no vendors associated with them, so we can buy our own alcohol to provide for everyone. My job means that we'rre asking people to fly in from all over the world and free food and booze is our way of thanking them.

    That being said, I went to a dry wedding of a couple of religious people who held their wedding at a university club house with a beautiful oak bar with dozens of taps. All empty..not even a bottle of wine for the tables out champagne toast. No dancing. No music. 6 speeches. Over by 10. The wedding has become infamous and I get the impression that a cash bar might have changed that.

    Then again, it might have just added another grievance to the list.
  • Viczaesar said:
    AddieCake said:
    Yeah, I'm not buying that all of CT is an automatic open-bar wedding.
    And yet she'll never come back to the thread and will continue spouting that crap.  So annoying.

    I think she just GBCK.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Viczaesar said:
    AddieCake said:
    Yeah, I'm not buying that all of CT is an automatic open-bar wedding.
    And yet she'll never come back to the thread and will continue spouting that crap.  So annoying.

    I think she just GBCK.

    Not the person we are talking about.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • @AddieCake sorry not you. I meant @hyechica81 . However she didn't GBCK. Her name has a period in the link I clicked, so it said "user not found". Sorry I jumped to a conclusion . Also, I didn't qoute box it right.
    AddieCake
  • Stupid question, but what is GBCK?
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    GBCK= Good Bye Cruel Knot.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Well, everyone can do what they want, and I see no problem with a cash bar. Nothing you say here is going to change my mind.
    Spoken like a true petulant child.  Are you serious with this?  The only reason here anyone is trying to change your mind is to teach you how to be polite and prevent people from talking about you behind your back. However, you seem determined to be rude so have at it.  You had the opportunity to learn something here and instead dug in your heels with your incorrect position and squandered it.  Congrats.  They say "ignorance is bliss!"

    Yes, everyone can do what they want.  Doesn't make it right, or polite.  
    [Deleted User]
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