Wedding Etiquette Forum

No Cash Bars- Your Family will NOT be Ok with It

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Re: No Cash Bars- Your Family will NOT be Ok with It

  • Well, everyone can do what they want, and I see no problem with a cash bar. Nothing you say here is going to change my mind.
    Spoken like a true petulant child.  Are you serious with this?  The only reason here anyone is trying to change your mind is to teach you how to be polite and prevent people from talking about you behind your back. However, you seem determined to be rude so have at it.  You had the opportunity to learn something here and instead dug in your heels with your incorrect position and squandered it.  Congrats.  They say "ignorance is bliss!"

    Yes, everyone can do what they want.  Doesn't make it right, or polite.  

    "But it's MY DAY!!!"
    onefootinthebayou[Deleted User]pinupbride6189
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I've read this entire thread, and the sticky. Don't judge when you don't have the facts.
    I said "actually read and think about" what everyone has said.  You've clearly demonstrated that you have not done that.



    onefootinthebayou[Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well, everyone can do what they want, and I see no problem with a cash bar. Nothing you say here is going to change my mind.
    Yes, everyone can do what they want.  Doesn't make it right, or polite.  
    I can fart in your face all I want.  Doesn't mean that it isn't rude as hell.

    I think there should be a special spot in hell for people who treat their nearest and dearest like crap because they think that it is their special day to do whatever the hell they want.

    onefootinthebayou[Deleted User]lc07
  • Well, everyone can do what they want, and I see no problem with a cash bar. Nothing you say here is going to change my mind.
    Yes, everyone can do what they want.  Doesn't make it right, or polite.  
    I can fart in your face all I want.  Doesn't mean that it isn't rude as hell.

    I think there should be a special spot in hell for people who treat their nearest and dearest like crap because they think that it is their special day to do whatever the hell they want.
    Also for those who think that they get to play "If you do more than what I do I shouldn't have to pay for it."

    With that mentality I shouldn't have allowed any guests to eat more than 8oz of beef.
    Liatris2010
  • Ugh, the only thing worse than a cash bar is a "bait and switch" cash bar. Oh, you thought you were going to get properly hosted all night? Well guess what? NOPE. That'll be $9. Thank you, come again.
    Last wedding I went to was a bait and switch. They hosted the first $600 and then switched to cash. H and I got to the reception first and got as many drinks as we could before they reached the limit. Sorrynotsorry but if you're not going to host the whole thing, I'm just going to drink more until you make me pay for it.
    My venue is calling this a "Consumption Bar." 
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought a consumption bar meant that the host (in our case, me & FI) pay for the total of drinks consumed, versus an open bar which is prepaid by $X/person.
    kimmiinthemitten
  • Ugh, the only thing worse than a cash bar is a "bait and switch" cash bar. Oh, you thought you were going to get properly hosted all night? Well guess what? NOPE. That'll be $9. Thank you, come again.
    Last wedding I went to was a bait and switch. They hosted the first $600 and then switched to cash. H and I got to the reception first and got as many drinks as we could before they reached the limit. Sorrynotsorry but if you're not going to host the whole thing, I'm just going to drink more until you make me pay for it.
    My venue is calling this a "Consumption Bar." 
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought a consumption bar meant that the host (in our case, me & FI) pay for the total of drinks consumed, versus an open bar which is prepaid by $X/person.
    IMO, they're one and the same.   To the guests, the bar is hosted.   But to the hosts, it's how they pay for it.   So you need to talk to the venue and see if you can pay per head, per drink, or if you bring in your own alcohol and just pay a bartending fee. 
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.
     Let's reframe this. "I'm on a diet and don't eat much. I might have people pay for their entrees. I most certainly won't host all the food because I'm not paying for my guests to have serving sizes the size of Olive Garden's when all I need is a plain chicken breast and some green beans."

    Just face it, you have a problem with people drinking alcohol. You look down on those who imbibe more than you do. That's pretty much what it comes down to for every snowflake who came before you who wants to make guests pay for booze. 
    ________________________________


    kimmiinthemitten
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I really want to help, but there's no time. Don't you know there was pink font used over on CC, FFS?!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    beachyone15Maggie0829lyndausvibanana468
  • My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.
     Let's reframe this. "I'm on a diet and don't eat much. I might have people pay for their entrees. I most certainly won't host all the food because I'm not paying for my guests to have serving sizes the size of Olive Garden's when all I need is a plain chicken breast and some green beans."

    Just face it, you have a problem with people drinking alcohol. You look down on those who imbibe more than you do. That's pretty much what it comes down to for every snowflake who came before you who wants to make guests pay for booze. 



    Not true at all. I have no issues with those who choose to drink, just as I have no issues with those who choose not to, and I don't look down on either one of those groups.

    Also, food is different than alcohol. Food is necessary for survival while alcohol is not by any means.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers





    My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.

     Let's reframe this. "I'm on a diet and don't eat much. I might have people pay for their entrees. I most certainly won't host all the food because I'm not paying for my guests to have serving sizes the size of Olive Garden's when all I need is a plain chicken breast and some green beans."

    Just face it, you have a problem with people drinking alcohol. You look down on those who imbibe more than you do. That's pretty much what it comes down to for every snowflake who came before you who wants to make guests pay for booze. 




    Not true at all. I have no issues with those who choose to drink, just as I have no issues with those who choose not to, and I don't look down on either one of those groups.

    Also, food is different than alcohol. Food is necessary for survival while alcohol is not by any means.


    Regardless of whether alcohol is necessary for survival or not, if you want to provide it, YOU pay for it-not your guests. Inviting people and then expecting them to pay for anything to save you money is rude and bad hosting. No one cares whether or not it gives you any qualms to have a cash bar, because that's not how politeness or good hosting is determined.
    [Deleted User]SP29
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.
     Let's reframe this. "I'm on a diet and don't eat much. I might have people pay for their entrees. I most certainly won't host all the food because I'm not paying for my guests to have serving sizes the size of Olive Garden's when all I need is a plain chicken breast and some green beans."

    Just face it, you have a problem with people drinking alcohol. You look down on those who imbibe more than you do. That's pretty much what it comes down to for every snowflake who came before you who wants to make guests pay for booze. 



    Not true at all. I have no issues with those who choose to drink, just as I have no issues with those who choose not to, and I don't look down on either one of those groups.

    Also, food is different than alcohol. Food is necessary for survival while alcohol is not by any means.
    So don't have alcohol as an option at your wedding. Crab cakes are not necessary for survival. Nor is foie gras or a side of lobster with your steak. I'd roll my eyes right out of my head if you offered a crab cake/foie gras/lobster upgrade with my steak if a server could run my credit card table-side. It's rude.  Alcohol is no different.
    [Deleted User]TrixieJess




  • My sister's best friend had a cash bar, and I, a guest over 21 had absolutely no qualms about it. I'm not a big drinker, so I might have a cash bar, but I most certainly won't have an open bar because I'm not paying for my guests to drink as much as they want when I'll have 2 drinks max.

     Let's reframe this. "I'm on a diet and don't eat much. I might have people pay for their entrees. I most certainly won't host all the food because I'm not paying for my guests to have serving sizes the size of Olive Garden's when all I need is a plain chicken breast and some green beans."

    Just face it, you have a problem with people drinking alcohol. You look down on those who imbibe more than you do. That's pretty much what it comes down to for every snowflake who came before you who wants to make guests pay for booze. 




    Not true at all. I have no issues with those who choose to drink, just as I have no issues with those who choose not to, and I don't look down on either one of those groups.

    Also, food is different than alcohol. Food is necessary for survival while alcohol is not by any means.


    I have never been fed survival food at a wedding. I think it's a load of BS to say that it's cool to walk away with a full gut but not a full bladder and slightly taxed liver.
    [Deleted User]
  • Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

    Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps. 
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

    Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps. 
    I don't think you mean class war because you basically just said rural dwellers are poor and simple and city/suburban dwellers are either rich or in debt. I think you're trying to pit city vs rural and not rich vs poor. Unless of course, you think life mirrors the Beverly Hillbillies, if so than carry on. Either way, my family is lower-middle class on average and every single one of them (including the people who live 4 hours from Detroit) have provided an open bar at their weddings. We had an open bar at the local Moose, the community center, and some guys pole barn.
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • randomsloverandomslove member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited July 2015
    I know my FBIL just had an open bar at his very small, inexpensive DIY-style backyard wedding. Has nothing to do with money or class and everything to do with planning and hosting...





    NowIAmSyplyndausvionefootinthebayou
  • Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

    Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps. 
    Yeah my whole family is lower class with the exception of my parents and myself. Never once has my family asked me to supplement the cost of my own "thank you" for coming to the wedding. No one is shaming someone for not being able to "keep up with the Trumps", but people are insisting that you host people at the party you are throwing for them properly. 
    image
  • I've been to DIY backyard weddings with jug wine and beer out of a keg .... and it was all hosted.
    [Deleted User]lyndausvispeakeasy14SP29
  • Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.

    Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps. 
    Uh, no. I have been to several 'rural' weddings and not one had a cash bar. Actually most of them were dry, as it happens. You're the one judging here.
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • I know my FBIL just had an open bar at his very small, inexpensive DIY-style backyard wedding. Has nothing to do with money or class and everything to do with planning and hosting...
    Exactly this.  We Host people for football games, birthday parties, weddings, and random dinner parties.  If we're inviting you over, we'll take care of everything.
    lyndausvinewvalleySP29
  • Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but... it seems to me like the yes/no cash bar debate boils down to a class war.


    Rural weddings tend to have cash bars and huge numbers of guests. Trendy urbanistas insist on a premium open bar -- and usually, far fewer guests (or more massive wedding debt). To each his own. No point in judging, it's just up to the bride and groom which is more to their taste. No one should be shamed into feeling the need to keep up with the Trumps. 
    Yeah, no. I've been to all kinds of weddings from budget to all out no holds barred and have never seen a cash bar. I didn't realise they were a thing until I started perusing wedding sites.

    It's not about class unless you are talking about a lack thereof. It's about properly hosting your guests. I certainly don't expect people to come over to my house and have to purchase alcohol, why would I expect it at my wedding?
    [Deleted User]Jen4948newvalley
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