I knew from the beginning that my MOH was going to be a bit unavailable because even though she lives in the same state, she's still far away. In addition, she has a 4 y/o son and a baby on the way (she'll be 6 months at my wedding). Her husband works a lot and so she's usually on her own. She has already bought her bridesmaids dress, shoes, paid for her makeup and bought a suit for her son since he will be our ring bearer. She has tried her best to be a part of much of the festivities but there are times where she can't do much because of her situation, which I totally understand. I told her that I would be happy with just a speech and she was happy to do that. But because of the situation, she has not become as close to the other bridesmaids as they have become with each other. I have other bridesmaids who are great planners and have doing most of the pre-wedding activity organizing.
MOH just found out that her husband cannot take off the weekend of the bachelorette party and so she will not be able to make it. She told me and even though I was a little dissappointed, I understood. However, I guess she had mentioned it to someone else in the group and they may have said something to her that she found offensive. She called me up and started crying, saying that I don't deserve an MOH like her and that no one else understands her situation. I tried to reassure her that I love her and that I chose her to be MOH for that reason, not because of convenience. If I get asked questions, I usually just tell other people that she has a lot going on right now and that I'm okay with her current amount of involvement in my wedding. But usually, any question I have been asked about her didn't seem judgmental or condescending.
She felt like she was being judged by everyone else in the group and said that it's up to me if I should "fire" her. Quite frankly, I don't want to because of what she means to me so I asked her if that is what she wants to do. She said that she just doesn't want to be judged, that no one understands her situation and she is at a different place in her life. I don't believe that any of the other bridesmaids judged her so severely that she would cry the way she did because I know how everyone else is too.
I'm not sure what to do. Is there a way I can approach the other girls and see what's going on? I don't want to fan any fires or seem accusatory. Should I tell her that she's better off as a guest, even though that's not what I want and she hasn't really said that she wants to either?
I have enough to worry about right now as it is and really don't want to worry that much about this. Any advice is appreciated.