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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Flower girl/Junior bridesmaid

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Re: Flower girl/Junior bridesmaid

  • How wonderful that you want to involve your soon-to-be nieces in the wedding!  They will be so happy they were involved in the day.

    My sisters and I were jr. bridesmaids in our cousins' wedding.  We were honored to be a part of it, as we were the groom's cousins and had no expectation of any role.  We were actually very appreciative, because it made us more "adults" than being given title "flower girl," or asked to do a reading. We had a modified version of the regular dresses. The title was not a snub, the expectations of us versus the other BM's were different.  Yes, we all had to buy our dresses, show up, and smile, but the remaining "duties" were different.   We were involved in planning the shower (not paying for it), picking out the dresses etc.  We did not plan or attend the bach. party.  We joined the groomsmen (since they were mostly underage, and we were the groom's cousins) at Dave & Busters for his bach party.  We didn't know until several years later that we even missed something.  Our feelings were never hurt. We were given the special task of "helping" the flower girl, who was about 4, and was under the guardianship of the MOB.  Since MOB had very important things to do, we were the ones helping the flower girl get ready (including hair), made sure someone always had eyes on her etc.  We also were in charge of the guestbook and bubbles. Since then, we have  also taken it upon ourselves to remind our cousin of their anniversary 2 weeks, 1 week, day before and day of their anniversary... 

    Flash forward to three years ago, the couple's daughter (6 at the time) sat on my lap at her uncle's wedding.  She looked me square in the eye and said "When you get married, I am not your flower girl.  I am ready to take on being a bridesmaid."  I asked her to be my junior bridesmaid a few months ago, and her mom to be a BM. She will be 10 when we are married, and is wearing the same dress as remaining BM.  When I asked, she was speechless, and thrilled for the promotion (flower girl 6 times).  I have always been present in her life, just as she has been in mine.  The title for me, has a special connection to her, as I was a jr. bridesmaid for her parents. 

    She has been involved with planning the shower, and has even given all of the BM good advice regarding shower, dresses, bach party etc. She's in the same dress, because she is the size of some smaller bridesmaids. She will wear ballet flats (daddy won't let her wear heels). She's attending as many events as she can.  She does not have a male counter part (not that you need to have even numbers etc).  She is walking down the aisle just before the FG and RB.  They are her younger cousins, and will always run straight to her if she is in their line of sight.  She usually "helps" me babysit them, so even if FG doesn't throw petals and just runs straight to her, I am thrilled.  She loves having a specific role with duties that are "only" hers.  She feels special, and loves that I think of her as mature enough to trust her with special responsibilities.  My wedding is mostly family (we both have BIG families), and we want the families to feel as included as possible.

    If you choose to have them involved, there is nothing wrong with having the older niece guide the younger one down the aisle.  I've seen it several times.  I've even seen a RB in a walker holding the FG's hand as they walk down the aisle.  It depends on the child.  Excluding the tantrum children, the FG or RB add an extra dose of joy to a ceremony. If the wedding isn't for at least another 6 months, the younger niece will be 3, which is old enough to walk down the aisle, especially if she has someone with her.  It depends on the child.  Are the child's parents also attendants? Will the child stand or be passed off to someone during the ceremony.  Discuss the possibility with the child's parents along with MOG/FOG to see how it can be worked out/ if it is a wise choice.

    Maybe try to do something special with your future nieces in the time leading up to and after the wedding. Your FI is asking you to include them because he wants you to have a relationship with them.  Most people tend to forget that weddings are not just about the bride and groom becoming one, it is about the families becoming one.  These little girls are getting an aunt on your wedding day, which is very special to them.  These girls will have an importance in your marriage, as nieces, possibly cousins/ babysitters, just as you will have an important role in their lives.  They are important enough for your FI to ask to have them included, which means they should be important enough to have them included.

    If you decide against having them involved to the extent of WP, definitely have the older niece do something special, candle, reading, guestbook etc.  Maybe even have them in similar colors to the BP, so they feel included in pictures etc.  Definitely take the initiative to have a relationship with them, especially if you are not an aunt yet.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited August 2015

    How wonderful that you want to involve your soon-to-be nieces in the wedding!  They will be so happy they were involved in the day.

    My sisters and I were jr. bridesmaids in our cousins' wedding.  We were honored to be a part of it, as we were the groom's cousins and had no expectation of any role.  We were actually very appreciative, because it made us more "adults" than being given title "flower girl," or asked to do a reading. We had a modified version of the regular dresses. The title was not a snub, the expectations of us versus the other BM's were different.  Yes, we all had to buy our dresses, show up, and smile, but the remaining "duties" were different.   We were involved in planning the shower (not paying for it), picking out the dresses etc.  We did not plan or attend the bach. party.  We joined the groomsmen (since they were mostly underage, and we were the groom's cousins) at Dave & Busters for his bach party.  We didn't know until several years later that we even missed something.  Our feelings were never hurt. We were given the special task of "helping" the flower girl, who was about 4, and was under the guardianship of the MOB.  Since MOB had very important things to do, we were the ones helping the flower girl get ready (including hair), made sure someone always had eyes on her etc.  We also were in charge of the guestbook and bubbles. Since then, we have  also taken it upon ourselves to remind our cousin of their anniversary 2 weeks, 1 week, day before and day of their anniversary... 

    Flash forward to three years ago, the couple's daughter (6 at the time) sat on my lap at her uncle's wedding.  She looked me square in the eye and said "When you get married, I am not your flower girl.  I am ready to take on being a bridesmaid."  I asked her to be my junior bridesmaid a few months ago, and her mom to be a BM. She will be 10 when we are married, and is wearing the same dress as remaining BM.  When I asked, she was speechless, and thrilled for the promotion (flower girl 6 times).  I have always been present in her life, just as she has been in mine.  The title for me, has a special connection to her, as I was a jr. bridesmaid for her parents. 

    She has been involved with planning the shower, and has even given all of the BM good advice regarding shower, dresses, bach party etc. She's in the same dress, because she is the size of some smaller bridesmaids. She will wear ballet flats (daddy won't let her wear heels). She's attending as many events as she can.  She does not have a male counter part (not that you need to have even numbers etc).  She is walking down the aisle just before the FG and RB.  They are her younger cousins, and will always run straight to her if she is in their line of sight.  She usually "helps" me babysit them, so even if FG doesn't throw petals and just runs straight to her, I am thrilled.  She loves having a specific role with duties that are "only" hers.  She feels special, and loves that I think of her as mature enough to trust her with special responsibilities.  My wedding is mostly family (we both have BIG families), and we want the families to feel as included as possible.

    If you choose to have them involved, there is nothing wrong with having the older niece guide the younger one down the aisle.  I've seen it several times.  I've even seen a RB in a walker holding the FG's hand as they walk down the aisle.  It depends on the child.  Excluding the tantrum children, the FG or RB add an extra dose of joy to a ceremony. If the wedding isn't for at least another 6 months, the younger niece will be 3, which is old enough to walk down the aisle, especially if she has someone with her.  It depends on the child.  Are the child's parents also attendants? Will the child stand or be passed off to someone during the ceremony.  Discuss the possibility with the child's parents along with MOG/FOG to see how it can be worked out/ if it is a wise choice.

    Maybe try to do something special with your future nieces in the time leading up to and after the wedding. Your FI is asking you to include them because he wants you to have a relationship with them.  Most people tend to forget that weddings are not just about the bride and groom becoming one, it is about the families becoming one.  These little girls are getting an aunt on your wedding day, which is very special to them.  These girls will have an importance in your marriage, as nieces, possibly cousins/ babysitters, just as you will have an important role in their lives.  They are important enough for your FI to ask to have them included, which means they should be important enough to have them included.

    If you decide against having them involved to the extent of WP, definitely have the older niece do something special, candle, reading, guestbook etc.  Maybe even have them in similar colors to the BP, so they feel included in pictures etc.  Definitely take the initiative to have a relationship with them, especially if you are not an aunt yet.

    Great advice, with three exceptions: Lose the "junior" in the bridesmaid title. Don't ask them to help plan occasions like the bachelorette (??????) or the shower, because that should be left up to whoever is hosting those occasions. And don't give them "jobs" like the guestbook. No one of any age appreciates that.

    Except for going into "adult" establishments, signing the license as a witness, and drinking alcohol, bridesmaids who are minors can do everything adult bridesmaids can do-and they don't appreciate being called "junior" anything.
  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    I just... what?  I'm glad that you're giving her a position of honour, and I'm glad that it's a special connection with you having been involved in her parents' wedding, but holy crap on a cracker - the rest of it is just bizarre to me.  The advice from a 9 year old on shower/dresses/bachelorette?  The fact that she ADVISED you she would be a bridesmaid because she was ready for it (at SIX)?  The fact that she was thrilled at the promotion? 

    I'm envisioning the queen of all special snowflakes, here, with a punch card.  Get to be a flower girl a certain number of times, move up to bridesmaid.  Get to be a bridesmaid a certain number of times, move up to maid of honour.  And then - pretty please, baby Jesus - finally move on to bride.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
    thespeshulestsnowflake[Deleted User]TrixieJess[Deleted User]
  • Jax43615Jax43615 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited August 2015

    So what are the duties of a "full bridesmaid" vs. a regular bridesmaid? Can I be a half bridesmaid?

    If you want your older niece to help the younger one down the aisle that seems ok if you think the younger niece won't have a tantrum or something; and as long as they are dressed appropriately and look nice, then whatever.

    Regarding the titles and such...what is the point? Are they going to be wearing signs that say "junior" and "full" bridesmaid? None of your guests will care what their titles are.

    Also, bridesmaids don't even have to plan a bach. party or a shower...that is not one of their duties. None of your guests should have "duties" so it is illogical to say that junior bridesmaids do not have the same duties as "full bridesmaids"...as PPs have said.

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