Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Changing mind about changing name...

Before the wedding, I was against changing my name for a lot of reasons. I don't think my first name sounds all that good with his last name, it's a lot of work, I feel like my name is part of my identity...

...but now that the wedding has happened I think I might want to change my name. I wonder though if the only reason I think I want to change it is because I want something to be different. We were living together for three years, I didn't change my name, etc. etc. so really I just have a new ring and now I refer to him as my husband (which I am STILL getting used to!). I wonder if it will feel more real once we get our professional pictures back. I do like the idea that changing my name makes us seem more like a team, but I also feel like my current name is my name and I don't want to let it go.

I'm not sure what I should do. All the reasons I had for not changing it are still true, but I just sort of WANT to change it now. Has anyone gone through something similar?

Re: Changing mind about changing name...

  • I don't think anyone can really answer this for you. It's such a personal thing. When I got married 10 years ago, I was adamant about not changing my name. This time around, I couldn't wait. 

    I don't know where you live, but changing my last name in NY was really not that difficult. 
  • Thanks. I don't know that there's really one "answer" and like you say it's very personal, I was just wondering if maybe anyone else was going through something similar and how they handled it. Thanks!
  • aliwis000aliwis000 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2015
    So I am not going through exactly what you are. Well nobody is because we are all different people and would see things differently. :) Plus this is such a personal topic that only you can make this choice. But I feel like I have something that is maybe similar so here are my thoughts.

    I was seriously considering marrying my ex. We had been together 5 years, gone ring shopping, bought a get the picture.  The entire time I was VERY adamant about NOT changing my name. The ex would have liked me to because "that is just what you do" but it was not a deal breaker on his end. Needless to say I ended that relationship. It was hard, really hard, but I think I always had that idea in the back of my mind that something was not right.

    Now that I am with my FI I have done a complete turn around and am ready to change my name. Yes, part of me is a bit sad to see my last name moved to my middle name but I like the idea that he and I are a team, and I want a team name. (Certainly we could both go to mine but if he does not pass it on the family name would die with him. I have other siblings for mine.)  It surprises so many people and myself about my change of heart on this topic.

    Maybe now that you are married you are thinking about that team aspect, or want to continue to publicly express that bond via your name.

    Give it time, think it over, do what feels right and do not worry about over analysising. HTH!
  • Oh yes that's another part of sister and I are the last with our names, so I sort of wanted to keep it as long as possible. I guess the good thing is I don't have to make a decision right now. I've gotten some cards and stuff that address me with his last name and it just seems weird...I dunno. For right now I am sticking with not changing it, but thank you so much for sharing your story. It's good to know that there are other people that are on the fence, I feel like everyone I know IRL is either totally for it or totally against it - even if they feel that way they don't talk about it!
  • edited June 2015
    Edited - made comment in a hurry. Did not word the way I wanted it to word - need to rethink before posting. Too hard to convey thoughts correctly on the internet without proper forethought. 
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