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Wedding Woes

Family Drama

What wedding doesnt have this? UGH.  I'll try to make this long story short.  My parents were opposed to us having a big wedding b/c they hate my moms side of the family and orginally we were going to invite them.  So fine. We changed the venue (that we had already put a down payment on...there goes that) to the FI mom's church.  They still werent happy....there was minor drama over his side of the family, but nothing like my parents.  So fine. We decided on a courthouse wedding.  We decided on the parents coming and the witnesses.  My parents are dead set on my uncle coming (dad's brother).  FI's side of the family would be all mad because I invited an "extended family member" and no one on his extended side got to come.  His side consists of his mom, dad, stepmom, sister, sister's hubby and her two kids, then his witness. My side would be my parents and my witness. I'm pretty sure my dad is going to stop talking to me if I tell him his brother cant come.  Heck, they may not even come now.  I dont know what to do anymore. Im tired of accommodating everyone. I just want to be happy and tell everyone to go away...but then im the type of person that feel super guilty for making someone mad and i turn it into it was my fault when it wasnt. 

this turned out longer than expected.  Thanks for advice and listening to me rant, rave, babble, and there's some crying in there too. *SIGH*

Re: Family Drama

  • If you are paying you should have stopped with accommodations when your parents had the big one over your mom's family.  You invite people, expect them to behave and move on.  If someone is truly toxic don't invite them.

    Stop trying to please them all and just elope.
  • I agree. If it's this stressful now trying to please everyone, then maybe it's best for the two of you to get married the way you want without the input (or involvement) of others.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited June 2015
    Maybe you should invite everyone else you want but exclude your parents.

    No, not really, but I don't agree with "just elope" either. It's a cold, impatient, rather mean-spirited response and I don't think that's helpful.

    What I would do is figure out a budget that doesn't include any financial contributions from either set of parents or anyone else, and then invite whoever you like, with their SOs, that fit in that budget, along with security to remove people creating inappropriate drama. You can then say to your parents, "It would mean a lot to us if you did come and be part of our wedding, but we will expect everyone we invite to behave like mature adults, without making threats or drama." And then don't discuss your wedding plans further with anyone, including your parents, who don't need to know about them.
  • As long as you aren't getting money from these people for the wedding (if you get money, they get a say!), have 100% the wedding YOU TWO want/can afford.  If you want your Mom's side because having them there would mean a lot to you, then invite them.  Check to see if your original hall you chose is still available and if they'd honor the original contract (so you wouldn't have to pay a second deposit).. 

    Here's the thing, you aren't going to please 100% of the people 100% of the time. There's a difference between being a people pleaser and being a door mat.  Stop being a door mat, this is your and FI's wedding.  Plan the event you can afford on a reasonable budget and surround yourself with the people that YOU want there.  20 years from now, will you regret not having your/FI's extended family there as you originally planned the day to be?  Now, while planning the day you two WANT and can afford, stop discussing details as to who's on/excluded from the guest list and pull out the old "Bean Dip" whenever the drama tries to show its ugly head.

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  • We're almost to the point now of just having our witnesses come to the courthouse with us and thats it.  Our witnesses are our best friends.  Thank you for your input everyone.  I like being able to get outsiders opinions.  :)
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