• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Budget Weddings

I need some advice on finances...

So, in the beginning of wedding planning, my father told me he'd cover the reception. I booked it and put down the deposit. Then after he gave me the second payment (out of 4) he told me that he couldn't give me any more after this. At the time, he said he was having trouble with finances. Yet he's gone on 2 vacations this year, might be going on a third, and planning a big vacation next year for his 20th anniversary to my stepmom. 

Emotions aside, I'm not sure what to do. Obviously if I had known I'd have to pay this much, I wouldn't have chosen this location, but the wedding is in October and if I cancel now I won't get the deposit back. My finance has huge student loan payments (his are all private loans, so he can't consolidate them), so he can't afford to give me anything and neither of our jobs are offering overtime. His mother owns a bakery that he's now working at on weekends to make some extra $$ but it's only like $45 a week. 

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? I'm thinking of taking out a loan to help pay for this, but everywhere I look online, every forum is like, "ZOMG DON'T GET A LOAN FOR YOUR WEDDING!" At this point, I've dropped all of the DIY projects I was planning on, cancelled our honeymoon, and I'm doing my own hair, makeup and nails to save. At this point there is literally nothing else I can think to cut out. 

And the venue for the reception just charges an overall room charge of $10,000 - which would be for all food/drinks. You can order more expensive packages that might end up going over the $10,000, but that's the minimum you have to pay. So cutting the guest list won't help, and obviously we are going to pick the cheapest food options to just hit the minimum $10,000. 

I'm just at a loss and trying not to be angry at my father. I can totally understand financial hardships, but it's hard to understand that he can no longer help me with the wedding, but can still afford all of these trips. 

Any advice would be much appreciated. :(
«1

Re: I need some advice on finances...

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2015
    aiakia1 said:
    So, in the beginning of wedding planning, my father told me he'd cover the reception. I booked it and put down the deposit. Then after he gave me the second payment (out of 4) he told me that he couldn't give me any more after this. At the time, he said he was having trouble with finances. Yet he's gone on 2 vacations this year, might be going on a third, and planning a big vacation next year for his 20th anniversary to my stepmom. 

    Emotions aside, I'm not sure what to do. Obviously if I had known I'd have to pay this much, I wouldn't have chosen this location, but the wedding is in October and if I cancel now I won't get the deposit back. My finance has huge student loan payments (his are all private loans, so he can't consolidate them), so he can't afford to give me anything and neither of our jobs are offering overtime. His mother owns a bakery that he's now working at on weekends to make some extra $$ but it's only like $45 a week. 

    Has anyone else been in a situation like this? I'm thinking of taking out a loan to help pay for this, but everywhere I look online, every forum is like, "ZOMG DON'T GET A LOAN FOR YOUR WEDDING!" At this point, I've dropped all of the DIY projects I was planning on, cancelled our honeymoon, and I'm doing my own hair, makeup and nails to save. At this point there is literally nothing else I can think to cut out. 

    And the venue for the reception just charges an overall room charge of $10,000 - which would be for all food/drinks. You can order more expensive packages that might end up going over the $10,000, but that's the minimum you have to pay. So cutting the guest list won't help, and obviously we are going to pick the cheapest food options to just hit the minimum $10,000. 

    I'm just at a loss and trying not to be angry at my father. I can totally understand financial hardships, but it's hard to understand that he can no longer help me with the wedding, but can still afford all of these trips. 

    Any advice would be much appreciated. :(

    I'm sorry that your Dad bailed on what he said he was going to do. But you really counted your chickens before they all hatched. It's his money. If he's choosing to spend it on vacations and his wife rather than your wedding, that's his choice. Of course it sucks, it's the way it is. It would be nice if everybody held to their word.

    I would cancel the venue that I had selected and find a venue that my fiance and I can afford. And if that's a small venue, so be it. Have your invites gone out? What's your timeline looking at here?

    EDIT: Man. Reading comprehension, Mike. 

    Okay. So you have until October. I would still cancel the venue. Your invites haven't gone out yet and you'll lose your deposit. Oh well. Not your money anyway. I would tell my Dad "Dad, this is what I'm going to do. I cannot afford this venue, (FIANCE) and I will be hosting our wedding at: X. Hope to see you there." 

    If he chooses to pony up the rest from that, that's great. If not, stick to your word.

    image
    CMGragainKnottie07178237OliveOilsMom
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    How much exactly would you lose if you cancelled?

  • If we cancelled we'd definitely lose the $2500 deposit and possibly the other $2500 payment I made in April as well. The invitations are ordered...with the name/address of the venue. 
  • But that might be an idea - just say F it, cancel the whole thing and set up shop somewhere much cheaper. The invites would be a wash, but I could just update everything on the wedding website or something. 
    Knottie07178237
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well if you can't afford this venue then you can't afford it.  You should not take out a loan for a party.  That would be a very poor financial decision.

    Find out from the venue if you will definitely lose the $2500 payment that you made in April first. As for the invites you can get new ones reprinted by going through an economical site like Vista Prints or something similar.  And like Mike said, it isn't your money that you are losing anyway. Your Father going back on his word has led you to cancel and lose the money so it is his loss, not yours.

    The only good thing is that you have time.  It isn't like you found this out a month before your wedding.

  • Very true. Thanks for the advice :)
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well if you can't afford this venue then you can't afford it.  You should not take out a loan for a party.  That would be a very poor financial decision.

    Find out from the venue if you will definitely lose the $2500 payment that you made in April first. As for the invites you can get new ones reprinted by going through an economical site like Vista Prints or something similar.  And like Mike said, it isn't your money that you are losing anyway. Your Father going back on his word has led you to cancel and lose the money so it is his loss, not yours.

    The only good thing is that you have time.  It isn't like you found this out a month before your wedding.

    Would you still loose the deposit if you postponed your wedding? If you postponed, you would only loose the money spent on invites.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    southernbelle0915
  • According to the venue, they see "postponed" as cancelled if you aren't using the date signed in your agreement. 
  • dalm0mdalm0m member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker

    From what I understand you need to come up with $5,000 by October, which is about 3 months.  That is not insurmountable.  FI has to get a PT job that pays more than $45 per week. 

    Rather than lose the $5,000 you already paid, plus the costs of new invites etc I'd do whatever it takes to get the money, sell things on e-bay; get a PT job (can either one of you waitress or bartend?)  and I might take out a small loan if you can get one for low interest.  Hopefully you will get some $$ as wedding gifts which you can immediately use to pay the loan. 

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    There is no way I would take out a loan. Especially due to the shittiness of someone else's actions. Do not count on wedding money. And you can't return all of your gifts for cash. You don't want to start off your married life farther in the hole, especially with your FH's large student loan payments.

    image
    Maggie0829Knottie07178237CasadenaOliveOilsMom
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2015

    So - invite kits in the Clearance aisle are about $10 for 25, not all of them need to match. There, invite problem, solved... 

    Next, you need to check with your venue on the $2500 of your Dad's money.  That'd go a long way on a banquet hall and punch/cake if the $2500 is all you can afford if they'll refund at least that much.

    You mentioned FI having a PT job, but what about yourself?  Asking "Do you want Fries with that" or detailing cars pays a decent amount of money if your regular career isn't offering OT.  At the end of the day, it really isn't worth going into debt for a wedding.  I get that you're disappointed with your Dad, but that's neither here nor there, it's his money, not yours.  Obviously talk this over with him that your only choice is to cancel the venue because you don't have the money to afford the $5K nor ability to take on the extra debt. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Knottie07178237OliveOilsMom
  • I found a website a few days ago called cancelledweddings.com or something similar where people put up their location, packages, etc for "sale". I've yet to use it so I have no idea how it works/if it works but you could maybe look into doing something like that so you may not have to lose all of your deposit?
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • Re-read your contact. Sometimes, if a venue is able to book your date after you cancel, you may be entitled to some of your $, perhaps even deposit back. It's a gamble but you should certainly not go into debt throwing this party.
    MesmrEwe[Deleted User]
  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    If I understand correctly you have to make up $5,000 of the remaining amount that he hasn't paid and now can't. Is there a possibility it will be more than that? If you found a new venue, how much would that cost? If a new venue is going to cost you close to $5000 anyway (especially if catering isn't included this time) then it might not be a better option.

    What other items still have to be paid for?  Are you guys paying for them (photographer, dj, etc) or was someone else?

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Unpopular Opinion: Getting a loan at this point would not be the worst thing ever. Is it ideal? Nope. But just throwing away the $5000 you've already spent to find somewhere new doesn't exactly scream financially responsible either. I work at a credit union and we have people take out loans for stuff like this all the time and it doesn't destroy their finances.

    Personal loans have high interest rates. Do you have a car that is paid off or almost paid off that you could add the $5000 to? That would get you a much better interest rate.



    Knottie92548810
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Unpopular Opinion: Getting a loan at this point would not be the worst thing ever. Is it ideal? Nope. But just throwing away the $5000 you've already spent to find somewhere new doesn't exactly scream financially responsible either. I work at a credit union and we have people take out loans for stuff like this all the time and it doesn't destroy their finances.

    Personal loans have high interest rates. Do you have a car that is paid off or almost paid off that you could add the $5000 to? That would get you a much better interest rate.

    But the OP hasn't spent $5000.  Her Father has.  So she wouldn't be losing anything.

  • I'm just curious, did you tell your dad about this problem? Have you actually sat down with him and discussed this? Also, did he know you expected him to front at least $10k (I'm assuming that if he kept paying it would be over that amount due to your description of the venue and all that.) So 5k has already been spent on the venue (of which half is probably not recoverable). Have you already booked and paid a photographer? DJ? Other needed rentals? I know you already ordered your invites, but don't send them out yet (speaking of, if you can hand delivery any of them, do that to save on shipping cost). Figure out what you can and cannot afford, and if you can't afford the remainder of the payments for the venue, the music, decorations, photographer, tip, and tax (which like PP has mentioned before, will add another 20% to your bill), wedding license fee, etc., then your best bet will be to cancel the wedding. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. It seems that with you and your fiance's probably limited income, taking out a loan doesn't sound financially responsible not will it get you good interest rates.

    If at the end of all this discussion you are going to go ahead with the October wedding, then both you and your fiance will need to get P/T jobs working evenings and weekends to be able to cover the cost. Depending on where you live, 2 full days on the weekend could get you about $160 (gross - probably 100 net), unless you take a job that also gets you tips. Yes, it'll be hell and grueling work, but if you really want this, if this is worth it for you two, then sacrifices must be made.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    image
  • dalm0mdalm0m member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Also before you cancel this contract & lose $5,000 of your dad's money talk to him about the predicament he put you in.  It may be one thing if he thinks you have the financial wherewithal to pay the balance but he may come across with more money or he may have access to cheaper credit then you do for the remainder.  Again, while it's not ideal if he can charge the balance & you pay him back a low interest CC will still be cheaper than a higher interest loan. 
    MesmrEwe
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Way to be. Sorry your Dad was a jerk about it but congrats for making the best and keeping your cool:) I'm sure the new venue will be amazing!

    image
    [Deleted User]
  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Just curious is the $2,500 (or $5,000) from before going towards this new venue or are you doing it all yourself? What do you think the total at the new venue will be once you add in catering and stuff? Do you have money coming from others such as your mom or his parents or is the remainder on you guys? It sounds like you are happy with the new venue and were able to make changes without too much hassle which is great, even if you did just have to push it back a week it worked out well.

    I would also recommend looking at your budget and what you are spending on everything to see if other cuts can be made to save some money that could go towards the downpayment you mentioned or student loans. You had a very big reaction to the $5,000 deficit you had to make up (which is a lot of money) but still have other things like favors, designer invitations, customized napkins, etc that could be cut down or left out if you truly needed to save money.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kvruns said:

    Just curious is the $2,500 (or $5,000) from before going towards this new venue or are you doing it all yourself? What do you think the total at the new venue will be once you add in catering and stuff? Do you have money coming from others such as your mom or his parents or is the remainder on you guys? It sounds like you are happy with the new venue and were able to make changes without too much hassle which is great, even if you did just have to push it back a week it worked out well.

    I would also recommend looking at your budget and what you are spending on everything to see if other cuts can be made to save some money that could go towards the downpayment you mentioned or student loans. You had a very big reaction to the $5,000 deficit you had to make up (which is a lot of money) but still have other things like favors, designer invitations, customized napkins, etc that could be cut down or left out if you truly needed to save money.

    I don't want to speak for OP, but it seems like OP and her FI were paying for the other vendors and invites and other items (favors, napkins, etc) and that her Dad was supposed to pay for the venue which included food and booze.  And if that was the deal then OP probably budgeted those other aspects within their financial means.  But if she was then thrown a curve ball of having to pull $5000 out of thin air after already making herself a budget for the other vendors and believing the venue was taken care of I can see why she had such a bad reaction.  I mean I think many people would freak if they were told that they needed to come up with an additional $5000.  And cutting favors and napkins would not have made much of a dent in that.  And OP shouldn't have to cut everything just to keep a venue that she isn't even truly happy with.  May as well cut your losses and plan something you are happy with.  And just because she is getting her invites designed doesn't mean that she is spending a crap load of money on them.  Anyway they were already printed prior to this debacle so it wasn't like she could have saved money by not doing them anyway.

    OP, as for the custom napkins I would scrap them.  No one cares about them and people use them to blow their noses and wipe their mouths.  Not worth the money.

    MesmrEwe
  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    kvruns said:


    I don't want to speak for OP, but it seems like OP and her FI were paying for the other vendors and invites and other items (favors, napkins, etc) and that her Dad was supposed to pay for the venue which included food and booze.  And if that was the deal then OP probably budgeted those other aspects within their financial means.  But if she was then thrown a curve ball of having to pull $5000 out of thin air after already making herself a budget for the other vendors and believing the venue was taken care of I can see why she had such a bad reaction.  I mean I think many people would freak if they were told that they needed to come up with an additional $5000.  And cutting favors and napkins would not have made much of a dent in that.  And OP shouldn't have to cut everything just to keep a venue that she isn't even truly happy with.  May as well cut your losses and plan something you are happy with.  And just because she is getting her invites designed doesn't mean that she is spending a crap load of money on them.  Anyway they were already printed prior to this debacle so it wasn't like she could have saved money by not doing them anyway.

    OP, as for the custom napkins I would scrap them.  No one cares about them and people use them to blow their noses and wipe their mouths.  Not worth the money.

    yea that may be, and by no means would favors, napkins or invites put a huge dent in $5,000 - or at least I hope not, and I think she said she wasn't redoing the napkins anyway.  More just thinking that now that they've been given this time to change the wedding it could be good to reevaluate any more spending, especially on things often seen as unnecessary (well favors at least).  

    Hopefully she is able to use the $5,000 dad already paid and use that to pay for the new venue + catering so she and her FI don't have to worry about making up additional funds they hadn't expected to pay.

  • So we are definitely reevaluating our budget. Essentially his family was paying for the rehearsal dinner and flowers, my mother was paying for my dress and photographer (parents are divorced) and father was paying for the reception. We were paying for DJ, favors, decorations, invites/STDs and all the other little things here and there. 

    So, yeah, if I had been told in advance, the $5000 wouldn't have been that big of a deal. But finding out 4 months before the wedding.... ahahaha, yeah, I don't have that. Hoping to keep the catering budget as low as possible. I'm totally fine with the high-end disposable cups and plates if that ends up being cheaper. Buffet-style dinner, and most likely a self service bar. Going to cut as many corners as humanly possible to save money at this point. 

    I figure at the end of the day, the important thing isn't the wedding. It's being married and celebrating that with my family and friends. 

    Question, though: I still have a ton of Save the Date cards left over. Should I re-mail those with the updated wedding date (October 24), or since I'll be mailing the invitations early August just send out the invitations with the new date? 
    MesmrEwe
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think since you have a bunch of STDs left over and you can afford an extra mailing then I would go ahead and send them out with the updated info.  You could always change it so it says Save the ^NEW Date and then cross out the old date and put in the new one.  Because since you sent STDs people have most likely put in vacation time, if necessary, or are scheduling things around your wedding date or what have you.  So it would be nice to let them know of the change.

    [Deleted User]OliveOilsMom
  • How much would it cost you to re-mail it all? I think a phone call to them would work, if it would cost you a signifant amount of money that you would like to use for something else. 
    image
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    aiakia1 said:
    So we are definitely reevaluating our budget. Essentially his family was paying for the rehearsal dinner and flowers, my mother was paying for my dress and photographer (parents are divorced) and father was paying for the reception. We were paying for DJ, favors, decorations, invites/STDs and all the other little things here and there. 

    So, yeah, if I had been told in advance, the $5000 wouldn't have been that big of a deal. But finding out 4 months before the wedding.... ahahaha, yeah, I don't have that. Hoping to keep the catering budget as low as possible. I'm totally fine with the high-end disposable cups and plates if that ends up being cheaper. Buffet-style dinner, and most likely a self service bar. Going to cut as many corners as humanly possible to save money at this point. 

    I figure at the end of the day, the important thing isn't the wedding. It's being married and celebrating that with my family and friends. 

    Question, though: I still have a ton of Save the Date cards left over. Should I re-mail those with the updated wedding date (October 24), or since I'll be mailing the invitations early August just send out the invitations with the new date? 
    If you're having alcohol I strongly suggest you don't do that.  That's a huge legal liability.  Depending on your venue you may not even be allowed not to have a bartender.



    MesmrEwe
  • aiakia1 said:
    So we are definitely reevaluating our budget. Essentially his family was paying for the rehearsal dinner and flowers, my mother was paying for my dress and photographer (parents are divorced) and father was paying for the reception. We were paying for DJ, favors, decorations, invites/STDs and all the other little things here and there. 

    So, yeah, if I had been told in advance, the $5000 wouldn't have been that big of a deal. But finding out 4 months before the wedding.... ahahaha, yeah, I don't have that. Hoping to keep the catering budget as low as possible. I'm totally fine with the high-end disposable cups and plates if that ends up being cheaper. Buffet-style dinner, and most likely a self service bar. Going to cut as many corners as humanly possible to save money at this point. 

    I figure at the end of the day, the important thing isn't the wedding. It's being married and celebrating that with my family and friends. 

    Question, though: I still have a ton of Save the Date cards left over. Should I re-mail those with the updated wedding date (October 24), or since I'll be mailing the invitations early August just send out the invitations with the new date? 

    Make sure your venue allows outside caterers (If so, I would suggest looking at restaurants, they tend  be less expensive than regular caterers; BBQ and pasta are usually really inexpensive, like $12 per person), and find out if they allow outside booze and what their rules are for it. The venue or your state may require you use a bartender (the restaurant catering my wedding is providing me on for like $20 an hour).
  • aiakia1 said:
    So we are definitely reevaluating our budget. Essentially his family was paying for the rehearsal dinner and flowers, my mother was paying for my dress and photographer (parents are divorced) and father was paying for the reception. We were paying for DJ, favors, decorations, invites/STDs and all the other little things here and there. 

    So, yeah, if I had been told in advance, the $5000 wouldn't have been that big of a deal. But finding out 4 months before the wedding.... ahahaha, yeah, I don't have that. Hoping to keep the catering budget as low as possible. I'm totally fine with the high-end disposable cups and plates if that ends up being cheaper. Buffet-style dinner, and most likely a self service bar. Going to cut as many corners as humanly possible to save money at this point. 

    I figure at the end of the day, the important thing isn't the wedding. It's being married and celebrating that with my family and friends. 

    Question, though: I still have a ton of Save the Date cards left over. Should I re-mail those with the updated wedding date (October 24), or since I'll be mailing the invitations early August just send out the invitations with the new date? 

    Make sure your venue allows outside caterers (If so, I would suggest looking at restaurants, they tend  be less expensive than regular caterers; BBQ and pasta are usually really inexpensive, like $12 per person), and find out if they allow outside booze and what their rules are for it. The venue or your state may require you use a bartender (the restaurant catering my wedding is providing me on for like $20 an hour).
    Unless your "bar" is me grabbing a bottle of beer from a cooler of ice, you should really have someone bartending.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards