Etiquette

bxbfgfd

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Re: bxbfgfd

  • ashtsbashtsb
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
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    OP I can understand why you're upset, but you were wrong not invite anyone over 18 their SO. I knew going in I would invite my BM's boyfriend which she's already told me she's not going to marry. She's never going to, and I'm inviting her SO regardless of that. I'm pretty sure if they breakup he wouldn't come to the wedding if that's what you were worried about. Unless he's super crazy. At that point you need secruity if you are afraid of crazy exes.
  • adk19adk19
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
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    That was almost too perfect. Now I'm thinking troll?
    I feel like a troll would have stuck around for longer.  But the closing post was pretty damn perfect, so maybe.
    novella1186Heffalump
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited June 2015
    aliwis000 said:
    They all live together, SORRY.
    Technically though, adults should get their own invitation. H and I sent three invitations to the same address.
    I beat you! I am sending 4 invites to the same address! lol :)
    I had 5 to the same address   :p



    ETA - I had 4  to another and 3 to 2 more.  It wasn't weird for me.   The 5 were MIL+her date, 2 SILs + their dates, BIL and his plus one and grandma.   Putting  5 people + their SO/+ones would have been weird.

    The ones with the 4 and 3 was me giving each of my nieces and nephews their own invite.  I had extra and they got a kick of getting their own invitation.    It was worth the extra cost to see their RSVP cards come back that they filled out themselves.   It was also a good lesson for them to learn how to RSVP.









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    adk19lc07
  • When I saw OPs username I thought of...

    image


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



    lyndausviOliveOilsMomBouxRadleyPrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    DD. Figures.
    princessleia22
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    image

    Because...

    Is he peeing? How have I never noticed that before.

    novella1186
  • arrippa said:
    image

    Because...

    Is he peeing? How have I never noticed that before.
    Yeah, I love this bat signal, cause it's appropriate on so many levels.
    adk19
  • I love OP saying you all are snarky while she's the one calling you bitches and using sarcastic caps lock lol.

    And obviously she took a shitfit and doesn't care about the general etiquette messes she's made, but for my own knowledge's sake....
    Sorry, I should've clarified that the invites were sent out BEFORE she had a boyfriend as well. 
    It still doesn't matter though. She told you she has a BF and you need to accommodate that. Think about the message you're sending here if you don't - "please, come celebrate my relationship while I deem yours not good enough".
    Is this true? My understanding was that invitations are based on the guest's relationship status at the time invitations are sent. It is smart planning to leave room on your list for a new SO, should one come along between the time of the invitation and the time of the wedding, but I didn't think it was a hard & fast rule.

    PrettyGirlLostSP29
  • I love OP saying you all are snarky while she's the one calling you bitches and using sarcastic caps lock lol.


    And obviously she took a shitfit and doesn't care about the general etiquette messes she's made, but for my own knowledge's sake....




    Sorry, I should've clarified that the invites were sent out BEFORE she had a boyfriend as well. 
    It still doesn't matter though. She told you she has a BF and you need to accommodate that. Think about the message you're sending here if you don't - "please, come celebrate my relationship while I deem yours not good enough".

    Is this true? My understanding was that invitations are based on the guest's relationship status at the time invitations are sent. It is smart planning to leave room on your list for a new SO, should one come along between the time of the invitation and the time of the wedding, but I didn't think it was a hard & fast rule.

    If someone asks you to accommodate a SO, you do. Invitations usually go out 6-8 weeks before a wedding sometimes 10-12, this is time for a relationship to start and want someone to be at a family wedding.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited June 2015

    I'm done here. Please delete this thread. Goodbye snarky bitches. I feel sorry for your SO. 

    I feel sorry for your dog.  Poor thing has to put up with your attitude.
    huskypuppy14
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
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    came for the bxbfgfd 
    image
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    NowIAmSypPrettyGirlLostShesSoColdloveislouder
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    Sorry, I should've clarified that the invites were sent out BEFORE she had a boyfriend as well. 

    STUCK-----------

    It still doesn't matter though. She told you she has a BF and you need to accommodate that. Think about the message you're sending here if you don't - "please, come celebrate my relationship while I deem yours not good enough".
    I know this is late, and I don't actually believe this OP as her story kept changing based on the criticism she was getting,

    BUT for the sake of anyone lurking, assuming the bolded is true, you are not obligated to invite the SO at that point, if they were not in a relationship when the invitations went out.  If you ARE able to accommodate the SO, then it's highly recommended that you do.  But if for some reason you cannot, technically as per etiquette you are ok.

    However, this is why we suggest that you take this scenario into consideration when creating your budget and guestlist.  It's safer to assume you are going to give single guests a Plus One during your planning, so that you have a buffer as far as budget and venue space in case your single guests  get into relationships between the time you pick your venue and your wedding day.  You can always choose not to give truly single guests a Plus One later.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    adk19frenchiekinnovella1186mollybarker11
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited July 2015
    I love OP saying you all are snarky while she's the one calling you bitches and using sarcastic caps lock lol.

    And obviously she took a shitfit and doesn't care about the general etiquette messes she's made, but for my own knowledge's sake....
    Sorry, I should've clarified that the invites were sent out BEFORE she had a boyfriend as well. 
    It still doesn't matter though. She told you she has a BF and you need to accommodate that. Think about the message you're sending here if you don't - "please, come celebrate my relationship while I deem yours not good enough".
    Is this true? My understanding was that invitations are based on the guest's relationship status at the time invitations are sent. It is smart planning to leave room on your list for a new SO, should one come along between the time of the invitation and the time of the wedding, but I didn't think it was a hard & fast rule.
    If someone asks you to accommodate a SO, you do. Invitations usually go out 6-8 weeks before a wedding sometimes 10-12, this is time for a relationship to start and want someone to be at a family wedding.
    I too thought that if someone did not have a SO when invitations went out then you did not have to accommodate their SO.  Of course it would be nice if the couple did, but I don't think it is against etiquette to not allow the SO to come.
    A polite and decent human being would allow for a new SO. But etiquette does not require they be accommodated. If they ask for them to be included prior to the RSVP date a gracious host would allow it. After the RSVP date then it's a lot to ask with counts, seating arrangements, etc. (it would be rude to ask assuming the RSVP deadline was in line with etiquette)

    This of course assumes the host followed etiquette and sent the invite out 6-8 weeks in advance. If you sent them out way early than you can expect others to follow etiquette when you don't. :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    adk19
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited July 2015
    I love OP saying you all are snarky while she's the one calling you bitches and using sarcastic caps lock lol.

    And obviously she took a shitfit and doesn't care about the general etiquette messes she's made, but for my own knowledge's sake....
    Sorry, I should've clarified that the invites were sent out BEFORE she had a boyfriend as well. 
    It still doesn't matter though. She told you she has a BF and you need to accommodate that. Think about the message you're sending here if you don't - "please, come celebrate my relationship while I deem yours not good enough".
    Is this true? My understanding was that invitations are based on the guest's relationship status at the time invitations are sent. It is smart planning to leave room on your list for a new SO, should one come along between the time of the invitation and the time of the wedding, but I didn't think it was a hard & fast rule.
    If someone asks you to accommodate a SO, you do. Invitations usually go out 6-8 weeks before a wedding sometimes 10-12, this is time for a relationship to start and want someone to be at a family wedding.
    I too thought that if someone did not have a SO when invitations went out then you did not have to accommodate their SO.  Of course it would be nice if the couple did, but I don't think it is against etiquette to not allow the SO to come.
    A polite and decent human being would allow for a new SO. But etiquette does not require they be accommodated. If they ask for them to be included prior to the RSVP date a gracious host would allow it. After the RSVP date then it's a lot to ask with counts, seating arrangements, etc. (it would be rude to ask assuming the RSVP deadline was in line with etiquette)

    This of course assumes the host followed etiquette and sent the invite out 6-8 weeks in advance. If you sent them out way early than you can expect others to follow etiquette when you don't. :)
    Keep in mind, as Addie mentioned, that it might not be feasible for the couple to accommodate new SO's after their invitations have gone out, due to their budget, venue restrictions, etc.  They may be the most polite and gracious and decent people on the planet, but if they booked a venue that has limited capacity, and they don't have the space for the new SO, that's not a reflection on the type of people that they are.
    Yup.  And at some point you have to put the kabosh on adding additional people.  And making that point at the time invites goes out is a pretty good deadline.  Because at that point in time you have (hopefully) invited the appropriate number of guests that not only fit in your budget but also fit in your venue.

    And, this is my feeling, if I were invited to a wedding only to start seeing someone two weeks after the invite was received I would not ask if my new SO could be invited.  Just because I started seeing someone after I received the invite doesn't mean that I deserve to have my SO accommodated.  And if the couple did accommodate my new SO I would be extremely happy about their decency, but it would definitely not be something that I would expect.
    I don't disagree, but I think that this opens the door for SS to say I didn't know about the SO, so they must have come along after I sent the invite. I'm not a fan of inviting up to the capacity limit, for this and a few other reasons. You should always have a little wiggle room. Unless you call up and verify that all the singles are truly single, you should be prepared that they could call up and say "you forgot to list my SO on the invite." If you didn't ask in advance then how do you know if they started dating 2 weeks before or after the invites go out?

    FWIW, I would not bring a brand new SO to a wedding. I'd never take a plus one either. I'd want to celebrate with the people I know, not entertain a new person who probably doesn't know anyone else there. But that's just how I approach the situation personally.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I don't disagree, but I think that this opens the door for SS to say I didn't know about the SO, so they must have come along after I sent the invite. I'm not a fan of inviting up to the capacity limit, for this and a few other reasons. You should always have a little wiggle room. Unless you call up and verify that all the singles are truly single, you should be prepared that they could call up and say "you forgot to list my SO on the invite." If you didn't ask in advance then how do you know if they started dating 2 weeks before or after the invites go out?

    FWIW, I would not bring a brand new SO to a wedding. I'd never take a plus one either. I'd want to celebrate with the people I know, not entertain a new person who probably doesn't know anyone else there. But that's just how I approach the situation personally.
    The bolded is what we tell people to do when making up their guest list all the time.  If the couple doesn't verify if their single guests have a SO before invites go out then yes, they should make the accommodation if they find out afterwards.  But if they do verify then the couple does not have to accommodate a new SO once invites are sent.

    But then again if a couple doesn't verify if their friends or family members have SOs when making their guest list then I am willing to bet that they are also mucking up other etiquette issues as well.

    PrettyGirlLostadk19
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I love OP saying you all are snarky while she's the one calling you bitches and using sarcastic caps lock lol.

    And obviously she took a shitfit and doesn't care about the general etiquette messes she's made, but for my own knowledge's sake....
    Sorry, I should've clarified that the invites were sent out BEFORE she had a boyfriend as well. 
    It still doesn't matter though. She told you she has a BF and you need to accommodate that. Think about the message you're sending here if you don't - "please, come celebrate my relationship while I deem yours not good enough".
    Is this true? My understanding was that invitations are based on the guest's relationship status at the time invitations are sent. It is smart planning to leave room on your list for a new SO, should one come along between the time of the invitation and the time of the wedding, but I didn't think it was a hard & fast rule.
    If someone asks you to accommodate a SO, you do. Invitations usually go out 6-8 weeks before a wedding sometimes 10-12, this is time for a relationship to start and want someone to be at a family wedding.
    I too thought that if someone did not have a SO when invitations went out then you did not have to accommodate their SO.  Of course it would be nice if the couple did, but I don't think it is against etiquette to not allow the SO to come.
    A polite and decent human being would allow for a new SO. But etiquette does not require they be accommodated. If they ask for them to be included prior to the RSVP date a gracious host would allow it. After the RSVP date then it's a lot to ask with counts, seating arrangements, etc. (it would be rude to ask assuming the RSVP deadline was in line with etiquette)

    This of course assumes the host followed etiquette and sent the invite out 6-8 weeks in advance. If you sent them out way early than you can expect others to follow etiquette when you don't. :)
    Keep in mind, as Addie mentioned, that it might not be feasible for the couple to accommodate new SO's after their invitations have gone out, due to their budget, venue restrictions, etc.  They may be the most polite and gracious and decent people on the planet, but if they booked a venue that has limited capacity, and they don't have the space for the new SO, that's not a reflection on the type of people that they are.
    Yup.  And at some point you have to put the kabosh on adding additional people.  And making that point at the time invites goes out is a pretty good deadline.  Because at that point in time you have (hopefully) invited the appropriate number of guests that not only fit in your budget but also fit in your venue.

    And, this is my feeling, if I were invited to a wedding only to start seeing someone two weeks after the invite was received I would not ask if my new SO could be invited.  Just because I started seeing someone after I received the invite doesn't mean that I deserve to have my SO accommodated.  And if the couple did accommodate my new SO I would be extremely happy about their decency, but it would definitely not be something that I would expect.
    I don't disagree, but I think that this opens the door for SS to say I didn't know about the SO, so they must have come along after I sent the invite. Which is why we tell ppl to confirm relationship statuses prior to mailing invites.  I'm not a fan of inviting up to the capacity limit, for this and a few other reasons. You should always have a little wiggle room. Meh maybe, maybe not.  As long as someone isn't violating firecode this is a preference issue, not an etiquette one.  Depending on the venue, it's entirely possible to be at max capacity and still have ample room to move about, have a dance floor, etc. for your event.  Unless you call up and verify that all the singles are truly single, you should be prepared that they could call up and say "you forgot to list my SO on the invite."   We tell people to verify singles are truly single, and like myself and others stated previously, we tell ppl to assume all single guests have SO's to build a buffer into your budget and guestlist.  If you didn't ask in advance then how do you know if they started dating 2 weeks before or after the invites go out?  You don't.  That's why you should ask prior to mailing invitations.

    FWIW, I would not bring a brand new SO to a wedding. I'd never take a plus one either. I'd want to celebrate with the people I know, not entertain a new person who probably doesn't know anyone else there. But that's just how I approach the situation personally.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    SP29ChemFanatic25
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