Pre-wedding Parties

shower today!

I can't sleep, I am so excited for my first wedding event!  The only details I know is the date and my friend is picking me up at 9am for a morning of pampering ourselves before then she will take me to undisclosed location!! I have a small group of friends but they are all so wonderful! Just needed to say that because I feel so blessed.

1. So now comes why I awoke at 3am in a panic! Someone at work told me that my FI and I were rude because he won't be attending the whole shower.  (He is  coming the last 30 minutes to say his thank yous and help load gifts up after everyone leaves).  It is NOT a jack and jill and he doesn't want to come.  To be honest I do not want him there.  It is all about the closest females in my life... and he is the closest person but not a female.

2. I got gifts mailed to me pre shower so the guest would not have to lug them to the shower.  Thank you note already sent and I have thanked her face to face as well (we have seen each other since then).  Now I feel like I should say Auntie got me this and say something or no??

3. Last night my FMIL called my FI to say that she is coming down to our house 2 hours early (thank you for the pampering!!!!!).  She then states she is bringing his brothers and fathers (and her young grandchildren.  Then they are to drive her and brother's SO to shower. Then FI needs to entertain them until it is time to pick them up.  Now I told him they need to be on their own for the last 30 minutes because he will be at the shower.  He suggested just bringing them.  The venue is adult only.  Therefore I told him this wasn't an option.  He said he felt kind of bad and I agreed but reminded him that his mother made these plans involving us without discussing it with us and therefore it is not my problem.  That he should have told her on the spot so he can deal with it but they can't come to the shower.  Yes they can come when it is over but that is it.  Now full disclosure his mother and I have had our issues in the past.  I won't get into it here.  But now I am wondering if I am being to hard on them because I don't like how she made plans and told us our involvement for my bridal shower rather than asking.  Would we be rude if my FI still comes the last 30 minutes like we have planned all along and having the other people entertain themselves during that time?  Should we change our plans to accommodate what MIL says?

Re: shower today!

  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Don't change your plans. She was way out of line making these plans without discussing with your Fi first.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    [Deleted User]
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Don't change your plans. That's her fault, not yours. Yes, I would mention the pre-sent gifts. No, it's not rude of him not to be there the whole time.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • I can't sleep, I am so excited for my first wedding event!  The only details I know is the date and my friend is picking me up at 9am for a morning of pampering ourselves before then she will take me to undisclosed location!! I have a small group of friends but they are all so wonderful! Just needed to say that because I feel so blessed.

    1. So now comes why I awoke at 3am in a panic! Someone at work told me that my FI and I were rude because he won't be attending the whole shower.  (He is  coming the last 30 minutes to say his thank yous and help load gifts up after everyone leaves).  It is NOT a jack and jill and he doesn't want to come.  To be honest I do not want him there.  It is all about the closest females in my life... and he is the closest person but not a female.

    2. I got gifts mailed to me pre shower so the guest would not have to lug them to the shower.  Thank you note already sent and I have thanked her face to face as well (we have seen each other since then).  Now I feel like I should say Auntie got me this and say something or no??

    3. Last night my FMIL called my FI to say that she is coming down to our house 2 hours early (thank you for the pampering!!!!!).  She then states she is bringing his brothers and fathers (and her young grandchildren.  Then they are to drive her and brother's SO to shower. Then FI needs to entertain them until it is time to pick them up.  Now I told him they need to be on their own for the last 30 minutes because he will be at the shower.  He suggested just bringing them.  The venue is adult only.  Therefore I told him this wasn't an option.  He said he felt kind of bad and I agreed but reminded him that his mother made these plans involving us without discussing it with us and therefore it is not my problem.  That he should have told her on the spot so he can deal with it but they can't come to the shower.  Yes they can come when it is over but that is it.  Now full disclosure his mother and I have had our issues in the past.  I won't get into it here.  But now I am wondering if I am being to hard on them because I don't like how she made plans and told us our involvement for my bridal shower rather than asking.  Would we be rude if my FI still comes the last 30 minutes like we have planned all along and having the other people entertain themselves during that time?  Should we change our plans to accommodate what MIL says?
    Yay!  Happy shower day :)  
    1.  This is not rude at all.  Lots of people have different opinions about this, just ignore it.  My FI has to be out of town the weekend of my shower (just happened like that) and while I was kinda bummed, I'm not worried that it's rude.  Most showers I've been to, the groom is either not there or shows up at the end.  You're fine!

    2.  I think it would be nice to mention the pre-sent gifts, I'm just not sure HOW you do that.  @addiecake, advice?

    3.  Do not change your plans.  Not only was your FMIL rude for just imposing these plans on you, I am presuming your FIs brothers and his father are ADULTS and perfectly capable of entertaining themselves for an hour.  She's being unreasonable.


  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    whoops, sorry. I missed the tagging,and I'm too late for the shower! ;)
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • @AddieCake, still do you have any advice on this?  My shower is coming up in August and I think I'll have some shipped gifts.  Would like to know how to address those if there's a "best" way to do it.

    Thanks!
  • @AddieCake, still do you have any advice on this?  My shower is coming up in August and I think I'll have some shipped gifts.  Would like to know how to address those if there's a "best" way to do it.

    Thanks!
    I was coming back to ask the same thing!  I've already received a few shipped gifts that were accidentally shipped to me instead of the giver's house to bring to the shower, so I would love to acknowledge those at the shower but not sure how to do it in a tactful, non-awkward way.  Especially if the giver does not bring a card - I feel like that would be the easiest opportunity.


  • edited June 2015
    I went to a shower where the bride was OOT and had a lot of gifts sent to her home.  The bridesmaids made a board and cut out pictures of the different items that were sent to the bride's home.    The board said, "Thank you" and just had pictures.    When the bride was done opening the gifts at the shower, she also thanked all the individuals that shipped gifts.   She said something like, " I would like to thank everyone who sent beautiful gifts to my home; everything from my new crockpot to wine glasses.  I appreciate your thoughtfulness."   

    I thought it was neat and a very nice, yet appropriate way to acknowledge those people who already sent gifts. 
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]mrs.mermaid12
  • If the giver of the shipped gift is at the shower, they may figure out a way to be acknowledged themselves.  For example, if I was shipping you a crockpot to your home, I might buy a ladle or crockpot cookbook and have you open it at your shower.  "How lovely!  Adk also got me a crockpot that is already at home, now she's given me a cookbook!  Thank you!"  Or, I might just give you a card with a note.  "Glad you got the crockpot I shipped (didn't want you to have to lug that heavy thing all the way home after the shower).  So glad I can spend this day with you.  Looking forward to your wedding! Love, Adk."  Then you can open the card, "Oh, this is a card from Adk!  She sent me a crockpot to my home so I wouldn't have to carry that heavy thing home today.  Thank you, Adk!"
    [Deleted User]mrs.mermaid12
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    @FeeleyToBe and @frenchiekin I would probably just say, "I wanted to say thank you to my friend Brenda who sent us a shower curtain, my college roommate Lori who sent us a teapot, and my Aunt Sally who got us some beautiful towels." Just keep it simple.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • Ditto, thanks Addie!


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