WTF?...... What is wrong with people? A FB rant

lyndausvi

An acquaintance from the islands just posted a picture of his deceased mom in her coffin.    Plus other shots of the funeral.

Really?   He actually thinks this is a good idea?

Maggie0829

lyndausvi

Maggie0829 said:

Yes.  I can't unsee this.

redheadbride15

Yeah, I have a FB friend who posted a WHOLE ALBUM of images from his grandfather's open-casket funeral. There was a special shot of grandpa with every single weeping relative.

pinupbride6189

OMG! It's terrifying that he would think to do something like that. Can you imagine how awkward he must have looked taking that picture?

hellohkb

Oh jeez. People in my family do this sometimes. They'll also get family photos at gravesites of their loved ones. I've heard it's a cultural thing but I don't know. Some people are nervous and squeemish looking at bodies that have passed on. It should be common curtosey to not put those on fb.

labro

Ugh, I am trying not to judge since it's his mother who died and not some distant relative or friend, and because we all grieve differently....but I still feel like he should've taken in to account other people's sensitivities....especially on such a public forum. What if his siblings didn't want that shared? I think I'd be extremely upset if my sister had done something similar.

banana468

Whaaaaa????   I can't imagine being in the funeral home and seeing someone walk up to the casket with a smartphone just snapping away.   

ShesSoCold

I feel like I remember that in some cultures, it's normal to take a picture of the deceased. But sharing it on facebook is super inappropriate and offensive. Super gross.

My cousin was disgusted when she saw someone (not close to the family) taking a picture of her son and granddaughter at their service. I think that too was inappropriate because he or she (can't remember) wasn't closely connected to them. 

lyndausvi

I can't either.

Back in 2002 my uncle passed away.   He was a huge horse racing fan.    The track had a TV show and even mentioned the passing of my uncle.     My dad had the florist makeup a floral arrangement like you would see on a winning horse.   My aunt (his wife) saw the arrangement, LOVED IT, and kept asking if anyone had a camera because she wanted a picture.

Of course, we are all like "yeah, we do not bring cameras to funerals."  This was before smartphones.

That is as close to someone wanting a picture of a funeral I've seen and I want to keep it that way.

MrsMack10612

labro said:

Ugh, I am trying not to judge since it's his mother who died and not some distant relative or friend, and because we all grieve differently....but I still feel like he should've taken in to account other people's sensitivities....especially on such a public forum. What if his siblings didn't want that shared? I think I'd be extremely upset if my sister had done something similar.

My sibs and I got into a heated debate about whether to even post the link to my mom's obituary on FB.  I can't imagine posting pics of her in her coffin (though a non-issue, as she was cremated and no wake).

AddieCake

A friend of mine from high school did that. She is also the one whose son has constipation issues and she posts graphic updates about his "progress."

emmaaa

Wow. That's, well...omg. No.

aliwis000

On of my dad's cousins takes pictures at a funeral. I think it is crazy and terrible and morbid and about a thousand other negative things. But hey that is my opinion so at the end of the day I guess it is up to the person who died/their family on if these pictures are even allowed. Now posting them on FB should be a big no no I mean, come on. Just no.

Lol my mom and I always say if either of us die and this cousin shows up trying to take pictures of us in a casket we will straight up punch them in the face and take their camera.

thisismynickname2

Ugh.

One of my FB friends was tagged in a photo at a burial; the tag made it pop up in my news feed. I was shocked. 

Not cool. 

beachyone15

(insert spinning NO gif here)

loveislouder

My friend is Filipino and at her father's funeral, lots of people were taking pictures of him in the casket.  When they got to the burial site they opened the casket for "further pictures".  I definitely don't understand, but apparently it's cultural.

flbride2015

I had a family member who couldn't make it to a funeral ask me to take a pic and text it to her. She's also one of those people that overposts on FB. I was all "nope!"

CMGragain

People have different points of view on those coffin photos.  I had an aunt who specifically said that she did not want to see Grandma in her coffin.  She refused to attend the viewing.  She didn't want to see any pictures.  I took some, anyway, just in case she had regrets later.  She didn't, so I never showed them to anyone.
If I had posted them on Facebook, she would have been deeply offended.  I think this is a bad idea.
In Victorian times it was customary to take these pictures and to cherish them as a memory of the loved one.  It still seems odd to me.

emmaaa

CMGragain said:

People have different points of view on those coffin photos.  I had an aunt who specifically said that she did not want to see Grandma in her coffin.  She refused to attend the viewing.  She didn't want to see any pictures.  I took some, anyway, just in case she had regrets later.  She didn't, so I never showed them to anyone.
If I had posted them on Facebook, she would have been deeply offended.  I think this is a bad idea.
In Victorian times it was customary to take these pictures and to cherish them as a memory of the loved one.  It still seems odd to me.

Re: the bolded: Wasn't that because the cameras needed people to be still during pictures and, well, when someone dies they are going to be still. Honestly just curious.

simcal18

So creepy.  When my grandmother died, one of my aunts (her daughter) did not attend the wake or funeral.  It was partly because she lived out-of-state, is ill, and didn't feel up to traveling, and partly because she is just generally a difficult personality and had a complicated relationship with her mother/my grandmother.  My cousin/her daughter was there and took pictures of my grandmother in the casket in case my aunt wanted to see how she looked.  The pictures never made it on to Facebook (thank goodness) but the whole thing made me super uncomfortable.

Maggie0829

bostonbride2015 said:

So creepy.  When my grandmother died, one of my aunts (her daughter) did not attend the wake or funeral.  It was partly because she lived out-of-state, is ill, and didn't feel up to traveling, and partly because she is just generally a difficult personality and had a complicated relationship with her mother/my grandmother.  My cousin/her daughter was there and took pictures of my grandmother in the casket in case my aunt wanted to see how she looked.  The pictures never made it on to Facebook (thank goodness) but the whole thing made me super uncomfortable.

See in my brain, I just don't get why people want to see their loved ones like that.  I know everyone has different ways of grieving, but wouldn't it be nicer to have your last memory be of that person alive rather then dead in a coffin?

I don't know, I have just never liked the idea of open coffins.  When I attended my H's grandmothers viewing I stayed in the back of the room with my back to the open coffin.  I much preferred to remember her laughing on the beach with a drink in her hand.

emmaaa

Maggie0829 said:

bostonbride2015 said:

So creepy.  When my grandmother died, one of my aunts (her daughter) did not attend the wake or funeral.  It was partly because she lived out-of-state, is ill, and didn't feel up to traveling, and partly because she is just generally a difficult personality and had a complicated relationship with her mother/my grandmother.  My cousin/her daughter was there and took pictures of my grandmother in the casket in case my aunt wanted to see how she looked.  The pictures never made it on to Facebook (thank goodness) but the whole thing made me super uncomfortable.

See in my brain, I just don't get why people want to see their loved ones like that.  I know everyone has different ways of grieving, but wouldn't it be nicer to have your last memory be of that person alive rather then dead in a coffin?

I don't know, I have just never liked the idea of open coffins.  When I attended my H's grandmothers viewing I stayed in the back of the room with my back to the open coffin.  I much preferred to remember her laughing on the beach with a drink in her hand.

My MIL has already informed us that under no circumstances are we to have an open casket for her funeral.

CMGragain

emmaaa said:

CMGragain said:

People have different points of view on those coffin photos.  I had an aunt who specifically said that she did not want to see Grandma in her coffin.  She refused to attend the viewing.  She didn't want to see any pictures.  I took some, anyway, just in case she had regrets later.  She didn't, so I never showed them to anyone.
If I had posted them on Facebook, she would have been deeply offended.  I think this is a bad idea.
In Victorian times it was customary to take these pictures and to cherish them as a memory of the loved one.  It still seems odd to me.

Re: the bolded: Wasn't that because the cameras needed people to be still during pictures and, well, when someone dies they are going to be still. Honestly just curious.

I  have no idea.  I had a friend many years ago who used to collect Victorian funeral memorabilia.  Weird, but OK.  She had a huge collection of hair  wreathes, hair embroidery, photos, funeral director advertizing, even a coffin fashioned into a coffee table!
After the Civil War, many ladies went into mourning for the rest of their lives.  It was actually fashionable!  Most women suffered the loss of one or more children.  This all helped them cope, somehow.  It seems so bizarre to us, today, with our modern medicine.  There were mourning quilt patterns and needlework designs that commemorated the dear departed.  To us, it seems morbid, but to another age, it was comforting.

simcal18

Maggie0829 said:

bostonbride2015 said:

So creepy.  When my grandmother died, one of my aunts (her daughter) did not attend the wake or funeral.  It was partly because she lived out-of-state, is ill, and didn't feel up to traveling, and partly because she is just generally a difficult personality and had a complicated relationship with her mother/my grandmother.  My cousin/her daughter was there and took pictures of my grandmother in the casket in case my aunt wanted to see how she looked.  The pictures never made it on to Facebook (thank goodness) but the whole thing made me super uncomfortable.

See in my brain, I just don't get why people want to see their loved ones like that.  I know everyone has different ways of grieving, but wouldn't it be nicer to have your last memory be of that person alive rather then dead in a coffin?

I don't know, I have just never liked the idea of open coffins.  When I attended my H's grandmothers viewing I stayed in the back of the room with my back to the open coffin.  I much preferred to remember her laughing on the beach with a drink in her hand.

Right?  I mean, I guess I understand on some level that seeing the body helps some people process the death.  If you see them like that, you understand on a visceral level that they're gone, and seeing it so concretely helps you accept that fact and move forward.  But that's not how I would want to remember anyone.  My grandmother's body actually looked quite lovely in her casket--they did a nice job.  But it wasn't my grandmother there.  It was just her shell, and I didn't need to remember how her shell looked that day.  I actually did post a picture of my grandmother to Facebook the day she was buried, but it was of her looking young, beautiful, and vibrant on her wedding day (in 1939!) 

princessofgenovia

So...my family might be (for sure is) a little weird, but taking photos/videos at funerals is pretty par for the course for us. I mean we aren't bringing in pros or anything, but it's pretty common. Now for the most part everyone is cremated in my family so no open caskets or viewings to photograph. Mostly it's just people at the funeral, video of the eulogies, ect.

My great uncle did have an open casket and photos were taken at the viewing, video was taken at the funeral, and then I think at his burial only a few photos were taken (yes, that was 3 separate funeral events, he married into the family, it was odd for us). Anyways my mom had me get all the photos and the video together and burned onto disc for my great aunt. 

Now, having explained our weirdness, no one has ever posted any of these things on Facebook. Or anywhere on the internet. My great aunt said she had the DVD and would be happy to make copies for anyone who wanted one, on her FB page, but that was it. 

I honestly don't know why we do this. It seems normal to me. I remember watching 6 Feet Under and the girl was taking pictures of dead person and everyone was all "Dude weird no" and that was the first time I realized that this was not normal behavior. But, in a weird way, I like it. It's like photographing the last big celebration we have for them. The final send off. 

But sharing them on FB, publicly, crosses a line to me. Because that does bother some people. I did not like the viewing of my great uncle. Way too weird for me. I would not like seeing those photos pop up in between cat pics and Buzzfeed quizzes.

CMGragain

bostonbride2015 said:

So creepy.  When my grandmother died, one of my aunts (her daughter) did not attend the wake or funeral.  It was partly because she lived out-of-state, is ill, and didn't feel up to traveling, and partly because she is just generally a difficult personality and had a complicated relationship with her mother/my grandmother.  My cousin/her daughter was there and took pictures of my grandmother in the casket in case my aunt wanted to see how she looked.  The pictures never made it on to Facebook (thank goodness) but the whole thing made me super uncomfortable.

This is why my church (United Methodist) encourages private funerals, and then a memorial service celebrating the life of the deceased.
We are not accustomed to death.  With our modern medicine, it is a rare occurrence in our lives. 

This week I am meeting with my minister and starting to plan my funeral and memorial service.  I don't want a lot of fuss and bother, but I feel better knowing that I will have a say in my final plans.  I want to pick what I will wear.  I want to pick the recorded music that will be played.  I want to purchase the cemetery plot and headstone.  Why should I leave all this to my family to decide when they will be stressed enough with my death?  No photos - please!  I might get a professional portrait done now, before I get visibly sick.

I didn't mean to get morbid on anybody, but death is a fact of life.  Nobody gets out of this world any other way.

Jells2dot0

Someone in my SIL's family did this. It was the first anniversary of an uncle's death. Apparently someone took an open casket pic at the funeral, did some photoshopping to add some artwork, and posted it as a memorial. I freaked out when I saw it.

lyndausvi

I have no problem with open caskets.  I saw my first dead person around 5 or 6.    I come from a huge extended family where generations crossed.   I went to a least one funeral a year, sometimes more as my mom was one of the youngest of 52 first cousins.

My grandmother was in the hospital for 10 months as a result of a procedure she did not want to have but her POA okayed.    I preferred the open casket as the last view I had of her over what she looked like in the hospital.

Back in my grandmother's generation they laid the body out in the house.  My aunt died of cancer at age of 4.  She was laid out in the living room.    I can't even imagine.

Wakes of adults in my family are pretty much big ole parties.  Sure there is some crying, but then it's a lot of drinking, eating, laughing listing to funny stories of the deceased. 

simcal18

CMGragain said:

bostonbride2015 said:

So creepy.  When my grandmother died, one of my aunts (her daughter) did not attend the wake or funeral.  It was partly because she lived out-of-state, is ill, and didn't feel up to traveling, and partly because she is just generally a difficult personality and had a complicated relationship with her mother/my grandmother.  My cousin/her daughter was there and took pictures of my grandmother in the casket in case my aunt wanted to see how she looked.  The pictures never made it on to Facebook (thank goodness) but the whole thing made me super uncomfortable.

This is why my church (United Methodist) encourages private funerals, and then a memorial service celebrating the life of the deceased.
We are not accustomed to death.  With our modern medicine, it is a rare occurrence in our lives. 

This week I am meeting with my minister and starting to plan my funeral and memorial service.  I don't want a lot of fuss and bother, but I feel better knowing that I will have a say in my final plans.  I want to pick what I will wear.  I want to pick the recorded music that will be played.  I want to purchase the cemetery plot and headstone.  Why should I leave all this to my family to decide when they will be stressed enough with my death?  No photos - please!  I might get a professional portrait done now, before I get visibly sick.

I didn't mean to get morbid on anybody, but death is a fact of life.  Nobody gets out of this world any other way.

This is the other thing I will say about my grandmother--she planned everything.  EVERYTHING.  She had her funeral plot paid for.  She had her burial costs paid for.  She had her casket picked out and paid for.  She had music selected for her service.  She had even paid to have her obituary placed in the paper.  She had it all picked out and paid for, and it was a huge burden off of my family's back to not be worried about having to make all of these decisions in the wake of her death (not to mention it was a relief to have the financial expense taken care of!)  I love that my grandmother did all of this--to me it was one more way that she was thinking of and taking care of her family even after she was gone.  I hope I can do the same one day.

That having been said--if you do this, TELL PEOPLE YOU ARE DOING THIS!  My grandmother didn't, and my family almost never knew that all of this had been arranged.  They couldn't decide whether to have everything in my grandma's old neighborhood or by aunt where she had been in a nursing home.  They only found out she had done all of this when they went to the funeral parlor in her old neighborhood where they had waked my uncle and grandfather.  It was quite the surprise for them, and if they had chosen to do everything in my aunt's neighborhood, they would never have known about it.

[Deleted User]

My dad's family is Lithuanian and supposedly it's customary to take photos of the deceased in their coffin. Strange to us, but the norm to them.