To Feed or Not to Feed...

Liatris2010

If the contracts dont stipulate a meal, you dont have to provide one, but I think you should. Call and talk to the venue, they should be willing to work something out with you. If they refuse to provide a lower cost meal, maybe they will let you bring in a sandwich platter or something similar for the vendors.

loveislouder

Knottie1429560125 said:

OK, first of all I want to thank everyone for their input, second of all I want to say the snarkiness and attitudes are not appreciated. I've never planned a wedding before, so I am not a pro at planning or know proper etiquette so that is why I asked on a discussion board. I have read many articles on a couple different wedding planning sites that have explained both sides (feeding and not feeding). Which is why I reached out considering I found just as many "Yes, you feed them" as I did "No, You dont have to".

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked. We have already cut our budget in other areas (for ex. we are making our centerpieces out of the cheapest grocery store premade bouquets. We are not having limos or any type of transportation, our 2003 ford explorer is our ride. Not having an engagement party or engagement photos taken. Not going on a honeymoon for a couple years after our wedding and my fiance's ring is made out of silicone, not a precious metal.) We made a lot of cuts in other areas so that we can afford the venue we wanted. I get it, that's on us, we could of chose a cheaper one, but its our wedding so we had to have at least ONE part exactly what we wanted on our day.

Yes, I did include my fiance and I into that 100 count. When i contacted the venue, they are the ones that told me that the vendors would count as a guest so the cost would be the same per meal and I would have to add them to the final count. But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly. I reread the contract and i couldnt find anywhere that it says I have to feed my photographer and DJ. I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

sooooooooo stressed!!! lol

I'd just like to throw out there that $11,500.00 isn't a tiny budget.  But I agree with feeding your Vendors.  We fed our photographer, our DJ, our sign language interpreter and everyone else all the same food.  Our plates were also $115.00 but we figured they're going to get hungry so we felt they should eat.  

Maggie0829

loveislouder said:

Knottie1429560125 said:

OK, first of all I want to thank everyone for their input, second of all I want to say the snarkiness and attitudes are not appreciated. I've never planned a wedding before, so I am not a pro at planning or know proper etiquette so that is why I asked on a discussion board. I have read many articles on a couple different wedding planning sites that have explained both sides (feeding and not feeding). Which is why I reached out considering I found just as many "Yes, you feed them" as I did "No, You dont have to".

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked. We have already cut our budget in other areas (for ex. we are making our centerpieces out of the cheapest grocery store premade bouquets. We are not having limos or any type of transportation, our 2003 ford explorer is our ride. Not having an engagement party or engagement photos taken. Not going on a honeymoon for a couple years after our wedding and my fiance's ring is made out of silicone, not a precious metal.) We made a lot of cuts in other areas so that we can afford the venue we wanted. I get it, that's on us, we could of chose a cheaper one, but its our wedding so we had to have at least ONE part exactly what we wanted on our day.

Yes, I did include my fiance and I into that 100 count. When i contacted the venue, they are the ones that told me that the vendors would count as a guest so the cost would be the same per meal and I would have to add them to the final count. But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly. I reread the contract and i couldnt find anywhere that it says I have to feed my photographer and DJ. I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

sooooooooo stressed!!! lol

I'd just like to throw out there that $11,500.00 isn't a tiny budget.  But I agree with feeding your Vendors.  We fed our photographer, our DJ, our sign language interpreter and everyone else all the same food.  Our plates were also $115.00 but we figured they're going to get hungry so we felt they should eat.  

And that isn't even her whole budget.  That is just the cost of feeding and watering her guests.

NowIAmSyp

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie1429560125 said:

OK, first of all I want to thank everyone for their input, second of all I want to say the snarkiness and attitudes are not appreciated. I've never planned a wedding before, so I am not a pro at planning or know proper etiquette so that is why I asked on a discussion board. I have read many articles on a couple different wedding planning sites that have explained both sides (feeding and not feeding). Which is why I reached out considering I found just as many "Yes, you feed them" as I did "No, You dont have to".

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked. We have already cut our budget in other areas (for ex. we are making our centerpieces out of the cheapest grocery store premade bouquets. We are not having limos or any type of transportation, our 2003 ford explorer is our ride. Not having an engagement party or engagement photos taken. Not going on a honeymoon for a couple years after our wedding and my fiance's ring is made out of silicone, not a precious metal.) We made a lot of cuts in other areas so that we can afford the venue we wanted. I get it, that's on us, we could of chose a cheaper one, but its our wedding so we had to have at least ONE part exactly what we wanted on our day.

Yes, I did include my fiance and I into that 100 count. When i contacted the venue, they are the ones that told me that the vendors would count as a guest so the cost would be the same per meal and I would have to add them to the final count. But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly. I reread the contract and i couldnt find anywhere that it says I have to feed my photographer and DJ. I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

sooooooooo stressed!!! lol

Many of us had never planned a wedding before actually doing it.  But a lot of things are common sense and just good hosting skills/being gracious to both your guests and vendors.

Personally it sounds like you picked a venue that is still out of your budget.  Yes, you may not be spending more then what you agreed, but you have strapped yourself so thin for this "dream" venue that adding an additional 4 people will put you in the red, not only with your wedding budget, but it seems with your everyday living budget.  A dream venue stops being a dream when it makes you super thin everywhere else.

And you say that your employer does not feed you, but they do give you a lunch break, correct? That lunch break allows you to eat the food that you bring or go out and get something.  What are the vendors at your wedding supposed to do?  Typically there is very little down time for them to take a nice break to go grab a bite to eat, which is why providing them with a meal is a nice thing to do.  It allows them to continue their work without having to leave to get food or carry around a PB&J to shove in their mouth while snapping pictures.

I think you should talk to your venue again.  If the $115 is food and bar, then the venue should take out the cost of the bar because your vendors will not be imbibing in the liquor (well hopefully).  But in the end it is proper to feed your vendors.

Absolutely this...   

OP- I am paying $170/pp, and my vendor meals are $45.00 each.  They are getting the same entree as my guests.  Your venue is ripping you off, and you need to talk to them ASAP.

thisismynickname2

Bottom line OP, feed your vendors somehow (or be ok with an hour without music or photo/video).

In my mind, the venue/catering is making a profit off your guests. To me, it's fair to profit off guests (it's business, after all), but putting the same profit on fellow vendors is an odd business practice. I'm sure $100+ is not just a plate of chicken and vegetables. Do your vendors need several courses? Did the the $100+ include alcohol or not, because you sure as hell should not be paying a price for vendors that includes alcohol. 

Don't stress-- just call them and work out a deal. 

lyndausvi

soontobesyp said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie1429560125 said:

OK, first of all I want to thank everyone for their input, second of all I want to say the snarkiness and attitudes are not appreciated. I've never planned a wedding before, so I am not a pro at planning or know proper etiquette so that is why I asked on a discussion board. I have read many articles on a couple different wedding planning sites that have explained both sides (feeding and not feeding). Which is why I reached out considering I found just as many "Yes, you feed them" as I did "No, You dont have to".

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked. We have already cut our budget in other areas (for ex. we are making our centerpieces out of the cheapest grocery store premade bouquets. We are not having limos or any type of transportation, our 2003 ford explorer is our ride. Not having an engagement party or engagement photos taken. Not going on a honeymoon for a couple years after our wedding and my fiance's ring is made out of silicone, not a precious metal.) We made a lot of cuts in other areas so that we can afford the venue we wanted. I get it, that's on us, we could of chose a cheaper one, but its our wedding so we had to have at least ONE part exactly what we wanted on our day.

Yes, I did include my fiance and I into that 100 count. When i contacted the venue, they are the ones that told me that the vendors would count as a guest so the cost would be the same per meal and I would have to add them to the final count. But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly. I reread the contract and i couldnt find anywhere that it says I have to feed my photographer and DJ. I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

sooooooooo stressed!!! lol

Many of us had never planned a wedding before actually doing it.  But a lot of things are common sense and just good hosting skills/being gracious to both your guests and vendors.

Personally it sounds like you picked a venue that is still out of your budget.  Yes, you may not be spending more then what you agreed, but you have strapped yourself so thin for this "dream" venue that adding an additional 4 people will put you in the red, not only with your wedding budget, but it seems with your everyday living budget.  A dream venue stops being a dream when it makes you super thin everywhere else.

And you say that your employer does not feed you, but they do give you a lunch break, correct? That lunch break allows you to eat the food that you bring or go out and get something.  What are the vendors at your wedding supposed to do?  Typically there is very little down time for them to take a nice break to go grab a bite to eat, which is why providing them with a meal is a nice thing to do.  It allows them to continue their work without having to leave to get food or carry around a PB&J to shove in their mouth while snapping pictures.

I think you should talk to your venue again.  If the $115 is food and bar, then the venue should take out the cost of the bar because your vendors will not be imbibing in the liquor (well hopefully).  But in the end it is proper to feed your vendors.

Absolutely this...   

OP- I am paying $170/pp, and my vendor meals are $45.00 each.  They are getting the same entree as my guests.  Your venue is ripping you off, and you need to talk to them ASAP.

Minus the bar because the vendors should not be drinking.  It's not the venue's responsibility to feed your vendor at a discounted rate.  The vendor contract is between the couple and the vendor.  NOT the vendor and the venue/caterer.    The caterer/venue has every right to decide what they are going to charge.  If they choose to charge the same rate as the other meals, that is their right.    Sure it would be nice to give a discount, but they are not required too.  As far as they are concerned it's another meal.  Who it goes to is irrelevent to them.   If it's a different meal, then it's more work for them.

We had a tropical storm hit and had come last minute cancellations that we were able to tell the venue a day before, but we still had to pay.  They ended up 'comping' the vendor meals for us as a result.   We were going to pay the whole amount.  We provided the bar, so that wasn't included in the price.

julieanne912

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

banana468

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

PrettyGirlLost

banana468 said:

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

You might not be a fan, but it's not against etiquette to use vendor meals.  As long as couples are following the stipulations of each of their vendors' contracts, they are fine.  Not every venue offers the guest meals at a discounted price for vendors.  The important thing is that couples feed their vendors.

If OP can't afford another $460 for the vendors, which I agree is ridiculous, then I think she should talk with her venue to see if they will negotiate some sort of meal option for the vendors at a reduced price. . . doesn't have to be the same meals she's feeding her guests.  And if her venue won't play ball, then I suggest she have a sandwich platter or something similar available for her vendors.

ETA: I meant that I think it's ridiculous to expect the OP to pay an additional $500 for vendor meals.  No matter what their contracts say, I think she should find a way to feed them!

banana468

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

You might not be a fan, but it's not against etiquette to use vendor meals.  As long as couples are following the stipulations of each of their vendors' contracts, they are fine.  Not every venue offers the guest meals at a discounted price for vendors.  The important thing is that couples feed their vendors.

If OP can't afford another $460 for the vendors, which I agree is ridiculous, then I think she should talk with her venue to see if they will negotiate some sort of meal option for the vendors at a reduced price. . . doesn't have to be the same meals she's feeding her guests.  And if her venue won't play ball, then I suggest she have a sandwich platter or something similar available for her vendors.

Right.   It's not against etiquette to feed them differently.   It's just my opinion that I think it's kind of crappy to treat your hired vendors as less than the other people eating in the same room. 

huskypuppy14

A videographer is not a necessity. Cut that out if your budget is tight. Also, does 115 pp include tip and tax, because you'll have to add another 20-30% on top of that.

My venue was 170 dollars pp (including tip and tax and open bar) and the venue meals were only 45 dollars. I also think this is something you should have asked in the beginning of planning. 

That was one of my questions when visiting venues. I researched a venue that had a 75 dollar children's meal and the guests meal was only 100, so no I did not go with that place. 

Also, much of the advice we give can help lurkers even if it doesn't help you at this point.

kvruns

Is the $115 just for the meal itself (and bar perhaps) or is it an all-inclusive place where your price for the reception (venue rental, chairs, tables/tablecloths, food, cake, bar, etc) are on a per person basis?

MandyMost

I'd be very concerned at having a budget that tight. Does that 100 person count include a potential significant other for every guest? I mean, what if your best friend is single today, and meets the love of her life tomorrow and runs off and elopes? You need to invite her new husband! So that's an extra person right there. With my ~150 person guest list I had about 5 people who were single when I made the list get into relationships before the invites went out!

And I'm assuming you already counted tax and tip into everything, right? You need to tip everyone! 

Giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming your budget for 100 people already counts for all the tax and tip for all your vendors, and that the guest list is 100% couples so not potential additional guests...there are still likely going to be things that come up that cost more. I swear, the month before the wedding, when we thought everything was 100% final, we ended up shelling out more money every time the phone rang. Oh, a photo permit for the park? $50. Parking at the hotel? $44. The appropriate glassware for our signature drinks? $200 or so. The marriage license? $50. Non-slip things for the soles of your shoes? $10. An extra lipstick for touch-ups? $15. Etc, etc., etc. If you don't have at least a few hundred dollars of wiggle room, and you're not a super-human planner, there's going to be trouble. 

ChemFanatic25

Knottie1429560125 said:

OK, first of all I want to thank everyone for their input, second of all I want to say the snarkiness and attitudes are not appreciated. I've never planned a wedding before, so I am not a pro at planning or know proper etiquette so that is why I asked on a discussion board. I have read many articles on a couple different wedding planning sites that have explained both sides (feeding and not feeding). Which is why I reached out considering I found just as many "Yes, you feed them" as I did "No, You dont have to".

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked. We have already cut our budget in other areas (for ex. we are making our centerpieces out of the cheapest grocery store premade bouquets. We are not having limos or any type of transportation, our 2003 ford explorer is our ride. Not having an engagement party or engagement photos taken. Not going on a honeymoon for a couple years after our wedding and my fiance's ring is made out of silicone, not a precious metal.) We made a lot of cuts in other areas so that we can afford the venue we wanted. I get it, that's on us, we could of chose a cheaper one, but its our wedding so we had to have at least ONE part exactly what we wanted on our day.

Yes, I did include my fiance and I into that 100 count. When i contacted the venue, they are the ones that told me that the vendors would count as a guest so the cost would be the same per meal and I would have to add them to the final count. But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly. I reread the contract and i couldnt find anywhere that it says I have to feed my photographer and DJ. I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

sooooooooo stressed!!! lol

 

I don't know if this is against etiquette or not but could you maybe make meals for them? Like make sandwiches with fruit or a salad on the side plus some non-alcoholic beverages? Then have them take a half an hour break to eat their meals? I feel like some decent sandwiches with sides and non-alcoholic drinks shouldn't break the budget (I hope). I don't know, it's an idea. You should most definitely provide a rest and maybe something to drink. It gets so hot and stuffy in those sitatuations and I know for myself if I am standing for too long I get dizzy and nauseous.

lyndausvi

ChemFanatic25 said:

Knottie1429560125 said:

OK, first of all I want to thank everyone for their input, second of all I want to say the snarkiness and attitudes are not appreciated. I've never planned a wedding before, so I am not a pro at planning or know proper etiquette so that is why I asked on a discussion board. I have read many articles on a couple different wedding planning sites that have explained both sides (feeding and not feeding). Which is why I reached out considering I found just as many "Yes, you feed them" as I did "No, You dont have to".

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked. We have already cut our budget in other areas (for ex. we are making our centerpieces out of the cheapest grocery store premade bouquets. We are not having limos or any type of transportation, our 2003 ford explorer is our ride. Not having an engagement party or engagement photos taken. Not going on a honeymoon for a couple years after our wedding and my fiance's ring is made out of silicone, not a precious metal.) We made a lot of cuts in other areas so that we can afford the venue we wanted. I get it, that's on us, we could of chose a cheaper one, but its our wedding so we had to have at least ONE part exactly what we wanted on our day.

Yes, I did include my fiance and I into that 100 count. When i contacted the venue, they are the ones that told me that the vendors would count as a guest so the cost would be the same per meal and I would have to add them to the final count. But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly. I reread the contract and i couldnt find anywhere that it says I have to feed my photographer and DJ. I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

sooooooooo stressed!!! lol

 

I don't know if this is against etiquette or not but could you maybe make meals for them? Like make sandwiches with fruit or a salad on the side plus some non-alcoholic beverages? Then have them take a half an hour break to eat their meals? I feel like some decent sandwiches with sides and non-alcoholic drinks shouldn't break the budget (I hope). I don't know, it's an idea. You should most definitely provide a rest and maybe something to drink. It gets so hot and stuffy in those sitatuations and I know for myself if I am standing for too long I get dizzy and nauseous.

Many venues to do not outside catering.   That includes for vendors.   

Then add in what wedding couple wants to make sandwiches on their wedding day.  How will it be transported? Will it be kept at the correct temperature?   What about food poisoning? Allergies.

In theory it's sounds like a good idea.  Execuation wise it could be a real mess.

MGP

Knottie1429560125 said:

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked.

Does this include tax and tip?  Because if not it's more like $150/pp and that puts you significantly over budget.  And like others have said, have you accounted for each guest's significant other and added in some padding if truly single guests enter a relationship before your wedding?  You didn't say when your wedding date is, but you are required to include all significant others at the time invitations go out, not based on when you made your guest list.  Not including them is a relationship ending move.

If you are following a standard wedding budget and 50% is going to food this means your food budget should be $11,500 (hoping your $115/pp includes tax and tip if not that's a whole other conversation about your budget) and your overall budget is about $23,000.  THIS IS NOT A TINY BUDGET.  NOT BY FAR.  DON'T EVEN TRY AND ARGUE THAT.

But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

If your budget is around $23,000 like I estimated then $460 is exactly 2% of that.  So once again I am spot on and if you cannot make the adult decision to find the money in your budget or cut guests to feed your vendors you should not be getting married.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly.

There is a HUGE difference between saying "I'm really busy at work today I think I am going to skip lunch" and making that decision for yourself vs. someone telling you that you cannot take a break or eat which could possibly be illegal based on your state's labor laws.  And even if you are OK with them taking a break but don't want to pay to feed them their choices are 1) go off site and you be without their services for that time or 2) carting the food they brought with them around until they are ready to eat?  It would be a little humiliating to me as a vendor if I had to carry around my leftovers in my Tupperware while snapping pictures while everyone else ate something fresh and catered.

I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

That's great and all, but that cannot come at the expense of your vendors (or your guests).  Your relationship with your vendors is obviously different than with your guests, but it's still not a reason to treat them like second class citizens.  But if you really want to be that bride, knock yourself out and don't bitch when the photographer "accidentally" loses your pictures.

Jen4948

banana468 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

You might not be a fan, but it's not against etiquette to use vendor meals.  As long as couples are following the stipulations of each of their vendors' contracts, they are fine.  Not every venue offers the guest meals at a discounted price for vendors.  The important thing is that couples feed their vendors.

If OP can't afford another $460 for the vendors, which I agree is ridiculous, then I think she should talk with her venue to see if they will negotiate some sort of meal option for the vendors at a reduced price. . . doesn't have to be the same meals she's feeding her guests.  And if her venue won't play ball, then I suggest she have a sandwich platter or something similar available for her vendors.

Right.   It's not against etiquette to feed them differently.   It's just my opinion that I think it's kind of crappy to treat your hired vendors as less than the other people eating in the same room. 

I disagree.  Vendors are not guests.  They are there to do their jobs, not there to celebrate your union with you.  Offering them sandwiches and soda, or something like that, but not steaks, is not "treating them as less than the other people eating in the same room" or like "second class citizens."

photokitty

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

You might not be a fan, but it's not against etiquette to use vendor meals.  As long as couples are following the stipulations of each of their vendors' contracts, they are fine.  Not every venue offers the guest meals at a discounted price for vendors.  The important thing is that couples feed their vendors.

If OP can't afford another $460 for the vendors, which I agree is ridiculous, then I think she should talk with her venue to see if they will negotiate some sort of meal option for the vendors at a reduced price. . . doesn't have to be the same meals she's feeding her guests.  And if her venue won't play ball, then I suggest she have a sandwich platter or something similar available for her vendors.

Right.   It's not against etiquette to feed them differently.   It's just my opinion that I think it's kind of crappy to treat your hired vendors as less than the other people eating in the same room. 

I disagree.  Vendors are not guests.  They are there to do their jobs, not there to celebrate your union with you.  Offering them sandwiches and soda, or something like that, but not steaks, is not "treating them as less than the other people eating in the same room" or like "second class citizens."

I agree with PLG and Jen. BUT if I ever start shooting weddings I would most definitely include in my contracts that I need to be feed the same food as the guests. My DJ/Photog/Videog all had it int here contract - for good reason. If the vendor isn't smart or picky enough to require the same food as the guests then that's on them.

Under no circumstance do i think you should not feed your DJ/Photog/Videog and any other vendor that must be on site with you during the meal time. If you don't feed them, then they need to be allowed to leave to go eat - and that would not work out well for you. 

However, "if the venue won't play ball" that probably means they won't allow outside food in the venue space, so then you're back to buying the vendor meals. 

Jen4948

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

You might not be a fan, but it's not against etiquette to use vendor meals.  As long as couples are following the stipulations of each of their vendors' contracts, they are fine.  Not every venue offers the guest meals at a discounted price for vendors.  The important thing is that couples feed their vendors.

If OP can't afford another $460 for the vendors, which I agree is ridiculous, then I think she should talk with her venue to see if they will negotiate some sort of meal option for the vendors at a reduced price. . . doesn't have to be the same meals she's feeding her guests.  And if her venue won't play ball, then I suggest she have a sandwich platter or something similar available for her vendors.

Right.   It's not against etiquette to feed them differently.   It's just my opinion that I think it's kind of crappy to treat your hired vendors as less than the other people eating in the same room. 

I disagree.  Vendors are not guests.  They are there to do their jobs, not there to celebrate your union with you.  Offering them sandwiches and soda, or something like that, but not steaks, is not "treating them as less than the other people eating in the same room" or like "second class citizens."

I agree with PLG and Jen. BUT if I ever start shooting weddings I would most definitely include in my contracts that I need to be feed the same food as the guests. My DJ/Photog/Videog all had it int here contract - for good reason. If the vendor isn't smart or picky enough to require the same food as the guests then that's on them.

Under no circumstance do i think you should not feed your DJ/Photog/Videog and any other vendor that must be on site with you during the meal time. If you don't feed them, then they need to be allowed to leave to go eat - and that would not work out well for you. 

However, "if the venue won't play ball" that probably means they won't allow outside food in the venue space, so then you're back to buying the vendor meals. 

Hey, I agree that vendors should be fed.  No argument about that.

But, I do not agree that vendors have to be seated in the same room with the guests, or to eat the same food as the guests.  Like I said, they are not there to celebrate the wedding-they are there to work.  That doesn't make them "second class citizens" if they are not given the same food and drinks as the guests, or seated with the guests, because they are not guests and are not entitled to expect to be treated like guests.  

None of this is to say that I wouldn't provide them with either time to go eat a meal, or food and drink of their own, at my reception, because I would.  But they are not my guests. They are not entitled to eat what the guests eat any more than painters, contractors, or repairmen who work at my house for the day are entitled to expect to sit with my family at a mealtime or be served hot meals or what I serve my family for breakfast, lunch or dinner, and I think expecting it and putting it into their contracts is going to lose them business in the long run.

MGP

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

You might not be a fan, but it's not against etiquette to use vendor meals.  As long as couples are following the stipulations of each of their vendors' contracts, they are fine.  Not every venue offers the guest meals at a discounted price for vendors.  The important thing is that couples feed their vendors.

If OP can't afford another $460 for the vendors, which I agree is ridiculous, then I think she should talk with her venue to see if they will negotiate some sort of meal option for the vendors at a reduced price. . . doesn't have to be the same meals she's feeding her guests.  And if her venue won't play ball, then I suggest she have a sandwich platter or something similar available for her vendors.

Right.   It's not against etiquette to feed them differently.   It's just my opinion that I think it's kind of crappy to treat your hired vendors as less than the other people eating in the same room. 

I disagree.  Vendors are not guests.  They are there to do their jobs, not there to celebrate your union with you.  Offering them sandwiches and soda, or something like that, but not steaks, is not "treating them as less than the other people eating in the same room" or like "second class citizens."

I agree with PLG and Jen. BUT if I ever start shooting weddings I would most definitely include in my contracts that I need to be feed the same food as the guests. My DJ/Photog/Videog all had it int here contract - for good reason. If the vendor isn't smart or picky enough to require the same food as the guests then that's on them.

Under no circumstance do i think you should not feed your DJ/Photog/Videog and any other vendor that must be on site with you during the meal time. If you don't feed them, then they need to be allowed to leave to go eat - and that would not work out well for you. 

However, "if the venue won't play ball" that probably means they won't allow outside food in the venue space, so then you're back to buying the vendor meals. 

Hey, I agree that vendors should be fed.  No argument about that.

But, I do not agree that vendors have to be seated in the same room with the guests, or to eat the same food as the guests.  Like I said, they are not there to celebrate the wedding-they are there to work.  That doesn't make them "second class citizens" if they are not given the same food and drinks as the guests, or seated with the guests, because they are not guests and are not entitled to expect to be treated like guests.  

None of this is to say that I wouldn't provide them with either time to go eat a meal, or food and drink of their own, at my reception, because I would.  But they are not my guests. They are not entitled to eat what the guests eat any more than painters, contractors, or repairmen who work at my house for the day are entitled to expect to sit with my family at a mealtime or be served hot meals or what I serve my family for breakfast, lunch or dinner, and I think expecting it and putting it into their contracts is going to lose them business in the long run.

I think that generally everyone (other than the OP) is agreeing that you need to feed your vendors.  As long as it is substantial and meets someone's dietary/allergy needs I don't see anything wrong with a vendor meal.  Providing a "full" meal falls into that "not necessary but a nice thing to do if you can afford it" - kind of like offering truly single guests a +1.

The behavior that falls into treating someone like a "second class citizen" is not paying for any meals and/or not letting them eat at all.  I hate to say it but the suggestion of making food for the vendors came from a good place but I feel like that reeks of poor treatment as well.  "Hey I don't want pay for catered food but here are some sandwiches I slapped together before leaving to get my hair done" doesn't sound very kind to me.

It sucks that the OP is in a situation that the venue doesn't provide vendor meals, so if her only option is to pay the $460 then she needs to find a way to do that and her options are to find the money or cut the guest list.  I'm probably wasting my time typing that though.

Jen4948

MGP said:

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

You might not be a fan, but it's not against etiquette to use vendor meals.  As long as couples are following the stipulations of each of their vendors' contracts, they are fine.  Not every venue offers the guest meals at a discounted price for vendors.  The important thing is that couples feed their vendors.

If OP can't afford another $460 for the vendors, which I agree is ridiculous, then I think she should talk with her venue to see if they will negotiate some sort of meal option for the vendors at a reduced price. . . doesn't have to be the same meals she's feeding her guests.  And if her venue won't play ball, then I suggest she have a sandwich platter or something similar available for her vendors.

Right.   It's not against etiquette to feed them differently.   It's just my opinion that I think it's kind of crappy to treat your hired vendors as less than the other people eating in the same room. 

I disagree.  Vendors are not guests.  They are there to do their jobs, not there to celebrate your union with you.  Offering them sandwiches and soda, or something like that, but not steaks, is not "treating them as less than the other people eating in the same room" or like "second class citizens."

I agree with PLG and Jen. BUT if I ever start shooting weddings I would most definitely include in my contracts that I need to be feed the same food as the guests. My DJ/Photog/Videog all had it int here contract - for good reason. If the vendor isn't smart or picky enough to require the same food as the guests then that's on them.

Under no circumstance do i think you should not feed your DJ/Photog/Videog and any other vendor that must be on site with you during the meal time. If you don't feed them, then they need to be allowed to leave to go eat - and that would not work out well for you. 

However, "if the venue won't play ball" that probably means they won't allow outside food in the venue space, so then you're back to buying the vendor meals. 

Hey, I agree that vendors should be fed.  No argument about that.

But, I do not agree that vendors have to be seated in the same room with the guests, or to eat the same food as the guests.  Like I said, they are not there to celebrate the wedding-they are there to work.  That doesn't make them "second class citizens" if they are not given the same food and drinks as the guests, or seated with the guests, because they are not guests and are not entitled to expect to be treated like guests.  

None of this is to say that I wouldn't provide them with either time to go eat a meal, or food and drink of their own, at my reception, because I would.  But they are not my guests. They are not entitled to eat what the guests eat any more than painters, contractors, or repairmen who work at my house for the day are entitled to expect to sit with my family at a mealtime or be served hot meals or what I serve my family for breakfast, lunch or dinner, and I think expecting it and putting it into their contracts is going to lose them business in the long run.

I think that generally everyone (other than the OP) is agreeing that you need to feed your vendors.  As long as it is substantial and meets someone's dietary/allergy needs I don't see anything wrong with a vendor meal.  Providing a "full" meal falls into that "not necessary but a nice thing to do if you can afford it" - kind of like offering truly single guests a +1.

The behavior that falls into treating someone like a "second class citizen" is not paying for any meals and/or not letting them eat at all.  I hate to say it but the suggestion of making food for the vendors came from a good place but I feel like that reeks of poor treatment as well.  "Hey I don't want pay for catered food but here are some sandwiches I slapped together before leaving to get my hair done" doesn't sound very kind to me.

It sucks that the OP is in a situation that the venue doesn't provide vendor meals, so if her only option is to pay the $460 then she needs to find a way to do that and her options are to find the money or cut the guest list.  I'm probably wasting my time typing that though.

I agree that the OP's particular suggestion about how to feed her vendors isn't a good one, but getting them something from some place like Jimmy John's or Costco might be reasonable.

photokitty

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

You might not be a fan, but it's not against etiquette to use vendor meals.  As long as couples are following the stipulations of each of their vendors' contracts, they are fine.  Not every venue offers the guest meals at a discounted price for vendors.  The important thing is that couples feed their vendors.

If OP can't afford another $460 for the vendors, which I agree is ridiculous, then I think she should talk with her venue to see if they will negotiate some sort of meal option for the vendors at a reduced price. . . doesn't have to be the same meals she's feeding her guests.  And if her venue won't play ball, then I suggest she have a sandwich platter or something similar available for her vendors.

Right.   It's not against etiquette to feed them differently.   It's just my opinion that I think it's kind of crappy to treat your hired vendors as less than the other people eating in the same room. 

I disagree.  Vendors are not guests.  They are there to do their jobs, not there to celebrate your union with you.  Offering them sandwiches and soda, or something like that, but not steaks, is not "treating them as less than the other people eating in the same room" or like "second class citizens."

I agree with PLG and Jen. BUT if I ever start shooting weddings I would most definitely include in my contracts that I need to be feed the same food as the guests. My DJ/Photog/Videog all had it int here contract - for good reason. If the vendor isn't smart or picky enough to require the same food as the guests then that's on them.

Under no circumstance do i think you should not feed your DJ/Photog/Videog and any other vendor that must be on site with you during the meal time. If you don't feed them, then they need to be allowed to leave to go eat - and that would not work out well for you. 

However, "if the venue won't play ball" that probably means they won't allow outside food in the venue space, so then you're back to buying the vendor meals. 

Hey, I agree that vendors should be fed.  No argument about that.

But, I do not agree that vendors have to be seated in the same room with the guests, or to eat the same food as the guests.  Like I said, they are not there to celebrate the wedding-they are there to work.  That doesn't make them "second class citizens" if they are not given the same food and drinks as the guests, or seated with the guests, because they are not guests and are not entitled to expect to be treated like guests.  

None of this is to say that I wouldn't provide them with either time to go eat a meal, or food and drink of their own, at my reception, because I would.  But they are not my guests. They are not entitled to eat what the guests eat any more than painters, contractors, or repairmen who work at my house for the day are entitled to expect to sit with my family at a mealtime or be served hot meals or what I serve my family for breakfast, lunch or dinner, and I think expecting it and putting it into their contracts is going to lose them business in the long run.

I never said that either. I just said I would require to be fed as the guests. You an ask for anything you want in your contract. If a couple doesn't like that I would require the same meal as the guests then they can ask for a change to the contract or hire someone else. It isn't that big of a deterrent due tot he fact that the vast majority of venues that have on site catering do not allow outside food to be brought. Many don't offer vendor meals, just the meal price without the bar fee. And, I am good enough that feeding me would not be a deterrent to hiring me You just have to factor it in as part of your photography budget, if that's what the contract requires.

lyndausvi

Here are some points about this subject:

As an independent vendor you are well within your right to add anything you want in a contract.

Paid vendor or not, it's not right to expect people to work through meal time without food. Either feed them or give them a break.

I do not blame asking for the same or similar meal as the guests.  Nothing worse than looking at steak and then be handed a cold turkey sandwich.

The contract is with the couple and the vendor.  NOT the venue.  The venue/caterer is under no obligations to makes less of a profit because of a contract you entered into.   

The caterer/venue is not responsible for providing meals they would not normally feed.  I.E  the menu is steak, but you want them to give the vendor a turkey sandwich.    Maybe they do not have turkey, now the it's a special request.   Taking product and time that was not originally planned on. Time = money.

Some venues do not allow outside food.  Regardless where it comes from.

Lurkers, ask about vendor meals when you talk to venues/caterers.   Ask about vendor meals when you book the vendor themselves.   Make these part of your discussion.   Do not let a vendor work 8-10 hours without a meal and/or break.  If that means you are paying for a $100 meal, so be it.

Jen4948

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

You might not be a fan, but it's not against etiquette to use vendor meals.  As long as couples are following the stipulations of each of their vendors' contracts, they are fine.  Not every venue offers the guest meals at a discounted price for vendors.  The important thing is that couples feed their vendors.

If OP can't afford another $460 for the vendors, which I agree is ridiculous, then I think she should talk with her venue to see if they will negotiate some sort of meal option for the vendors at a reduced price. . . doesn't have to be the same meals she's feeding her guests.  And if her venue won't play ball, then I suggest she have a sandwich platter or something similar available for her vendors.

Right.   It's not against etiquette to feed them differently.   It's just my opinion that I think it's kind of crappy to treat your hired vendors as less than the other people eating in the same room. 

I disagree.  Vendors are not guests.  They are there to do their jobs, not there to celebrate your union with you.  Offering them sandwiches and soda, or something like that, but not steaks, is not "treating them as less than the other people eating in the same room" or like "second class citizens."

I agree with PLG and Jen. BUT if I ever start shooting weddings I would most definitely include in my contracts that I need to be feed the same food as the guests. My DJ/Photog/Videog all had it int here contract - for good reason. If the vendor isn't smart or picky enough to require the same food as the guests then that's on them.

Under no circumstance do i think you should not feed your DJ/Photog/Videog and any other vendor that must be on site with you during the meal time. If you don't feed them, then they need to be allowed to leave to go eat - and that would not work out well for you. 

However, "if the venue won't play ball" that probably means they won't allow outside food in the venue space, so then you're back to buying the vendor meals. 

Hey, I agree that vendors should be fed.  No argument about that.

But, I do not agree that vendors have to be seated in the same room with the guests, or to eat the same food as the guests.  Like I said, they are not there to celebrate the wedding-they are there to work.  That doesn't make them "second class citizens" if they are not given the same food and drinks as the guests, or seated with the guests, because they are not guests and are not entitled to expect to be treated like guests.  

None of this is to say that I wouldn't provide them with either time to go eat a meal, or food and drink of their own, at my reception, because I would.  But they are not my guests. They are not entitled to eat what the guests eat any more than painters, contractors, or repairmen who work at my house for the day are entitled to expect to sit with my family at a mealtime or be served hot meals or what I serve my family for breakfast, lunch or dinner, and I think expecting it and putting it into their contracts is going to lose them business in the long run.

I never said that either. I just said I would require to be fed as the guests. You an ask for anything you want in your contract. If a couple doesn't like that I would require the same meal as the guests then they can ask for a change to the contract or hire someone else. It isn't that big of a deterrent due tot he fact that the vast majority of venues that have on site catering do not allow outside food to be brought. Many don't offer vendor meals, just the meal price without the bar fee. And, I am good enough that feeding me would not be a deterrent to hiring me You just have to factor it in as part of your photography budget, if that's what the contract requires.

I know you didn't mention the "second class citizens" thing but I think you'll find that many potential clients will want to negotiate that point with you if you put in your contract that you have to be fed the same as the guests.  Certainly you don't have to do that, but it might cost you business if you push it with people who are otherwise happy and willing to work with you and aren't otherwise rude, entitled, or negative.

PrettyGirlLost

For some reason quoting is broken for me.

I don't think using the vendor meal option, even if it's different than the guest meals, is necessarily treating your vendors as less than the guests.  It's treating them differently, for sure, but they *are* different- they are hired vendors, not guests.  They are being paid for their services and tipped. 

Does that mean they should be treated poorly?  Absolutely not!   As long as couples are feeding their vendors and following the stipulations in their vendor contracts, I think they are fine, and I wouldn't judge them if they went with a vendor meal option.  If there is no meal stipulation in the contracts I think couples should contact their vendors and offer them a meal of some sort.

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

julieanne912 said:

OK, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say, fine, you can't afford an extra $400-500 to feed them.  Will the venue allow you to have something outside delivered for the vendors to eat?  Like pizza or sandwiches or something?  I don't think anybody here is saying you have to feed them what your guests are eating, but to not feed them at all is just not OK.  

And um yeah, your food budget alone is double mine.  So your entire wedding budget is not "tiny".  

I think it should be comparable.   I'm not a fan of the turkey club for vendors while the guests eat food that is tiers above. 

You might not be a fan, but it's not against etiquette to use vendor meals.  As long as couples are following the stipulations of each of their vendors' contracts, they are fine.  Not every venue offers the guest meals at a discounted price for vendors.  The important thing is that couples feed their vendors.

If OP can't afford another $460 for the vendors, which I agree is ridiculous, then I think she should talk with her venue to see if they will negotiate some sort of meal option for the vendors at a reduced price. . . doesn't have to be the same meals she's feeding her guests.  And if her venue won't play ball, then I suggest she have a sandwich platter or something similar available for her vendors.

Right.   It's not against etiquette to feed them differently.   It's just my opinion that I think it's kind of crappy to treat your hired vendors as less than the other people eating in the same room. 

I disagree.  Vendors are not guests.  They are there to do their jobs, not there to celebrate your union with you.  Offering them sandwiches and soda, or something like that, but not steaks, is not "treating them as less than the other people eating in the same room" or like "second class citizens."

I agree with PLG and Jen. BUT if I ever start shooting weddings I would most definitely include in my contracts that I need to be feed the same food as the guests. My DJ/Photog/Videog all had it int here contract - for good reason. If the vendor isn't smart or picky enough to require the same food as the guests then that's on them.  They might actually have valid reasons for not wanting the full plated meal, though.  In my contracts all that was stipulated was a vendor meal, which at my venue was a gourmet, hot, boxed meal.  I asked my 2 photographers and the DJ what they would prefer, and they all said the vendor meal because they wouldn't have time to eat a full, plated meal.  I asked them if they were sure, was that what they really wanted, and they all said yes. 

Under no circumstance do i think you should not feed your DJ/Photog/Videog and any other vendor that must be on site with you during the meal time. If you don't feed them, then they need to be allowed to leave to go eat - and that would not work out well for you. 

However, "if the venue won't play ball" that probably means they won't allow outside food in the venue space, so then you're back to buying the vendor meals.   Or she could negotiate a different meal for her vendors from the venue, not one that would cost $115 per plate.  I'm sure they offer other meal options.  Most places don't allow outside food or booze. . . and yet I often have seen "contraband" at weddings.  Hell, I was just at a gaming convention of about 2000 people and most of us had flasks and coolers full of booze on site in the convention center, despite prohibitions to the contrary.  But, you smuggle in "contraband" at your own risk.  I'd try and get the venue to work with me 1st, and if they really won't, I'd allow the vendors to go off site for a meal.

Quoting is fixed!!!

[Deleted User]

Alright, just to clarify a few things.

My total budget is $20,000. So to me it is a tiny budget since I was in two of my friends weddings one that was $100,000 and my other friends was a little over $32,000.

My venue isn't a normal wedding venue, its a zoo. Weddings aren't their thing, they do mostly corporate events and educational type shindigs. They have done weddings before and offer a wedding package but its very straight forward and has pretty firm rules since it is a non-profit, public place and they hold utmost regard of the safety of their animals and the zoo grounds. The venue is very important to us, it has a lot of sentimental meaning for all of my life so far and now my fiance's as well. The venue isn't changing and its already been booked months ago with a deposit and signed contract.

I never said i was never going to feed my vendors, like I mentioned before I was asking to see what other people thought and what they did since there is soooo much info out there on both sides of the topic.

I made plenty of cuts as i also mentioned before, things that I don't care about cause they are small details that I think fluff up a wedding budget anyway. Its only one single day of the rest of our life together so there are a lot of frivolous things at a wedding a can do without. (No transportation, cheap grocery store premade flower bouquets, silicone wedding bands, no decorations except for good ole mother nature since its outdoors & yes, we have a plan B for bad weather, we also got all our vendors from one company so we could get a 20% discount on booking 3 different packages, no engagement party, no honeymoon, no engagement pictures by a professional) Cuts are def being made to afford the more important things. I am no where near a bridezilla. The dress I am interested in is even way under $1000.

I am not doing "plus one" for everyone. Only people who are in a relationship where I know their significant other or of course if they are married. I don't want a bunch of random strangers being brought/invited to our special day esp since we are very budget conscious. Those are the breaks.

Conclusion: I went back and forth with the venue all day and the agreement we came upon was that the vendors can eat the same food we are serving on the buffet but not till after the guests have finished. This way I will not have to pay for them and they also will not have to be part of my guest count. Basically she said they can have the left overs after everyone is done eating, Which since it is a buffet style I am sure will suit just fine. The vendors will be eating at my wedding!!!

MGP

Knottie1429560125 said:

Alright, just to clarify a few things.

My total budget is $20,000. So to me it is a tiny budget since I was in two of my friends weddings one that was $100,000 and my other friends was a little over $32,000.

I am not doing "plus one" for everyone. Only people who are in a relationship where I know their significant other or of course if they are married. I don't want a bunch of random strangers being brought/invited to our special day esp since we are very budget conscious. Those are the breaks.

Conclusion: I went back and forth with the venue all day and the agreement we came upon was that the vendors can eat the same food we are serving on the buffet but not till after the guests have finished. This way I will not have to pay for them and they also will not have to be part of my guest count. Basically she said they can have the left overs after everyone is done eating, Which since it is a buffet style I am sure will suit just fine. The vendors will be eating at my wedding!!!

Other people's wedding budgets have no bearing on yours. Do you determine how much you can afford for things like your mortgage and car payments based on what other people say they pay for theirs? I sure hope not.

BTW referring to $20K as a "tiny" budget is pretty insulting to those on these boards that pulled off beautiful, well hosted events at a fraction of the cost.

And you are spliting up established couples and offering your vendors your buffet leftovers? I have no words. . .

Seriously how old are you?

banana468

Knottie1429560125 said:

Alright, just to clarify a few things.

My total budget is $20,000. So to me it is a tiny budget since I was in two of my friends weddings one that was $100,000 and my other friends was a little over $32,000.

My venue isn't a normal wedding venue, its a zoo. Weddings aren't their thing, they do mostly corporate events and educational type shindigs. They have done weddings before and offer a wedding package but its very straight forward and has pretty firm rules since it is a non-profit, public place and they hold utmost regard of the safety of their animals and the zoo grounds. The venue is very important to us, it has a lot of sentimental meaning for all of my life so far and now my fiance's as well. The venue isn't changing and its already been booked months ago with a deposit and signed contract.

I never said i was never going to feed my vendors, like I mentioned before I was asking to see what other people thought and what they did since there is soooo much info out there on both sides of the topic.

I made plenty of cuts as i also mentioned before, things that I don't care about cause they are small details that I think fluff up a wedding budget anyway. Its only one single day of the rest of our life together so there are a lot of frivolous things at a wedding a can do without. (No transportation, cheap grocery store premade flower bouquets, silicone wedding bands, no decorations except for good ole mother nature since its outdoors & yes, we have a plan B for bad weather, we also got all our vendors from one company so we could get a 20% discount on booking 3 different packages, no engagement party, no honeymoon, no engagement pictures by a professional) Cuts are def being made to afford the more important things. I am no where near a bridezilla. The dress I am interested in is even way under $1000.

I am not doing "plus one" for everyone. Only people who are in a relationship where I know their significant other or of course if they are married. I don't want a bunch of random strangers being brought/invited to our special day esp since we are very budget conscious. Those are the breaks.

Conclusion: I went back and forth with the venue all day and the agreement we came upon was that the vendors can eat the same food we are serving on the buffet but not till after the guests have finished. This way I will not have to pay for them and they also will not have to be part of my guest count. Basically she said they can have the left overs after everyone is done eating, Which since it is a buffet style I am sure will suit just fine. The vendors will be eating at my wedding!!!

Wait, what if a guest has a SO that you haven't met? S/HE isn't invited?! That's incredibly poor etiquette. You need to change that.

Are you sure there will be plenty leftover to feed your vendors? We hear tons of stories of buffets running out of food before all guests are served.

Finally, I know etiquette holds that you dint *have* to feed vendors the same food as guests. But I would have felt so guilty to have our DJ or photographer smelling the food and hearing the guests talk about its awesomeness while eating a sandwich. If they wanted to eat a grinder instead of the chicken francaise or salmon in dill sauce then that's fine. They weren't our guests but they worked so hard to ensure that the day was great, I couldn't throw a turkey club at them and feel like it was enough.

I think it's like tipping. When you're a regular and a good tipper, you can expect to be treated well.

levioosa

Everyone's SO needs to be invited, not just the ones you know/are married/engaged.  If you invited me without my SO because your vision trumped treating me properly, we probably wouldn't be friends for much longer after that.  

photokitty

Knottie1429560125 said:

Alright, just to clarify a few things.

My total budget is $20,000. So to me it is a tiny budget since I was in two of my friends weddings one that was $100,000 and my other friends was a little over $32,000.

My venue isn't a normal wedding venue, its a zoo. Weddings aren't their thing, they do mostly corporate events and educational type shindigs. They have done weddings before and offer a wedding package but its very straight forward and has pretty firm rules since it is a non-profit, public place and they hold utmost regard of the safety of their animals and the zoo grounds. The venue is very important to us, it has a lot of sentimental meaning for all of my life so far and now my fiance's as well. The venue isn't changing and its already been booked months ago with a deposit and signed contract.

I never said i was never going to feed my vendors, like I mentioned before I was asking to see what other people thought and what they did since there is soooo much info out there on both sides of the topic.

I made plenty of cuts as i also mentioned before, things that I don't care about cause they are small details that I think fluff up a wedding budget anyway. Its only one single day of the rest of our life together so there are a lot of frivolous things at a wedding a can do without. (No transportation, cheap grocery store premade flower bouquets, silicone wedding bands, no decorations except for good ole mother nature since its outdoors & yes, we have a plan B for bad weather, we also got all our vendors from one company so we could get a 20% discount on booking 3 different packages, no engagement party, no honeymoon, no engagement pictures by a professional) Cuts are def being made to afford the more important things. I am no where near a bridezilla. The dress I am interested in is even way under $1000.

I am not doing "plus one" for everyone. Only people who are in a relationship where I know their significant other or of course if they are married. I don't want a bunch of random strangers being brought/invited to our special day esp since we are very budget conscious. Those are the breaks.

Conclusion: I went back and forth with the venue all day and the agreement we came upon was that the vendors can eat the same food we are serving on the buffet but not till after the guests have finished. This way I will not have to pay for them and they also will not have to be part of my guest count. Basically she said they can have the left overs after everyone is done eating, Which since it is a buffet style I am sure will suit just fine. The vendors will be eating at my wedding!!!

You're only inviting significant others if you know them...please tell us few more times how you are not being a bridezilla
***spoiler alert - we don't believe you***