To Feed or Not to Feed...

[Deleted User]

That is the question! I am having an intimate wedding of 100 guests, there is absolutely no wiggle room on that number. It took a lot of cutting and some heated discussions to finally get it down to that number.

The problem is, I have been reading that you also have to feed your photographers, videographer and DJ. When I contacted the event coordinator at the venue and asked her about the meals for them she said you have to put them into the quest count. Which would mean I would have to cut 4 more of my family and friends so that I can offer a meal to them.

I just felt like I am already paying for their photo/video/DJ services for the day (which is very expensive) so why would I also have to cut my own guest list and pay for them to eat too?

Is this mandatory to do? Would I be a bad host not to feed them? I am so stressed over this, I really don't want to cut anymore of my friends or family!

Any input would help! Thanks!

ShesSoCold

Knottie1429560125 said:

That is the question! I am having an intimate wedding of 100 guests, there is absolutely no wiggle room on that number. It took a lot of cutting and some heated discussions to finally get it down to that number.

The problem is, I have been reading that you also have to feed your photographers, videographer and DJ. When I contacted the event coordinator at the venue and asked her about the meals for them she said you have to put them into the quest count. Which would mean I would have to cut 4 more of my family and friends so that I can offer a meal to them.

I just felt like I am already paying for their photo/video/DJ services for the day (which is very expensive) so why would I also have to cut my own guest list and pay for them to eat too?

Is this mandatory to do? Would I be a bad host not to feed them? I am so stressed over this, I really don't want to cut anymore of my friends or family!

Any input would help! Thanks!

Check your contracts with the vendors. Depending on the length of time that they're there, they may or may require a meal.

banana468

Knottie1429560125 said:

That is the question! I am having an intimate wedding of 100 guests, there is absolutely no wiggle room on that number. It took a lot of cutting and some heated discussions to finally get it down to that number.

The problem is, I have been reading that you also have to feed your photographers, videographer and DJ. When I contacted the event coordinator at the venue and asked her about the meals for them she said you have to put them into the quest count. Which would mean I would have to cut 4 more of my family and friends so that I can offer a meal to them.

I just felt like I am already paying for their photo/video/DJ services for the day (which is very expensive) so why would I also have to cut my own guest list and pay for them to eat too?

Is this mandatory to do? Would I be a bad host not to feed them? I am so stressed over this, I really don't want to cut anymore of my friends or family!

Any input would help! Thanks!

Well, to the bolded, I suppose you don't *have* to feed them.   My boss doesn't feed me but he gives me a break time.

So you can tell your DJ to cut the music for a half hour and take that break as unpaid.   The guests can just eat in silence.   NBD right?   Ditto for the photographer.   While you're eating, he can get out and go to McD's.     

This just sounds silly doesn't it?   

I'm sympathetic to the issue you have and budget is no joke.   But yes, you do need to feed your vendors.   Now they don't need to have access to the same alcohol that your guests do but they deserve to eat a meal that is on par with the meal you're offering to your guests.   

If that means cutting guests you'll need to cut them.   If it means cutting flowers or extras, cut those.  But please don't go into this with the idea that you're already paying them so they don't need to be fed.   

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie1429560125 said:

That is the question! I am having an intimate wedding of 100 guests, there is absolutely no wiggle room on that number. It took a lot of cutting and some heated discussions to finally get it down to that number.

The problem is, I have been reading that you also have to feed your photographers, videographer and DJ. When I contacted the event coordinator at the venue and asked her about the meals for them she said you have to put them into the quest count. Which would mean I would have to cut 4 more of my family and friends so that I can offer a meal to them.

I just felt like I am already paying for their photo/video/DJ services for the day (which is very expensive) so why would I also have to cut my own guest list and pay for them to eat too?

Is this mandatory to do? Would I be a bad host not to feed them? I am so stressed over this, I really don't want to cut anymore of my friends or family!

Any input would help! Thanks!

There's no wiggle room in your budget or that's the venue's max capacity as per fire code?

Because if that's the venue's max capacity and you are 4 over, then you need to cut people anyways.

If it's just a budgetary thing, ten you need to figure out how to make it work so that you can provide your vendors a meal.  1st, check with them to see what they have specified in their contracts- many only require a "vendor meal" which your venue should provide to you at a discount.  Often that's a gourmet boxed lunch, but  some venues offer the same meal you contracted for your guests but at a discounted rate.

Then you need to figure out what you can trim from your budget in order to feed your vendors.

southernbelle0915

Ditto banana.

Also, is 100 for budget reasons? Or space reasons? Because if the latter, you shouldn't have to cut anyone. If the former (and you can't find 4 guests to cut), then find the money somewhere else. Don't do favors, cut an hour from your limo rental, don't do programs, cut out some decor, downgrade linens, consider a cheaper bar package, downgrade your cake choice, etc.

climbingsingle

LOL at 100 being an "intimate" wedding. 100 is a lot of people. An intimate wedding is like 30. 

Is this a budget issue? Can you not afford to feed them? I'm a little confused. Why would you have to cut out 4 guests?

My venue offered something called vendor meals, and that was basically a tray of food they put out where the vendors could make sandwiches. Could you do something like that?

julieanne912

How much extra is it to feed your vendors?  A couple hundred?  Thousands?  If the former is the case, and you can't come up with that, you probably shouldn't be having that big of a wedding to begin with.  If the latter, well, again, you shouldn't be having that big of a wedding if it means you end up being rude to anybody there, including the vendors.

AddieCake

julieanne912 said:

How much extra is it to feed your vendors?  A couple hundred?  Thousands?  If the former is the case, and you can't come up with that, you probably shouldn't be having that big of a wedding to begin with.  If the latter, well, again, you shouldn't be having that big of a wedding if it means you end up being rude to anybody there, including the vendors.

I disagree with this. While I don't like OP's attitude (and suspect she might be a bad tipper as well), I don't think it's fair to say that someone apparently can't afford the wedding they are having if they can't afford to come up with an additional couple hundred dollars. 

dalm0m

My venue offered vendor meals at a different price (which did not include the open bar because they were there to work not party)

NowIamMrsKlein

Definitely check your contracts. My DJ and Photographer specify in their contracts that they either a) must be provided a meal or b) must be allowed to leave for an HOUR to get their own food for which they must be reimbursed.

If you are having your vendors their over meal time, personally i think it would be super awkward to feed everyone else and NOT them.

Ditto PP's about whether or not its budget concerns or venue capacity. If its capacity then yes, you have to cut your guest list. Meal or not, vendors have to be included.

If its budget, work with the venue to see if they offer discounted vendor meals.

Did you remember to include your FI and yourself in your guest count???

[Deleted User]

Check with the DJ, some require and others don't, but that should be established ahead of time so that if you aren't going to provide food for them, they can eat prior to coming. As for the photographer and video person, If you are only going to have them for a ceremony & say an hour or two of the reception, they can probably plan eating around that. But if you are going to have the them for basically the whole day, you either need to feed them at your reception or give them a minimum of 30 minute break to go eat during the day. Possibly an hour break in case they need to go find a local place to get food if there isn't one nearby. To ask someone to work for 6+ hours and not eat is not realistic and do you really want your photographer to have "snickers" moment? And if you think about it, what portion of the day do you not want them there for almost an hour?

MegEn1

Our caterer has a plan for vendors that's like ... $20 a pop because naturally they aren't eating the same spread we're providing the guests. I'm sure it'll be good food, adequate, but nothing to write home about. Can't your caterer look at something like that? 

Otherwise some have it in their contracts some do not. If it's not in the contract it isn't expected. 

Jen4948

As PPs have said, look at your vendor contracts to see what, if any, meal requirements your vendors have, and also check your budget to see if anything can be dropped or cheaper alternatives can be substituted if your budget is an issue.

But don't expect vendors to work without getting meals.

Maggie0829

I will say that even if the contract states nothing about a meal it is still a nice gesture to feed your vendors.  Most vendors will only take a short break to eat, maybe 15 minutes or so.  For example my DJ ate at his booth so he could still play music and my photographer and her assistant ate at a cocktail table while we ate and then they started snapping pictures once we got up to make table visits (so I guess they got a 35 minute break)

But you have to remember that most weddings take place over a meal time, so unless you are okay with giving them 45 minutes or so to leave (means missing pictures and no music) and get a meal elsewhere, I suggest you find it in your budget to pay for 2 more meals.

Also, in your 100 guest count, did you remember to count yourself and your FI?  Some couples tend to forget themselves in the headcount.

MGP

Have you worked all day without food?  What was your attitude or quality of work like?  Not good I imagine, and probably worse if your boss said to you "I'm paying you enough I shouldn't have to pay for your lunch and/or give you time off to take a break".

You may be these people's boss for one day, but don't be that boss.  Make the necessary cuts and find money in your budget to feed them.

julieanne912

AddieCake said:

julieanne912 said:

How much extra is it to feed your vendors?  A couple hundred?  Thousands?  If the former is the case, and you can't come up with that, you probably shouldn't be having that big of a wedding to begin with.  If the latter, well, again, you shouldn't be having that big of a wedding if it means you end up being rude to anybody there, including the vendors.

I disagree with this. While I don't like OP's attitude (and suspect she might be a bad tipper as well), I don't think it's fair to say that someone apparently can't afford the wedding they are having if they can't afford to come up with an additional couple hundred dollars. 

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.  My thought is, if a wedding is stretching you so far financially that an extra few hundred dollars will break you (if 2 extra meals even costs that), then you probably shouldn't be spending what you're spending on the wedding.  Also, the meals for the vendors should have been factored into the budget in the first place.  

ShesSoCold

AddieCake said:

julieanne912 said:

How much extra is it to feed your vendors?  A couple hundred?  Thousands?  If the former is the case, and you can't come up with that, you probably shouldn't be having that big of a wedding to begin with.  If the latter, well, again, you shouldn't be having that big of a wedding if it means you end up being rude to anybody there, including the vendors.

I disagree with this. While I don't like OP's attitude (and suspect she might be a bad tipper as well), I don't think it's fair to say that someone apparently can't afford the wedding they are having if they can't afford to come up with an additional couple hundred dollars. 

I agree, Addie. My cost per person was $225. OP said they had four vendors, which, minus the bar costs, would still have been over $800 for me. That's a lot of money to spend if it isn't necessary. 

Liatris2010

Right, but no venue is charging $225 for a vendor meal. The photographer wont be enjoying the open bar, cocktail hour, or venetian hour, so her meal will be less. Our vendor meals, like the kids meals were half off the regular price.

MGP

ShesSoCold said:

AddieCake said:

julieanne912 said:

How much extra is it to feed your vendors?  A couple hundred?  Thousands?  If the former is the case, and you can't come up with that, you probably shouldn't be having that big of a wedding to begin with.  If the latter, well, again, you shouldn't be having that big of a wedding if it means you end up being rude to anybody there, including the vendors.

I disagree with this. While I don't like OP's attitude (and suspect she might be a bad tipper as well), I don't think it's fair to say that someone apparently can't afford the wedding they are having if they can't afford to come up with an additional couple hundred dollars. 

I agree, Addie. My cost per person was $225. OP said they had four vendors, which, minus the bar costs, would still have been over $800 for me. That's a lot of money to spend if it isn't necessary. 

-----

Boxes?

If meals are part of a vendor's contract - then it is necessary and needs to be accounted for in the budget.  If it's not in your budget then do without the vendor.  A DJ needs to be fed.  An iPod doesn't.

Even if it's not in the contract it's the right thing to do.  Feeding some people but not all over a meal time is horrifically rude, even if those people are on your payroll for the day.

ETA - since I love math let's look at it from a percentage standpoint.  At ANY budget price point it shouldn't cost you more than 2% more to feed a few more people.  That 2% will give you a much greater return on happy, fed vendors who do quality work, and if you don't have 2% wiggle room in your budget you are probably not spending your money well on other areas of your wedding either.  Just another lesson in not spending and inviting to your full capacity.

peachy13

MGP said:

ShesSoCold said:

AddieCake said:

julieanne912 said:

How much extra is it to feed your vendors?  A couple hundred?  Thousands?  If the former is the case, and you can't come up with that, you probably shouldn't be having that big of a wedding to begin with.  If the latter, well, again, you shouldn't be having that big of a wedding if it means you end up being rude to anybody there, including the vendors.

I disagree with this. While I don't like OP's attitude (and suspect she might be a bad tipper as well), I don't think it's fair to say that someone apparently can't afford the wedding they are having if they can't afford to come up with an additional couple hundred dollars. 

I agree, Addie. My cost per person was $225. OP said they had four vendors, which, minus the bar costs, would still have been over $800 for me. That's a lot of money to spend if it isn't necessary. 

-----

Boxes?

If meals are part of a vendor's contract - then it is necessary and needs to be accounted for in the budget.  If it's not in your budget then do without the vendor.  A DJ needs to be fed.  An iPod doesn't.

Even if it's not in the contract it's the right thing to do.  Feeding some people but not all over a meal time is horrifically rude, even if those people are on your payroll for the day.

Unless this is OP's DJ:

thisismynickname2

ShesSoCold said:

AddieCake said:

julieanne912 said:

How much extra is it to feed your vendors?  A couple hundred?  Thousands?  If the former is the case, and you can't come up with that, you probably shouldn't be having that big of a wedding to begin with.  If the latter, well, again, you shouldn't be having that big of a wedding if it means you end up being rude to anybody there, including the vendors.

I disagree with this. While I don't like OP's attitude (and suspect she might be a bad tipper as well), I don't think it's fair to say that someone apparently can't afford the wedding they are having if they can't afford to come up with an additional couple hundred dollars. 

I agree, Addie. My cost per person was $225. OP said they had four vendors, which, minus the bar costs, would still have been over $800 for me. That's a lot of money to spend if it isn't necessary. 

Chiming in here because ShesSoCold and I had the same venue. Our vendor meal was $45. Whereas I had the full five course spread with open bar, which warranted a 3 digit cost pp, vendors just had the entree and non-alcoholic beverages so the price difference was significant. 

Even at a venue that may be more like $45 a head all-in, there should be a steep discount for vendors. 

So that being said, I do feel that if an extra $200 is going to break a budget, than generally speaking there's got to be a very hard look at the existing budget. 

lovemesomemonster

Yes, please feed them, and I am curious like others, is the 100 people your budget limit or space capacity? that makes it a whole different ball game. I'm also not going to say if you should or shouldn't be spending what you are spending if you can't wiggle out an extra couple hundred, but I can say that personally I would not feel comfortable with that. I wouldn't want to be stretching it so thin that every account was drained and I couldn't come up with even a penny more, but to each their own. 

SP29

Yes, you need to feed your vendors (though it should be a cheaper meal than your guest meals are). If they are working over a meal time, they should get a meal (or you need to give them time off to go get food).

Vendors also need to be included in the head count (food or not) regarding maximum venue capacity.

PPs gave good advice on the rest- if the issue is budget, cut out favours, find cheaper flowers or smaller bouquets, or cut something else to fit in 4 people.

I agree that this scenario is a good reason to not invite to your venues or to your budget capacity.

MGP

Also wanted to say that vendors typically do not ask for meals to be difficult. They ask because either 1) they have been screwed over by some Bridezilla in the past or more likely 2) they just really want to make sure they have some food to eat.

These types of vendors work on a mobile basis. They have no office space or place to store food. They work where the work is. So if you insist on a barn wedding two hours from the middle of nowhere - seriously what do you expect them to do? Your wedding food may seriously be the only food source they have. 

For what it's worth I fed 7 vendors at my wedding. They were all totally reasonable and preferred the vendor meal just to eat something quick. $300 very well spent. Seriously this should be a NON ISSUE. It never occurred to me to not feed vendors.

huskypuppy14

If you can't afford to feed your vendors, you should not be having a videographer.

 Also, when is your wedding? Are you inviting everyone's SO? What if someone gets into a relationship before invites go out (if they haven't already)? You always should have extra wiggle room in your budget and your capacity.

jacques27

This question comes up fairly regularly - how do people not realize that they should extend hospitality to people who are performing a service for them?  Has hospitality really gone by the wayside?  When I had people working on my deck, I offered them cold beverages.  I have a family friend I pay to do some handiwork around my house - when he comes after work to do some tasks and I'm planning to make myself something or grab some takeout for dinner, I offer to make/buy something for him, too. 

Yes, you are paying for that service, but when that service means that they'll be spending probably 8-12 hours on their feet following you around all day with minimal breaks so they don't miss out on moments that you probably would want captured - you offer them food and drink.  When you have someone who may only seem to be working the 3-4 hours of your reception, but will be doing so during a meal time and likely showed up at least a couple of hours before the start of your reception to set up their heavy equipment and possibly your lighting (as many DJ services seem to also offer) and will be breaking down their equipment after you've left the reception because it's tacky to breakdown your equipment when guests are still in view - you offer them food and drink.

Your other option, provided that it isn't already built into their contract that you provide a meal (and A LOT of vendors do build that into the contract, so if you didn't read it carefully when you signed it, consider it a lesson learned), is to give them time off to go get their own meal.  Just keep in mind that that will be 30-60 minutes of a music-less reception and 30-60 minutes not captured on film (here's hoping nothing interesting or of importance happens during their break that you might want pictures of). 

artbyallie

If you invited 100 guests exactly and cannot afford to feed 4 more, how are you paying for your and your future spouse's meals? I assume you two are not included in that 100 either and you want to eat, don't you?

[Deleted User]

OK, first of all I want to thank everyone for their input, second of all I want to say the snarkiness and attitudes are not appreciated. I've never planned a wedding before, so I am not a pro at planning or know proper etiquette so that is why I asked on a discussion board. I have read many articles on a couple different wedding planning sites that have explained both sides (feeding and not feeding). Which is why I reached out considering I found just as many "Yes, you feed them" as I did "No, You dont have to".

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked. We have already cut our budget in other areas (for ex. we are making our centerpieces out of the cheapest grocery store premade bouquets. We are not having limos or any type of transportation, our 2003 ford explorer is our ride. Not having an engagement party or engagement photos taken. Not going on a honeymoon for a couple years after our wedding and my fiance's ring is made out of silicone, not a precious metal.) We made a lot of cuts in other areas so that we can afford the venue we wanted. I get it, that's on us, we could of chose a cheaper one, but its our wedding so we had to have at least ONE part exactly what we wanted on our day.

Yes, I did include my fiance and I into that 100 count. When i contacted the venue, they are the ones that told me that the vendors would count as a guest so the cost would be the same per meal and I would have to add them to the final count. But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly. I reread the contract and i couldnt find anywhere that it says I have to feed my photographer and DJ. I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

sooooooooo stressed!!! lol

TrixieJess

Knottie1429560125 said:

OK, first of all I want to thank everyone for their input, second of all I want to say the snarkiness and attitudes are not appreciated. I've never planned a wedding before, so I am not a pro at planning or know proper etiquette so that is why I asked on a discussion board. I have read many articles on a couple different wedding planning sites that have explained both sides (feeding and not feeding). Which is why I reached out considering I found just as many "Yes, you feed them" as I did "No, You dont have to".

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked. We have already cut our budget in other areas (for ex. we are making our centerpieces out of the cheapest grocery store premade bouquets. We are not having limos or any type of transportation, our 2003 ford explorer is our ride. Not having an engagement party or engagement photos taken. Not going on a honeymoon for a couple years after our wedding and my fiance's ring is made out of silicone, not a precious metal.) We made a lot of cuts in other areas so that we can afford the venue we wanted. I get it, that's on us, we could of chose a cheaper one, but its our wedding so we had to have at least ONE part exactly what we wanted on our day.

Yes, I did include my fiance and I into that 100 count. When i contacted the venue, they are the ones that told me that the vendors would count as a guest so the cost would be the same per meal and I would have to add them to the final count. But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly. I reread the contract and i couldnt find anywhere that it says I have to feed my photographer and DJ. I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

sooooooooo stressed!!! lol

Have you attended weddings before? If you have, you would know that most vendors don't get "downtime". Whereas you get "downtime" to eat at work whether you bring a lunch or buy it. 

$115 per person is expensive. You may want to look at cutting your guest list down further. Is there not another catering company that you can use that is cheaper? Can you change the time of your wedding so that you are not doing it at a meal time?

There was no snarkiness and attitude. People are direct. You asked a question, you got direct answers, and everyone gave you reasons for why you should feed your vendors. As well, you were given good advice about how to cut your budget. People were also confused about whether it was a capacity issue or a budget issue so they were asking for clarification, not rude, just direct. If you would like to keep interneting, you need to learn the difference between rude and direct.

Maggie0829

Knottie1429560125 said:

OK, first of all I want to thank everyone for their input, second of all I want to say the snarkiness and attitudes are not appreciated. I've never planned a wedding before, so I am not a pro at planning or know proper etiquette so that is why I asked on a discussion board. I have read many articles on a couple different wedding planning sites that have explained both sides (feeding and not feeding). Which is why I reached out considering I found just as many "Yes, you feed them" as I did "No, You dont have to".

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked. We have already cut our budget in other areas (for ex. we are making our centerpieces out of the cheapest grocery store premade bouquets. We are not having limos or any type of transportation, our 2003 ford explorer is our ride. Not having an engagement party or engagement photos taken. Not going on a honeymoon for a couple years after our wedding and my fiance's ring is made out of silicone, not a precious metal.) We made a lot of cuts in other areas so that we can afford the venue we wanted. I get it, that's on us, we could of chose a cheaper one, but its our wedding so we had to have at least ONE part exactly what we wanted on our day.

Yes, I did include my fiance and I into that 100 count. When i contacted the venue, they are the ones that told me that the vendors would count as a guest so the cost would be the same per meal and I would have to add them to the final count. But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly. I reread the contract and i couldnt find anywhere that it says I have to feed my photographer and DJ. I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

sooooooooo stressed!!! lol

Many of us had never planned a wedding before actually doing it.  But a lot of things are common sense and just good hosting skills/being gracious to both your guests and vendors.

Personally it sounds like you picked a venue that is still out of your budget.  Yes, you may not be spending more then what you agreed, but you have strapped yourself so thin for this "dream" venue that adding an additional 4 people will put you in the red, not only with your wedding budget, but it seems with your everyday living budget.  A dream venue stops being a dream when it makes you super thin everywhere else.

And you say that your employer does not feed you, but they do give you a lunch break, correct? That lunch break allows you to eat the food that you bring or go out and get something.  What are the vendors at your wedding supposed to do?  Typically there is very little down time for them to take a nice break to go grab a bite to eat, which is why providing them with a meal is a nice thing to do.  It allows them to continue their work without having to leave to get food or carry around a PB&J to shove in their mouth while snapping pictures.

I think you should talk to your venue again.  If the $115 is food and bar, then the venue should take out the cost of the bar because your vendors will not be imbibing in the liquor (well hopefully).  But in the end it is proper to feed your vendors.

peachy13

Knottie1429560125 said:

OK, first of all I want to thank everyone for their input, second of all I want to say the snarkiness and attitudes are not appreciated. I've never planned a wedding before, so I am not a pro at planning or know proper etiquette so that is why I asked on a discussion board. I have read many articles on a couple different wedding planning sites that have explained both sides (feeding and not feeding). Which is why I reached out considering I found just as many "Yes, you feed them" as I did "No, You dont have to".

To answer some of the questions, 100 is the number my fiance and I came up with due to our tiny budget. It is $115 per plate at the venue we booked. We have already cut our budget in other areas (for ex. we are making our centerpieces out of the cheapest grocery store premade bouquets. We are not having limos or any type of transportation, our 2003 ford explorer is our ride. Not having an engagement party or engagement photos taken. Not going on a honeymoon for a couple years after our wedding and my fiance's ring is made out of silicone, not a precious metal.) We made a lot of cuts in other areas so that we can afford the venue we wanted. I get it, that's on us, we could of chose a cheaper one, but its our wedding so we had to have at least ONE part exactly what we wanted on our day.

Yes, I did include my fiance and I into that 100 count. When i contacted the venue, they are the ones that told me that the vendors would count as a guest so the cost would be the same per meal and I would have to add them to the final count. But like I said, the 100 count is due to budget not capacity so paying $460 more or even having to cut 4 of our friends and family to get it into the budget is a killer.

I completely understand the whole "how would you feel if you went 8 hours without eating?". I do it sometimes when I am busy and it blows big time, I am ridiculously hangry by the end of the day. BUT I also bring my own food and prepare myself for the day. My work pays for me to do my job but I am responsible for feeding myself, I prepare accordingly. I reread the contract and i couldnt find anywhere that it says I have to feed my photographer and DJ. I'm not a bridezilla and I dont want to come off as one, i just want everyone to have a good time at my wedding and still be in the budget.

sooooooooo stressed!!! lol

You're right that there is a lot of information out there dedicated to wedding planning, but not all of the info available provides proper etiquette. Even though you may read somewhere that it's okay to not feed your vendors, that same article/website may also tell you to instruct your guests on what to wear, to have a 2 hour gap in between the ceremony and reception, and that cash bars are okay. I think a lot people planning their wedding - who have never planned one before (myself included) - know that TK etiquette board will likely steer you in the right direction. I don't think anyone is being snarky to you, but it's possibly that everyone is giving you answers you just don't want to hear.

ETA: $115/plate is a big time expense for a small budget. I don't know when your wedding is but is there any chance of changing venues? And it would be "bridezilla" of you to host your guests at this lovely, expensive venue but refuse to feed your vendors.