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Food and Cakes

To smash or not to smash

What's everyone's opinions on the bride and groom cake cutting ceremony, particularly the part where more often than not I've been to weddings where the bride and groom take a jab at smashing the cake into their loved one's mouth rather than delicately feeding them a bite.

We've decided to have some fun with cake samples and practice our "smash" to decide what level we are most comfortable with. The last wedding I was at the bride ended up with strawberry filling all over the top of her white dress, and that's not something I'm comfortable with. However, I don't want to disappoint our guests and skip the tradition if it's still the norm (is it?).

Re: To smash or not to smash

  • Denise40Denise40 Montgomery County, Tx member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Nope not happening here.
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hate it.

  • We fed the cake to each other like the loving couple we are. If guests were disappointed because we didn't smash, then that's their problem. Yes we did tease each other to give a little bit of a show, but in the end, we fed it to each other nicely. By doing that, we didn't miss a moment of partying the night away because of having to go into the rest room to wash up our faces and I didn't have to fix my makeup.
  • Nope nope nope, can't stand this and will NOT be doing it. Just skip the smash, everyone just wants to eat the cake anyways so let them get down to that!

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited July 2015
    Why anyone would waste either a cake that costs them several hundred dollars or a dress and makeup job that's also expensive to do something so immature and stupid, let alone thinks it's "cute" or "funny," I'll never understand.
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    I'd be irate is my husband smashed any kind of food on my face on a random Tuesday. It sure as fuck would not have been okay on our wedding day, when I'd gotten my hair and makeup done and was wearing the most expensive piece of clothing I'll ever wear. 

     Feeding each other cake is supposed to symbolize taking care of each other. If you don't care about the symbolism of it, don't do it at all. 

     Edited for typo. Edited again to add the paragraphs that my ipad ate.
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  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    If anyone is disappointed that you don't do a cake smash, they are extremely immature.

    We didn't have cake at our wedding, so it was a moot point (we had tarts instead) - but if we had, and had done a cake cutting, and J had smashed cake in my face?  My face would have been the last thing he touched that night.

    My sister and her husband did a lovely job of sweetly feeding it to each other.  It was very nice.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
  • Please don't.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We didn't do it.

    I really don't give a shit if any other couple  does.  That is assuming BOTH parties are on the same page.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Here's a better idea - save it for the wedding night after you've taken off your dress and his (likely rented) tux...  DH didn't even want to do even the tasteful feeding eachother cake (I believe we ended up interlocking hands and feeding ourselves our own slice of not what we ordered but spent a boatload of money on cake)..  If his suit is rented it's entirely possible he'll get charged for a damage because of the extra cleaning necessary.  Dry cleaning may cost you more because of the stain removal..  And really, the smashing is just tacky and such a waste!!! (especially when you're the guest who has been shorted cake at FAR too many weddings - I'd rather have two pieces than not get ANY cake!)
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I can't imagine anyone being disappointed that a couple didn't do this. I've actually never seen anyone do it except on TV.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • The ACTUAL tradition, is feeding each a bit of cake.  While I'm sure there a few cultural origin stories, one of them is that it's symbolic of pledging to take care of each other and share with each other.

    Not sure why one would want to turn something sweet in symbolism into a disrespectful, passive-aggressive act, nor why anyone would be disappointed in not being able to witness such a childish thing.  I guess I never realized that cake smashing was the "norm" since I've never seen it at any wedding I have attended, only from people who attention whore their wedding videos out to shows like America's Funniest Home Videos.
  • No, it's not cute. And I'll just leave this right here…

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  • Dumb and disrespectful.

  • Nope.  It's so "1980-whogivesafuck".

    I've been to and in a TON of weddings and I just had my own.  We did not do this.  My husband, who is camera/AW-shy to begin with, would have been appalled if I had done this to him and I would have hated it.  It's so undignified, seems really wasteful (cakes are $$$ these days), and will totally wreck your make-up.  Skip it.  Not smashing cake is the new smashing cake.    

    Who knows why this trend started, I'm just glad it's ended!
  • DO NOT SMASH.  So tacky.  Yuck.
  • Don't smash. I've never understood this "tradition" and find it incredibly disgusting.
  • People still do this? So tacky and classless. 
  • The tradition of feeding each other the cake, as PP have stated, is to symbolize serving and providing for one another throughout your marriage. To be wasteful with food stands in direct opposition to that. 

    FI and I have discussed it, and we won't be doing it. We'll feed each other and probably steal a quick kiss, cause you know, we love each other and stuff. We'll also be the 3rd of 3 family weddings in 3 months, and I can almost guarantee you that at least one of the other two will smash the cake, so anyone there just to see food wasted will have gotten to see it a month or two earlier. I can also guarantee that at least one family member will ask why we didn't. I plan on just laughing it off and bean dipping.

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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    As far as I am concerned, cake smashing is grounds for an inmediate annulment.

    This is exactly what I told DH would happen if he did that to me.  He's a smart man
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  • I think if both couples are on the same page, then it could be funny/fun. Now, if it is ALL OVER my face or gets smeared into my dress, then yeah, that's not cool. But I think something playful is fine. I always thought it would be funny if we feed each other just huge bites of cake. 

    My FI and I know that we respect each other and will, of course, provide for one another. We don't need to necessarily show that in feeding each other cake.

    BUT! I'm not married, nor have I been to many weddings; so, the PPs have more experience in terms of the actual execution than I do.

    As for guests being jipped (spelling?) out of cake just because the B&G decided to smash cake into each other's face...that is another story. If smashing cake means a guest will not have cake, then hell no, don't do it.

  • I honestly thing this is a very young thing to do. I've seen it once, at a wedding in college, but the wedding I've been to in my late 20s and early 30s have all skipped it.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • We did not smash our amazingly delicious cake.  We do not waste cake.  However at the last wedding we went to, the groom smashed cake on the bride without warning.  She broke out in tears on the spot but thankfully only the family and wedding party+dates saw because of how they were turned.  It was incredibly awkward.
  • @Newborndoc2008 that's horrible! I would be in tears too. What did they do to him? I would’ve slapped him.
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